


Ambiguous

by escapeasy



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bottom Suzaku, Chaptered, Crack, Drama, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Parody, Romance, Seahorses, Seme Lelouch, Seme Lelouch/Uke Suzaku, Sexual Content, Spoilers, Stupidity, Top Lelouch, Top Lelouch/Bottom Suzaku, Yaoi, uke suzaku
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-10 14:15:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 121,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2028147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapeasy/pseuds/escapeasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Facing a surprise pregnancy is a challenge Lelouch feels he might be able to handle. The real problem is trying to figure out how the hell a male got pregnant in the first place. A baby couldn't possibly derail Lelouch's rebellion, could it? Started as a crack m-preg! Beware of SPOILERS! </p><p>"Underage" because Lelouch and Suzaku are 17... Just one year off (-_-)</p><p>**And has fan art!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like a Seahorse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a fan of m-preg, but started writing one for crack/satirical fun -- and then things somehow got serious. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Contains spoilers.

" _Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses." –Deb_  from _Napoleon Dynamite_

1

Ambiguous

Like a Seahorse

Lelouch's feet shuffle as he walks to his bedroom.

His slight slouch is straightened by a yawn that squirms up his throat and pries his mouth open so it can crawl out with the snaps rattling down his spine. He rubs the traces of tears away from his eyes that the yawn had squeezed out and his shoulders roll back in their own stretch. Once his mouth clamps shut again with a clap of his teeth, his shoulders droop along with his eyes, and he trusts his feet to take him to the appropriate room in which he may retire.

He doesn't want to repeat that  _macaroni_  incident again.

Even so, he is so exhausted that he'd sleep anywhere at this point without a care as long as it's  _silent_  and  _dark_. He should have known better than try to explain chess to Tamaki when the pawn had asked him to – in a  _completely_ inconspicuous move to prove that he's into whatever his favorite buddy is into; which Lelouch would have found creepy if he didn't know Tamaki. Lelouch was a bit surprised that he didn't know anything –  _anything_  – about chess, but then he remembered that it's  _Tamaki_  and he quickly forgot the thought as fast as it came.

Too bad he didn't take his realization – that it's  _TAMAKI_ – as a warning. He would have saved himself a headache that pinched its way to a migraine that pounded so hard around his skull Lelouch almost thought it would crack his mask in half. Luckily, that hadn't happened. Unluckily, his head suffered an explosion after the  _twentieth_  time of explaining each pieces' name… Or perhaps that was when a very, very, very,  _very_  dusty light bulb lit up over Tamaki's head with the excited exclamation of:

"So  _that's_  where the pawn analogy came from!"

No one bothered to correct Tamaki about it being a metaphor, not an analogy. They just shook sympathetic heads at Lelouch – or rather, Zero – mentally thanking whatever God is in heaven that they were not in his shoes.

Lelouch mentally cursed them all to Hell.

He had never thought it was possible, but Lelouch might actually be off chess for a while. Nothing sobers a person up better than headache-inducing stupidity.

Lelouch's dragging feet scoot him into his room where his eyes are blinded by a light – making Lelouch double-take by pinching himself to make sure he hadn't suddenly fallen unconscious… Or that Tamaki's stupidity  _hadn't_  killed his brain without his notice, making him a clueless spirit wandering its way home. He doesn't know any other reason why there should suddenly be a bright, white light beckoning him into his bedroom. C.C. has her  _own_  bed at the Black Knight's hideout, so there's no reason anything strange should be going on here; moreover, it's about  _two_ in the morning.

After a few nail bites split his skin – because he just wants to be  _absolutely_   _positive_  his brain isn't dead – with his eyes cowering underneath narrowed eyelids, he sees a timid cast of evergreen eyes sitting on his bed, basking bashfully under the vivid glow.

 _Speaking of stupidity…_ Lelouch thinks wryly. But at least Suzaku understands chess even if he isn't close to mediocre at playing it – he wasn't even that hard to teach.

"Suzaku, what are you doing here so late?" Lelouch asks trying to sound casual despite how incriminatingly strange it is for  _him_  to be the one stumbling into his room at such a late hour.

Suzaku doesn't seem so concerned about  _that_ , however.

Only the stagnant air of the room is Suzaku's reply as Lelouch walks towards the bed, putting his hands in the pockets of his gray pants – his school uniform traded for his favorite set of street clothes. He looks down at Suzaku critically as the seconds of silence add up to minutes and as those minutes, add up to more minutes – would Lelouch really let this drag out all night? Maybe, if he wasn't so  _tried_ – in which Suzaku will  _not_  connect their eyes.

Obviously, something is wrong.

"Is something wrong?" Lelouch tilts his head and bumps Suzaku's knee with his own, the action looking very much like someone poking a comatose body with a stick.

Suzaku seems to flinch a bit – or  _twitch_  like a limp body stirring underneath that stick – and his clasped hands clench, tight.

"I, um… I…" he clears his throat and squares his shoulders but holds his eyes against the floor like the world will implode if he looks away from it. "I have somethi~ng to tell you," he answers with a crack breaking his voice.

Lelouch lifts an eyebrow at the suspicious behavior – suddenly he doesn't feel so incriminated.

"What is it?"

Suzaku fidgets a little and his hands readjust their slick grip on each other.

…Why is Suzaku sweating?

"You should sit down…" the boy murmurs, his shoeless feet shifting around each other.

Lelouch feels a shot of anxiety blow through his chest and his eyebrows knit together.

"Suzaku," Lelouch says with a worry ridden tone, "what is it?"

Suzaku's hands contract hard again, "Just sit down, please." Suzaku's voice is stronger, but the waver halfway through still exposes his insecurity.

Lelouch heeds the awkward air breathing around Suzaku's request and seats himself next to the eye-contact-avoiding teenager. Adding his weight to the mattress seems to relieve Suzaku's shoulders of some of the invisible pressure pushing down on them; he even lets out a shaky sigh as his muscles relax somewhat around his rigid bones.

Lelouch is too impatient and anxious to wait for that imaginary cat to release Suzaku's tongue.

"Did something happen?"

He catches a glimpse of green when Suzaku looks at him with a glance, his shoulders straining again.

"…S-something happened."

"What is it!?" Lelouch demands loudly and confused. Suzaku looks to be fine, physically, so it must be something else… but what?

Suzaku cringes, "Lelouch, it's…" Lelouch can practically see the words jumble around in Suzaku's head as if in hopes that the right ones will just fall out until he suddenly turns his body to face him. After a brief lapse of silence, those elusive emeralds return his stare and the tentative sheen over them fills Lelouch's chest with dread. "Lelouch, I… I'm pregnant."

S

I

L

E

N

C

E

.

.

.

Suzaku scowls, "Why aren't you saying anything!?"

Lelouch blinks again, "Hm? I'm waiting for the punch-line."

Suzaku's gives him the same look Lelouch usually gives to Suzaku:  _you're an idiot_.

"…I thought that maybe you forgot it, so I was waiting."

Suzaku growls, "This isn't a  _joke_ , Lelouch!" His fingers rough his hair. "I'm  _serious_."

S

I

L

E—

"NO!" Suzaku waves his hands emphatically in front of Lelouch's face. "No more 'silence'! Say  _something_ ," he implores nervously but eagerly.

Lelouch runs his eyes over Suzaku, as if seeing him for the first time – just like when they were kids, Lelouch's princely eyes are studying but not scrutinizing.

"Impossible," Lelouch announces easily –  _patronizingly_.

Suzaku is still scowling, "It's not impossible. How else do you explain my…  _situation_ _!?_ "

Lelouch pauses in thought, actually  _pauses_  to consider his answer.

"I think you've been reading too much of that junk Milly calls  _literature_. All those boy-love novels are garbage, Suzaku. How many times have I told you that? Just because a select few of them in those stories got pregnant doesn't mean that it's actually possible," Lelouch mutters blandly. "You didn't get confused between non-fiction and fiction again, did you? I'm sure you only think this because your poor brain—"

"I have the test results to prove it," Suzaku steely cuts in.

Lelouch is taken aback.

That changes  _everything_.

"…Seriously?"

Suzaku's cheeks turn a little pink, and he twists his fingers together like a child stalling his punishment, or embarrassment, looking away from Lelouch's eyes.

"Yes."

"Then let me see it."

S

I

L—

"If I can't be silent than neither can you, Suzaku," Lelouch deadpans. "Show me the results."

Suzaku's foot nudges at the floor diffidently, "I don't have it  _on_  me."

Lelouch sighs, "But you saw a  _doctor_ , and they did  _tests_  and  _told_  you that you're  _pregnant_?" Lelouch asks to Suzaku's fleeting gaze, but then he shakes his head. "No, wait. Why did you go to the doctor in the first place? You told me you had military duty tonight." That's why Lelouch suddenly found his afternoon free, because Suzaku flaked on him. He initially didn't have any plans regarding the Black Knights tonight, but with Suzaku running off to play soldier, Lelouch figured he should use his time wisely by sorting some things out that he'd been procrastinating to deal with. The budget issue that Tamaki managed to fumble right out of his hands was on Lelouch's list – thus leaving him at the mercy of his underling's astounding idiocy.

Yes, Lelouch's brain-heart-attack is  _Suzaku's_  fault.

And Milly's. She had been giving Lelouch that Cheshire cat smile that signals the apocalypse during the whole meeting. Safe to say, he fled the student council room like a rat fleeing a sinking ship when the meeting was over.

Suzaku finally looks at him again, "I did, it's just, you know…"

"No, I don't know."

Suzaku sighs at the brick wall that is Lelouch's stubbornness.

"It was a physical. Lloyd makes me have one regularly to make sure his 'precious part' stays in top physical condition, to monitor me. So, I wasn't lying to you. It's like a duty…"

"Alright…" he scratches the back of his head—"Wait! Did you see a medical physician or did that  _madman_  conduct the physical?"

Suzaku's brow wrinkles, "Lloyd, why?"

"Because that man is probably just tricking you or he's incompetent. He may have enough medical knowledge to  _repair_  a human's anatomy but I'm not so sure humanity as a whole is something he understands."

Suzaku pouts, "Lelouch, that's not nice – even though you're probably right – I'm sure he knows the difference between men and women."

"That's why you're pregnant?"

Suzaku's expression pales before it seems to slide right off his face.

Lelouch feels a sardonic chuckle bubbling out of his throat.

"Suzaku, you're too gullible."

Suzaku glowers, "No, Miss Cecile double checked. I'm pregnant, it's a fact."

Lelouch feels the need to pinch himself again.

" _All right_ , since everyone seem so  _certain_ that you've got a bun in the oven, tell me how it happened," he commands in an irritable string of words, crossing his arms.

Suzaku's cheeks mature from pink to red and his eyes sink again, this time swinging like pendulums that are ticking down the seconds left of Lelouch's patience. He holds his fist in front of his mouth and clears his throat again, looking at Lelouch like he needs to plead his innocence to a judge.

Lelouch starts to tap his foot.

"Yeah, um… Well, you see, when a man and a woman—er, man and a man, in this case I guess – love each other very,  _very_  much—"

Lelouch can feel that migraine eating his brain again as he is being submitted to more of this  _cancerous_   _stupidity_ —

"—and if they trust each other just as much, then they, ah… engage in an activity together that, uh… is, um, very  _intimate_  and  _physical_ , where, ah… they—"

" _Suzaku_ ," Lelouch growls – he was  _almost_ willing to let Suzaku struggle with that one, but his tolerance threshold is beginning to drain rather rapidly. "I  _know_  what  _sex_  is. I  _know_  how a  _woman_  gets pregnant. I  _know_  the female body—"

Suzaku dares to giggle at that—

Shutting up instantly like Lelouch's calamitous, blazing eyes snipped his vocal cords—

"I understand how a  _man_  impregnates a  _woman_ , but how does a  _man_  impregnate  _another_   _man_?" He watches a gulp slide down Suzaku's neck as more muted moments sashay between them. "…They didn't  _tell_  you?"

"Ah, no, they did, it's just… I can't remember exactly what they said – they were talking really fast and using a lot of words I didn't understand, and…" Suzaku trails off as Lelouch exhales heavily, rubbing his temples with his finger and thumb while closing his eyes.

"You can't remember  _anything_?" Lelouch asks tiredly.

Suzaku's eyebrows crease angrily, "Is this so  _hard_ for you to accept, Lelouch?"

Lelouch flicks his eyes up to Suzaku, letting his hand smack his leg, in a condescending gape.

"Yes."

In other words:  _duh~ you moron!_

Now Suzaku crosses his arms stiffly over his chest with a sour face.

"I don't know why. Haven't you ever heard of seahorses?"

"Seahorses?" Lelouch echoes like the word is gibberish despite knowing  _exactly_  what the creature is.

"Yes, seahorses. Don't you know that the male is the one who goes through the pregnancy?"

Wait…

Wait for it…

 _Wait_ …

Lelouch's lips tremble as laughter falls away from them, flying into the air with light flitters that nibble at Suzaku's pursed face.

"What's so funny?"

Lelouch is holding his stomach, choking on the air fighting to rush in and out of his lungs.

"I'm, I'm sorry Su… Su-Su-Su-Su~!" Lelouch tries, his jovial chortles snuffing out his voice before it can grow.

Laugh—

Laugh—laugh—

Laugh—laugh—laugh— _laugh_ —

Laugh—laugh—

Laugh—

Laugh…

…

 _Laugh_ — _LAUGH_ —

[Several spikes of laughter later]

Lelouch is crying and wheezing as his giggles begin to subside, dissolving into each other like seltzer tablets in water. He sighs with a whistle and flicks tears away from his eyes, drying the trails glistening his flushed face.

"…Oh, Suzaku. I haven't laughed"—chuckle—"that hard in a, in a"—snicker—"a while…"

Suzaku is  _glaring_.

Lelouch arcs an eyebrow, "What's with that look?"

"Oh, I don't know, Lelouch. Why don't you fill me in on what's  _so_   _FUNNY_?" he snaps, his face instantly back to normal.

Lelouch has to slap away the smile tempting his lips, quickly composing himself, "Suzaku, you can't compare yourself to seahorses."

"Why not, it's the same case here isn't it? I'm a male, and I'm pregnant."

_Quit reminding me._

"Yes, but it's  _completely_  different. Are you trying to say that you've suddenly morphed into a seahorse, or something? There's no way that's possible. Besides, male seahorses don't exactly  _get_  pregnant. The female lays her eggs in his pouch and then he fertilizes—"

"Well that's  _just_   _fine_ , Lelouch! You stupid…  _stupid_ smarty-pants!" Suzaku suddenly shouts as he vaults up from the bed, flailing his arms around erratically like a disoriented traffic cop. "You won't even let me have the seahorses, will you!? Why can't I ever have anything!?"

_What?_

"What?"

Suzaku points at him in a dramatic stance that's too reminiscent of one certain terrorist and it makes Lelouch feel like Suzaku is stealing it from him—err, Zero.

"You never let me have anything," Suzaku says. "You always have to prove me wrong in everything that I say."

"That's because you're  _always_  wrong."

" _Seahorses_ , Lelouch.  _Seahorses_. Why can't I just have the  _seahorses_?"

Suzaku's really lost it.

"If it isn't the Seahorse Syndrome"—something Suzaku just made up—"than what can it be?"

Really, really lost it.

"Suzaku, I'm sure you're not some seahorse in a human's body, or a human sharing a seahorse's body… or whatever. You're just—"

"A freak! I'm a freak no matter which way you spin it, right?"—sniff—"What kind of male gets pregnant if he's  _not_  some freak of nature?"—sniffle—"Am I a woman in a man's body? Am I suddenly a hermaphrodite or have I always been one without knowing it? Do I have some kind of sickness or mutated gene? Have I exposed myself to some kind of chemical that's given me the  _power_  to get pregnant – was it something I ate? Was I abducted by aliens who conducted some strange and twisted experiment on me and then wiped my memory so that I wouldn't be able to remember it…?"— _sniiiiiiif_ —"What other explanation is there?"

Yep, full-blown hysteria.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch calls softly, standing up from the bed as Suzaku's pretty face nests into his palms. "You're not a freak."

_And everything else you said is just ridiculously illogical._

"Yes I am!" is his muffled counter. "That's what everyone's been calling me my whole life, so it  _must_  be true. Especially now, with-with  _this_."

Disgusted fury churns in Lelouch's belly, swelling his chest with its thick smog so profusely that his eyes turn to slits and his throat tickles. He watches Suzaku's form tremble with stifled sobs through the loathing lenses of his eyes, wondering if it's possible that Suzaku can remember the name of every person that ever belittled him, insulted him,  _degraded_  him and if he'd be willing to give those names up. Lelouch's personal hit-list isn't terribly long – depending on which one he is referring to – and he's sure he'd have plenty of time to exterminate all these  _blasphemers_  for  _ever_ hurting Suzaku when he's done playing super hero.

He gently, lovingly, combs his fingers into Suzaku's hair after an attempt to pull Suzaku's hands away from his face came up fruitless –  _unless_  he was trying to remind himself how weak he is, then it was quite a fruitful expense of energy.

"No, Suzaku. They're wrong. They're bigoted degenerates that can't see past the end of their own noses." Lelouch consoles tenderly as he pets brown curls.

"So then what am I if I'm not a freak?" Suzaku blubbers.

Lelouch gathers Suzaku in his arms, pushing the shorter boy's face into the safe solace in the crook of his neck while he rubs Suzaku's back with reassuring strokes.

"You're special."

" _Che_ _!_   _Special_. That's just another way of saying  _freak_."

Lelouch dips his chin so that his nose nuzzles the chocolate swirls atop Suzaku's head.

"No. It means you're special," he says calmly, never ceasing his soothing motions. "You're in a class all by yourself that only  _exceptional_  persons like you are allowed to access." He kisses Suzaku's head, "That's why I lo—" his chokes a bit on that four-letter word "…Why I  _cherish_  you."

I am Lelouch Lamperouge, and I approved this message.

Suzaku sniffs again; it's a delicate sound buried in Lelouch's chest.

"…You… really mean that?"

"Of course," Lelouch responds, fully prepared to take his statement and run with it as far as he can, but he decides on a better option. "And you know what else, Suzaku? The seahorses… I think it's something that's still under study, so… you could be right."

As long as Suzaku is pacified it doesn't matter.

It's not like Lelouch  _wants_  those seahorses anyway.

He doesn't.

 _Really_.

Suzaku lets out a deep breath, "Thank you, Lelouch. You have no idea how much that means to me." he lifts his head, eyes red and his cheeks stained by tears, but there is a small smile on his lips and it's like seeing a rainbow at the end of a storm.

Too bad the worst has probably yet to come.

"You have no idea how much  _you_  mean to  _me_." Lelouch smiles back, pinching Suzaku's cheek affectionately.

Something of a quiet laugh slips out of Suzaku's smile.

"Well, hello, Mr. Romantic. I haven't seen you in a while," he teases but greedily accepts the kiss Lelouch pushes against his lips.

"Tell anyone I dropped by and it's the end for you," Lelouch jokes back, fondly stroking the cheek he pinched with the back of his fingers.

He lets Suzaku laugh out a promise before he kisses the crazy's lips again.

"Listen. It's late and I'm tired, and I'm sure you're tired, so let's just go to sleep. We can continue discussing things tomorrow."

Suzaku nods, looking down at his fingers twiddling with the collar of Lelouch's short, red jacket.

"All right, we do have to get up early for school tomorrow."

Oh yeah, school: that annoying time between sleeping and running a rebellion.

Lelouch yawns, remembering just how drowsy he is.

"No, I think I'll play hooky tomorrow. It's been a long night."

_What time is it anyway…?_

"Lelouch, you can't skip class," Suzaku chides with another pout shaping his mouth. "Maybe if you hadn't been out so late we could have had this discussion earlier and already be asleep by now. You don't know how long I was waiting for you… Where were you, anyway? I didn't think there would be gambling matches this late."

Lelouch would feel trapped here; he would panic and scramble to form an adequate alibi… If Suzaku wasn't so naïve.

Sweet, sweet naivety. God's way of tricking the credulous into believing anything with the right finagling.

Thank you, God.

A soft hum of chuckles pops Lelouch's chest as he runs his fingers through Suzaku's hair.

"Why wouldn't something illegal take place at the shady hours of night?"

"…I guess you have a point." Suzaku approves easily despite the fretful expression. "But I wish you wouldn't stay out so late. Something could happen…"

Isn't  _that_  an understatement?

"You don't need to worry, Suzaku. Nothing happened tonight, right?  _I_  wish you wouldn't underestimate me."

Suzaku looks away with a frown, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'm used to it by now," Lelouch says with a shrug although it is a terrible thing to admit out loud; but Suzaku has been successfully swayed and distracted from the topic of Lelouch's absence tomorrow, so it's not a total loss.

It stills hurts, though.

"No, I mean the way I acted tonight. I guess my hormones are just on edge, because… well, you know."

"I don't think you're far enough along to be acting…" Lelouch pauses as a curious thought strikes his mind. "How far along are you, anyway? Did they tell you?"

"Yeah I'm… five weeks."

Five weeks.

That's a little over a month.

Thirty-five days.

Eight hundred forty hours.

Fifty thousand, four hundred minutes.

Three million, twenty-four thousand seconds.

Seems like there should have been some kind of sign during all that time…

"…That's a long time."

_Is it too late to…?_

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. I feel kind of foolish since I didn't notice a change or anything that would have made me suspicious. I mean, I thought you get morning sickness when you're pregnant."

"Not all women get sick. Not everyone or everyone's body is the same. People experience things differently. But you're still pretty early, so you might get sick the longer you're pregnant."

Suzaku looks at Lelouch with a simper, "Of course."

"What?"

Suzaku shakes his head, "Nothing. I'm just happy to have a smarty-pants like you." He leans into Lelouch, nestling his nose into Lelouch's neck as his arms slide around the cage of the raven-haired boy's torso. "I just realized I didn't say it."

"Say what?" Lelouch rewinds his arms around Suzaku's shoulders.

"That I  _cherish_  you too."

Lelouch smiles.

"Is that you or the hormones talking?"

"I don't know… I think it's fifty-fifty."

They share the mirth this time along with another kiss, parting to prepare for a rejuvenating slumber.

"…Lelouch?"

"Hm?" Lelouch hums as he slings the jacket over his desk chair.

"Can I sleep here with you tonight?"

Lelouch looks at Suzaku with a sentimental grin, "You don't need to ask, Suzaku."

Suzaku smiles back—

And in an instant he's stripped down to his underwear and cuddling into Lelouch's bed, fast than a bolt of lightning. Lelouch feels a sweat drop slide down the side of his face…  _So fast_. Suzaku just gives him a toothy beam as he lies underneath huddled blankets. Lelouch offers a mirrored version to the inhuman boy, undressing at the speed normal people use.

"So, Lloyd's given you a physical in the past?" Lelouch asks conversationally as he unzips his pants.

"Yeah."

They hit the floor in a soft plop, "…You didn't feel the need to tell me that your boss sees you naked?"

"It's professional, Lelouch. Besides, it is  _Lloyd_ we're talking about," Suzaku says flatly.

He gently folds his pants in half—"True, but, your sexy  _seahorse_  body is for my eyes only."—and drops them over his jacket on the chair.

Suzaku laughs, "Yes of course…" he watches that skin-tight, black turtle neck roll up Lelouch's body as it is tugged off, delighting his eyes with the pale chest being exposed to him. "But what about the boys in the locker room? I've showered after gym class, you know."

Lelouch's hair falls around his face when the shirt is pulled away, their tips pointing to the smirk curling his lips.

"I can't take back what's already been done, but I can change the future by keeping you from showering… or just keep you from even going to gym class by making you skip with me." Suzaku throws Lelouch a disapproving look as he flops his shirt over his pants and jacket, still smiling mischievously. "With a baby on the way, you shouldn't be doing strenuous physical activities, anyway."

Suzaku rolls his eyes at the boy walking up to the bed, "It's only  _strenuous_ for you, Lelouch. Good thing you're not the pregnant one, I think that the baby would kill you in either pregnancy or birth."

"Like  _that_ would ever happen." Lelouch scoffs as he slips into bed.

"Which part? Being pregnant or dying because of it."

"Both, you stupid seahorse. I don't  _catch_ , so it's impossible on both fronts," he utters out with a haughty tone, snuggling down in the pocket of warmth next to Suzaku's body.

Suzaku spoons into his side, laying his arm on Lelouch's chest with drumming fingers.

"…If I'm the pregnant seahorse, then wouldn't that make you the female seahorse?"

Lelouch doesn't hesitate to answer, "No. That would mean that I mated with a male seahorse. You change in this metaphor, not me." He stares at the back of his eyelids, putting a hand on Suzaku's to stop the thrumming.

"Hm, I didn't think you'd be into bestiality."

"And I didn't think you could get pregnant." He lobs his other arm over Suzaku's shoulder.

Suzaku laughs again, "Touché."

"I prefer 'checkmate.'" His face turns to the side and kisses the head lying on his shoulder. "Now shut the hell up. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep."

"Yeah, yeah…" Suzaku sighs lightly with an adjustment of his body to cuddle closer and he shuts his eyes.

A few breaths fill the air with their soft sounds, but it's the blaring light from above that makes Suzaku's eyes open again.

"…Lelouch, you forgot to turn off the light."

Silence.

"Lelouch?" he cranes his head to look up at—

SNN _OOOOOOOOOORRRR_ E!

Suzaku's lips twitch into a positive bend and he pushes himself up on an elbow, gazing down at the peacefully firm expression Lelouch wears when he sleeps before he disentangles himself from the comforts the older boy and his bed. He steps lightly to the light switch and flicks it off, skipping back softly through the darkness. He carefully climbs back into place at Lelouch's side, replacing limbs where they were before he removed himself. He presses his lips to Lelouch's cheek, murmuring quietly as he rests his head back on Lelouch's shoulder…

"Good night, daddy."


	2. Abortions and Erections don't Mix

" _Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn." –Yakko_ from _the Animaniacs_

•-2

Ambiguous

Abortions and Erections Don't Mix

Lelouch is awakened by something hard pressing into his back.

Bump— _nudge_.

His weary face scrunches as he feels the pull of consciousness win against the slumberous world of his brain. The unpleasant scene of his dream is being corrupted by this rap-tap- _tapping_ on his dreary door. It makes the horrendous chase of devilish equestrian-fish flicker away like a projector running empty film, and it is all thanks to that _constant_ knock hitting him from behind.

It had started in the background, Lelouch realizes, as but a lame touch of reality that pounded behind the stamp-less stampede of glowing eyes and flaring nostrils he was desperately trying to flee from. Perhaps in this case he should be thankful; that place, surrounded by a feral navy of aquatic beasts gaining on him from every direction in the invisible sea he was suspended in was a situation he could not escape. A thick mass surrounded him, hugging his legs heavily and stealing air from his lungs as he felt himself sink faster and faster the harder he thrashed.

Bump— _nudge_.

On the other hand, this _repetitive_ _jab_ into his tailbone has brought him out of a snooze that, despite being feverish, was very much needed for his fatigued mind and body.

So now Lelouch is currently lying on his side as the relaxation of a sleepy splendor evaporates from his being. He's cozy and warm in the cocoon of his blankets, absently aware of dead weight around his waist, sensing what seems to be early morning by the way weak light lies across his closed eyes. It's most likely _too_ early to be waking, but _that_ —

Bump— _nudge_ - _nudge_.

Lelouch finally scowls with a groan, throwing his arm behind him to shove away whatever that _bumping_ thing is. His hand first hits a warm body then it falls in the slim trench between his back and that other form where his hand grabs—

Nudge- _nudge_.

His eyes slowly split open, eyebrows very tightly knitted together. He squeezes a little at the _thing_ in his hand and it reacts to his action with a thrust and faint moan making the arm sagging over his hip tighten. He sighs, his groggy mind throwing all of his wrong deductions away, and forces as much life as he can into his lethargic limb to shove the _nudger_ away from him. It strikes back with another swift _nudge_ , making Lelouch growl and grab the hungry hip behind him.

" _Suzaku!_ " he complains loudly, pushing on the embodiment of his annoyance this morning.

When he hears a snort and a slurred "Huh?" he knows he's awakened the boy belonging to this _horn_.

"What is it?" Suzaku mumbles with a sluggish voice.

Lelouch continues to glare at nothing, "Despite popular belief I _don't_ like it when you ram your erection into my ass." He grouses as he pushes the boy away again. "Keep your morning-wood to yourself."

Lelouch doesn't need to see the flush of rose-red on Suzaku's face to know it blooms when he hears the boy gasp.

"I-I'm sorry Lelouch!" Suzaku stammers skittishly; his body, erection and all, vanishing from Lelouch's back in clumsy shambles that shake the bed.

"Don't worry about it," he mutters as he closes his eyes and tosses the blanket high over his shoulder, burrowing deeper into his heavenly blankets fully intending to go back to sleep.

_Intending_ is exactly the right word. Leave it to Suzaku to make a problem out of a little excitement.

Actually, Suzaku _alone_ is one big problem.

Rustle- _rustle_.

The irritated wrinkles previously furrowing Lelouch's brow take root again as Suzaku's shuffling persists on the other side of the bed.

Wiggle- _rustle_.

Lelouch just tries to dig deeper into his covers as if they'll protect him from the fidgets of restless arousal, his eye twitching.

Squirm- _rustle_.

He closes his eyes tighter, curling into a ball and nearly humming a tune to himself like a child trying to keep the monsters under his bed at bay.

Fidget- _rustle_.

" _What_ is your _damn_ problem!?" Lelouch exclaims as he heaves his body up to a sitting position, whirling around to face Suzaku.

Suzaku stares at him like a deer caught in the headlights, his body finally freezing – although it's too late for that now – as if waiting for the oncoming collision to plow into him. Lelouch glares intensely down at him like an irritable old man, watching green eyes shift from time to time before that pink face turns away completely.

"Well?" Lelouch demands, his voice a brittle shard of ice hanging precariously over Suzaku's head.

Suzaku glances over at him, sinking under the blanket with only his eyes peeking out above them.

"Are you _not_ going to answer my question?"

"…I'm sorry," Suzaku mumbles out quietly.

"That _doesn't_ answer my question."

Suzaku connects their eyes but remains silent.

Lelouch sighs and rubs his hand over his face, wondering why Suzaku is acting so peculiarly. Perhaps he's being too brusque, but _good_ _Lord_ this is ridiculous. He's acting like a _child_. Never mind the fact that Lelouch is still very tired and _not_ a morning person.

"Suzaku, what are you doing?" Lelouch asks, trying to soften his tone. "Why don't you just go to the bathroom?"

Suzaku's eyes sweep away again with a muffled mutter.

Lelouch has to remind himself to breathe calmly, to not spook this little critter shivering under his predator stare.

"What did you say?" his words still come out strained, any sweet tones he'd hoped for are far from sticking.

Suzaku shifts slightly, "It's embarrassing."

_Is that all?_

"Suzaku…" Lelouch starts with another sigh, leaning against his bed rails. "It's not like anyone will be watching you."

"I know that…"

"Then what's the problem?" Lelouch presses again.

Another quick glance is all Lelouch gets before Suzaku suddenly turns over, leaving Lelouch's eyebrow to lift at his back.

"Suzaku?"

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I promise I'll be still now," he says mechanically from inside the soft shell of Lelouch's blanket.

Lelouch stares at the messy bush of brown hair standing above the snowy mound of sheets under which Suzaku is hiding. The boy is keeping his word, not a single jostle animates his human hill, and somehow, in this straggling silence, Lelouch feels guilt _nudge_ into his gut. He shouldn't, it's not like he's done anything wrong; it wouldn't be the first time he's snapped at Suzaku and it's never marred the brunette's sensitivity before, so…

"Whatever," Lelouch mutters with a turn in the other direction, yanking the blanket back up to his neck as he flops onto his side. Lelouch closes his eyes with a tight scowl; it's much too early to be dealing with Suzaku's emotions right now—

"… _I guess my hormones are just on edge, because… well, you know._ "

Lelouch cringes, his mind streaming heavier guilt into his stomach with that pesky memory of his.

Not that he _could_ forget last night; even his dreams won't let him escape reality – although, they rarely do.

Lelouch spies over his shoulder, bottom lip curling petulantly at the nagging feeling to flip over and console this seemingly stubborn and introverted Suzaku _instead_ of hunkering down for another hour or so until he has to get up and prepare to skip a full day of school. It isn't that he doesn't care for Suzaku, because, really, he did give up _seahorses_ just to make him feel better, and that is a gesture not to sneeze at; he's just _so_ _damn_ _tired_ – it doesn't matter that he's planned to skip school today to make up for lost sleep by snoozing up on the roof or in the library…

_Damn it all to Hell…_

Lelouch _knew_ he was going to do this before he even deliberated it, before he rolls over and touches Suzaku's shoulder and murmurs words coated in candy sweetness.

"Suzaku, are you all right?"

Suzaku is unresponsive for a moment, perhaps in hesitation if Lelouch may say so, and then he makes an offhanded shrug that pleads for attention rather than screams for privacy.

Lelouch rubs Suzaku's shoulder over the covers in a fashion that reminds him of his mother—but that is a tangent best avoided at the moment.

"I know something's bothering you. Want to talk about it?" Lelouch leans closer so he can observe the down-cast gaze of Suzaku's eyes. "Hm?"

Suzaku just fidgets again; making a small mewl that reminds Lelouch of children being difficult on purpose. Typically now would be the line where the parent will announce an inability to read minds, at least that's what Lelouch's mother—once again, a train of thought that doesn't need to be boarded right now. Yet, Lelouch happens to be the bearer of such a talent. However, Suzaku's mind is a place best admired from afar, if _admired_ at all.

"Come on, Suzaku." Lelouch coos, slipping closer to said boy and resting his chin on Suzaku's shoulder. "If you don't talk to me I can't help you."

Besides, relationships – _good_ relationships – are maintained with communication.

"It's nothing…" Suzaku insists with a coy glance.

"Nothing," Lelouch repeats skeptically, remembering the shallow pit of his patience as he slips his arm underneath the blanket to drape over Suzaku's side. His fingertips run over the squirmy muscles of Suzaku's abdominal region, making a shiver ripple over Suzaku's body. Lelouch immediately feels the crop of tiny bumps sprout over Suzaku's skin.

" _Crap,_ Lelouch! Your hand is _freezing!_ "

"Is it? I hadn't noticed." Lelouch smirks, raking his fingers farther over Suzaku's stomach.

In all fairness, he really hadn't.

But that doesn't mean he'll stop.

" _Lelouch."—_ Suzaku wriggles—" _Stop_."

"You don't want to help me warm them up?" Lelouch teases with a sultry sweetness in Suzaku's ear as he slides his hand lower despite the grip slapped around his wrist. "Your body is so~ warm, Suzaku." he flicks his tongue over Suzaku's ear, watching it turn red like he flipped a switch. "Can't I have some of your warmth?"

" _Nn_ _!_ " Suzaku tries to jerk his head away, foiled by the pillow cushioning it. "You're gonna _steal_ all of it—!"Suzaku's complaint is tarnished by a gasp made because of Lelouch's traveling fingers.

Lelouch's smirk digs deeper and wider across his lips, his hand squeezing that familiar thing between Suzaku's legs that's no softer than it was when it knocked him out of his dream.

"My, my, my~! What's this?" Lelouch sings slightly, _curiously_ caressing the hard flesh over a thin pair of underpants.

Suzaku flushes, "Don't." he wriggles his legs.

"Don't?" Lelouch questions mockingly. "You don't want me to take care of this for you?" he caringly rubs his hand along Suzaku's erection, watching his face purse.

"…You'll probably _kill_ it," he whines in a wiggle.

"'Kill it'?" Lelouch repeats resentfully, stopping his hand. "I'm glad to know my touches are suddenly so fatally repulsive."

"You _know_ what I mean, Lelouch."

"Do I?"

"Of course you do! Your hands are _damn_ cold! You know what, uh, cold temperatures do…"

"But don't you want it dead?"

"Not like that!" Suzaku says anxiously.

Lelouch grins sharply, "So then perhaps something more _hot_ and _pleasurable_ would be better to 'kill' this excitement of yours?"

Suzaku doesn't answer but Lelouch can see the gears in his head turning, most likely trying to consider how serious the offer of a morning blow-job to eliminate his morning-wood really is.

Well, that's an easy question to answer.

Lelouch whips the blanket off in a brash motion – ignoring Suzaku's confused howl – and starts pulling at Suzaku's underwear like a starving animal that smells _meat_ buried in a pile of rubbish. Suzaku squirms in a show of an attempt that the notion of having oral sex so early in the morning is absolutely appalling, but his struggles are weak and the appetite for such attention is more than present between his legs. A fog quickly rolls over his eyes as he silences the counterfeit noises of reluctance toppling out of his nose and it makes Lelouch smile over a small victory that probably isn't as big a victory as he believes it to be.

"Well…" Suzaku starts, making a good effort to sound unsure, releasing his hold on the band of his shorts. "I guess I should take advantage of this before I can't anymore."

"What do you mean?" Lelouch quickly makes work of wrenching Suzaku's shorts off his hips.

"In the later months of pregnancy, I'm not allowed to… ya' know…" he answers shyly, cheeks powdered pink at Lelouch who is staring adoringly down at his crouch.

Lelouch's mind skids to a halt and it leaves his expression in a wordless gape for a second or two, his eyes blind to the task he revealed in an easy hoist. He can't say he's exactly surprised, but he didn't expect Suzaku to come up with such a daunting decision all on his own. This is his – _their_ – future, after all.

"So you've already decided?" he tries to ask casually, wondering if an accusatory waver shivers his voice as he grabs Suzaku's—

"Decided what?"

Lelouch looks up at the doe-eyed gaze, hoping that isn't a foreshadow of a headache that ghosts over Suzaku's words.

"That you're going to keep it."

Suzaku tilts his head, "What do you mean? What else would I do with it? It's not like I can stash it away for later."

"Stash away for—?" Lelouch shakes his head, "No, I _know_ that. I'm talking about… the alternative."

"Alternative?" Suzaku echoes like a child – there seems to be a theme there.

Lelouch really doesn't want to spell it out; he'd rather slap the boy for being so _green._

"Getting an abortion."

Nothing follows his statement for a long, painful moment with only Suzaku's empty stare on his face and Suzaku's throbbing—

"An abortion," Suzaku says. "What's that?"

That probably was a premonition of a headache Lelouch heard in Suzaku's words before.

But damn it if he isn't going to flirt with the possible pain.

"…Are you serious?" Lelouch asks incredulously.

But of course his tone couldn't be any clearer: _you really ARE an idiot, aren't you?_

Suzaku starts to scowl, "I'm _sorry_ I'm not as _educated_ as you are Mr. Genius. Not _everyone_ can know _everything_ like you do."

Lelouch sighs at the brunette's sudden snap, dropping his gaze to get an eyeful of Suzaku's naked—insert euphemism here—and immediately releases it with a twist of his stomach.

Abortion can _really_ kill the mood.

"Suzaku," Lelouch sighs again looking Suzaku in the eye. "I'm not trying to insult you, it just seems like this is something you _should_ know about. It's common knowledge."

Suzaku just glares – apparently that's a step in the wrong direction.

"…It doesn't matter, I guess," Lelouch mutters. "An abortion is medical procedure that terminates the pregnancy."

Doesn't the word "abort" ring any bells?

" _Terminates_ …?" Suzaku articulates like the word is sour on his tongue. "Well why would I think about that? It sounds awful!"

"I never said it was _pleasant_. But it's still an option that—"

"No!" Suzaku cuts off heatedly. "I don't want to kill anything!"

"Let me finish!" Lelouch snaps back, brow creased in agitation. " _Of_ _course_ no one wants to _abort_ anything, but you're not thinking about this _rationally_."

" _Excuse~_ my emotions Lelouch!" Suzaku shouts, scrambling off the bed – boxers hugging his thighs – and leaping to his feet. "Please do excuse the fact that I'm not a _heartless_ ass like _you_ _!_ "

Lelouch's face contorts angrily, " _Wait_ a second! What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" He also jumps to his feet.

"I don't know, Lelouch – _genius of the universe_ – why don't you tell me what that's supposed to mean?"

"How could I possibly—?" Lelouch cuts himself off.

Yes, he knew what Suzaku meant.

No, he isn't going to get distracted by petty name-calling.

"Look," he utters, his voice stretched tight to conceal his annoyance. "We're getting off track." He slaps his hand over Suzaku's mouth when he sees it fly open to no doubt blurt another insulting remark. "You want to call me heartless? You have _no_ idea what you're getting into and being a stubborn ignoramus right now isn't going to help anything."

Suzaku thrashes away from Lelouch's hand, "Don't call me stupid! You're the one being insensitive!"

" _Suzaku_ , you're misunderstanding me!"

Suzaku shakes his head vehemently, "I can't believe you! I can't believe you'd ask me to do something, something so _despicable_!"

"I'm _not_ asking you to do anything—!"

"Damn strai—!"

" _Don't_ _interrupt_ _me!_ I'm _not_ finished!" Lelouch roars, making Suzaku's mouth clamp shut. "I'm just trying to _tell_ you that you should at least _explore_ your options before you _decide_ on anything. _Of_ _course_ I don't expect you to do anything you don't want to do _nor_ would I _force_ you too." Lelouch sighs exasperatedly, grasping desperately at his own forehead, " _Christ_ , Suzaku. Please try to understand where I'm coming from."

Suzaku just stares at him with a tight frown and sharp eyes, his face flustered by being slapped out of the soft haze of sleep by all this squabbling. Lelouch is still reminding himself to breathe calmly: in, out. In, out. In, out.

And it is as he casts a glance at Suzaku's stewing stance that he realizes the absurdity of this scene: arguing at the top of his lungs with his very erect, and supposedly pregnant, counter-part about abortion in the creeping hours of morning, both of them standing face to face in their underwear – Suzaku having the decency to pull his back up…

In, out.

In, out.

"So then, help me understand," Suzaku finally mutters.

Lelouch looks at him blankly in the eye, still kneading the start of a headache in his forehead.

Suzaku shrugs, "I can't read your mind, you know."

Lelouch wants to smile at that, but his energy is limited to the heavy drop of his arm to his side.

"I just don't want you to feel like you're forced into doing anything, that's all."

"Trust me, Lelouch; I won't do anything I don't want to do." Suzaku reminds tersely, his bare foot lightly tapping the wood floor as he repositions it. "But that doesn't answer my question."

Isn't that Lelouch's line?

"You're telling me that I'm not prepared and that I need to 'consider' my options. But what you're really saying is that you want me to get an abortion, isn't it?"

" _No_ ," Lelouch snaps with a scowl. "I will support whatever decision you make, I just don't think you're carefully assessing which is the better option."

Suzaku is glowering tamely, "All right. What might the 'better option' be?"

Lelouch thought he could certainly turn this argument around, lead it down a road of smiles and kisses that leaves this nasty discussion in the dust.

He's not so sure that's how it will end now.

If anything, he might be the one left in the dust.

"Don't get testy; I'm just trying to help you. I'm your _partner_ , that's what I'm supposed to do, right? I know this is a delicate topic and it's certainly not an easy choice, but you have to look at it from all angles before you know what to do. And sometimes, Suzaku, the _less_ _pleasant_ one is the best one," he says with a slight frown. "Have you thought any of this out or do you think that this'll all just be some glossy _chapters_ of your life and then the baby comes with a happily ever after? There's more to think about then just whether or not a decision is immoral. I don't think I need to stress to you the _risks_ you'll face with this pregnancy – it could be bad for _both_ of you. Not to mention you're in the _military_ fighting in _combat_ and a princess's _Knight_." Of course Lelouch is going to play that angle, how could he not? "And we're only seventeen-year-old high school students in the midst of all this terrorist activity. Is this a world you want to bring a child into?" Lelouch ends sucking in a breath, being careful to not tack on his silent thoughts: _What about Zero? What will happen to Japan – what will NOT happen to Britannia? What about Nunnally? How can I change anything if I'm stuck at home?_

He watches Suzaku's conflicting gaze as no response rears its ugly head out of that boy's frown.

This waiting silence is almost unnerving.

Maybe Suzaku is really taking in his words this time.

Maybe Suzaku will calm down and—

Suzaku snorts, "Right, so all that equals me getting an abortion. Why don't you just admit it?"

IN…

Lelouch is close to throwing in the towel.

Or sitting in a corner and crying until his blood-pressure sinks to a healthy level.

…OUT

"Suzaku, that isn't fair."

"You just don't want this baby, do you?" Suzaku's eyes are glimmering. "Well I'm _sorry_ this happened. Do you think I _wanted_ this?" _Really_ glimmering.

Lelouch's stomach twists with more guilt, " _No_ , that's _not_ what I said."

But that's certainly what it sounded like.

Suzaku shakes his head, "Yes it is. You couldn't have spelled it out any clearer." Tears are wavering in his eyes, like he's trying to hold them back with his weakening voice. "That's why everything you said points to the _alternative_."

"Suzaku…" Lelouch feels helpless, watching Suzaku's watery eyes look away from him.

He already feels Suzaku walking away from him.

"I'll admit that I'm not ready, and I don't know anything about being a parent, but I had hoped that you would be by my side not telling me to just _throw_ it away. Are you really that selfish?"

_Selfish?_

"I would find a way to make it work, Lelouch. If that means quitting or taking a leave of absence from the military, then so be it! It doesn't matter what age I am or what the state of the world is or whatever else you said! I _am_ and _will_ _be_ responsible for this, this _child_ and I won't just get rid of it like it's a piece of _garbage_! Because it's _inconvenient_!"

"I'm _not_ telling you to throw it away, I'm just—" Lelouch feels his mind tumble to a stop again. Did Suzaku just say what he thinks he did? Suzaku would _quit_ the military? Is that a bluff? Is Suzaku just getting carried away and speaking without thinking? Should Lelouch take advantage of this or would that be… crossing a line?

"Why don't you just _punch_ _me in the stomach_ right now!" Suzaku nearly bawls, reining Lelouch back into the conversation.

"Suzaku, that's…! I'm not…!" Lelouch is taken aback, feeling his skin burn underneath Suzaku's blistering glare with tears running down those angry cheeks. "Be reasonable! I never said I wanted you to do _anything_! _Why_ aren't you listen—?"

"Quit telling me to be reasonable and rational!" Suzaku shouts, white knuckles spotting the red hands fisted at his sides. "I can't talk to you when you're like this! Why don't you just leave?"

Lelouch gawks.

" _You_ can't talk to _me_ when _I'm_ like this? _You're_ the one being _unbelievably_ difficult – not to mention you're dragging this argument out longer than necessary! It almost feels like you're just trying to waste everyone's time with all this superfluous bickering!" Lelouch hollers in a rage.

" _Oh_ _right,_ Lelouch. _Everything_ is always _my_ fault, isn't it?" Suzaku counters likewise. "It's my fault we're still arguing, it's my fault I'm pregnant! It takes two to freakin' tango, you know!"

"Yes Suzaku, that's _exactly_ what I was saying! _Everything_ is _your_ fault!" Lelouch yells sardonically. "Your very existence is a plague to this Earth!"

"Get out!" Suzaku barks furiously, swinging his pointing hand to the door behind him.

" _I'm_ not leaving! This is _my_ —!"

Lelouch is suddenly scrambling to keep his balance whilst not ramming his face into the wall opposite his bedroom door. His hands slap to the wall, face pale and sweaty as he feels his stomach catch up with him when he hears his bedroom door hiss shut behind him.

_How the…?_

He whips around so fast his already unsteady footing sways underneath him as he flounders back to his bedroom door with a dizzy head.

"Hey! Open the door!"

" _No! Go away!_ "

Lelouch has officially reached the bottom of the barrel, his patience but a distant memory as he pounds on the door, wondering why the builders didn't put a number pad on the _outside_ of the room too.

" _Goddamn_ _it_ Suzaku! _Open_ the _damned_ door!"

" _I said go away!_ "

"It's _my_ room! You should have stormed out if you wanted to end the conversation not force _me_ out!"

" _I don't care! Go away!_ "

IN, OUT.

IN, OUT.

IN, OUT.

Lelouch's hands are splayed out on either side of his head as he feels his headache pulse against the door, practically welcoming an aneurism to come and _save_ him from this fool he's managed to be reunited and fall in love with despite all the odds.

All those annoying little odds…

They should have tried harder.

"Suzaku," Lelouch begins, hanging his words on the weakest shred of sanity he has. "At least open the door so I can get my uniform."

" _No!_ "

Lelouch hits the door again.

" _Come_ _on!_ I can't go out in just my _underwear!_ "

"Master Lelouch?"

Lelouch nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of his name, grimacing at the sight of Sayoko's concerned and bewildered expression.

How long has she been standing there?

"Is there a problem?" she asks politely but curiously, glancing between him and the door… and his lack of clothing.

It figures that one of the _rare_ times he decides to sleep in his _private_ _apparel_ is when he'll be forced to parade around in it for all to see. It doesn't matter that it's only three other people who will see him, and that two thirds of them don't count because they're either blind or have already seen him naked.

This sight is just not for Sayoko's eyes.

"Ah, Sayoko…" Lelouch tries to chuckle good-naturedly, but the weak resonance of it makes the situation all the more awkward and pathetic.

Regardless, she seems unfazed, "I heard a lot of noise so I came… Is there a problem?"

He leans away from the door, tapping his fingers on its locked surface, wondering just how much she might have heard.

"…Not at all. It's nothing. Have you already started breakfast, or have you woken Nunnally up yet?" Lelouch speaks quickly, hoping she'll take the hint and go on about her business.

"No."

He smiles a strained smile, "Then, could you please?" facing the door again.

She hesitates a moment, "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

She's a kind soul, but right now is not the time for her motherly manners.

"It's nothing, really," he reassures calmly, clenching his hand on the door, making a civil knock—

" _Mukou ike!_ "

Lelouch gnashes his teeth, hearing a small gasp come from Sayoko at Suzaku's _very_ unfriendly way of telling Lelouch to screw off – Lelouch has spent enough time with his Japanese terrorists to learn all of their _colourful_ words.

So Suzaku wants to curse in another language? Well, two can play at that game.

" _Tu_ baise de!" Lelouch bellows at the door with one last pound – feeling a bit better in the fact that Suzaku knows absolutely no French –, his skin stinging even as he storms away from the door.

"Master Lelouch…?" Sayoko calls – the poor dear is very confused.

"I'm taking a shower!" he growls out before realizing he's yelling at just an innocent bystander. He looks over his shoulder, speaking through tight lips, "Can you please find me a clean uniform to wear to school today?"

She nods and so he continues to march towards the bathroom.

He wouldn't have thought he would go from nearly pleasuring Suzaku to nearly killing him in one morning…

Then again, it wouldn't be the _first_ time something similar has happened.

•-•

"You're going to walk me to class today?" Nunnally asks happily, hand searching the air for another.

"That's right," Lelouch replies sweetly, grabbing her hand in reassurance. "It's been a while since I've done that."

She nods, a firm smile on her lips, "Yes, that's true, but you don't have to if it's a bother."

"It isn't a bother at all. How could you say something like that?" he frowns at her statement.

She giggles lightly, squeezing his hand, "Forgive me, big brother. Of course I want you all to myself."

He smiles.

Nunnally is his one purity in this world. There are no quarrels to shove through, there are no passive-aggressive remarks to avoid, no glares or scowls to reflect back, there's no stubbornness to run into… no pregnancies to deal with… (And if he has his way, that's something he'll _never_ need to handle involving her.) She is perfect; his one true, sweet escape.

"And you too, Suzaku," she adds with a cheery ring. "Won't you walk with us today?"

Unlike that stupid seahorse he's managed to get his tail tangled with.

Lelouch passes a curious glance at Suzaku from across the table where he is moodily picking at the food Sayoko promptly prepared for them. Thunderclouds are swelling over his head, sparking out bad vibes and rolling grumbles that just _happen_ to be too quiet for Lelouch to properly hear.

It all feels absurd.

Suzaku wasn't even the one that got kicked out of his own room in only his undershorts.

However, with a single word directed at him by Nunnally's mouth it's like the sun breaking through the gloom and doom of his mood. He smiles brightly, adjusts his voice away from the mumbles that bite at Lelouch's nerves like tiny piranhas.

It makes Lelouch wonder why he's bothered involving himself with this kid in the first place, but then he remembers their good times – which just _happen_ to include many of their more intimate moments – and he understands.

He understands that he's also an idiot, that it is.

After all, it takes one to know one, right?

Suzaku smiles at Nunnally, glaring at Lelouch's glance.

Lelouch glares back.

"I don't know, I wouldn't want to interfere with your, uh, alone time with Lelouch." Suzaku tries to deny, and here Lelouch is torn. He'd rather not be near Suzaku right now, but with Nunnally's wishes tipping the scales, he never really had a chance in the first place. He just about kicked Suzaku out on his ass – see how _he_ likes being thrown out – but Nunnally was of course exceedingly happy that he was here, and just in time for breakfast too, "… _are you going to eat with us Suzaku?_ "

It was inevitable and they both knew it.

So, the war of glares ensued with some hard kicks under the table at Suzaku's expense. Suzaku wouldn't dare risk hurting Nunnally, so all his retaliations were reduced to bitter scowls and foul hand signals that Lelouch could just look away from.

Lelouch's pretty certain he won this battle.

"You're not interfering at all, right, Lelouch?"

Lelouch's eyes switch between Nunnally's smiling face, bright like a Morning Glory, to Suzaku's frowning face, dark like a dumpster.

"Of course not," he smiles at Suzaku and flips him off. "But if you're too busy, we'll understand."

Yes, he insulted and helped Suzaku at the same time. What of it?

Suzaku's brooding clouds build and Lelouch can see his teeth grit as he pushes himself up from the table with fisted hands.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, but I have to meet with Princess Euphemia this morning, so I should really get going."

Suzaku really has no class, does he? He announces to Lelouch last night that he is, undoubtedly, carrying their child and then runs off to play Knight for his fair princess – the sister of his lover – the following morning?

_Tactless ass._

Nunnally's smile fades a little, but her tone is still pleasant, "That's alright Suzaku. This just means you'll owe me – so be careful!"

Suzaku, having nearly stomped around the table, grasps her hand with a smile.

"It's a date," he kisses her cheek.

Lelouch would kick him in the shin for being "smooth" on Nunnally if it didn't make her giggle in delight.

"Don't forget!" she playfully nags, pointing a finger at him.

He laughs, genuinely, and takes his leave.

"Don't worry, I won't forget." Then his eyes narrow at Lelouch when he adds, "Monday morning, I'm all yours," and he wags a crude hand gesture Lelouch's way.

_Real original you stupid jackass_ , Lelouch mentally scorns as he stands up to bring Nunnally to her class.

Luckily for them both, Nunnally seemed completely ignorant to the ruckus they had made earlier as she didn't mention it. Or maybe she was just feigning ignorance for their sake. Sayoko _had_ said she could hear them from the kitchen…

Come to think of it, Lelouch isn't even sure if Suzaku _can_ get an abortion.

•-•

Lelouch felt too restless to lurk around the rooftop all day after he had walked and chatted with Nunnally to her class and soon found himself brushing past Tamaki's obnoxious calls to lock himself in his private room aboard the Black Knight's Submarine – it was more like he just _had_ to get _away_ from there, feeling too claustrophobic and… _trapped_. Any other day he might have gotten Rivalz to go gambling with him, but he needed to brood in solitude. Of course, running away to this _fortress_ while dressed up like the proverbial superhero did make him feel very much like a child hiding in their tree-house or in their closet…

Lelouch swallowed that _childish_ feeling and busied himself with checking over the attack plans on Kyushu which they're supposed to be engaging in within a few more days. He began a chess match against himself as his usual method of helping himself think – not that Kyushu is a main concern for him – but so far his focus is as sharp as Tamaki's wit. He's tried to concentrate, but it's hard when the sole subject trying to distract him is the same subject he's _supposed_ to be thinking about.

Seems like Suzaku is always weighing heavily on his mind no matter what, but he has always been one of surprises – and they're never pleasant ones either: first was him being in the Britannian military, then the secret of patricide, then the Lancelot pilot and Euphemia's knight all at once, and now he's pregnant… Lelouch never saw that last one coming, but he'll just have to deal with it all the same.

Except this time he has to walk side by side with Suzaku's bull-headed attitude instead of trying to find a way around it.

The argument this morning has made this whole affair more realistic than when Suzaku nervously spoke the news last night. But their confrontation has also shined a light on other things other than the ugly reality he came home to. Suzaku's adamant reaction should have been predicted, but Lelouch didn't think that he would take it so personally. Maybe Lelouch is being too cold, maybe he's just too ignorant to the emotions pregnancy can bring to a person. He probably should have tried putting himself in Suzaku's shoes before suggesting something so controversial.

Conversely, he _was_ trying to think about Suzaku when he suggested the "despicable" as the boy had called it. Aside from the obvious problems that can occur during his pregnancy, Lelouch doesn't want Suzaku to feel obligated to have this baby – that was the message he tried and failed to get across this morning. While Lelouch will support Suzaku the best he can in any decision he makes, he still wants him to clearly think his choices over before just impulsively picking a path and walking down it without knowing where it will lead.

Lelouch has always been Suzaku's compass but such a tool is useless if it's ignored.

Lelouch should feel relieved by Suzaku's declaration about not doing anything he doesn't want to but Lelouch knows Suzaku is just never one to think anything through. He's not so sure that if he were in Suzaku's place he'd be so resolute about keeping it; maybe that's why he pushed the issue so much.

However, it's not like Lelouch is exactly positive about what to do either. He's probably just as confused and scared as Suzaku – which is why Lelouch has strengthened his resolve to sway Suzaku to his— _Zero's_ side. He'd like to not use trickery or foul play, but sometimes one has to get their hands dirty if they want to accomplish anything. It's bad enough Lelouch had to unleash his Geass on Suzaku just to keep the idiot from killing himself with that _destroyer-of-all-life_ beam Lelouch's _bastard_ of a brother decided to blast upon them—

Lelouch accidentally knocks a black bishop off the chess board in front of him with a frown.

Schneizel – like that _fiasco_ that happened just days ago – is best disregarded at the moment lest Lelouch wants to worsen his headache.

Headaches aren't life-threatening, are they?

… _Are_ they?

At the moment Lelouch is trying to relax, trying to be as stoic as he can be whenever he pulls Zero's strings, but there's only so much refuge a paranoid prince can find within his own brain. His heavy violet eyes are strategically scanning the chess board in a fight against himself, but they're caught by the effervescent shade of C.C.'s long, thriving hair. She's apparently indulging herself with being a lush in his private quarters – where she currently likes to nest, not that he'll complain – as she lounges carelessly on a sofa opposite him with a stout coffee table between them. He drums his fingers over the dark mask nestled in his lap, chewing his tongue as he ponders whether or not he should tempt a migraine – because, really, isn't this getting a little overplayed? – before he should shove off to make it in time for the Student Council meeting.

Seeking council with C.C. is something of a last resort to help alleviate his worries, but it is more on the base of curiosity than out of hope that she'll be able to give him some of that wisdom gained by "old-age."

They say that curiosity kills the cat, but, why is it that the cat never _stays_ dead?

"C.C.… what do you think about abortion?" he asks her as he ducks under the table to retrieve the fallen black piece—

"Abortion?" she asks not bothering to look at him, favoring the ends of her hair as she twiddles with them. "Why, did you get that Shirley girl knocked up?"

—only to tumble more pieces over when his head decides it wants to slam into the table, making black and white fall like hail to the steel floor.

" _No way_ ," he snaps, rubbing his head with a slight scowl and sitting upright again.

_Stupid table…_

She grins only in her voice, "I hope she never learns how disgusted you are by the thought alone. So it must be someone else then…?" she drawls in a pondering tone as she continues to tease her hair and Lelouch feels like he might throw up – he's not sure why. It must be a physical reaction to her by now; because he doesn't know what else he'll do if she guesses correctly. "So someone's finally deflowered your si—?"

" _Don't_ you even _dare_ finish that sentence," Lelouch threatens with his voice rumbling like an erupting volcano. "Or that beloved pizza chain of yours will tragically become some _accidental_ casualties of those terrible terrorist attacks since they _are_ an extension of Britannia."

Her eyes dart to him, "…You wouldn't."

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Lelouch smirks a little.

She's silent a moment, turbines from the submarine humming in her place with taps from a chess game being reassembled.

"Will you bring me some pizza if I answer you?"

"This isn't a _bargain_ , C.C. There is no worth to your opinion."

"Then why should I even bother if it's so worthless?"

Lelouch clenches his jaw, "Then don't." he slaps the final piece down a bit forcefully.

Of course she would be difficult and twist his words – but really, he should have seen that coming, it wasn't very smart on his part.

Another quiet pause as her golden eyes trail over him like he's a map she cannot decipher.

"Is there something wrong? You seem more irritable than normal."

"I'm surprised you care enough to ask, witch," he derides offhandedly, checking the time—damn, he's already late.

"Don't confuse it with caring, I'm just curious. If it's something life-threatening, then I might care."

"It isn't." _Yet_. "Just never mind. You are no help as always."

"I try," C.C. says drolly, her catty smirk painting in his mind as he dons his mask.

"Well that's an efficient effort you make, C.C." he says in an easy slide of his voice as he strides to the door. "Shame it doesn't bring you that pizza any faster." Lelouch stalks out feeling like he just wasted the day.

It seems that C.C.'s wisdom is really worthless after all.

Or, rather, it isn't worth more cranial agony.

•-•

Lelouch stumbles through the door with a grimace, immediately grabbing every eye in the room including one swift and green glower.

"Lulu! You're late!" Milly complains.

Lelouch stares at her with a miserably cloudy expression, "Sorry, I overslept."

"The whole school day!?" Rivalz blurts out. "Didn't you sleep last night?"

Lelouch shuffles to the table and plops down in a chair, a weak chuckle falling out of his mouth.

"I slept, just not very well…" he says at length, realizing the strange look the cast is giving him – minus one Japanese boy. He rubs a hand through his hair with a yawn, relishing how polished his acting skills have become. "Anyway, what have I missed?"

With that cue, Milly drops a folder in front of him, "Just planning the festival – like we've been doing this whole week. Of course you wouldn't know that, what with your constant absences."

Passive-aggressive much?

Lelouch slaps his hand on the folder, "Yeah, you don't need to get parental on me."

Milly smirks, "Well, someone needs to. I think you deserve a spanking from mommy for skipping school today."

Rivalz is oddly heartbroken by her statement – definitely too much information revealed there.

Shirley turns beet red – typical even for an amnesiac Shirley.

Nina is much too involved in her computer to take notice of anything outside of whatever that cyber box shows her – also typical of Nina, nothing that should cause concern and yet something that probably _should_ cause concern.

Suzaku seems to gleam at her in distaste with a blush touching his cheeks – a hint of jealously, no?

Arthur just proceeds to lick himself on the table in front of Suzaku – yes, he's licking _that_ place.

Lelouch just rolls his eyes, flipping the folder open, "Walked right into that one, I suppose."

Milly laughs and then continues to prattle on about something else grossly inappropriate that proceeds to make Shirley and Rivalz squawk in splutters, but all Lelouch observes is Suzaku.

Thankfully Suzaku seems to have calmed down since this morning, not that he looks like he'll become Mr. Snuggle Bear with Lelouch any time soon. Maybe it's because they spent the day apart from each other that he's gotten a chance to cool off. Maybe it's just because Suzaku cannot properly display his emotions to Lelouch while they're surrounded by their peers; that must be why Suzaku is flat-out ignoring him during the Student Council meeting, even sitting at opposite sides of the table to pretend working – at least, Lelouch is pretending to work. Suzaku probably knows better than to let his stewing mood flood the group by associating with Lelouch at all.

It doesn't seem to keep him from glaring, however; especially when he catches a stray look from Lelouch.

Lelouch ignores it, making his body tell the lies of his schoolboy façade: calm, cool, collected, and carelessly lazy.

Whether or not this pisses Suzaku off more doesn't really matter because at this point Lelouch is already in the doghouse; moreover, Lelouch isn't going to bring any attention to himself with being as rigid as a grumpy stump… At any rate, Suzaku's body language speaks volumes and will only get the less desired attention from everyone else around him.

Like from nosey Milly.

At some point, she invites herself to sit next to Lelouch, tapping his shoulder about some financial business, but as he fishes for the papers her murmuring voice sneaks into his ear.

"Do you know what's bothering Suzaku? He's been acting strange all day."

Lelouch glances at the boy in question, seeing that he's wrapped up in trying to pry Arthur off his hand.

Lelouch shrugs, "Why are you asking me?"

Milly stares at him.

"…What?"

"Aren't you his best friend?"

"Aren't you just being nosey?"

"Lulu, how can you say such a thing?" she asks, faking injury.

"Because it's the truth," he answers plainly. "If you wanted to know you would just ask him, wouldn't you? But instead you're asking me because you want to be indirect and add drama to anything you can get your grubby hands on."

"…Actually, I'm asking you because I think it has something to do with you."

Lelouch blinks at her but looks away when he hears Suzaku shout, seeing a swipe of cat claws slashing at Suzaku's other hand with Shirley squealing in the background as Rivalz laughs heartily from the side—

"What makes you think that?" he turns his eyes back to Milly.

She smiles slightly, "The two of you haven't spoken a word to each other since you've gotten here."

—Shirley cries again as Suzaku starts to stumble with Arthur's claws reaching for skin as Rivalz is doubled over laughing—

"Is that strange? We don't always talk during meetings."

—Shirley flees as Suzaku flails around, trying to shake Arthur off like overly sticky tape with a flock of papers emerging around them, she runs blindly into Rivalz—

"It isn't unusual, but Suzaku typically greets everyone, including you even when you're late. He didn't do that today. Not even a chide."

—Rivalz literally chokes on his laughter when Shirley's back collides with him, sending them both to the floor in a frantic heap—

Lelouch hums, looking over as Suzaku desperately staggers around, tripping over his feet and the limbs of his friends—

"He's probably just mad because I skipped today. He's never approved of that and I guess he's fed up."

—Rivalz cries out after Suzaku steps on his hand, making the brunette flounder to keep his balance—

"Well, you shouldn't skip so much, Lelouch. Suzaku isn't the _only_ one that disapproves so just kiss and make up already!"

—But Arthur lunges at his face, forcing Suzaku to lurch away by reflex and so he topples to the floor beside Nina—

Lelouch looks at her from the corner of his eye, reveling in her ignorance to the truth of their private relationship.

—Nina looks down at him, adjusts her glasses, looks at Rivalz and Shirley's flushed scrambles to get away from their embarrassing position, and then she looks back to her computer to continue typing—

"Speaking of kissing and making up…" Milly continues as she watches the others gripe and groan. "When are you and Shirley going to stop fighting? Your 'stranger' situation right now is no fun at all…"

Lelouch looks back down at his paper work after he briefly connects eyes with Suzaku's red-faced and wide-eyed expression as he straightened his uniform, tugging up on his collar before looking away again.

"Stop meddling in other people's affairs, Madam President," Lelouch says coolly.

Milly smirks at him again, "But it's what I do best, Vice Prez."

•-•

Suzaku doesn't make his appearance on the roof until dusk and it's with a slightly tentative scuff of his shoe against the concrete when he finally does.

Lelouch is positively pissed.

How much _more_ time are they going to waste with this _infernal_ conflict?

There was a period of time when Lelouch thought he might have mistook Suzaku's adjustment as a signal, but with such a specific movement and look Lelouch knew he wasn't the one in the wrong. Suzaku's spite isn't often encountered as he tends to let most things roll off his back, but with the upset this morning that apparently let all _Hell_ break loose between them, Lelouch wondered if Suzaku would really bait him out onto the roof just to stand him up. It really became a question as to whether Suzaku would be that immature or if he was really that malicious.

Lelouch had snorted at that, like there was any room for doubt as to which the winner really was. Suzaku and malicious just _don't_ go together – he is the _masochist_ , not the _sadist_.

However, Lelouch is well acquainted with maliciousness – as the sadist should be.

Whether or not he employs it is completely up to Suzaku.

Lelouch is seated with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the stone balustrade fencing the roof, his countenance also crossed in anger.

Suzaku looks at him, having the _nerve_ to carry a glower as he takes some gritty steps closer.

"Isn't it a good thing I live a life of leisure?" Lelouch starts scathingly to fill Suzaku's stalling. "Otherwise I would be undeniably infuriated by waiting _hours_ after I was called to the rooftop." Lelouch furrows his brow more tightly, "It's a good thing I'm not the grudge-carrying type, _right_ Suzaku?"

Suzaku's lip-line is tight but there is a glint of remorse in his dark eyes.

"I'll admit that I was intentionally making you wait up here, but…" he trails a little, eyes escaping Lelouch's.

"But?" Lelouch pushes tensely.

Emeralds flick back to him, "But I didn't mean it to be this late."

Lelouch isn't placated, "I should assume you don't know how to operate a telephone?"

"Don't get all high and mighty on me, Lelouch. You're not the only one allowed to be mad around here."

Lelouch huffs. The only upside to this forced wait is that Lelouch's headache was able to dissipate in peace and he, oddly, found himself calming down in the cool breeze wafting over the building.

"I don't want to be late for dinner with Nunnally, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we?" Lelouch gestures to his side perfunctorily. "Are you going to sit down or would distance be more preferable?"

Suzaku eventually shuffles over to Lelouch, as if he feared that Lelouch will ravage him like a feral beast.

Well, Lelouch _had_ nearly ravished him this morning in bed… but that was a bit different.

"I've had time to think," Suzaku says, clasping his hands in his lap, "and I decided that I don't want to force you into something you don't want." Lelouch is already shaking his head. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did this morning, and I won't hold you responsible for anything."

Lelouch can't repress the explosive, exasperated sigh from blowing past his lips.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch rubs his forehead. "I feel like you never listen to a word I say."

Suzaku looks down at his hands, "This isn't what you want?"

Lelouch just wishes that it's possible to literally beat sense into a person.

It's possible to do the opposite, isn't it?

"Not at all."

Suzaku looks at him with the same juvenile gleam he did at dawn and Lelouch feels it tug a sad, little smile over his lips.

"I already told you that I would support any decision you make. I wouldn't dream of making you go through this or anything else alone."

Suzaku is confused and it's adorable, "But all those things you said…"

Lelouch sighs, more wistfully this time.

"Everything I said… I was just trying to explain to you that I didn't expect you to—no, that I didn't want you to feel obligated to keep the baby for anyone's sake. A lot of people find themselves in this same position and end up making the wrong decision whether they keep it or not and I didn't want us to live our future in regret."

Suzaku seems to understand – _finally_ – if that nod is any indication.

"I was just trying to protect you." Lelouch continues softly. "Not only from regret or guilt but… Well, you're not built for pregnancy, Suzaku. I wouldn't risk your health for anything." Suzaku's giving him some slightly starry eyes so Lelouch knows that all he needs are some more smooth words and tones and he'll be out of the doghouse. "I would rather have you than a little embryo I know nothing about and if that makes me a cold-hearted person then I guess I'm cold-hearted. I just don't want to lose _you_ , Suzaku."

_I've already almost lost you TWICE._

Suzaku's fretful face melts away, his eyes twinkling under the sunset coloured sky with a dreamy grin curling his mouth.

"You're not cold-hearted," Suzaku counters affectionately. "You're just… you're just too protective."

Hook, line, and sinker.

This really was _too_ easy, being resolved all in one cha—erm, in one day's time.

Lelouch smirks inwardly but shrugs outwardly, "Is that a crime?"

"No." Suzaku smiles at him. "It just makes me wonder when Lelouch has time to take care of himself."

"What's this? I thought you were my better half. That's your job."

"I think I cause you more trouble than I deflect. If anything you are _my_ better half."

"Don't sell yourself short," Lelouch insists wondering why Suzaku's insecure side seems to always surface when they make up. "In any case, I think the two of us combined can make at least _one_ decent person."

Suzaku laughs quietly and rests his head on Lelouch's shoulder, plopping his hand on Lelouch's leg.

"Give me your hand."

Lelouch looks down at Suzaku's palm, feeling another weight dissolve out of his chest and into the passing breeze as he laces their fingers together.

They sit in silence, enjoying the tranquil quiet surrounding them, breathing in the last rays of light from the sleeping sun. Although there are still things to discuss, so, _so_ _many_ more things to discuss, right now it's nice to just relax and enjoy the moment. Today, this _morning_ , was stressful enough so everything else can just wait until later. Hopefully there won't be another fight waiting for the two of them then, especially since Suzaku's military career is something that needs to be reconsidered with this baby thrown into the mix.

Lelouch would really rather not repeat last night's and today's formula again tomorrow.

"…I feel like I should apologize for my behavior again from this morning, and probably for any future episodes I might have. Knowing me it might happen again."

"No, you don't have to apologize. You were upset and that's normal. I don't blame you."

"Yeah…" Suzaku snuggles closer to Lelouch's contour. "I was just looking at it from a different perspective than you – which is apparently something that can't be helped."

"And what perspective might that be?"

"It'll probably sound stupid to you, but…" he starts demurely, lifting his head. "To me this is like a miracle… or something. I was terrified at first and really confused, but I liked the idea. I mean, you and me raising a child – something that you and I _created_ and having that something live and grow inside me, having a part of _you_ inside me" Suzaku sighs whimsically, looking away from Lelouch's eyes and up at a daydream that only he can see illustrated in the sky. "I don't know; it felt like something I should treasure. Something that I shouldn't take for granted – because how often does an opportunity like this come along for people like us? I know this isn't the most ideal situation, like you said, but I can't give this up. I've even considered adoption, but maybe I'm too selfish because I can't imagine giving it away." his eyes fall back to Earth, fixating on Lelouch's uncanny eyes. "It's yours and mine and no one can take that away from us…"

"Is that how you really feel?" Lelouch can't keep himself from asking gently.

Suzaku nods with that very small smile, "Corny, right?" he laughs under his breath, looking elsewhere.

_A family…_

Lelouch had thought about it, the family life, just not quite in that same light as Suzaku. Perhaps Suzaku was too focused on the positives and Lelouch was too focused on the negatives; but that's how they ground each other – in an extremely annoying manner, but it works for them as sappy as that sounds.

"Corny or not, it sounds nice." Lelouch hears himself saying, somewhat surprised that his words are sincere.

Suzaku's eyes whip back to him, apparently he's also amazed.

Lelouch just smiles, "I just want you to promise me something, Suzaku."

Suzaku, the _adorable_ little boy, holds Lelouch's gaze with anticipation.

"What?"

His smile flat-lines, "If there is any kind of risk or complication with this pregnancy, promise me that you won't go through with it. You don't need to push yourself and I don't want any harm to come to you because of this 'miracle.' Do you understand? I want you to _live on_ even if it's minus our little spawn. Don't forget there _are_ people who care about you and would be _devastated_ to lose you."

Suzaku's eyes get somewhat glassy with the coded command but it's brief and fleeting leaving him to make a slightly spacey nod.

"I promise."

Lelouch's smile returns, "Good."

He kisses Suzaku, taking the brunette a bit off guard. Those clover eyes gleam at him with another lip-curling grin that contradicts his slight glower of disapproval.

Suzaku fiddles with their linked fingers, "So… do you think we can do this?"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: together you and I can accomplish anything." he rubs his other hand over the back of Suzaku's.

Suzaku laughs, "So you're just as scared shitless as I am?"

Hit the nail right on the head.

Lelouch frowns, "I don't think that's appropriate language for an expecting mother."

Suzaku just laughs again, pointing another smile Lelouch's way – an invitation for a kiss as far as Lelouch is concerned. He leans towards that smile, pressing firmly against lips that pucker back, flaunting his own grin when he pulls away.

"Know what?" Lelouch asks as scoots away from the balustrade.

Suzaku licks his lips, "What?"

"I never got to finish what I started this morning…" Lelouch murmurs, dipping his voice into a lusty tone.

He waits for his own flirtatious curve to mirror across Suzaku's lips before kissing them again, moving to Suzaku's cheek, then Suzaku's neck, letting his free fingers blindly work at Suzaku's pants…

"What about dinner with Nunnally?" Suzaku breathes out, squeezing the hand still in his grasp.

Lelouch halts.

He _actually_ forgot about Nunnally – Hell must be freezing over.

But as perfect and precious as she is she's not Suzaku and, well, she's just _not_ Suzaku – and Lelouch won't be deterred from _this_ mission again.

"Don't worry, I promise we'll _come_ on time for dinner." Lelouch whispers the grammatically incorrect statement silkily in Suzaku's ear, moving his head down as he pulls a zipper in the same direction.

Any objection Suzaku might have made is tangled into a rapturous sound when Lelouch inserts that euphemism into his mouth.


	3. The Irony, It's Killing Me!

" _I believe that whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you… stranger." –The Joker_  from _The Dark Knight_

•-•-3

Ambiguous

The Irony, It's Killing Me!

Suzaku is hard again.

Unlike this morning, however, Lelouch is able to appreciate the  _wonders_  of the male anatomy knowing that he is the cause, the reason, the catalyst for the growth on Suzaku's pelvis and is  _quite_  pleased with himself at how nicely he is  _shaping_  the situation. He's not so sure Suzaku is being as appreciative as he should be, but it's his loss for not knowing how to – or allowing himself to – enjoy a show of such  _wonder_  when it's presented to him as  _wondrously_  as this.

…Ahem.

Anyway, it is Lelouch's personal objective to prove just why Suzaku shouldn't take this effort for granted. He has already successfully streaked a blush across Suzaku's cheeks, though that scowl blistering from his eyes is really spoiling the mood and needs to go. So with the fiendish smirk that's all too friendly with Lelouch's lips, he drags his tongue up and down the dripping length at his fingertips. He relishes the grumpy gleam over Suzaku's eyes that, despite being miffed in that very un-sexy way, cannot look away as Lelouch sensuously licks with his curling tongue and kisses with his puckering lips. He noisily sucks a few spots around the midsection before sweeping up the shaft and gently prods his tongue at the tip, gazing at Suzaku with mischievous desire that finally sends green eyes away in a skittish flutter like a butterfly Lelouch frightened away. Lelouch chuckles very quietly in his throat and watches Suzaku squirm in place as he slinks his tongue around the skinny, red  _wonder_  from tip to base and up to the tip again; lapping up all the leaking  _juices_  melting down the sides and swallowing them before they can threaten the cleanliness of his fingers.

Lelouch pauses to smirk at Suzaku, catching the brief, chastising glower glanced his way by wide eyes but ignores it – as if Lelouch would concede to something so lame, or  _at all_. He chooses to instead close his lips tightly around the top and suck animatedly again before loosening them only enough to allow the sweating length to slide through them, making sure to keep that eye-contact Suzaku  _supposedly_  wants to avoid. Try as the brunet might, though, there's just no escaping Lelouch's lewd loving just like there's no hiding the excitement thriving between Suzaku's legs that's becoming more and more appetizing. Lelouch couldn't have a better feast for his eyes as he circles his tongue around the top and makes another quick, hard suck—

CHOKE- _HACK!_

COUGH-COUGH- _COUGH!_

Lelouch's hand clasps to his neck as his seductive act shatters thanks to the few but demoralizing bundle of coughs that rip from his clogged throat. His eyes are wide and watery, but the blockage that shot to the back of his mouth melts down his esophagus, immediately pulling him from Death's fingertips yet leaving him somewhat surprised that he received not even an  _attempted_  rescue –never mind this all happens in a matter of seconds that barely lived.

"Are you alright?" he hears Suzaku ask drawly from his seat across the table.

"Big brother—!"

"I'm fine," Lelouch answers quickly but hoarsely, staring down at the unflattering  _splat_  of his decapitated ice-pop on the pavement between his shoes with his hand still clung around his neck.

—So Lelouch  _was_  able to relish all of Suzaku… from a distance. Lelouch can only look on for a moment, pallid-faced and dumbstruck – he certainly wasn't expecting  _that_  to happen, so he didn't prepare a back-up plan to save him from looking as un-sexy as Suzaku's glower.

He hears Suzaku scoff in a very snide snicker, still idly chewing the stick left behind from his own green – "Sour Apple" – popsicle.

"Brother?"

Lelouch sweeps his eyes over his blind sister seated between him and Suzaku after glimpsing Suzaku starring off "uninterestedly" in another direction to see that she is wearing a puzzled expression.

"Are you sure you're all right? What happened?" Nunnally continues to ask with blue lips from her "Blue Raspberry" ice-pop.

"Lelouch's popsicle broke," Suzaku mutters, giving Lelouch another brief leer – and not the sexy kind of leer.

It appears Lelouch's effort at being  _wondrous_  only got him a castrated dessert and his own  _sour_   _apple_.

Not one is more appetizing than the other.

"Broke? You mean you're still eating yours?"

"Ah…" Lelouch makes a nervy smile at her, feeling for the first time this evening that she might have  _seen_  his provocative show.

"No, he's too busy  _playing_  with it," Suzaku derides lightly and Lelouch cannot believe he'd even dare to  _suggest_  hinting about the sexual harassment Lelouch was intentionally engaging in.

Before Nunnally can even ask with her creased, little eyebrows—

"I was just trying to  _enjoy_  it –  _pardon me_  for taking my time rather than just inhaling it like a barbarian," he gibes plainly but in a haughty tone. "But it's melting too fast. I guess it's warmer out here than I thought."

Nunnally nods – still innocent from her brother's perverted scene.

_Lelouch: one._

_Suzaku: zero._

"You're right. I think it's actually a little warmer today than it was yesterday. I can't wait for the autumn breeze – I wish it would just get here already!"

"I'm sure that's not the  _only_  thing you can't wait for autumn to bring, right Nunnally?" Lelouch smiles softly, wiping away his frown as he cleans his mouth with a beige, cloth napkin after turning a blind eye to his "Cherry" flavored failure still bleeding on the ground.

Whatever, Lelouch doesn't care for sweets anyway…

"That's right!" Suzaku exclaims his realization, his popsicle stick getting dumped on the empty plate in front of him. "Your fifteenth birthday is next month – such a scary age, right Lelouch?" Suzaku adds slyly.

Nunnally giggles but Lelouch scowls.

"Not as scary as eighteen," she smiles. "Big brother's birthday is coming soon, too."

"Of course. Can't forget about the Ice Prince's  _wintery_  birthday," he laughs lightly, wagging his eyebrows at Lelouch.

"Quit talking like an idiot," Lelouch demands with a cross of his arms.

Suzaku ignores him, "It suits you, Lelouch. You're always so distant and frigid towards others, even with friends and acquaintances sometimes."

"Frigid?" Lelouch echoes objectionably over Nunnally's quiet giggle – perhaps trying to hide her amusement.

"So cold…" Suzaku smirks. "If Nunnally weren't here you'd probably have frozen over by now like some frosty Old Man Winter. But it's strange since you're a fire element aren't you? Though I guess that's where your temper comes in. But you're an A blood type, so maybe that explains it."

"If anyone knows how  _frosty_  and  _fiery_  I can be it'd certainly be you, wouldn't it Suzaku?" Lelouch smirks in return at the dabs of pink that resurface over Suzaku's cheeks at the understood implications of Lelouch's words. "And I'll have you know that I'm the 'aloof and reserved' type, not 'frigid.' That's just a misinterpretation on  _your_  part."

"Yes, of course.  _His Highness_  is always right. Pardon my  _insolence_."

"As long as you understand… But you should know that my forgiveness comes at a steep price. I expect lots of groveling and begging and ego-stroking flattery, to start."

Suzaku is about to scoff another playful retort when the fountain of Nunnally's laughter becomes too lively to ignore, sending both violet and green eyes to her in perplexity.

"I'm so happy," Nunnally announces through her chuckles, feeling their empty gapes on her.

Lelouch and Suzaku just continue to look at her quizzically – did they miss something?

She sighs her laughter away and smiles for them, "The two of you seemed very angry with each other this morning. I'm glad that you've made up. The two of you shouldn't be fighting."

Lelouch and Suzaku exchange a look that speaks too many words and conveys too many emotions for a measly second to properly hold.

He sees Suzaku open his mouth but cuts him off, knowing that if either of them is going to defend with  _words_  it should be Lelouch, the more articulate of the two.

The irony of that is not missed by the undercover rebel.

"We weren't fighting; we were just at odds."

Suzaku gives him a funny look but Lelouch already knows that what he just said is lame –  _especially_  for him.

"Of course." Nunnally nods.

Lelouch is almost positive that Nunnally just appeased him for the  _sake_  of appeasing him.

Where and who the hell did she pick  _that_  up from?

"Nunnally, I think you're getting too mature for Lelouch to handle," Suzaku snickers.

Lelouch glares at him – Suzaku's idiocy must be having negative effects on his adored little sister due to too much exposure.

_Stupid heathen_.

"Well, it's getting late." Lelouch cradles Nunnally's hand, rubbing his thumb tenderly over the back. "You should wash up and get changed for bed. I'll be there to tuck you in… Sayoko, would you mind?"

At first glance, the woman could be easily mistaken for a tomato with hair. She has been seated across from Nunnally all this time, and thus witnessed every second of Lelouch's scandalous way of eating his icy – and coincidentally  _phallic_  – treat. But she nods politely and stands with a bow before hurriedly pulling the chair-bound girl from the patio and into the clubhouse.

Sayoko doesn't always dine with them, particularly when their little friend is around, but today the young masters had insisted that she didn't need to scuttle away when the boys finally came for dinner, late – they had looked strange when they had arrived but she didn't question it. Why Lelouch's lips were puffed and why Suzaku's face was a pink daze wasn't any of her business.

Sayoko is sure she knows their business now, if she hadn't before.

"I can't believe you," Suzaku chides quietly as they watch the maid's receding back. "In front of Nunnally is really pushing it for you, but at least she's blind. Sayoko had to  _pretend_  she was blind to your sleazy, little show."

Lelouch just looks at him smugly from the corner of his eye.

"You're terrible…" Suzaku shakes his head with a sigh and a tired smile, looking away from the empty doorway. "I hope you didn't pull any shenanigans like that on any of your past staff."

"May I remind you I was only ten years of age the last time I had anyone close to Sayoko?"

Suzaku lifts an eyebrow at him, so he smirks.

"And you weren't around then to embarrass, either."

"That's what I thought." Suzaku grins. "But I guess you've learned your lesson. I don't think I've ever seen anyone  _choke_  on an ice-pop before – and a broken one at that!"

It is Lelouch's own fault for not noticing how severely he had weakened the tip by sucking on it, but he's still oddly proud of himself for that fact…

…Ahem.

Lelouch dismisses the titters tumbling from Suzaku's lips with a half-shrug, "Don't say you didn't enjoy it."

Suzaku's laughter dies from the air as a confessional simper seals his lips.

Lelouch loves that simper.

"Let's just say that I think I'll need to sit here for a while…"

Lelouch doesn't hide the hum of satisfaction as he moves to sit a chair closer to Suzaku.

"Would you like some company?"

"As long as you don't touch me." Suzaku's suspicious eyes draw all over Lelouch as if to highlight his underlying intentions.

"I don't remember hearing you complain when we were on the roof."

Peels of apple-red adorn Suzaku's cheeks again as he bashfully casts his leafy eyes away to the courtyard in front of them – a courtyard that should probably worry Lelouch since this open area left the oral sex he just gave to his dessert vulnerable to any possible roaming eyes, but he isn't concerned. There have been no close passersby and any far away glances wouldn't have revealed much to distant Peeping Toms, unless of course they had some kind of tool to enhance their vision for distant viewing – but that's a needless road of debunked paranoia.

Lelouch knows they will be fine as long as he doesn't act in a more-than-friends way towards Suzaku – just to stay on the safe side.

"You'll never hear me complain," Suzaku murmurs almost to himself.

Lelouch nods, knowing Suzaku's statement is proven true by the past, and chooses to spare Suzaku anymore harassment – but only because he's been such a good sport this evening.

•-•

Lelouch emerges from Nunnally's room, feeling the success of nurturing her to sleep warming his spirit, just in time to see his lovable idiot treading through the hall towards, presumably, the bathroom, causing the already turning gears in his head to cycle faster.

Apparently Suzaku really  _did_  need to sit outside if he's just now getting in…

Lelouch smirks to himself.

_Lelouch: two._

_Suzaku: zero._

The silence that had joined them after Sayoko and Nunnally left was peaceful and quiet, but too quiet. It gave Lelouch time to think and that can lead to some tremendous travesties in his mind – being left alone with his thoughts is a cruel sentence for him, never having been the type to be able to stay idle for any period of time. It wasn't long before he was rummaging around to occupy himself by cleaning the sticky puddle he'd left on the ground to washing his hands a  _few_  times along with the dishes left on the patio table and then giving the kitchen a nice once-over to be sure it was as spotless as it had been before any cooking had transpired – not to imply Sayoko is inefficient or untidy, she  _is_  a maid, but it never hurts to double check. And then, of course, Lelouch had walked into his room to find that it deserved some critical attention as well.

The time spent ( _re_ )organizing his ( _already_   _neat_ ) desk was certainly time well spent.

Soon enough Nunnally was awaiting his presence in her bedroom for their daily bonding moment – incidentally not significant enough to get more than this mention – before he tucked her into bed.

"Suzaku."

Suzaku pulls his eyes up from the floor and smiles genially, "Lelouch."

"What are you up to?"

"Oh, I was just gonna shower and hit the sack. I'm pretty tired today…"

Lelouch could never really sway Suzaku into staying the night like he's often wanted to due to the marauding witch that was casting the spell of infinite-pizza-smell in his room, but since she's been eradicated from his domain it's been a frequent lodging for Suzaku despite his usual discomfort with friendly hospitality…and the strange odor that never quite leaves.

But sooner or later, because of all of this pregnancy business, Lelouch will have to unofficially evict Suzaku from his dorm room across campus – having already decided that his friend will no longer have any choice or say about where he hunkers down at night. Lelouch realizes there is the extreme likelihood that they could be caught "living together" by other students, namely the student council as the general student body is not exactly  _allowed_  to loiter aimlessly around or inside the clubhouse, but at that point the fact of the matter might already be obvious.

For now, with the weekend starting tomorrow, no one will really question Suzaku's occupancy around the Lamperouge siblings' makeshift home.

"Ah~" Lelouch says with raised eyebrows, hands in his pockets as they meet at the aforementioned room. "Would you like some more  _company?_ "

"But I thought you already showered this morning?"

"Suzaku…" Lelouch can't help but exhale before he grabs the boy's shoulders, "you're such an idiot." He pushes the boy into the bathroom, leading them both with a heated kiss.

•-•

An unnecessary scene change later finds the bathroom in a haze of steam.

Prestigious uniforms are in shambles on the floor, their empty folds outstretched towards their neglectful owners who are shrouded by the shower curtain that exposes only their combined silhouette. The light above the two boys is so luminous it sparkles in the army of hot-water rivulets cascading down their youthful skin and catches in the flecks of gold brushed over the ocher wall, glowing on the golden fixtures. The touches of their lips and fingertips cannot outrun the light as they skim and press their way over toned muscles and angular shapes—Except, perhaps, the willowy digits of a pearl hand that are sliding down with a sculpting smoothness as they sneak into the crevice between ample cheeks, feeling for the  _entrance_  of their hideaway.

The reaction garnered by pressing against the opening is one that carves a carnal smile in Lelouch's lips and makes him smother two of his fingertips over the small gap in pestering persistence to see more of this behavior unfold – like teasing an itch that wants to be scratched.

Suzaku's breath carries a little mewl that's feathery in the air but solid with desire when it lands in Lelouch's ears as his opening flexes in complaint against Lelouch's _un-_ intrusive fingers. His body tenses with that unfulfilled anticipation as starchy muscles knot underneath his supple skin pebbled by the pour of water raining on their side, flooding over one of Lelouch's shoulders and down Suzaku's stomach. It constantly rinses their mingled fluids away, washing over the twitch Suzaku's throbbing erection makes in Lelouch's hand as he is touched, causing Lelouch to squeeze their uneven lengths gathered together. Lelouch revels in the way Suzaku shudders in their tangled embrace as he strokes and rubs them together with his hand, nudging with his longer hardness and leaning his weight more heavily between Suzaku's legs.

" _Lelouch_ …" Suzaku breathes amorously while his entrance is swabbed by tormenting fingers, tightly threading a hand through moist black hair with his other clamped around Lelouch's upper arm.

_That's right_ , Lelouch says inside his prideful head as he starts to bite low on Suzaku's neck, claiming him,  _say my name._

Lelouch gropes their excitement, massaging and rubbing their testicles together in a firm grip that sails another enchantingly drafty moan from Suzaku's mouth and spurs a bump of his hips to insist fingers enter, before Lelouch finally indulges him. It pleases the Britannian how cleanly and rigidly Suzaku's back arcs away from the wall and how keenly his legs try to spread farther apart when he is slowly intruded by a gentle forefinger. Lelouch is so enthralled with Suzaku's response that he doesn't fiddle around with wasting more time on teasing, rather breaching Suzaku's occupied entry with his middle finger right away. Seems Suzaku wasn't expecting another  _guest_  so soon as his hips quirk and his throat whimpers slightly, but both are quickly thrown away by a louder, desirous moan extending from Suzaku's aroused appetite.

" _Mmm… louch…_ "

It isn't long before Suzaku's arms coil around Lelouch's neck, belted as if the strong hold will keep him from launching up through the ceiling as Lelouch's fingers slide in and out of him, casually fondling his squirming insides and his sensitive prostate. He carefully plunge his fingers up into Suzaku's contracting body, the memory of how unbearably tight and hot these muscles clenching around his fingers are searing his erection in painful pulses. Lelouch slinks his hand up their stony shafts to grasp their profusely leaking caps and messily smear the pad of his thumb over them as he watches Suzaku's face practically melt off his skull. Japanese eyes are shutdown in bliss, his skin is sponged a pining red, and his mouth is parted to let controlled sounds of pleasure trickle past his lips. They step louder the more his body writhes in the building enthusiasm of Lelouch's attentive hands – his own zeal feeling inspired by Suzaku's uninhibited reactions. The brunet's legs are open, leaving him so vulnerably exposed that it has Lelouch's fingers increasing to a starved, thrusting pace in order to feed the twinging lurch his erection makes at the thought of being buried in that same hot grip.

It would be exceedingly enjoyable to sheath himself inside Suzaku, undoubtedly, but it's not as though a little  _sword_ - _fighting_  once in a while will kill Lelouch – this is the only type of recreational sword-play he enjoys, after all. They both want it, Lelouch knows this, but as the situation stands… Suzaku isn't comfortable with the idea and Lelouch will respect that. Entering his little seahorse is a pleasurable privilege, after all, not a right. It's not as though doing this in the shower is always easy, either. There are still other things they can do…

(Not that just a good, senseless fu— _fornication_  is terrible, but Lelouch actually rather likes the sentiment of being "exclusive lovers."

Like they only belong to each other and no one else.)

That's why Suzaku's thighs are becoming inexorably inviting to Lelouch with that coating of wet heat thanks to not  _only_  the shower, their smooth surface despite the fine wires of copper hair prickling from his skin, and their powerful muscles laced tight underneath like a lean cheetah…

A very sexy, lean cheetah.

It invokes something in Lelouch and has him speaking a sequence of words he never thought he would hear himself say:

"Suzaku, turn around and close you legs." It is a murmur of an order, lustful under Lelouch's panting, but it has Suzaku looking at him bemusedly all the same.

"…What?" Suzaku breathes.

Lelouch flicks his tongue over the tip of Suzaku's nose and pulls a little on flexing insides – an unavoidable, throaty groan whining over clenching muscles – as he removes himself completely from needy body in front of him.

"Just do it," Lelouch murmurs, lightly sweeping his lips over Suzaku's agape mouth as he rests his left hand on Suzaku's leg to usher it closed.

Suzaku is panting and quizzical but compliant as usual, bracing himself against the wall with his forearms.

And Lelouch pets the marred splotch on Suzaku's side where a bullet nearly ended him – something not unnoticed by Suzaku.

Then Lelouch slides his sturdy erection between Suzaku's thighs, being sure to brush it against Suzaku's sac as he slips underneath until his hips tantalizingly meet heated, wet flesh. Suzaku's thighs feel just the way they looked as they awkwardly close on Lelouch; soft, slick, firm, and they compress tightly enough with those brawny muscles on Lelouch's straining flesh to make him groan lightly through his nose. He grips Suzaku's hips, somehow signaling the soldier to looks over his shoulder and their mouths connect in a passionate mesh of slippery lips and tongues before Lelouch starts to experimentally move.

Quickly finding it too enjoyable to moderate himself.

Suzaku appears to like it as well – or maybe that's because of the aggressive thrusting of Lelouch's fingers that reenter with potent strikes to his prostate… Either way, Suzaku's body is spastic and he's trying to hide his sounds in his arms, so that can only mean good things.

Though Lelouch is loath to admit… this easier than their usual union. But it's not as though Lelouch  _has_  failed or  _is_  fearful of failing to pleasure Suzaku, but he isn't blind to reality. Physically speaking, Suzaku is practically God whereas Lelouch barely qualifies to be amongst the living.

Lelouch doesn't know if he wants to damn or thank the being that created Suzaku's  _wonderful_  body…

He grabs Suzaku's erection again with his other hand as his hips heave to-and-fro, stroking Suzaku's blood-bulging flesh as he plows his fingers over Suzaku's prostate in the  _ungodly_  pace of his thrusting pelvis. Despite how crude it all sounds Suzaku is a veritable frame of tense gelatin that quivers excitedly as he is pleasured by hands that know the weaknesses of his mold all too well. The fingers rubbing over the tip of his length and the spot in his passage are too unforgiving in their loving that he feels dizzy in the clouding scent of their musk that's caught in the steam and stealing their oxygen. Suzaku is breathless and gasping as he holds remains steadfastly supported against the slick shower wall, and it makes Lelouch unbelievably complacent. He begins to thrust faster between Suzaku's velvety steel thighs as the boy's hips roll on the fingers plundering his closing walls in time with the hand pumping his glistening length.

It all ends a lot more quickly than Lelouch expects – surprise, surprise – but the burst that drains the life out of him is still too intoxicating for him to feel anything but bliss...

Lelouch groans mindlessly as he sags against Suzaku, pressing him against the wall like when they had started.

"…I don't think…I can stand up…any longer…" Suzaku pants.

"…Me neither." Lelouch puffs.

As if those were magical words of admittance, they slide down the wall in a tired heap on their knees, and they pant to their lungs' content.

"This is why I said…we should have taken…a bath…instead of a shower…"

Agitation wrinkles Lelouch's brow, "I thought you said…I would never…hear you…complain… And I already…told you…that baths…are  _not_  sanitary," the royal grouses, sluggishly turning the showerhead off to clean themselves – and the  _wall_  – of any residue before plugging the drain with the chain stopper so they can relax in  _clean_  bath water together.

Suzaku just huffs before moving away from Lelouch and into the tub.

Eventually, once the water has risen to an agreeably level well above their navels, Suzaku shuts the water off and they rest long-ways in the fairly spacious tub, the limp weight of Lelouch's body cozy between his legs as he lies against Suzaku as if he were a pillow.

Lelouch has been relatively unresponsive.

"Hey," Suzaku addresses with a tug on Lelouch's hair, "don't go falling asleep in the bath. I don't want you drowning on me now."

_So some time before now would've been acceptable?_

Lelouch bats at Suzaku's hand with a mild scowl, "I'm not so exhausted that I'd perish right now."

"Yeah. Need I remind you of a certain  _macaroni_  mishap?"

"There's no need for that."

It's not an interesting story, really.

So let's not bring it up again.

"Can't I just sit here with you and relax in  _peace_?" Lelouch questions a bit tartly.

Suzaku sighs to himself, reclining against the bathtub and rests his hand back on top of Lelouch's head. Lelouch lets his body lie boneless against Suzaku with his fingers sifting through the drying threads of his hair in soft, absent strokes in the serenity of the still bathroom. The water is quiet as it ripples from their steady heartbeats and calm breaths of which Lelouch feels pushing his head when Suzaku's chest inflates and deflates in silent relaxation. Lelouch closes his eyes, absorbing the sheer tranquility of the moment and Suzaku's living, breathing body that's supporting him, letting all his stress and worries decompose from his mind.

He drifts to a soothing, mellow place where there are no impending troubles of war or parenthood that grow more threatening with each breath he takes and every second that passes by. There is no outside world that can seep into this bathroom that's  _just_  a bathroom and nothing more as they sit in a bathtub that's just a bathtub. All that exists is the two of them, in the present with no history or future nipping at their heels and toes. He's just Lelouch – not former prince "Lelouch vi Britannia" with a dead mother or the unfulfilling alias "Lelouch Lamperouge" – and Suzaku is just Suzaku – not the pilot of Lancelot or Euphemia's Knight, and most certainly not pregnant.

It's a hard lie to lose himself in when his brain is his own worst enemy, but even if it's true for a second Lelouch knows he's managed to save a part of himself from being squashed underneath all the pressure trying to break him…

Suzaku's twiddling with Lelouch's hair pauses, "…You know I had a meeting with Princess Euphemia today."

Lelouch hums noncommittally – somehow he doesn't like where this is going. He feels Suzaku's voice prying open this insignificant bathroom-world by the seams, allowing all the things Lelouch wanted to escape from to come pouring in slowly through its broken walls.

Suzaku just can't respect the after-glow peace.

Suzaku takes in a quick breath, "Well, I stepped down, I mean, I've renounced my Knighthood. I'm no longer her knight. There'll probably be talk about it on the news, but I thought—"

Lelouch lurches off of Suzaku with water storming up around him in a wet clatter to gape at the suddenly  _former_  knight in shock and disconcertment.

He swears Suzaku is the only person ever able to catch him off-guard.

"You  _what_?"

Suzaku's eyes are pulled down by a sullen weight and his fingers find each other underneath the water.

"I thought you'd be happy to hear this."

Lelouch blinks.

Then blinks again.

"Suzaku…" Well, perhaps that's true – Lelouch can't lie and say he isn't, but at the expense of  _what_  will Lelouch's happiness come? "I'm surprised. I thought this was important to you. You didn't do this for me, did you?" Lelouch quickly reconsiders, "No, for the baby."

"That wasn't the only reason I did it. It's something I've been thinking about lately, before I knew about  _this_ , but I guess you could say that it was a deciding factor."

Lelouch frowns slightly, resting his hand on Suzaku's knee, "Are you sure that's what you wanted?"

Lelouch should be thrilled, but he knows these "reasons" probably stem from some misplaced self-deprecation.

Or maybe something more impure.

"Yes. But like I said, there were a lot of reasons."

Lelouch nods more to himself, seeing the walls close up in Suzaku's eyes around the things he doesn't want shared – not at this moment. He rubs his hand over Suzaku's damp hair and pulls that brown head close to kiss the small, anxious knot in the (ten-year-old) boy's brow away as he slips from between Suzaku's legs to his side.

"So  _that's_  what had you so restless this morning?"

" _NO!_ " Suzaku yells in a panic-stricken shriek, vaulting away from Lelouch, apparently taking his turn to anger the bath water as it spikes violently around them.

Lelouch stares at him, utterly bewildered, until he watches Suzaku's face practically erupt into flames, sparks of defensive nerves and shock flickering in his wide eyes.

That's when Lelouch realizes what he just implied…

Suzaku + erection = … _thoughts of Euphemia?_

Lelouch's mouth shoots open with a start, Suzaku's flush melting his own cheeks as he reaches for the boy as if that will pull him from the  _demented_  images of Euphemia on top of Suzaku—

That's right, Euphemia on  _top_  of Suzaku.

—with her pink hair jostling in the air like windswept streamers around their sweaty bodies stained pink by arousal while their pink lips outline their loud moans as their  _pink_   _parts_ —

"It isn't like  _that_  – I  _swear!_ " Suzaku looks like he's just been slapped in the face with the tortuous pictures in Lelouch's head as his face burns brighter, his hands waving and head shaking in the negative to Lelouch's unintentional implication.

" _That_  isn't what I meant!" Lelouch shouts as he shakes Suzaku, mentally pleading for this horrible,  _horrible_  scene to end.

They stare at each other as the water dies down from their frantic movements that tried to erase something that can never be undone, gaping wordlessly at the seconds of this scene stringing between them on the coattails of an arrogant elephant sauntering out of the room. Their faces are still brushed the colour of a certain Third Princess's hair – maybe the Second Princess's now, actually – and their eyes are still wide, their hands still grasping each other. Lelouch tightens his grip on Suzaku's shoulders, causing Suzaku's hands to do the same around his elbows, and leans his forehead against Suzaku's with an exasperated sigh – choosing to be the one who closes the door behind that obnoxious elephant.

"What I meant was…" Lelouch restarts, a little strained. "That's why you were so anxious this morning?"

He's not really sure if he likes his choice of rephrasing.

"…Yeah." Suzaku plays along, letting Lelouch recoil into the tub's wall like before –  _before_  the appearance of a manic Euphemia riding an arcing Suzaku—

No!  _Bad_  brain.

Bad,  _dirty_  brain!

"As long as you think you made the right choice," he tries to soothe, winding his arm around Suzaku's shoulders when the boy slides in next to him. "But you're still Lancelot's pilot, right?"

"Yes, that doesn't change…" Suzaku leans into Lelouch's halfway embrace.

"You know, Suzaku, that should change. Do you think you can continue fighting—?"

"I know," Suzaku interrupts. "I just…"

"No, I don't think you understand." Since Lelouch had been handed this opportunity it has been resting in his palms like an apple waiting to be bitten at the right moment – and while Lelouch is sure there are better moments to pick from that aren't potentially debilitating to his friend, there's nothing like playing the guilt card on Suzaku to make him bend; and it's not as though any of this is untruthful or insincere. Moreover, it's not like Lelouch is above using this to his advantage. After all, he had done something similar as Zero just before they were blown practically to Hell by Schneizel. "The risks you gamble with are bad enough for you  _alone_. You were irate with me when I only  _suggested_  you  _consider_  getting an abortion, but then you're going to march onto the battlefield as if that's a free pass?"

" _I know_ ," Suzaku repeats, clearly unhappy. "I told you I'd do what was necessary; it's just going to take a little time so please be patient. Not everything happens all at once, Lelouch."

_You wouldn't know it by looking…_

"I am patient. But it's hard to practice such a virtue in hostile times."

"It wouldn't be nearly as hostile if Zero and his Black Knights weren't around," Suzaku grumbles.

Lelouch feels his chest burn and his jaw clench – not so much because of Suzaku's ill-concealed dislike of Lelouch's own force, but because what he's saying is ( _only_ ) partly true. But what does that mean? Should Lelouch give it all up just so Suzaku can pursue his foolish ideals, even if Suzaku  _could_  continue with a bloated belly? Why does  _Lelouch_  have to quit?

No, Lelouch doesn't quit. He solves the puzzle and moves forward.

This case will be no different.

"I'm sure the same could be said the other way around."

If there was no Britannia, at least on Japanese soil, there would be a pleasant veil of peace, and they both know it.

Suzaku doesn't respond right away but his body tenses and the isolated aurora that Lelouch was previously trying to believe was real is very suddenly the opposite – never mind the whole Euphemia thing that practically killed his mind and possibly his  _soul_ – as the comforting water begins to turn cold.

"…Anyway, I still have to talk to Lloyd. I'm just not sure how to handle him. I have a feeling he might try to convince me none of this is real just so I'll continue to complete his beloved Lancelot."

"Just be firm with him," Lelouch advises. "Use all that stubbornness of yours and stand your grand. I'm quite positive you're capable of doing that."

More positive than Suzaku will ever know.

Suzaku smiles faintly, a wry and sheepish curve of his lips.

"Just remember, Suzaku, sometimes it's acceptable to be selfish. Don't let your compassion or guilt get in the way."

"Alright I'll try to remember that," Suzaku mumbles dryly.

"Do or do not. There is no try."

Suzaku rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious." Lelouch defends with a soft smile, raking his hands up through the frizzy, damp curls of Suzaku's hair.

"I know you are. That's why I rolled my eyes."

Lelouch only replies with a flat hum and a possessive kiss that's far from fleeting, stealing Suzaku's lips as he holds his brunet in place in the cage of his steely fingers. Suzaku is an accommodating and willing receiver as always, opening his mouth and unfurling his tongue like a red carpet to welcome Lelouch's serpentine intrusion.

A pleasant noise seeps out of Suzaku's throat at this sudden ravishment as they sink deeper in their motions and it spurs Lelouch's carnal appetite, but Lelouch doesn't want to be pulled under again just yet. He pulls back before he's in over his head with obstinate lust, scraping his teeth over a bottom lip just the way Suzaku likes.

"How about tomorrow we have a nice day out, a little date to relieve our stress and just enjoy ourselves? Just you, me,"—Lelouch caresses Suzaku's abdomen—"and the small fry here. We haven't done anything  _alone_  and outside of school together in a while. How does that sound to you?"

Technically, they've never had a  _proper_  date. With all their time consumed by school and after school  _activities_  there hasn't been much spare time for them, and even when they are together it's always in the privacy of Lelouch's bedroom or on the roof (except there  _was_  that one time in the Student Council room…) and they're usually doing some form of the nasty…

"That sounds like a plan. But," Suzaku gives him a silly grin, "'small fry'?"

"Yeah, you know, fry: a baby fish – or a baby seahorse, in this case."

Suzaku is still grinning at Lelouch like he's being ridiculous – as if  _Suzaku_  is one to judge – but his hand drapes over the one still resting on his flat stomach nonetheless.

"I hope you don't plan on choosing that for a name."

Lelouch's eyebrows lifts a little with intrigue, "I wasn't considering it." Of course he hasn't even  _thought_  about considering names yet, either. "But now I think I might."

"Don't."

"You can't tell me what to do. If I want the name Fry, I'll choose it."

"Over my dead body will  _my_  child's name be 'Fry,'" Suzaku quips breezily.

Lelouch makes a tiny, wry smile wishing Suzaku had picked a better dramatic expression for his case; leaning over Suzaku to kiss those lips again, softer and more tenderly than before. Suzaku squeezes Lelouch's hand as he returns the gesture, a light sigh passing through his nose.

"Lelouch…" Suzaku murmurs between their lips and when Lelouch withdraws Suzaku gives him a small smile touched by shyness, "Thank you."

Lelouch doesn't voice a response. He just resumes kissing Suzaku with firmer lips.

•-

-•

Suzaku huffs when another book is mounted atop the climbing column in his arms. He gives Lelouch a nasty eye but those trained plums are already busy searching the shelves for more material. He sighs heavily as he watches Lelouch's attention wander over book spines, attempting to gently juggle the weight of knowledge in his hands. When his not-so-subtle exhale of distress is ignored, he groans.

" _Come on~_  Lelouch. Don't you think this is enough? I can barely see where I'm going!"

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Look who's talking," Suzaku mutters. "I don't think we really need a mountain of books – and why am I carrying all of them? I thought I wasn't supposed to be doing anything 'strenuous,' remember?"

"You're not helpless," Lelouch glances at him briefly, "and you  _do_  need to keep your strength."

Suzaku scoffs.

"Besides, I didn't think carrying a few books constituted as something  _strenuous_  for you, but if you can't handle it…" Lelouch trails with a sly grin, reaching for yet another book.

"That's not the point!" Suzaku blurts, immediately getting several shushes shot his way.

Lelouch chuckles quietly as he thumbs through a bright yellow book.

"You're terrible." Suzaku furrows his brow at the very unwanted attention. "And I thought this was supposed to be a 'nice day out,' but we've been in this bookstore since we got here  _hours_  ago."

"Terrible would be abandoning you to take care of this on your own instead of sticking with you and doing this together. There's no such thing as being over-prepared," he bites tonelessly not bothering to look at the pained expression that flitters across Suzaku's face.

Lelouch knows Suzaku was only being facetious and that he didn't need to snap at him, but he isn't about to take such a remark even in a jest. Aside from that, Suzaku's complaining, though rare, is like listening to a child wine and while Lelouch believes pregnancy hormones – or lack thereof – aren't enough to throw Suzaku off his typical emotional imbalance, Suzaku might let his mind rule over matter. Simply put, Suzaku will become a real pain in the neck if Lelouch gives him too much freedom.

Or at least that's what Lelouch thinks.

He's probably still a little grouchy about yesterday morning, too – it's not as though Lelouch is one to forgive easily.

Sayoko  _saw him in his underwear_  for crying out loud!

"Can't we at least sit down for a while? My arms are getting tired," Suzaku pleads whilst bumbling with the books in his hold.

_Says Mr. Stamina._

"I suppose." Lelouch turns to him and displays the book in his hands like a showcase model, "I did find you the  _perfect_  book, after all."

Lelouch watches a glower fall over Suzaku's face when his eyes translate the title in his brain, smiling at his seahorse when that plain stare is aimed at him.

" _Pregnancy for Dummies_. You think you're real funny, don't you?"

Lelouch shrugs with a tightening smile:  _yes, yes I do_.

"It's actually a very practical book that even us non-dummies can appreciate." Lelouch gestures for Suzaku to follow him as he walks down the aisle. "Come. I think it's time for some refreshments."

He's certain Suzaku rolls his eyes once his back is turned, but he smiles to himself anyway as he weaves through the aisles to the connected café nook at the far end of the store.

"I don't want anything. I'll just—"

"I didn't  _ask_  you if you wanted anything," Lelouch interjects coolly. "I  _know_  you need something. So if you'd like to make a request I suggest you make it now." Lelouch stops and turns towards Suzaku as they stand amidst the pepper of mahogany chairs and tables on the café's tiled floor, the service counter just ahead of them.

Suzaku stares at Lelouch for a moment, his eyes slightly unfocused as if he's determining in his head how much he can really fight Lelouch on this – or if he really should.

He can't and shouldn't, obviously.

"Whatever you think is best, I don't care." Suzaku concedes with a little shrug and a cast off of his eyes.

Lelouch smiles broadly, "Good answer." – No,  _correct_  answer. "Go find a table and relax while I buy some  _sustenance_ ," Lelouch says with a dry air, walking towards the counter – already having decided  _exactly_  what he'll order.

He knows Suzaku either rolls his eyes or shakes his head behind his back again, but that is the intended reaction.

Lelouch stands in the short line consisting of two bodies, watching Suzaku shuffle over to a table right next to the elongated window and gently sets the stack of books down – reminding Lelouch that he's still holding the same one. Suzaku takes a seat, the chairs arranged to be parallel with the window, and appears to almost shrink into his long, steel blue coat as he sits alone – separated from the other few, Britannian, customers on the other end of the café like a deserted island – and gazes through the glass at the main hall of this shopping mall.

The sight sews a thin frown into Lelouch's lips and he looks away to browse through the book while he waits for his turn to order.

Lelouch knows Suzaku's unease isn't just from the confusing – very, very,  _very_  confusing – phenomenon taking place inside his body, but also from his surroundings. He's in a  _Britannian_  mall with a  _Britannian_  friend – though not if anyone should ask – and he's surrounded by  _Britannians_  and their  _Britannian_  culture in a place that was once Japanese in every way. Suzaku may not be bothered so much by the fact that he, an Honorary Britannian, is submerged in the  _purest_  of the  _pure_  but by the fact that he doesn't belong simply because it's not "his place" to be here. Whether or not this is because  _Suzaku_  truly believes he isn't their equal or because  _they_  truly believe he is not their equal… sometimes it's hard to discern.

Lelouch hates that.

This attitude of Suzaku's, whichever it may be, will have to change if they're to raise a child  _together_  in this crooked world. Not as a Britannian and a Japanese, but as two human beings. If anything, the fact that they're both male might distract from their difference in race anyway – especially if anyone were to learn that no woman was needed for their pregnancy.

… _Lord_ , Lelouch really needs to get to the bottom of this.

If only  _Suzaku's_  bottom wasn't more tempting…

"Milk – sweetened with honey – for you," Lelouch places the clear, plastic cup down on the table in front of Suzaku and then a small, paper plate beside it, "along with a fiber-rich, bran muffin."

Suzaku looks down at the two items with faint surprise, reflecting that same expression onto Lelouch – more importantly, his hands – as the older gent seats himself on the other side of the table.

"You didn't get anything?"

"I don't want anything."

Suzaku eyes his snack with mild distaste, "So I have to eat but you don't? And why do I have milk sweetened with honey?"

"Because you should avoid caffeine whenever possible and you need lots of calcium. This being a café, it's either cups of  _caffeine_  or milk – I didn't think you'd appreciate plain milk so I had it sweetened with honey." Lelouch says plainly.

Suzaku looks back down at the milk and muffin, something like amazed annoyance glimmering in his eyes – of course probably having noticed that Lelouch didn't bother to answer his first question – at how Lelouch is already using some of the knowledge he has absorbed today.

"So, I saw something in here about pregnancy myths…" Lelouch starts casually, carefully flipping the pages of the book still in his hands. "I think that would be a more familiar and entertaining place to start."

If Lelouch needs anything right now it's definitely familiarity and practicality, never mind everything else.

"Fine by me," Suzaku chimes in amiably, sipping his honey milk through the straw. "Are you going to read them to me, daddy~?"

Lelouch can feel his eye twitch.

If Suzaku is uncomfortable about anything now he's good at hiding it.

Or maybe he's forgotten his discomfort already.

"Don't do that."

"But that's what you are."

"I know that and you know that, there's no need to say it out loud."

"Why Lelouch," Suzaku starts in an obvious tease with crumbs from the muffin littering his lips, "if I didn't know any better I'd say you're embarrassed of being a parent."

Embarrassed? That's preposterous.

Lelouch doesn't get embarrassed.

That's a  _fact_.

"Let's see…" Lelouch ignores Suzaku, skimming for something interesting—"Oh… Suzaku you're wrong."

"Wrong about what? Your—" Suzaku starts cattily.

"About having sex during pregnancy."

That shut him up.

"It says here," Lelouch continues, "that as long as the pregnancy is 'normal' or 'low risk' for complications like miscarriage or pre-term labor, it's possible to have sex up until birth. In other words, it won't induce labor or harm the baby – given that parents are careful, of course."

"What's a low risk pregnancy?"

"Generally a healthy one…" Lelouch answers as he scans for more information. "We'd really have to consult a doctor to learn if ours is 'normal' enough for sex. But I think it might be too risky to tempt, though. Even if we can doesn't necessarily mean we'll want to. It all just depends…"

Suzaku visibly deflates a little but still peers at the book in natural curiosity.

"What does it say there?" he asks, pointing to a special note about one  _certain_  act.

Lelouch quickly reads the text following Suzaku's finger, "Hm…"

"What?"

"Apparently, when giving you oral sex I need to be sure that I don't blow any air into your vagina."

Suzaku's face: BL **—–-** _USH!_

"I'll have to remember that," Lelouch notes casually, starting to fold the corner of the page down for show.

"You don't have to remember that!" Suzaku's red face protests, once again getting shushed for his outcry. Suzaku scowls at the other patrons like a pouting child and Lelouch laughs quietly.

"All right, all right. I won't mark it." Lelouch smoothes the paper. "I don't need to anyway; I've already saved the information in my archive."

"You're not funny."

Lelouch shrugs, "Depends on your point of view."

"I don't know, Lelouch. Your ego is so big that it  _blocks_  my view."

Lelouch's eyebrows raise and he looks at Suzaku.

Then he smiles.

"Well, now, I'm too proud of you for making that remark that I can't feel insulted."

Suzaku offhandedly tosses his eyes away from Lelouch as he takes another large bite of the muffin.

_Lelouch: three._

_Suzaku: zero._

Lelouch is smirking when he notices a conspicuous mop of blond hair accompanied by blue and orange trying to obscure themselves behind the  _green_  foliage of a topiary in the median of the main hall.

He has to resist the urge to roll his eyes – it's almost like they're  _trying_  to get caught.

"Don't look now but the  _Spy_  Council is watching us," Lelouch murmurs to Suzaku, carefully moving his eyes away from the crowd outside the shop.

Suzaku's eyes pull back to him, "Who?"

"Milly and her two faithful followers are outside, hiding behind that bush."

"Really?" Suzaku looks skeptical – the fool.

"Really. They must have been watching us the whole time…" he tiredly flips through the book to make himself look busy and unsuspecting – if  _this_  wasn't important, he might not ignore them so easily.

"Why would they do that?"

"Because Milly isn't satisfied just living her  _own_  life," Lelouch answers with slight scorn dragging his voice. "And she seems to have it out for me. I'm not sure why."

Suzaku's stare falls into the cup of milk nestled inside the curve of his thumb, watching the liquid swirl as he moves it in tight circles.

"Would it really be so bad?" Suzaku asks quietly.

"Would what be so bad?"

"If they knew about us."

Lelouch flicks his eyes up to Suzaku's but they are still diving to the bottom of the whirlpool in his cup.

"I'm…" green eyes slowly ascend to meet violet. "This  _condition_  that I'm in, you know, I won't be able to hide it forever."

"That's true," Lelouch starts cautiously. "But I don't want to jump the gun and I don't mean to bring you down when I say this, but, we're not sure how everything will pan out yet. We don't know if there won't be any complications that might force our fry to…"—Suzaku's eyes start to look heavy and it weighs on Lelouch's voice—"not become a seahorse. We should definitely wait until we have our situation handled before we let it loose," he finishes as delicately as he can.

Suzaku just nods and looks down at his drink again.

Lelouch wants to expel this dreadful weight in his chest with a deep sigh but he feels like it might have a negative effect on Suzaku so he refrains, instead looking down at the book that's currently informing him about "nesting."

"So you don't want them knowing unless it's absolutely necessary?"

Their eyes lock together again.

Lelouch is aware of what Suzaku is implying: fear, shame, frustration, hatred, and resentment towards those who deny them and their union. Their easy, student façade of a life would come crashing down in an instant.

"It's not that…" Lelouch leans back in his seat, his repressed sigh leaking thinly through his nose. "I value my privacy, Suzaku. You know that."

_But to honestly answer your question: yes._

In Lelouch's experience, it's usually safer to hide behind secrets.

But with a safety like that, typically comes unbridled stress.

"You don't think we can trust them?" Suzaku candidly bites his muffin.

"Milly is included in the 'them,' right?"

Suzaku chidingly tilts his head, "Lelouch."

"Don't 'Lelouch' me; you know  _exactly_  what I'm talking about. Do you have any idea how we'll be treated if our secret get's out? And I'm not talking about prejudice or racism, but the sheer glee Miss Presidential Pain will get from harassing me – who  _already_  loves to harass me, if I need to remind you. I would  _hope_  that she'd realize the sensitivity of our relationship in this environment to not make the news as public as possible, but even amongst the Student Council we're not safe. We'll never be left alone and there will be numerous jokes at our expense, among many other terrible things I'm sure. So thanks, but no thanks. I'm completely comfortable with her knowing absolutely  _nothing_."

"Alright, I get it!" Suzaku smiles at Lelouch's rant and it drains some of the pressure clotting Lelouch's chest.

"Good, then it's agreed – after all, my  _Highness_  is always right, isn't it?"

Suzaku laughs a little and sips his drink again, "So… we shouldn't tell anyone, anything?"

"Well, of everyone, I think we can trust Arthur the most. You can tell him all about if you so desire."

Suzaku's lips curl at that, "I think I do so desire, but I can't speak on Arthur's behalf."

Lelouch's shoulders shimmy with noiseless chuckles—

"What about Nunnally?"

—and they quickly cease. His eyes draw sharp lines over Suzaku's face, but he's not sure if it's for intimidation or disapproval.

Either way, Suzaku is ostensibly unsettled by it.

"What about her?"—that didn't exactly carry an inquisitive inflection; rather, it bared threatening fangs.

Suzaku's eyes are firm, "You  _know_  what I'm talking about. I've  _told_  you how I feel about it  _more_  than once."

"…"

"What, are you ignoring me?"

"No."

"Then what?"

Lelouch sighs, his eyes landing on the book once more, "I don't think it's an issue…"

"You don't?" Suzaku's voice is bland. "Don't you think she deserves to know?"

"Looks to me like she's already caught wind of us."

Suzaku's hand fists on the table, "That  _isn't_   _the_   _point_."

_Why is it always "the point" with you?_  Lelouch internally grumbles, resting his head in the claw of his hand, eyes far from meeting Suzaku's.

"Do you want to tell her now because of small fry or because you think she just  _deserves_  to know?"

"…Both."

"Hm."

"Lelouch… I know you take great care in keeping her bubble world intact and flawless, but this isn't really a threat to her innocence, is it?"

"I never said it was."

"Then why is it so important that she  _not_  know?"

"It isn't that it's important for her to remain unaware, it's just…" Lelouch's mouth stays open, but the words on the tip of his tongue are suddenly struck with stage-fright. He looks at Suzaku, a careful observance to give those words courage, but instead they only lose more of it.

The answer is really rather simple: Nunnally is and always has been his entire world, and in a sense she always will be – but therein lies the problem – "in a sense." It's a twisted, jealous insecurity that prevents him from coming clean, professing his love for Suzaku to Nunnally, because she is supposed to be the only receiver of his affections. There was never supposed to be another. Sure, she's likely to be very happy and supportive for them, as accepting as the angel she is, but that means a portion of his heart has essentially been dissected from her "bubble world," as Suzaku had called it.

To be precise, it would feel like Lelouch is failing her in some way, even if that is an irrational, illogical notion.

And Lelouch cannot accept failure.

"Just what?" Suzaku asks, calling an end to Lelouch's pause.

"I'll think about it," is all he offers in response.

Suzaku conducts his own survey of Lelouch as said boy returns to leafing through his trusty, new handbook, ignoring Suzaku's study as he studies himself.

"Right," Suzaku deadpans.

Apparently Suzaku discovered he's reached the end of this discussion and knows better than to pursue an alternate route around Lelouch's stubbornness.

"It really wouldn't kill you to open up a little more to me, would it?"

Or maybe Lelouch gives Suzaku too much credit.

"I think it might, yes," Lelouch answers simply, angling the book closer to his face – huh, he  _did_  notice in the shower last night that Suzaku's nipples looked darker than usual…

" _Ice Prince_ ," Suzaku spurns under his breath before sucking the straw in his cup again.

Lelouch's eyebrow lifts.

Was that a challenge he just heard?

He glances at Suzaku and decides that, yes, it was a challenge.

"Say what you will Suzaku, but you know – regardless that we really  _shouldn't_  be in this position – we  _wouldn't_  be in this position because I  _would_ have worn a condom if you hadn't said you like the way it feels when I cu—"

Suzaku scrambles to cover Lelouch's mouth like the following words will destroy the world with his cheeks rusting a delightful planetary red.

"Sh-Shut up!" he stutters, glancing around to make sure no distant ears were tainted by Lelouch's incomplete statement; which is hard to discern with all the befuddled, curious stares trying to assess Suzaku's sudden burst of action. "…And what are you trying to say? That this is  _my_  fault?" he asks quietly, still noticeably uncomfortable and wary as he seats himself.

"Well~."

"Oh, come on!" Suzaku indignantly objects in a hoarse whisper. "You can't be serious!"

Lelouch smiles.

"I'm just kidding. Of course this is as much my responsibility as it is yours." He mollifies, smiling charmingly at Suzaku who releases a breath and visibly relaxes back into his chair. "I'm just saying…"

"Lelouch!" Suzaku squawks again, bristling like a cat that's had its tail stepped on, and Lelouch laughs.

"Don't be so sensitive, it's just a joke."

No it isn't.

This is Suzaku's fault.

Suzaku gives him a firm lower-lip, "I don't think this is something you should joke about Lelouch – Mister-I'm-So- _Serious_ -All-The-Time. You really pick bad moments to be funny."

"Oh, I apologize. I didn't realize I was talking to a professional comedian who knows everything about comedy and when the appropriate time to deliver a joke would be." Lelouch's rebuttal is so dry it puts salt to shame.

And it wasn't a bad moment for humor in Lelouch's opinion; it was supposed to lighten the mood and offer a distraction like proper comic relief should.

His joke did both, so:

_Lelouch: four._

_Suzaku: zero._

Suzaku sighs, unwilling to play this game of sarcasm, and looks elsewhere—

That's when the disquieting alert of an incoming call steals Suzaku away…

•-•

Sadly, their nice day out doesn't continue as planned because the outside world always interferes – though this time  _Kyushu_  can take the blame rather than Zero…

Of course Lelouch knew this matter would impede on their private matters because it is a part of Zero's matters, but Suzaku doesn't know that Lelouch and Zero are the same so he doesn't know that Lelouch knows Zero's matters or that those certain matters will interfere with their matters… or something along those lines. If nothing else, the act of committing to plans with Suzaku should testify for Lelouch's innocence regardless of whatever other  _matters_  choose to do. Lelouch can't say he suspects that anyone is suspicious of him, per se, but there's no such thing as being too cautious or prepared.

Contrarily, he'd rather not think about Zero's role in Suzaku's pregnancy and vice versa, but he knows he'd better formulate something and  _fast_. Right now Suzaku has not only the little fry growing inside him but Lloyd Asplund and the Lancelot to worry about – thanks to Zero and his Black Knights,  _ironically_  enough – to spare a thought about Lelouch's meandering outside of school. Lelouch can keep up the gambling act with words but he knows that eventually he'll need to produce some money one way or another. Later on, though, when Suzaku is ballooned like a different type of fish and lounging around the clubhouse, he's going to wonder where Lelouch is running off to – " _As if gambling is more important than his family!"_  Lelouch can already imagine Suzaku thinking, if not grumbling.

Gambling isn't more important than his family, but fighting to protect them against a super-evolved-locust nation like Britannia is.

If only Suzaku wasn't a bumbling idiot in their swarm…

To say that Lelouch has coped with the incident on Shikinejima Island wouldn't be entirely true, and it seems that Suzaku is still carrying some weight of that day as well.

Lelouch just knows his hands are dirty with Suzaku's guilt from that debacle.

Lelouch had really underestimated Suzaku's foolishness, and in any other circumstance it might have been a harmless slipup on Lelouch's part that he could have easily recovered from, but… Trapped by his (technically,  _was_ - _presently_   _pregnant_ ) boyfriend in a cockpit that would have essentially served as  _their_  casket, Lelouch knew the way out and had to take it. There were so many reasons not to do it, but the single pro that countered weighed heavier than all of the cons combined.

Lelouch did curse his luck, but, not one to believe in luck, realized that he probably doomed  _himself_  somewhere along the way. Maybe it started when he denied his father, maybe it started when he befriended Suzaku, maybe he shouldn't have entered that contract with C.C., maybe he shouldn't have stood so close to Suzaku with his pistol—erm… maybe he shouldn't have counted Schneizel out – but he didn't expect the man to make his cameo just yet in order to eliminate Zero from Britannia's nuisance list, but he should have known better (and was a bit proud that  _Schneizel_  was the one who needed to come in a clean the mess himself). Or maybe he should have tried harder to not be conceived in his mother's womb so that he would never have been born and suffer all this  _madness_  that tried to bring him to an early grave.

There was an irony there, somewhere, that had nearly  _killed_  Lelouch.

(It's bad enough that it slaps him upside the head  _now_  every time he begins to wonder why he never bothered to wear a condom during sex with Suzaku – his  _male_  paramour.

It almost feels as if the universe is doing all of this to him on purpose.)

Lelouch remembers how angrily he grit his teeth, his left eye burning in anticipation with the knowledge that Geass was the last card he had to play as all of his others had been swiped from his hands. If only Schneizel hadn't literally popped out of nowhere in that  _flying_ …  _ordering_  Suzaku to…

No…as easy and  _tempting_  as it is to blame Schneizel, he can only order Suzaku to do something but cannot  _physically_  make him do it (unlike like Lelouch himself). Ultimately, it was Suzaku's decision to comply and that bothered Lelouch more than his  _son-of-a-bitch_  brother foiling him once again.

Suzaku was just going to let it happen. As if nothing else mattered. As if that was  _all_  he aspired to.

Despite everything, despite all the people who love and care about him (Nunnally, the student council, Lelouch…) and those who depend on or need him (Nunnally, Euphemia… Lelouch (Lloyd doesn't quite count)), and despite everything he'd worked for and everything that he  _had_  changed, Suzaku was just going to let his story cut short in an anticlimactic end that resolved  _nothing_. Lelouch had been brimming with anger and desperation when the slit in his mask flew open as he yelled at Suzaku with all of the strength of emotion he could channel through his vocal-cords, ordering the empty-headed buffoon to do the very thing he wished against—

Because if irony was going to kill Lelouch it would protect Suzaku.

Lelouch wasn't and  _isn't_  going to let Suzaku get away so easily. After all, Lelouch hasn't been protecting Suzaku up until now for no reason. It just appears that now he needs to protect more than  _just_  Suzaku.

Universe and all of its irony – and Schneizel – be damned.

•-•

"I order you to love me!"

The words play like a broken record in Suzaku's head in a nauseating echo that has stripped them of their syllables, the six words slurring together in a mutated sound that has no meaning. This repetition stretches like suffocating rubber around him for meager seconds that pulse in his ears like lifetimes with his heartbeat – why is it  _so_   _loud_? – and he can't seem to shut his mouth or blink his eyes.

There's no way she just said that…

There's no way she just  _ordered_  that!

"And in return, I will love you!"

"Princess Euphemia…" Suzaku manages. Suddenly the rain of enemy fire falling around him doesn't feel as pressing as he guides Lancelot haphazardly yet skillfully through the lacerating shots aimed to kill. The shrinking level of Lancelot's energy has also slipped under the radar of his ever-alert battle-mode, if for a moment.

"I'll love your honest face and sad eyes, your kindness, your stubbornness, your clumsiness, and even how you're awkward with cats. All of you! So, please don't hate yourself!"

Suzaku feels frozen, almost; those words piercing him like an arrow through the heart, leaving him speechless – not for a lack of words, but too many to state.

"…Suzaku? Are you alright, can you hear me?"

"Y-yes, Your Highness." Suzaku stalls, feeling hot nerves sweat through his pores. What is he to say? "I'm sorry… I've made you worry. I'm so conceited, aren't I?" Suzaku glances at her uneasily during any second he can spare from the fight against him – he's severely outnumbered here.  _Before_  that might have made him feel anticipation if anything at all, but now, for once, he's apprehensive and afraid. There is too much at stake here for his atonement to intervene now…

Confusion crosses her face, "What do you mean?"

Suzaku's breath quivers past his teeth as he blindly disables enemy Knightmare after enemy Knightmare in this one-sided battle royal he's dancing through – Lancelot won't fare much longer…

"I'm sorry. You're a wonderful person with a big heart and your spontaneity is charming, but…" He rubs his lips together, glancing at her soft face now smiling at him affectionately, and swallows. He's never had to so  _this_  before. "I can't…"

He sees Euphemia shake her head emphatically from his peripheral after he looks away from her.

"No, don't ever say you 'can't.' I believe in you, Suzaku."

"Princess, I…" Suzaku feels his jaw clamp tight, his palms moist inside his pilot gloves as he grips the controls with aching hands.

"Accede, Suzaku." Euphemia chimes in for him, offering the words his mouth  _should_  muster. "Say you'll continue being my Knight."

"I'm tremendously flattered… but I can't follow that order."

"Suzaku…?"

Suzaku refuses to look up to her small voice.

"It's… I'm kind of already involved with someone…"

Lancelot finally dies around him, lights and sounds dimming from existence, allowing Euphemia's muteness to chill the sweat on his skin.

"…So, you have someone to live for?"

Suzaku realizes his eyes are watering – he's finally met his end and he doesn't want it, not when another life  _solely_  depends on him.

_Not yet, not NOW._

"Then you don't have a choice, you have to live for them." Euphemia's intrepid tone is hollowed with despondence but it doesn't make her words any less sincere. "You have to live for  _them!_ "

He clenches the controls, "I'm sorry… I've"— _failed_ —"run out of energy…" Something Suzaku expects should be his life flashing before his eyes is really only a stained memory of glassy eyes on the face of his father, a figurehead – a martyr? – that lies like a beached whale in a shore of crimson that burns his hands, a proud nation bullied into ruin, the smug smile of a prince – the same lips that had damned it all, vowed to destroy the destroyers—

" _No_ , Suzaku! You have to  _live!_ " Euphemia's cry is so desperate, desolate, and  _raw_  that it ices the marrow in his bones just before an abstractly familiar blackness begins to envelop him in a numb void—

When volatile, malicious beams circle him in a roaring perimeter that destroys the pack of Knightmares that had him surrounded like wolves.

For once, Suzaku is glad to have Zero make his appearance if only because it reels him from the holes in his soul and distracts him from the heart he sees breaking in his Princess's blue eyes…

•-•

As if Lelouch doesn't already have enough reason to detest Schneizel and want him eliminated in  _every_  sense of the word, he has now climbed to a whole new level of hatred. Although Lelouch doesn't know for a fact that this little strategy was devised by his brother, it reeks too much of Schneizel for Lelouch to assume it was Cornelia's or any other's doing.

This is the second time Schneizel has tried to erase Suzaku – the second obviously paying for the treacherous escape of the first.

But this is also the second time the  _Second_  Prince has been thwarted.

And third time will not be the charm for Schneizel because Lelouch will  _not_  give him the chance.

It is this train of thought that has him steamrolling down his express route to the submarine's bay where his shuttle is waiting for him to climb in so it can deploy under the safety of the wrinkled blanket of opaque water. The rebels that are shuffling through the corridors in their brisk uniforms might misconstrue his steps as being his typical, stout march rather than anything else – anything  _emotionally_  driven – as they scatter from the path of their fearless leader like flocks of black sheep. Lelouch is more than willing to let them believe that as he sets course for home, ignoring the critical, golden eyes that have been shadowing him unnervingly since he boarded.

Of course tailing him isn't a new pastime for that witch, but this time it's strange; the way her silence breathes the air around him makes it feel as though she has something to say – and if so, why hasn't she said anything yet? If it's a private matter then why didn't she speak when they were secluded in the Gawain? He should probably be relieved that she's tailing him rather than causing trouble for any of the crew—she doesn't want to come to the surface with him, does she?

In the end, she doesn't speak and he doesn't ask – even if his mind wasn't elsewhere he still most likely wouldn't.

He just hopes that won't come back to bite him in the ass later…

•-•

"I'll be firm and resolute and won't back down. It's time to put my stubbornness to good use, even if it's a selfish request it's not really  _only_  just for me—"

"What on  _Earth_  are you babbling about?" Lloyd calls in a drawl, pushing his spectacles up his narrow nose.

"Ah!" Suzaku jumps, meeting Lloyd's cold gaze that's much closer than he remembers—

Well, that's because Suzaku had been walking up to the man when he had delved into his head for a mental pep-rally to motivate himself – which is practically like visiting a ghost town considering how rarely Suzaku hosts such events in his head, for  _himself_  – and last he checked Lloyd was—

"Boy, what is  _wrong_  with you?" Lloyd queries loudly into Suzaku's face. "Don't tell me my devicer is malfunctioning."

" _I think it's debatable whether or not he was ever 'functioning' in the first place_ "—Suzaku can hear Lelouch mock in his head.

"Uh, well, nothing. But I wanted to talk to you about something…"

"Hm~?" Lloyd lifts a thin eyebrow at him. "So something  _is_  wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Cécile tacks onto the conversation with a fretful ensemble on her features to match her voice.

"Um…" Suzaku starts, eyes darting between the two once Lloyd finally cranes away from his personal space.

"If it's about the Lancelot…?" Cécile trails off, her question suggesting the battle that had just transpired – the one where he not only lost of all of his energy, but the float system too…

Suzaku rubs his arm, "Ah, sort of…"

…In

Which

No

Explanation

Takes

Place…

"You  _are_  going to  _enlighten_  us sometime this millennium, right Suzaku?"

"What's the matter?" for once Cécile is too worried to spare her energy on reprimanding Lloyd – that's right, she had probably heard his conversation with the Princess…

Suzaku's eyes dart between them again like he's watching a tennis match, and then heaves a big sigh from his gut as if his favored side just lost the game.

"I need a hiatus from piloting the Lancelot."

There, he said it.

The ball's in their court now…

Cécile's head cocks to the side and just when she opens her mouth—

"This isn't about that  _pregnancy_   _thing_  is it?" Lloyd blurts out in a tawdry tone. "Because I should think that it would only  _improve_  your performance. You  _would_  be fighting for two, after all – what motivation is better than that? So I think it would be a waste to stop now when— _Ouch!_ " Lloyd yelps, trying to soothe the place on the back of his head that Cécile's hand collided with.

"Pardon his inhumanity," She pleads formally as her arm lowers to her side.

"Like always," Suzaku responds uneasily – she doesn't typically  _physically_  abuse him, but maybe it's a long time coming…?

" _Bloody_   _Hell_ , what was  _that_  for?"

"Suzaku,"—Lloyd has  _totally_  just been ignored—"if you need some time, I think that can be arranged, but… You know the instability of the situation here."

"I know, but I can't keep doing this, especially after today."  _If not for ZERO, I would have—_ "It's too irresponsible for me to continue."

She nods solemnly, "Yes, this is a quite a problem. Even so, we only go out on demand, so maybe…"

"Perhaps we could plead for a truce with Zero," Lloyd jeers mildly, still coddling his wound.

Cécile glowers at him.

"Don't give me that look. You know I don't care for much else than my Lancelot and even in a time of peace I could still borrow Suzaku from his  _new_  family for tests and such, right Suzaku old boy? As long as the two of you are never parted, I think I can live a contented life – though it wouldn't be the same, of course. Maybe I can still convince you otherwise…"

"Do you want me to hit you again?"

Suzaku laughs nervously and starts making random gestures with his hands to distract harm away from Lloyd.

"Alright, we've had a long evening, so let's just sleep on it, alright? The problem will still be here in the morning, and who knows, maybe a solution will be here as well?"

"As if the real world works that way…" Lloyd ridicules as he walks away – either agreeing with Suzaku regardless of his words or trying to avoid Cécile's unnaturally lively scorn.

"You're right Suzaku; it has been a long evening. Why don't you head off and get some rest?" She glances quickly over her shoulder to Lloyd who is tapping away at the computer he'd abandoned to interrupt Suzaku's blathering. "Don't worry about Lloyd, he's like a bratty child but he knows what he can't have at the end of the day. I promise you that we can work this out somehow."

Suzaku smiles, "Thanks, but don't hurt him again, alright? I don't want to have to babysit him if you do."

Cécile's eyes gleam in a way Suzaku has never seen but the smile on her lips is still as tender as always.

"Off you go," she starts to shoo him with her hands. "Tonight has been especially stressful for you, so rest well. I'll phone you if there's anything you need to know."

Suzaku smiles affably, letting her turn him to face the open door, "Fine, fine. But don't worry if you have trouble reaching me during the week after school hours because I'll be busy with student council business. There's a festival at the end of the week and we still have a lot of things to take care of."

"A festival?"

He nods, "Yeah, it'll be an open campus, so we really have to prepare for the possible crowd surplus."

"That sounds pleasant, but don't work yourself too much Suzaku. If you feel tired then rest." She places a light, comforting hand on his back as they walk with a gentle smile on her lips for his eyes to see.

"Don't worry so much – I'm not that reckless." He tries to laugh only to have it die before it materializes into sound.

There's a faint scoff from Lloyd's direction.

Suzaku can't resist: "You know, Lloyd, since the school  _will_  be accepting visitors, you should visit Milly. You're only going to be  _marrying_  her."

Lloyd barely bothers to mumble a retort before Cécile sends Suzaku on his way again with another warm parting and a soft-spoken resolution to help resolve the matter of his situation. He walks through the door and into the shadowy hallway—

Finding a single person is lingering nearby, caught in the fading light stretching from the lab.

His stomach practically hits the floor, "Princess Euphemia?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to eavesdrop! I just wanted to see how you were doing! But then I heard you talking, and…!" her voice storms Suzaku in such a rush of words that he almost doesn't notice the blush creeping to her cheeks—

Did she just say  _eavesdrop_?

All he can do is gape like a faceless portrait when she abashedly approaches him, her hands clutching the white bell of her dress.

"I'm sorry." She peeks at him timorously. "I hope you can forgive—"

"No," his mouth utters and her eyes grow wide. "W-wait! I-I-I meant it's not a problem! You were just worried, I am grateful for that."

She nods and looks down at her fingers as they fiddle with her skirt.

"…So, you are all right, then?" her powder blue irises are on his face again, particularly his lips when he speaks.

"Oh, yes. Thank you for asking. And you, Princess? Are you all right?"

She nods, eyes swooping away from his again as if literally watching Silence enter their conversation.

This really couldn't be more awkward.

It's like bumping into an ex where things didn't quite end well—or so Suzaku imagines.

Even crickets wouldn't chirp if they were in this hallway. Perhaps it'd be better if Suzaku knew what to say…

"To be honest Suzaku, I'm surprised. I guess I thought you were more responsible than this."

"Imagine how I feel," he mutters wryly. "But, at least give me some credit. It's not like I thought this  _could_  happen to me."

Her eyes shift into a critical shade, something disapproving twisting on her face.

"Surprises come in all forms, I guess." He looks down at his shoes. "I still can't really believe it, but… Well, if I  _had_  known it was even  _remotely_  possible for something like this to happen I would have made sure he used protection, but—"

"He?"

Suzaku looks up, "Pardon?"

"You… said ' _he_.'"

Before Suzaku can question her further, he sees the dawn of realization colour her face—

"Y-you mean  _you're_  the one who's…?"

Suzaku feels hot nerves wriggling in his stomach, "What do you mean, that you  _didn't_  know? I thought you said you overheard—!"

That's right, even though they spoke of the subject the words "Suzaku is pregnant" were never said directly, most of their conversation pretty much stepping around them, so,  _naturally_ , Euphemia would just  _assume_ …

Strange how Suzaku can be so careless about what  _he_  says as well as what was and wasn't said  _about_  him yet at the same time be so careful to not mention the exiled and believed-to-be deceased prince's name.

Suzaku gawks at her with a slack jaw and a stomach shriveling under the stuffy discomfiture of the moment, trying to find a reasonable chain of words to save this situation from falling from his control as he watches her face scuff with vermilion, a nervous hand covering her mouth.

He is unlucky in his search.

_Shit…_

•-•

Lelouch is roused by the frenetic ruffling of cloth that might as well be a riot breaking out in the stark silence of the room, causing a sleepy jolt to twitch his body and open his eyes; revealing not only that he had fallen asleep at his desk – neglected schoolwork still waiting to be completed by his intelligence – but that he is no longer alone in the room. In either brief alarm or a learned instinct from napping during class, Lelouch bolts upright in his chair with a drowsy cloak hanging over his features, causing that sound of fussing fabric to instantly cease. The silence is a bit tense though still calm as Lelouch turns in his chair to find the origin of the noisemaker whilst rubbing his eyes, coming face to face to with Suzaku's apologetic expression.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

The room is still bright, well lit by the ceiling light uncovering most of the room from the shroud of night (including Lelouch's ignored homework). Suzaku's face looks a tad rosy, his cheeks tinged like they've been brushed by cold weather, and his eyes are heavy, hard, and polished like marble.

"It's fine…" Lelouch murmurs, still trying to rid his eyes from the mask of sleep.

"I was even gonna try to carry you to bed."

Lelouch's wit isn't too lethargic to miss that.

"In that case I'm glad you woke me up," he mutters very dryly, hearing Suzaku breathe a quiet sound of appreciation for the comedic comment over the continued scuffle of clothing. He looks Suzaku over again, picking up the grim disposition of his friend as a burnt-orange military uniform is quietly disassembled from his person – strange since Suzaku had left in his civilian clothes. "You're back late."

Lelouch of course had hurried home, wanting to get back as early as possible to wait for his impregnated companion, thereafter trying – and failing – to busy himself with schoolwork. He didn't have to beat Suzaku here but he figured it would be for the best considering a night ago he'd stumbled in late and Suzaku wasn't pleased—not that Lelouch is afraid of Suzaku or his nagging, he's just covering his terrorist ass. Lelouch only wants to cause as much suspicion as he can get away with before he finds his free time inhibited by the very things he's trying to protect. It would be very bad for Suzaku's all around health to accumulate an abundant amount of stress because of Lelouch – meaning now is the worst possible time for Suzaku to be figuring out any secrets that lead to  _Zero_  results.

So, just to be clear: Lelouch is not intimidated.

Lelouch doesn't  _get_  intimidated.

This is all for concern – the greater good.

(It almost makes Lelouch wonder why he said "back late" instead of " _home_  late.")

"Yeah…" Suzaku nods – too gravely for Lelouch's taste – pulling the last leg out of his pants and resting them next to his jacket already sprawled out on the couch behind Lelouch's desk. He is clad in only his white, button-down shirt, green tie dangling from his neck, and his snug, gray boxers when he plops down heavily on the bed – Lelouch has to focus to draw his attention away from the informal position of Suzaku's open legs. "I was going to stay in my dorm, but…" he leans his elbows on his knees, "I don't feel like being alone tonight." It's after a halfhearted shrug that Suzaku removes his socks – his shoes are undoubtedly resting by the bedroom door.

Lelouch feels his eyebrows crease, "Long night?"

Suzaku just nods, tossing his socks on the couch where his tie soon joins them.

"Did you take care of that business with Asplund?"

Suzaku nods again.

Lelouch purses his lips.

Seems Suzaku isn't in the mood for conversation.

"Please, spare me the details," Lelouch says drolly.

Suzaku looks up at him with weary eyes, "I'm sorry Lelouch. I'm just…" his eyes drift away again as a deep sigh claims his lips.

"You are…?"

"…I'm beginning to wonder if I'm making the right decision. I feel like every one that I make turns out to be a bad one."

Not the answer Lelouch wants to hear, but not the answer that surprises him, either.

"You keep telling me that you'll support me in whatever I do, as long as I do what I feel is right… I know I fought for this, but…" Suzaku's eyes are clear and firm for the first moment since Lelouch has looked into them upon waking. "Lelouch, I want to know how you feel and what you want. You have yet to tell me anything about what's going on inside that head of yours."

Lelouch holds that gaze, that clarity shining in emerald eyes now that those walls have lowered, and then breathes in steadily through his nose.

"First of all, I think that you can't know if something is the 'right' decision when you make it. In hindsight, everything's twenty-twenty."

"But you've always seemed so sure of yourself, never worrying or stressing about your decisions." Suzaku's lips break into a sardonic smile, "Lelouch, you always have all the answers."

"That's not true."

Suzaku blinks at the sudden, solemn slump in Lelouch's tone.

"It's not true that I don't worry or stress – I stress and worry so much it's a wonder my hair hasn't turned gray yet or that I haven't had a heart-attack." Lelouch rubs his face. "I seem confident because I  _am_  confident, and I like to think I have all the answers, but I know I can only control so much around me. And sometimes, Suzaku, the bigger picture is a whole lot bigger than you think it is."

"But…"

"For instance," Lelouch stands up, gesturing with his hand to Suzaku, "you being pregnant has surprised me greatly. There's no honest way that I could have known this would happen – could I have prevented it if I had known? Certainly. But there's no changing my past ignorance, I just have to forge ahead and find my way on this new path." He gently sits down next to Suzaku. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that one can only be as prepared as they are observant. If there's something beyond your knowledge of course you can't predict it, but the trick is adapting and knowing how to handle whatever the universe throws at you." He lays his hand on Suzaku's back, "Right and wrong is shrouded in gray, only farther down the road will you know if you've done the best you could."

Suzaku's eyes stare at him a moment in silence as if he's absorbing everything Lelouch has just said, then rests his head on Lelouch's shoulder, nestling close to the warm body. Lelouch rubs Suzaku's back, turning towards the boy to let him nuzzle deeper into the comfort of his form. Lelouch isn't sure if he was just trying to comfort Suzaku, if that's what Suzaku wanted – though it felt like it – and he doesn't know if Suzaku has been consoled by his words of wisdom, but the atmosphere is lighter than before. The ghostly tension feels to have dissipated from the air—

"Right, but you still haven't told me how you feel about the baby."

—And there it is again.

"…I'm sure I've answered this question before."

"No," Suzaku pushes himself up, "you haven't. All you've said is that you'd be supportive."

"Doesn't that tell you something?"

" _Lelouch_. This is  _important_. It's not like we're painting the walls a different colour – this is a  _baby_ ,  _our_   _baby_  –  _another_   _life_  we're talking about."

Lelouch sighs.

Feelings: not something Lelouch is exactly adept in expressing… with words, anyway – actions  _do_  speak louder. But Suzaku  _needs_  to be told these things,  _needs_  to hear these things sometimes, otherwise they're left up to his assumptions and those prove to be incorrect quite frequently; particularly when interpreting Lelouch's feelings. Naturally, Lelouch's emotions are something that are  _supposed_  to be buried, never unearthed by anyone other than himself, yet sometimes he wishes Suzaku could see them as clearly as he feels them despite the thick veneer he wears so tightly, so cautiously, so  _protectively_  to keep them hidden, if  _only_  so he wouldn't have say them out loud.

How  _dreadfully_  ironic…

"I can't."

" _What?_ " Judging by Suzaku's tone that is not an answer  _he_  wants to hear.

"Rather, I  _couldn't_." He leans his forehead against Suzaku's and spins his voice from his throat like he's turning it into luxury silk, "If I had to be in this situation with anyone, I'm glad it's with you – I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else, nor could I. You are the only one for me and the only mother I would want for my child." If Lelouch's voice isn't tender enough, he seals his words with a lingering kiss over Suzaku's lips and a light grasp of Suzaku's chin to tilt his head just slightly.

When their lips part with a quiet noise Suzaku's eyes look deep and clouded but there's a light shining through his mystification from somewhere in his mind like a lighthouse flashing through thick fog, and the soft smile that bends his lips relieves the room of more invisible tension.

"You always know what to say, don't you?" he says with a calm gleam over his shamrock eyes.

"That's right." Lelouch smiles back.

It helps to have a collection of romance flicks under his belt to reference, too. If they've taught him anything it's that sap is a  _must_  – and their said sappy dialogue is more or less the same which enables him to apply them to whatever bitter situation that needs to be sweetened.

… _Not_  that he was  _trying_  to learn anything or that he  _willingly_  subjected himself to them.

Nunnally is found of them, is all!

"You smooth talking demon…" Suzaku murmurs, moving his sassy smile centimeters from Lelouch's lips. "What have you done with Lelouch?"

Instead of lifting an eyebrow like his first impulse tells him to, his lips steal Suzaku's words to stretch into a hellish crescent like a wicked horn.

"Didn't you know?"—a smoldering breath against Suzaku's lips, a fingertip pointing his chin upward—"I  _am_  a demon."

Suzaku's saucy lips shrivel into a puckering cushion for the bedeviling kiss Lelouch places against them with a fervor burning in his lips.

Actions always taste better than words.

Lelouch doesn't mean for the exchange to be long despite his force as he's still quite tired, not to mention he has a case of cotton-mouth due to his napping. He just wants to end the moment with a nice press of lips, maybe a sweep of tongues, and then conclude the night by flopping down on his bed and getting some –  _hopefully_  – undisturbed beauty sleep.

Seems Suzaku has other ideas.

His mouth is open and his voice is leaking out alluring sounds that are deceptively soft as his hands reach to trap Lelouch's head when it tries to drift away with strong fingers cutting through stalks of black licorice hair. Lelouch's finger is still pointed against Suzaku's chin, and after a moment of consideration – that perhaps a little make-out session before bed wouldn't hurt – it skims up Suzaku's jaw where a hand cups Suzaku's face, fingers fussing the curled brush of brown hair. Lelouch is pulled down in this intrigue with Suzaku's hands, nestling him in the limbs of his muscular mate like a nest in a tree. Suzaku's arms are as warm and sturdy around his shoulders as Lelouch remembers – as they always are – but there's something peculiar teeming in their embrace that's spreading all through Suzaku's body in an odd language Lelouch knows he recognizes but can't quite place. Something about Suzaku just feels off from the way his knees pin Lelouch's waist against his hips to how unusually persuasive his tongue is behaving as it anxiously slithers around.

Even so, it's not entirely unpleasant, whatever this feeling with which Suzaku is clinging to him. It almost makes Lelouch feel… important – and that's certainly destined to get Lelouch going one way or another. The hot thriving crawling from his loins is a sensation that, incidentally, his pants cannot appreciate as he swivels his head to the side in a kiss growing sloppier with hasty lust. Lelouch can't speak for Suzaku's rushing but lack of air is something that has Lelouch griping the excess of shirt on Suzaku's sides in mercy. One of Suzaku's hands is still pillaging the locks of Lelouch's hair when he moves his head again, the burning in his chest far more unpleasant than a little constriction of his pants, but with an uncivilized grunt Lelouch is able to scare that rough hand away and break for air.

Pink is rolled across Suzaku's cheeks and desire is steaming his eyes when Lelouch looks down at him, panting and flushed with a wild thicket of hair thanks to Suzaku's rather ardent groping.

"Sorry…" Suzaku says quietly –  _why isn't he out of breath too?_  – and caresses Lelouch's cheeks with his fingertips –  _and is that pity?_  – while holding firmly to Lelouch's arm with his other hand.

Lelouch furrows mildly irritated eyebrows and lies, "It's fine."

_What's with him…?_

Lelouch leans down again, his hair being swept away from his face by Suzaku's hands as he descends and grazes his lips over Suzaku's before kissing  _beside_  that thirsty mouth instead. A nasally noise of yearning is cast out from Suzaku's impatience as Lelouch nips away towards his neck, hands tugging on the loose-knit, cotton sweater decorating Lelouch's torso. Lelouch smirks at the sound and bites harder on the spot he had stained with his teeth last night as he shifts his hips over Suzaku's—

Instantly met with the rigid spring of a healthy erection.

Suzaku's face and expression have ripened to a bashful red when Lelouch's amazed eyes stumble up to his.

"I-I'm sorry!"

"Why are you apologizing?" Lelouch barely suppresses a laugh and Suzaku's mouth presses into a tight line. "It is a little surprising to see you so  _excited_  this quickly, but…" Lelouch holds his impish stare over Suzaku's face, his black hair a tattered curtain around their faces, "I'm no less satisfied." He nudges their crotches together again getting a sharp grimace from Suzaku. "In fact, I'm rather pleased. So there's no need to apologize." Lelouch brushes his soft smirk over Suzaku's lips, kissing them fully again when seahorse opens welcomingly opens his mouth.

Lelouch combs the fingers of his left hand through chocolate waves, lifting his hips as his right hand descends between their bodies in search of a button and zipper. He fumbles slightly, trying to unfasten his pants quickly as the  _feeling_  and the  _sight_  of Suzaku's bold excitement shoots something through his body, zapping the tip of his stirring flesh that  _cannot_  wait to cut loose and greet Suzaku. It pushes from Lelouch's fly with a giddy jerk and the relief his cramped cock feels as it is released from fitted, charcoal slacks leaks from Lelouch's mouth in a light sound, one that Suzaku mimics when their hard lengths are pressed together.

"…Looks like you're just as  _excited_  as I am," Suzaku murmurs cheekily when their lips part.

" _Only_  because I willed myself to be," Lelouch defends indignantly, pushing up on his elbow for better leverage.

Of course, that is a lie.

But he can't let Suzaku think otherwise.

Lelouch doesn't even give him the chance to speak. He starts grinding down roughly on Suzaku's hips and smothers the off-guard outbursts of pleasure Suzaku makes with a harsh kiss. Suzaku clutches at Lelouch's back as his muffled moans are absorbed by a tenacious tongue, carelessly stretching the back of Lelouch's sweater, much to the older boy's dismay – it's flattering that Suzaku is mangling his clothing out of gripping pleasure, really, but at this rate he's going to ruin it! It's with a bite on a plumping lip and coarser thrusts over Suzaku that Lelouch tries to get the brunet's attention to  _stop_   _stretching_   _his_   _sweater_ , but what he gets in response surprises him somewhat:

"Lelouch," Suzaku gasps, a solid longing in his voice. "I want to feel your skin…"—a distressed tug—" _Off_ …"

Lelouch pauses to look down at Suzaku, into his lustily laden, forest depths. At the desperate plea breathing around his words.

He smirks.

_Need my Highness that badly?_

With some trained effort, Lelouch tugs the layers of his ebony sweater and the sharply collared, vibrant aqua dress-shirt underneath off over his head, more than happy to deposit them in the safety of the couch next to Suzaku's uniform, far from Suzaku's reach. There's a smug tilt of his head and crook of his lips when Suzaku's hands quickly coat his fair skin and he circles his fingers around Suzaku's wrists when palms caress his chest, causing the boy to look up at him with big, misty eyes.

"Likewise," Lelouch says, his voice wrapped in a soft husk and his smile sharp just before he presses his lips against Suzaku's.

In an instant, Suzaku's shirt is pushed up, he is pushed down, and Lelouch is comfortably grinding their clothed erections together again as he pecks his lips to one of Suzaku's brittle nipples. The corners of Lelouch's mouth lift in a prideful grin when it appears to bristle even more at his attention and he lets his tongue peek past his lofty lips to teasingly flick the lusty nub. Suzaku gasps at that with a twitch of his chest, a breathier moan fleeing his mouth when Lelouch liberally slathers his wet tip around the pointed nub before closing it in his mouth. He sucks on it gently and toughly as he whirls his slimy organ around the excited bump, rubbing and stroking with his tongue as he continues to grind his solid length over Suzaku's rocking hips. Suzaku's body shudders as Lelouch laps at his sensitive breast, his hands ranking through Lelouch's hair – though more tamely than before – with his attention lost in Lelouch's ravenous mouth and the heated nerves mounting his body as Lelouch humps his crotch. He merely wriggles and gasps when Lelouch's tongue slides across his heaving chest where he nibbles and suckles at the other budding nipple, maintaining the vivaciously vigorous lunges of his hips—

" _Put it in!_ "

Lelouch halts.

He doesn't quite try to restrain his shock but he doesn't quite openly display it to Suzaku, either.

Suzaku is looking up at him with glazed, hooded eyes and a beautiful blush splashed over his face – an expression that virtually says "take me now!" in Lelouch's opinion.

Suzaku almost sounds defensive when he answers Lelouch's gape with a light voice wavering from his throat, but it mostly sounds suffocated in desperation…

Or something similar.

"I want you, Lelouch… I want to feel you… inside…"

Lelouch swallows, absent to the saliva smeared around his mouth from its previous engagement.

Such embarrassing things Suzaku is saying.

Who  _actually_  says stuff like that in real life?

Suzaku, apparently.

"Are you sure? We don't have to…"

Suzaku nods, quickly and pointedly pulling off his soiled, gray shorts. "It's not so much I want than I  _need_ ," he says, dropping his underwear on the floor.

So Suzaku really does need Lelouch's  _Highness_  that badly after all…

"Is that so…?" Lelouch grins devilishly down at Suzaku, lying against him again.

Suzaku inclines his chin to touch his lips against Lelouch's as they sink closer—

And  _closer_ —

"In that case," Lelouch sits up with a smirk at Suzaku's denied-a-kiss expression, reaching for the drawer of his desk closest to the bed, "I'm glad I bought these today."

Suzaku's eyes blink at the rather (unexpectedly) large box of condoms in Lelouch's fingers.

"…Why so many?"

" _Need_  you ask?" Lelouch says through his same grin.

Suzaku sighs at him playfully only to cringe moments later when the chilly sticks of Lelouch's lubricated fingers begin to paint around his entrance, but he still pulls his knees back to give his lover easier access. They gingerly slip inside for preparation, stroking Suzaku's passage carefully, gently, as Lelouch stares down at Suzaku's pursed face – it's been some time since they've been together  _this_  way. The night of Suzaku's congratulatory party for becoming Euphemia's knight was the last time and Lelouch was perhaps a tad too forceful to take Suzaku (to childishly remind him who he  _really_  belongs to) but it had seemed that the Honorary Britannian was fully aware of that symbolism…

Suzaku's mouth flies open in a gasp and then a suffocated moan curling in his throat as a covered Lelouch enters him to the hilt in a smooth motion. His body steels and his eyes are squinting so intensely his emerald gems are reduced to slivers. Suzaku's tense legs are linked tightly at their ankles around Lelouch as he leans forward, hovering above Suzaku's creased face as it begins to pant as if to relieve the pressure filling his body. He pecks small kisses against Suzaku's lips with fingers that caress a sacrificial scar.

"You can… you can move," Suzaku says quietly in a faintly frantic push of air after sufficiently adjusting to girth inside him, his eyes still a glossy pair of evergreen spindles.

For a fleeting moment Lelouch feels his joints solidify in some empathetic hesitation from the look in Suzaku's eyes. He leans on his elbow and combs his hand through Suzaku's hair just as he had previously, only instead of reaching for his zipper this time, he touches his lips to Suzaku's in the softest, most loving kiss he can muster. Suzaku folds his hands over Lelouch's shoulders as he returns the kiss with equal endearment, trapping his own moan inside the older lad's mouth when his hips move in the first shallow thrust. Suzaku's body closes around Lelouch with hunger when he moves again in a deeper heave with legs wringing the thin waist in their grip and short fingernails scoring red frowns into Lelouch's skin. He tells himself he is immune to the sting of Suzaku's nails as he moves faster still into the tight heat trying to pull him in deeper the faster he drives, breathing in the hot air of Suzaku's stifled sounds that have never so anxiously wanted to be  _louder_.

Lelouch has never been much of a moaner or a noisemaker himself, but it's always exhilarating to hear Suzaku – particularly when he's trying to keep quiet. Lelouch knows he's doing his absolute best when Suzaku's teeth are threatening to chew through his lips or hands in order to keep his voice down, much like it he's doing right now. Lelouch offers a groan here and there along with the occasional grunt (that's far more occasional than he'd like) so Suzaku can hear his partner's satisfaction and can get the same excited feeling, but still strictly prefers to hear Suzaku—

SN _I~_ FF!

Speaking of sounds.

Lelouch takes a closer look into Suzaku's eyes after hearing the sniffle, seeing a thick glaze swimming over his green irises.

That's strange… is Suzaku tearing up?

Maybe this is hurting him? Should he stop—?

Suzaku's arms lasso around Lelouch's neck, wrangling him down for a crushing kiss that harbors a sea of rolling emotions Lelouch was not prepared to feel surge from his seahorse.

" _Lelouch_ …" Suzaku chokes, holding the vigilante close in the ropes of his arms, their faces so close Lelouch's hair sweeps against the damp rouge on his face. The brunet's limbs encircle in an embrace that's so secure yet insecure at the same time; it's almost as if…

Ah, so that's what this is.

Suzaku's seeking more than to just quench his horny hunger and lose himself in physical comfort. This is…

"…I love you, Lelouch.  _So much_."

…an honest-to-God consummation.

_It couldn't be about his mission today, could it…?_

It is this moment of concentrated, living passion encompassing them that helps Lelouch to understand a little of what and how parents-to-be might feel about their offspring, why they treasure those little creations with their all – because those little creations are the very  _tangible_ ,  _personified_  form of their love. It's so romantically maudlin Lelouch thinks it might cause something to burst—

… _!_

That something has apparently been decided by his libido.

_Lousy stamina_.

They haven't even been at it that long!

" _Suzaku,_ " Lelouch grunts – a warning of the flashflood soon to come.

…Ahem.

"W…wait…!" Suzaku grasps Lelouch's shoulder. "Just… a little longer…!"

"Hurry up!" Lelouch commands as he tries to slow the rapid pace of his thrusting hips and swiftly jerk Suzaku's erection in order to win the race against himself.

…Hold on.

Did Lelouch just demand that Suzaku's orgasm  _catch_   _up_  to his own?

Yeah, that happened…

He really is no match for Suzaku's sexy cheetah body.

White soaks over the knuckles of Lelouch's hand grappling to the bar of his bed rail as he rocks his hips into Suzaku's body, feeling him convulse around his covered flesh when it drives over the internal pill of ecstasy. Suzaku moves with the thrusts, his legs anchored around Lelouch and constricting tighter with each hit to his prostate, his teeth clamped down so hard on his lips Lelouch almost expects to see them pierce right through. But even with his mouth locked up to stay quiet, his attempt at quietness doesn't keep his pleasure from escaping through his nose in little mewls that gain weight with every deep lunge into his body, their pitch increasing the more he tries to silence them.

Lelouch can taste the tide of air that bursts out of Suzaku's mouth in a cry he couldn't quite contain as if it's squeezed from his lungs like the water out of his eyes. A clothed arm is quick to bridge over those leaking greens, prompting Lelouch to take his hand off the bar and close his fingers around the clenching fist to tenderly coax it open. He entwines their fingers together when that palm unrolls and they clasp tightly after Lelouch pushes the arm above Suzaku's head, away from his face, kissing him deeply until the wells of his eyes dry up. Lelouch can't stop from feeling that holding hands during sex is really cheesy, but it does the job of consoling Suzaku just before he barrels through his limit and over his peak with Suzaku's body still a racing rhythm to follow suit. Lelouch continues thrusting as he rides down his slope in an effort to speed Suzaku along, sliding his hand diligently around Suzaku's slick, heated shaft.

It all instantly falls apart when Suzaku's orgasm snaps his taut muscles and wets their skin, leaving their bodies to turn to goo as it turns their heads to weightless balloons, and for a very long stretch of senseless time there's just:

B

L

I

S

S

.

.

.

That is, of course, until Suzaku has to go and ruin it with his  _talking_.

"You outdid yourself Lelouch," Suzaku mocks with an even breath. " _Two_  minutes this time."

" _Two_  minutes in heaven is better than  _one_  minute in heaven," Lelouch says with a puff, smirking when he lifts his head from Suzaku's shoulder to see rolling eyes – that's right, no one can argue with this logic.

"I think you're just lucky I'm  _fast_  enough to keep up with you."

"Well, if it's a race then I think I've finally found one that I can win against you, but you should feel proud that you can at least keep up." Lelouch plops his head back down. "I'm glad you can put that speediness of yours to good use."

"Strange way to twist the situation just to make yourself feel better."

"It's all about adapting, my little cheetah," Lelouch prattles pleasantly.

" _Cheetah_?"

"Mm. Now be quiet, you're ruining my buzz."

Suzaku shifts under his weight, "As much as I like lying here with you like this, I don't think you should be pressing on my stomach."

Lelouch flinches, lifting off of Suzaku's body, "Right…" rolling over to lie on his back next to the brunet with a flop. His chest bobs like rocky ocean waves as he feels himself melt into the mattress cradling his exhausted body. He glances at Suzaku, feeling irritation gnaw on his pride at the sight of the calmer waters of his seahorse's chest, but the feeling dissolves as his eyes pour over the rest of Suzaku's body…

Violets follow the sheen of sweat lying over Suzaku's torso below the muddled fabric still hitched up his chest just above his duskier nipples. They are still stiff under the film of perspiration that makes the skin over Suzaku's softly toned abdomen glisten as he pants tamely for air; getting thicker the closer it gets to his bare crotch. His thighs are still spread open and slick from traces of sweat and lotion smearing from his behind and the coating on his flaccid length is drying along with his spattered on his stomach. His hairline is moist and his face is still glowing pink like most of his skin… Lelouch feels it's all probably enough to get him a little hard again.

He peels the condom off at the thought – he's too worn-out to be tempted, tossing it in the trash bin he had placed between his bed and nightstand just for this purpose. After cleaning them both off with the tissues he keeps in his drawer, and tucking himself back into his clothes, Suzaku tugs his shirt down so that it falls over his hips and shuffles closer to spoon against Lelouch on his side – yet Lelouch can't help but wonder why the boy didn't just take it off instead. Regardless, Lelouch welcomes Suzaku's snuggling with a quiet sigh of contentment, both of which lead the peaceful thoughts of his imaginary world of solitude. It begins to build up around his mind, shutting out the stresses and such from his daily life—

Suzaku's fingers doodle over Lelouch's collarbone, "…Um, hypothetically speaking—"

What was that? Did Lelouch just hear a crack splinter the foundation of his solace?

"—what if someone found out I am, ah,  _with_   _child_?"

Lelouch props himself up on an elbow and pines his eyes on Suzaku, locked like missiles on a target.

"Who knows?" he demands sternly.

"Uh…" Suzaku hesitates briefly. "Well, you know just, I didn't go out of my way, I mean, it's not like… It's no one that—"

" _Who did you tell?_ " Lelouch snaps.

Suzaku visibly gulps, "Princess Euphemia?"

There's a sudden rush of something cold in Lelouch's body that boils up through his skin – his thoughts racing in a blur from his mother and her soft blue eyes, to Nunnally and her smile, to Zero, to his father and his callous,  _violet_  eyes.

" _Why_  would you tell her?"

"Well…" Suzaku fidgets. "It's not like I meant to! She overheard my conversation with Lloyd. What was I supposed to do? Deny it? Lie?"

Suzaku could have at least put one of his  _many_  theories to use on Euphemia – if there was ever a time for a genetically-mutated-virus-infected-hermaphrodite-impregnated-by-an-alien-seahorse story, it would have been then.

Who knows, she might have bought it.

"Did you tell her who the father is?"

Suzaku shakes his head and Lelouch releases his panicked breath as he grasps his forehead, combing his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Lelouch."

"No, it's… don't worry about it. I know she can be trusted with a secret and as long as she doesn't know it's me, we'll be just fine." Lelouch removes his hand, locks of raven fluttering back over his face. "What was her reaction, her response?"

"She was so shocked she was speechless…"

"…Yes, I suppose anyone would be," Lelouch says quietly, trying to relax into his mattress like he had in the bathtub last night.

"I'm sorry." Suzaku's voice is so small, so familiar with those two words, that he might as well have said nothing at all.

It's as though apologizing is the  _only_  thing Suzaku knows how to do.

It's so damn  _infuriating_.

"I  _said_  don't worry about it," Lelouch reminds tersely, his eyes closing as an annoyed scowl shades his face.

He feels Suzaku physically cringe like a frail sprig ambushed by winter's icy breath, but still remains near the shelter of Lelouch's body. The bantering words Suzaku had spoken to him yesterday and today replay in Lelouch's ears, lifting the dark drape over his eyes to show him the crestfallen eyes of his meek little boyfriend. The view makes Lelouch feel like his stomach is trying to eat his heart and it folds his brow together with pensive creases.

_Ice Prince indeed…_

Lelouch slides his arm around Suzaku with his fingertips delicately skating up his spine over the ghost-white shirt he's hiding in, cradling Suzaku in an embrace that he hopes will warm them both. Suzaku's head ducks a little under Lelouch's chin, closer towards Lelouch's chest as the fingers tunneling through his earthy mane reel him in with a tender kiss pressed against his forehead; Lelouch inhaling Suzaku's scent as he buries his nose in Suzaku's hair.

"Don't worry," Lelouch murmurs in his silky-spun voice again. "We'll figure this out, together. I promise."

The moist petals of warm breathing patting Lelouch's bare chest are accompanied by the light touch of Suzaku's fingertips as he roots himself deeper into the embrace in reply. Lelouch of course pets Suzaku's hair in return, letting the fickle mood of the night quietly fade into the background so that all that remains is just the two of them, on this bed, and nothing else. Lelouch feels lighter on the breeze of this state of mind as he reaches to switch his lamp off, feeling Suzaku loosely entangle their legs with his breathing quickly steadying to the slow pattern of slumber. When they are swathed in the ink of night he nuzzles his face into Suzaku's hair once he is settled in bed again, waiting for sleep to overpower his mind and its thoughts.

So Euphemia knows Suzaku is pregnant, what's the worst that could happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sponsored by the following notes:
> 
> 1- Pregnancy for Dummies is indeed a real book :B
> 
> 2- I borrowed that "two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven" bit from the song Business Time by Flight of the Conchords.


	4. In which Denial Gets Denied and the Seahorse Syndrome Prevails

_"Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it." –Rollo_  from _Juno._

•-•-•-4

Ambiguous 

In which Denial Gets Denied and the Seahorse Syndrome Prevails 

An unfriendly limp begins Suzaku's Monday.

When the auspicious arrival of Nunnally's wheelchair was within Suzaku's grasp he mentally patted himself on the back for offering to walk her to class today, but his self-praise was almost immediately erased once he realized how selfish a thought that was. No matter how well Nunnally's handicap serves as a crude cane for the obvious hitch in his step, that isn't something he should be happy about or enjoy. The fact that Nunnally is oblivious makes him feel worse as her chipper comments about the weather coast through the humid morning air – almost unheard by his ears as he concentrates on walking more smoothly with his waddle.

Suzaku can't nor does he intend to pass the blame for this internal inflammation onto Lelouch since  _daddy_  was just complying with the horny wishes of a moody  _mommy_  after offering to keep their bumping uglies to strictly  _bumping_ … Suzaku can really only blame his soreness on his own selfishness and perhaps the gaps of time they spend apart that help his body to stay resilient against their lovemaking.

Sex  _two_  nights in a row might be something that makes  _Lelouch_  feel proud of himself but it makes Suzaku feel a pain in his backside.

"Suzaku," Nunnally addresses with a touch of her hand over his accompanied by her voice, which surprises him despite how they're both as soft as the slight breeze shuffling alongside students through Ashford's campus.

The fizzling heat of remembered lust lashes Suzaku's face into a flourishing flush of embarrassment once he realizes that his thoughts were treading indecent lands while in the presence of Princess  _Purity_  herself. He tries to push something out of his mouth, but her instincts are too quick for his reflexes.

"You're not listening, are you?" Nunnally states as more of a fact than a downtrodden accusation at being ignored.

Knowing that he's just been cornered by the truth, a guilt-ridden sigh flops from his lips – free of charge.

"I'm sorry, Nunnally, I'm just really tired. …I didn't sleep very well this weekend," he tacks on sheepishly at the end, feeling dirty for the implication he sends right over her head.

She nods gently in understanding as they roll smoothly yet slowly through the polite openings of fellow students.

"I suppose you would be if you spent a good portion of it…  _bonding_  with my brother."

Only a few steps after Nunnally's cool utterance does Suzaku's body harden with the guilty, embarrassed flurry of nerves that gush from his stomach like a geyser when his brain realizes what she actually just  _uttered_.

It's sheer physics that keep Suzaku's head from exploding right on the spot.

Yet, he still feels like a robot malfunctioning from a logical paradox – because Princess Purity doesn't make impure quips!

"Y-you mean you  _heard_  us last night?" somewhere in the short circuiting of Suzaku's mind he manages to find his voice, it's just a shame that he can't find  _better_  words to say.

"No…"—Nunnally pauses in an undeniable moment of realization about what was happening  _last night_. Her silent recognition clogs the fizzy burst of nerves in Suzaku's stomach like a cork and an angry Lelouch starts to flicker hotly behind his eyes because of it—"Actually, I was talking about  _Saturday_  night…"

"…Oh," is all Suzaku manages to say in an oddly robotic voice, recognizing the heavy dread sinking into his gut – sensing the end of his life once his princely other half finds out about his slip of tongue—

Because God knows he  _will_.

—And here it is; a tiny heart-attack that's too small and happens too quickly for Suzaku to be sure if it  _really_  even happens.

"Oh, man, this is really awkward…" Suzaku says in an obvious struggle, an onslaught of Lelouch's dour disapproval thrashing cantankerously inside his skull. "I'm  _so_  sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"How could I not? You heard me and… we…" he falls ignorant to everything around him, slapping a hand to his forehead as if to stave off Lelouch's inevitable wrath. " _Oh man_."

"Suzaku, really, it's fine," Nunnally insists with another light touch of her hand, sensing the attention of her fellow classmates on them growing. "There's no need to dwell on it. I've already known about the two of you for a while, and it's only been the few times I couldn't sleep that I've heard you."

Nunnally means well, but her words aren't comforting in the  _least_.

If anything, he'd be better off not knowing that much.

"Please don't become upset," Nunnally presses. "You didn't do anything wrong."

That's not what Lelouch will think.

"Maybe not… But I am sorry you weren't told. You shouldn't find out, uh,  _that_  way." Suzaku scrounges the words from his brain lamely – trying to imagine just  _what kind of noises_  she must have heard – and begins to cautiously push Nunnally once again along the outdoor path.

She is silent at that for a moment, her hands having folded together back in her lap, and it makes Suzaku more on edge – like maybe he said something  _wrong_.

"Listen," Nunnally starts in a mild-mannered, lecturing tone that resonates much too closely to the boy who raised her, "I know my brother well, probably better than he thinks I do. I know he has his reasons for the secrets he keeps and the way he treats me. For example, he might think I'd feel left out or neglected if I knew the two of you were closer than just friends. He would have told me, I'm positive of that, just when he was ready. That's why I think you and I should just keep this our little secret, so Lelouch doesn't feel like he's lost some control."

Suzaku is stunned silent – not just by her maturity but her willingness for secrecy in order to protect that frightened little boy inside Lelouch that he tries his best to hide.

"Sure," he says to her with an uneasy grin – like there's a chance in Hell  _he'd_  be the one to tell Lelouch that Nunnally, his precious and unsoiled little sister, has heard them having sex,  _more than_   _once_. He just makes the mental note to police the volume of their love-fest soundtrack in the future – if he can even muster up the nerves to fool around in that room  _ever_  again – and hope Lelouch won't notice to the point of suspicion. "You know, saying something like that makes you sound just like Lelouch."

She giggles very softly through her nose, "Like brother, like sister?"

Suzaku smiles; the slight undertones of mischievousness in her voice eroding away some of the horrified tension rusting his body and the tirade of a feuding Lelouch in his mind.

"Can I ask you something, then?"

"Anything," Nunnally answers as they close the distance to her first period classroom.

"You don't feel neglected or anything, do you?"

There's the slightest of a pause on her end but Suzaku still notices it before she places her nimble fingertips on his rough knuckles with a smile aiming at him over her shoulder.

"Not at all. I'm happy for both of you. It's good that he has someone other than me that he can feel safe and be comfortable around – same for you. Anyway, it's not like I've lost my big brother, you know!" She playfully notes as if to ease the moment and Suzaku's mind completely of any awkward stress.

And she's right; she hasn't lost Lelouch and she never will.

Nunnally will always be in that reserved section of Lelouch's heart  _no matter what_.

Suzaku laughs softly in his chest in agreement before a blonde girl he's met briefly before pops up and steals most of Nunnally's attention. It's a nostalgic feeling and somewhat surprising to watch Nunnally socialize with this other girl, Alice, so familiarly and happily; somehow reminding him of his beginning with Lelouch during those months that seemed both long and short…

Yet it seems  _many_  things are reminding him of Lelouch these days.

After a friendly farewell, assuring Nunnally is left in the good hands of her dear friend, Suzaku sets off for his own class, trying to compile a convincing explanation (other than the truth) for the miserable stagger in his step.

•-•

Lelouch always sleeps like a baby after sex. (Which he realizes is somehow  _ironic_ …) Unfortunately, that doesn't always mean he sleeps for very long. Stress is quick to recover in Lelouch's mind and it's far superior to any form of post-sex dormancy. His nights are often bumpy, this past weekend being no exception. So today the rooftop was calling him with its secluded silence and brisk breezes, and even though Suzaku's nagging about not skipping class was a little louder it was much easier to ignore—

Until it personifies into the pair of fingers that are pinching his nose closed, causing him to snort and choke awake like a cat hacking up a hairball.

Since when did Suzaku employ himself to be Lelouch's personal alarm clock?

"Don't give me that look," Suzaku says with an irritated grin to Lelouch's lion-like leer. "You weren't supposed to skip today, but seeing how I'm just  _so nice_  I decided to let you because you seemed so tired this morning."

"Then  _why_  are you disturbing my hibernation from school?" Lelouch grouses, sitting upright from the ground while rubbing his eyes.

"Aw~," Suzaku croons insincerely with hands on his hips, "Is poor  _papa_  bear still tired? Tell me it wasn't due to visiting  _heaven_  two nights in a row."

"If you want  _papa bear_  to take you on  _more_   _trips_  in the future you'll watch your tone," Lelouch deadpans. "Now tell me why  _mama_  bear is bothering me."

Suzaku releases a jaded sigh as he sits down next to Lelouch, "I just thought it would be better for me to wake you rather than, say, Milly."

Lelouch cringes for a lot more credit than he'd like to give that blue-eyed devil.

"Don't say  _that_  name here, Suzaku. The roof is a  _happy_  place."

Suzaku laughs and lightly bumps Lelouch's shoulder with his own.

"Come on. I let you sleep through the entire school day, even lunch. Going to the Student Council meeting is the least you can do."

The least Lelouch can do is go  _back_  to sleep.

"No, thanks. I don't feel like going today." Lelouch easily declines as he moves to lie down on his side. "Hearing the President's name has given me cold feet."

"Lelouch~" Suzaku wines, tugging Lelouch's arm to keep him from falling into dreamland again. "Can't you go for  _me_?"

Lelouch looks at the innate big-eyed, puppy-look Suzaku seems to possess that just oozes with a victimizing-inducing pheromone and does what any person who has a heart would do:

"No."

Erm, let it be known that Lelouch  _has_  a heart.

He just doesn't always use it…

" _Lelouch!_ " Suzaku yanks on the boy's noodle-arm with his nostrils flaring.

Lelouch smiles almost crookedly, seeing a grand opportunity and grabbing it without mercy.

"I'll go for a kiss."

Now Suzaku deadpans.

"Why should I kiss you? I already told you that I let you skip today, didn't I?"

"So? I didn't ask you to,"—like Lelouch  _needs_  Suzaku's permission, anyway—"but I  _am_  asking you for this…" Lelouch leans closer to Suzaku's lips, keenly aware of how dehydrated and stale sleep has made his mouth.

A small, unbecoming sigh seeps from Suzaku's equally dry, but no less tempting, lips.

"You promise you'll go? If I kiss you?"

"Promise."

Another  _incredibly enticing_  breath of reluctance leaves Suzaku's mouth and he concedes with an  _extremely_   _attractive_  voice of indifference.

Suzaku is  _really_  putting the  _lust_  in  _lackluster_.

But a kiss is a kiss to Lelouch no matter how initially unwilling because he has always been very good at persuading—

Convincing—

 _Seducing_.

It doesn't matter that all of his "seducing magic" is used on Suzaku who can't seem to  _truly_  deny Lelouch to save his life.

Suzaku must have thought that Lelouch was armed with a harmless peck (poor,  _naïve_  Suzaku) because his passive lips are completely unprepared for the brash bomb of a smooch with which Lelouch strikes him. It would explain the muffled peep of surprise that pops from Suzaku's throat as Lelouch deepens their kiss almost instantly – mostly because it's just too much fun to catch Suzaku unprepared. He revels in this taste of obligation in Suzaku's mouth, licking at the waning breath of the small, distressed noise he made as his firm hands press against his friend's chest in some hopeless form of Lelouch-prevention. Of course, it is  _only_  hopeless because all of his brainless brawn is just that: brainless. Suzaku is prone to thinking with his body rather than his head and Lelouch is quite prone to using that against Suzaku during little moments like these.

Behold the glory that is Lelouch's seducing magic.

It certainly seems Lelouch's delusion holds some water since Suzaku is becoming decreasingly disinclined as he sinks into the noisy binding of their mouths. Lelouch is of course very pleased with himself, coiling his arm around Suzaku with the subtleness of a snake to keep things from deteriorating as their tongues wiggle and worm against each other. He can taste that little bud of desire in the way his dunce—er, mummy-to-be begins to return the fervor with sucking lips and hands fisting clothing, shelling the undesired bits of his aforementioned apathy.

Is the magic of Lelouch's seducing magic being beheld?

Because it just worked.

However, like most of Lelouch's physical finesse (— _all_  of his so-called 'physical finesse,' who is he kidding?) it cannot be abused or else he'll experience malfunctioning of his equipment. To avoid overusing his  _gift_  (or before Suzaku has the chance to reject him) Lelouch will quit while he's ahead in order to let his batteries recharge and let Suzaku's senses simmer in the  _pure_   _sexiness_  of what just happened.

Lelouch slows the kiss, powering down as he slides his tongue from Suzaku's mouth to trace his lower lip the way the brunet likes before slipping away from them.

"So how are you feeling today?" Lelouch asks in an angel-soft tone, lightly rubbing Suzaku's stomach for specification and kissing his lips once more before allowing him to answer.

Suzaku doesn't appear to be overly amused with the teasing, as the flat line of his lips indicates.

"Just sore. No thanks to you."

Lelouch merely grins wickedly at the sharpness Suzaku's tone is beginning to bear, as if the seahorse is stomping a warning.

But such a warning is meaningless, seeing how seahorses don't have feet  _to_  stomp.

"I don't remember hearing you object  _during_ …" Lelouch murmurs, tightening his hold around Suzaku as he takes another kiss.

"You always say that," Suzaku meekly mutters into Lelouch's pecking lips, "And just… because… you  _don't…_  remember it… doesn't… mean… it…  _didn't…_  happen."

Lelouch smirks again into Suzaku's lips at the boy's rare display of shrewdness but is still unrelenting with his butterfly kisses and close embrace as if Suzaku will never notice.

What can Lelouch say?

He's just in an affectionate mood today.

…Is that a  _crime_?

"I know what you're trying to do," Suzaku's tone is a cool rejection against Lelouch's lips, his hands a strong decline in their push against Lelouch's chest.

So the boy caught on to Lelouch's ploy of distraction?

Good job.

"Is it that obvious?" he smiles cheekily, loosening the belt of his arm from around Suzaku's body.

Suzaku just flicks a knowing-look at him that isn't at all inclined to playing coy as he begins to stand.

"What happened to your sweet naivety?"

"It sours with age." Suzaku finally smirks at him. "Now get up, Lelouch. Or we'll be late."

The feared rebel leader exhales a bit resignedly at the demand (—not  _command_ ) but gets to his feet nonetheless.

"Yes,  _mother_." Lelouch arcs his back, yawning as he stretches out the kinks in his spine. "I suppose I can use this time to wake up before our date."

Suzaku blinks – another ploy playing before his eyes that he'll never see coming.

"We're going on a date?"

Lelouch nods with a suspicious grin, "I'm taking you to a  _special_  place after the meeting today…"

•-•

"Why do I feel like I shouldn't be disappointed in you for bringing me here?"

Lelouch smirks, "Because you know what to expect from me by now."

Suzaku isn't at all amused, "You said you were taking me somewhere special."

"This is a special place."

"Lelouch, I don't think a  _clinic_  counts as special. And this isn't exactly what I had in mind…" Suzaku mutters, frowning at the sterile examination room closed around them.

"It's not my fault you assumed something different." Lelouch half-shrugs. "And this  _is_  a special clinic."

" _Regardless_ , why did you bring me  _here_?" Suzaku says in an irritated breath, glancing uncomfortably around at the charts and diagrams on the walls that are all very much  _female_.

Lelouch lifts a slightly surprised eyebrow, "Have you forgotten about small fry already?"

Suzaku's cheeks flare up a little as he whips his eyes to Lelouch.

"What's  _that_  supposed to mean?"—a double take filled with annoyance—"And  _stop_  calling it that!"

Lelouch dismisses Suzaku's outburst: they're becoming far too common.

Pregnancy doesn't equal emotional turmoil.

But Lelouch seems to forget that  _Suzaku_  does.

"Just relax. I need some answers you aren't able to provide."

"Like what?"

"The obvious, first of all; you said you were told how this pregnancy was possible. If you can explain that to me, then I'll have one less question."

"I  _did_  tell you. It's the  _seahorse syndrome!_ "

So Suzaku's sticking with that one?  _Honestly?_

_For God's sake…_

"Right… I must have forgotten about your  _imaginary_  diagnosis," he retorts, reaching for a pamphlet in a small shelf beside the door. "Second, how is it possible to learn if you're pregnant through a physical? Maybe if you were a woman it'd make more sense, but you're still a male last time I checked."

"They discovered it through my urine."

_…Your urine?_

Lelouch can't look away from the overly feminine leaflet fast enough to scare an explanation out of Suzaku with his confoundedly aghast face.

"It was a  _drug_  test," Suzaku explains emphatically like  _Lelouch_  is the one being inappropriate, "That's part of the physical!"

"Sure, I'll give you that, but if that's the case then why wasn't small fry discovered earlier?" Lelouch responds reasonably, nonchalantly flipping a glossy page he isn't even reading. "And you told me you were around five weeks pregnant. How can you determine that from urine analysis?"

"The drug test is random and I haven't had one in a while."—peculiar how Suzaku seems to have all the answers—"And there  _are_  pregnancy tests you can take that tell you  _approximately_  how far along you are, if you're pregnant. Where do you think that technology comes from? It's pure science, Lelouch!"

So, in other words, Suzaku doesn't  _actually_  know.

And what does that  _actually_  mean, anyway?

Did that screwy scientist make Suzaku  _urinate_  on a pregnancy stick?

Lelouch isn't sure he really wants to know.

"Whatever you say. I still need to see things for myself." Lelouch sits in the chair next to the paper-covered bed Suzaku is perched on, crossing one leg over the other. "You don't expect me to just waltz right into a  _Britannian military base_  and demand to speak to your superior, do you?"

Suzaku fidgets in the metaphorical corner Lelouch forced him into, "No…"

"Alright then," Lelouch says with a huff, a tug of haughtiness straightening his spine after he replaces the pamphlet. "Now behave and maybe you'll get a lollipop."

Suzaku scoffs at him and crosses his arms but Lelouch isn't bothered.

 _He_  isn't the one who got cornered.

The only thing cornering Lelouch is this whole conundrum of a pregnancy.

When the tall woman with long dark hair pulled up into a pony tail and clad in a white coat from before enters their room, Lelouch stands with contentment – while Suzaku avoids her gaze – knowing this  _educated_  and probably  _saner_   _professional_  holds only the truth and bare facts for his rationality.

Is he still holding out hope that maybe this seahorse syndrome is nothing more than a miscalculation, one big misunderstanding?

Yes he is.

It took a  _lot_  of Lelouch's magical convincing powers and flattery to keep her from kicking them out of this prestigious establishment on their asses, so there's no way he'll let Suzaku try to wriggle free  _now_.

Lelouch would have just used his Geass on her, but with Suzaku in such close proximity and the natural limit of his power, he decided against it – there's a better way to use it on her once the time comes…

"So, I'm Doctor Sanica, and I'll be taking care of you," she flashes a quick and tight smile as she shakes their hands and takes their names before getting right to business – so forward, Lelouch likes that. "Normally we might do a transvaginal sonogram to detect early pregnancies like you  _claim_  to have, but that requires a vagina for insertion and since I'm not really sure  _where_  and  _what_  exactly the probe would be scanning, nor do I know of any other way to accurately  _test_  this, we'll just do this the easy way…" she bluntly iterates as she attends to the machinery at Suzaku's right which looks similar to a pedestrian computer, grinning at the pale veil her words dropped over their faces when she turns to them again, "Please lie back, Suzaku, and lift up your shirt."

The brunet does as he is asked after swallowing the thought of being  _probed_ , trying to relax against the paper and raise the thin garment she made him change into (he's still wearing his underwear, of course) as she dims the lights and grabs a clear, gel-filled bottle. His hands tremble with nerves as he moves, one latching to Lelouch's hand like a steel clamp once the cold substance is dispensed on his naked abdomen.

"Sorry, it's a little cold," Doctor Sanica says in a moot warning and seats herself in a rolling chair in front of the ultrasound equipment, replacing the bottle for the probe in her hand. "If there's anything in here, we should see it…"

Lelouch pats Suzaku's crushing grip with a deep grimace, watching his friend and partner take in nervous breaths that shudder through his lips and in his chest as the doctor begins to smear the a device over him. It's hard to concentrate on anything other than the possible fracture Suzaku just cracked through Lelouch's hand, but as soon as the ultrasound screen begins to convulse with the contents of his idiot's belly, a numbing suspense envelops his mind.

For a split second in their shared silence, Lelouch  _almost_  expects to see a pouch full of eggs like the male seahorse Suzaku thinks he is.

"…I… I don't believe it," the nonplussed doctor declares like her discovery has left her lungs empty, "I think I  _see_  it."

"See what?" Suzaku asks anxiously. "I don't see anything."

"Right here, see that?" one of her long fingers points to the monitor, specifically circling a small, black, oval shape rimmed in white on the screen, "That's a gestational sac, inside which the baby forms just like a bird egg. You can't see the embryo now, it's too soon… but… In any case this doesn't look like a molar – or fake – pregnancy, not that it would be any easier to explain…"

"So you're certain?" Lelouch redirects her with caution so thick in his tone it leaves her no room to ignore him.

"I don't want to say it, but I think whatever led you to believe Suzaku is pregnant wasn't pulling your leg, either. You appear to be at around five weeks, too. How uncanny…"

Lelouch's hand finds some terror in her perplexed-coated words as they both confirm the outrageous and cause Suzaku's clasp to tighten like the jaws of a predator around its prey when it tries to escape.

"And you don't think it's anything more serious?" Suzaku asks worriedly.

Doctor Sanica offers him a kind smile, "No, it looks normal to me – or I guess as normal as it can be. I'd still like to run some blood work just to be sure. I've been doing this for a long time but it never hurts to double check."

Yeah, the only thing it hurts is Lelouch's  _sanity_.

"…Is it too early to tell if it'll be twins?"

Lelouch is pretty positive Suzaku just made his heart claw up to his skull where it forces his brain out to plunge to its very gruesome death, and the only thing keeping him from planting his face to the floor is their conjoined hands.

"Yes, quite a lot too soon." She answers in an almost apologetic tone.

"Oh, I was just curious," Suzaku bashfully replies, his cheeks growing pink as he releases Lelouch's hand.

Of course the poor weakling—erm, sable-haired boy quickly coddles said appendage, trying to nurse it back to life as he gives Suzaku a withering glare.

_Damn straight you're only curious._

"Would you like a printout of the sonogram?" she asks them politely – quite the one-eighty from her initial skepticism – as she wipes Suzaku's stomach clean.

"Um…" Suzaku glances at Lelouch as if for permission but the lad is too concerned with reviving his hand to give it. "Sure, why not?"

The physician nods and activates the attached printer once Suzaku is clean.

"Do you have any other questions?"

"Yes, I do," Lelouch voices gravely – his vocal cords shifting towards something  _imperial_  – while Suzaku corrects his shirt. "It's about your privacy policy."

"We follow patient-doctor confidentiality. That's a legal promise to keep anything that happens between us a secret that  _stays_  between us."

"Of course, but what about your staff? Will you be sharing this with your colleagues? Because I'll have a real problem with that…"

For some reason his left is beginning to heat before he even focuses enough to trigger his Geass; like it's more responsive and strong than usual—

"Lelouch," Suzaku chides with a tug of his companion's arm, snuffing the flicker in Lelouch's eye. "She said it's confidential, don't be rude."

Doctor Sanica lifts an eyebrow at them, something close to a smirk trying to capture her lips.

"You have my word that I won't tell anyone, not even my assistant. I know this must be a very sensitive issue for you two and I will honor your trust." She hands over the printout of their baby to Suzaku who takes it as if he believes the  _entire_   _world_  is sitting on that paper.

That might not even be a far-fetched idea.

This baby is going to reshape more than just Suzaku's figure, it will reshape Lelouch's rebellion…

"All right then, I have another question." Lelouch smiles slyly, resting a hand on Suzaku's shoulder, "Would it be possible for you to write him a note that will exempt him from P.E.?"

•-

-•

Turns out, no, the doctor won't – not  _can't_  – give Suzaku a note to excuse him from gym class because "exercise is important for everyone, even pregnant mothers" so long as Suzaku doesn't overwork himself.

Lelouch would have to disagree: exercise is for idiots who need to compensate for not being able to use their  _brains_.

But if Suzaku wants to waste his time with such trivial and arduous activities, then Lelouch has no choice but to accompany the little dope and supervise him to insure he doesn't overstep his boundary.

At least that was the plan until half a jog later leaves Lelouch way beyond his own personal limits and sprawled out on the track, suffering from what he believes to be cardiac arrest.

He spends the duration of the period in the infirmary, but at least he managed to make  _Suzaku_  be the one to accompany  _him_ …

Mission accomplished.

…For the most part.

•-

-•

Only Nina is in the Student Council room when Suzaku arrives for the meeting, sitting in the corner with the room relatively quiet over the light rapping of her fingers over the keyboard – which he notices falters when he enters.

"Good afternoon, Nina," he addresses her, his tone floating on an affable air as he moves to sit at the table. "You're certainly here early."

She doesn't spare him a glance or greeting, only stiffens at his words as if they were ice-cubes that slide down her spine. She quickly resumes typing in obvious rejection, her actions sounding faster –  _uneasy_  – and her rigid posture screams discomfort in a silence he's oddly grateful to hear. Too many times have his ears been seared by racial vulgarities from every rank of Britannia's fighters, making the absent sound of her misguided fear and distrust somewhat pleasant despite the reality.

Suzaku presses his lips firmly together and sits in a vacant chair, pulling out some homework from his bag to do while he waits for the other members to turn up so the meeting can start – and he has to wonder if Kallen will make her appearance today, or ever again. He hopes she does. But in the meantime, the lack of communication between him and Nina is awkward and dense like her phobia is sucking the oxygen from the room—

The sudden buzzing of his phone strikes through his senses like a bite from Arthur's teeth and causes him to flinch as if the muffled humming from his pocket has bit him.

Suzaku has never been so happy to receive a phone call.

"Hello?" he answers once he's out in the hall and instantly Cécile's refreshing voice fills his ear.

"Suzaku, are you busy right now? I know you have your club…"

"No, it hasn't started yet," he says as he walks through the clubhouse, surveying to make sure he won't be overheard, "so I'm free for the moment."

"Good. I hope you're doing well?"

"Checking up on me?" Suzaku grins.

"Of course – didn't expect to hear from Lloyd, did you?"

He laughs lightly at that, "Not to worry, I'm doing well." he hesitates to continue, checking once again to make no one is within earshot of his conversation – he  _swears_  Lelouch's paranoia is rubbing off on him, "Or so the doctor thinks."

"Doctor?"

"Yeah… My boyfriend"—strange how that word is a little hard to get out yet fun to say—"took me to see a doctor the other day and everything seems normal so far."

"Oh? Were they able to shed light on anything?"

"No. She's just as confused as we are, but she says she'll take care of me." Suzaku's eyes continue to shift around like security cameras as he reminds himself to keep his voice low as a precaution.

"That sounds like good news, then. As long as you both are healthy I guess there's no cause for concern."

"Yeah. Let's hope it stays that way," he says mentally recalling the test results he's still waiting to hear.

"Suzaku, I do have some information for you."

"Oh," Suzaku falls quiet, realizing the main point of her call as he sits on the front stoop outside. "What can you tell me?"

"I've been researching since we talked, and it seems so far that the only way you can legally take a medical leave is if you have an illness or injury that compromises your performance. An illness would be your best bet in getting medical relief, but being dishonest – no matter  _what_  Lloyd says – isn't a good idea and I know it would make you uncomfortable. There  _is_  a medical clause about maternity leave that would allow expecting mothers a time off from duty. However, you're a male, so that generates some problems. Not only is it…" she pauses for the right word, " _unique_ , but it would attract a lot of unwanted attention, especially since the public is familiar with you – not to mention that could lead to exposing your partner."

"I see…" is all Suzaku can seem to say. None of that was good news, not that he was expecting for there to be any benefits for pregnant  _males_  in Britannian military health care – or  _any_  kind of health care, for that matter.

And the last thing Suzaku wants is for Lelouch to be  _exposed_.

"I'm sorry I don't have better news…" she murmurs uncertainly into his silence.

"No, it's fine," he tries to reassure her with a tone that isn't as easy as it was when he used ( _wasted_ ) it on Nina earlier. "I'm grateful for your effort and I'm sure we can figure out something… So don't worry."

Even before Cécile speaks he gets the feeling she isn't swayed by his forced mollification, "…Alright, but please take care, Suzaku. If I learn of anything else I'll let you know."

"Yes, thank you Miss Cécile."

Suzaku ends the call with a sigh, not knowing  _what_  he's going tell Lelouch –  _if_  he should even tell him anything yet.  _Probably not_ , Suzaku's better judgment tells him, he should wait a little longer and give his hopeful optimism another chance to catch  _something_  before he worries Lelouch with more stress.

The jolly chatter of Shirley and Rivalz approaches him from across the lawn, their jovial banter a perfect paring to the bright and sunny afternoon – something he knows his disposition isn't matching. Suzaku tries to shake off of all his anxiety and smile for them as they attack him with happy hellos; but it's only later once he sees Lelouch lazily stroll into the Student Council room that the upward curve of his lips is effortless and natural.

And happy.

When Lelouch returns the gesture, a smile soft and discreet underneath the boisterous Milly but comfortable and warm over Nina's consistent neglect, Suzaku feels his unsettled emotions shirk into the corners of his mind. He feels lucky, fortunate, to have Lelouch by his side and confident that no matter what, they'll get through this together just like the former prince had promised.

•-

-•

The suggestion of autumn that Nunnally had wanted in the wind nearly a week ago is beginning to nibble now, tingling Lelouch's cheeks as he loiters on the rooftop – his makeshift lair, as far as Zero's affairs are concerned.

The check-up phone call on the Black Knight agenda ended long ago, well before the last bell rang to let students stampede out of their florescent cages and into the fresh air of anticipation about the festivities tomorrow that stole an entire school day from their heavily academic lives. Lelouch watched them swarm over the school grounds to their respective clubs in disinterest, ignoring the excited haze of babbling that filled the empty air between him and them.

He had more important things to do than waste time with some peripheral fair or biased education – even if one of his teachers  _had_  vehemently lectured him (and Suzaku) to not coast by on his class ranking. But Lelouch simply doesn't care; not when there are  _bigger_  things out there that need his attention more than some glorified romp through Britannian history – he's  _making_  history, damn it.

Still, he knows he should be herding himself to his own club obligation like everyone else for the sake of it, if nothing else, and if he leaves now he'll be fashionably late at best.

Blame it on Milly or his general distaste for playing pretend, or maybe something  _else_  entirely, but Lelouch just can't seem to get his feet to move from where they've cemented during his talk of rebellion.

Maybe that's why Suzaku is suddenly standing next to him with a half-smile.

"Thought you might be up here. I went by the clubhouse and saw you weren't there yet. I hope you're not trying to hide again."

"You know me too well…" Lelouch replies lazily, flattening his palms on the cold balustrade.

Suzaku tips his head in silent agreement, facing the schoolyard with a fully-formed grin.

"Maybe… but you don't really make it difficult to find you around campus. You're always up here."

"I like it here," Lelouch says a bit defensively and it makes Suzaku look at him in silent amusement – as if that much wasn't obvious already, but that doesn't make his statement any less true.

Even though Lelouch has his own room for when he seeks solitude, it isn't so much a sanctuary as it is a place to sleep (or not, in Lelouch's case) and store his things. He has privacy despite being in a clubhouse that many other organizations share, but there's nothing quite like soaking under a wide-open sky where it's sometimes hard to dwell on all the negatives. The rooftop breathes a mental freedom that his bedroom smothers with all of its subliminal reminders of the past.

It's usually even better up here when Suzaku decides to join him.

"Well, I came up here to be the bad guy and make sure you don't get  _too_  'lost' on your way to the meeting," Suzaku says wryly as he turns towards the exit, ensnaring Lelouch's arm with his hand.

Lelouch acknowledges Suzaku, his gesture and its silent warning, and throws it right off the rooftop.

"I don't know why you insist on policing me so much," he complains languidly, not budging a tiny bit from his spot –  _almost_  daring Suzaku to literally drag him kicking and screaming all the way to the Council room.

A laugh bubbles in Suzaku's chest as he looks between Lelouch and the door.

"I don't know, maybe I just like  _spending_   _time_  with you. With how busy we are the Student Council offers a prime opportunity to do that."

Lelouch looks into those grassy eyes, sensing an  _opportunity_  arising right this second.

"In that case," the taller boy begins, shifting into the bedeviling shade of himself as he entwines the willowy arm  _not_  in Suzaku's clutch around said-boy like ivy, connecting their hips while wearing lecherous lips, "you can just stay up here with me so we can spend  _quality_  time together,  _alone_."

Suzaku's mouth supports another lopsided smile that's more on the dry side this time, but he still welcomes the kiss Lelouch presses to his lips.

"Unlike you I uphold my responsibilities, wanted or not," Suzaku admonishes with that mild smirk, squeezing Lelouch's arm when he tries to land another kiss. "And I don't think I need to tell you that it isn't smart to get into  _this_  here and now."

Suzaku is of course not only hinting at the chance that another club member might come searching for Lelouch up here, but also the fact that if anyone were to look up  _right now_  they'd see something they really  _shouldn't_.

Lelouch thought of that already – if anyone  _ever_  bothered to look up here Lelouch would have been caught skipping by now – which does make Suzaku's statement redundant in his mind.

"So come on,  _lover boy_ , before we're later than we are now."

Sigh…

If he must, he must.

Lelouch goes with a grin, Suzaku trading an arm for a hand in his grasp as they head towards the stairs which earns him another glance from that  _very_  kissable smile – a temptation that goes unresisted yet again.

They would descend the stairs a  _lot_  faster if Lelouch could refuse the impulse to kiss that strikes every other step…

Still, Suzaku should be proud that he is one of  _few_  beings who can make Lelouch  _voluntarily_  leave his happy place.

•-•

"Tardiness is something I've come to expect from Lelouch, but it is truly a shame to see his bad behavior is influencing you, Suzaku." Milly's snarky voice greets Lelouch and Suzaku as they walk through the door, right into the chaotic debris of festival preparations.

Lelouch can't help noticing how Shirley immediately looks up from the clipboard in Nina's hands, causing the bespectacled girl to glance over her lenses after scratching her pen over the paper. He quickly averts his eyes to Rivalz who is totting a medium-sized looking brown box from the closet to the table where a large flock is currently perching. The boy's face is already glowing with scarlet blooms, no doubt overworking himself to please the girl taking advantage of him because she knows  _exactly_  what he's doing –  _talk about bad behavioral influence…_

"Sorry we're late," Suzaku apologizes with a small duck of his head, dipping into a faint blush.

Lelouch is sorry, too.

Sorry he couldn't be in a different club that's far away from the succubus that likes to call itself Milly Ashford.

The President seems to be genuinely frazzled at the moment, but her frayed nerves still struggle to dull the excited shine in her eyes.

"If you'd like to make it up to me~" the she-demon begins to openly flirt as she saunters closer to the two boys – sounding like a siren ready to sink a ship, in Lelouch's opinion. "We're having a bit of a box crisis in the storage building – something about things not going back to their appropriate place, or some such nonsense – and for some reason we have the lot of these here." Milly sweetly conveys, gesturing with a sway of her arm at all the card-board swamping their council table, "So~ I need all these boxes on the table here to be moved to the storage room, and I could certainly use your  _able_  arms, Suzaku." she practically  _giggles_  in his ear as she  _playfully_  pinches one of his biceps.

_Damned succubus._

Suzaku is about to accept her seemingly innocent task being the brainless sailor that he is, trapped in the  _friendly_  arm of their president, but Lelouch  _will not_  have the  _mother_  of  _his_  child doing any physical labor.

Unless it's sex.

Because the only one who  _actually_  labors in that situation is Lelouch.

As much as he hates to admit it…

"Sure thing," Lelouch says coolly, puffing his chest as he walks over to the table. "I think I can take care of this. Let Suzaku help you with something else."

"Lelouch, I said I need a pair of  _able_  arms," Milly mocks with a nefarious crook in one corner of her lips.

Lelouch ignores her comment and the slicing snickers from his peers with an indignant lift of his nose.

He is well aware of his own shortcoming, there's no need to bring vocal attention to it.

Lelouch doesn't get  _nearly_  the amount of respect he deserves.

"Suzaku isn't feeling well. I can—"

"He isn't? He looks fine to me." Milly's blue eyes swoop to Suzaku, hunting for any sign of illness. "You're not feeling well?"

Only after a glance at the warning glare from Lelouch does Suzaku make a small nod of his head to silently confirm the fib.

"Will you still be able to help us with the pizza? You know, piloting Ganymede?" Milly asks.

"That won't be a problem," Suzaku quickly appeases, trying to ignore the set of vexed violets that are  _scalding_  him.

Milly raises an eyebrow but otherwise  _shows_  no suspicion before offhandedly shrugging with a wave of her hand as she walks across the room to join the other girls.

Lelouch hasn't missed that Kallen is still absent.

"Whatever. We just need to get these boxes moved, I don't care who moves them."

Lelouch brushes the offending moment off his shoulders and wraps his arms around one stiff box—

But he never really stood a chance.

Lelouch manages to douse a grunt from sparking up his throat as he lifts – using his legs,  _not_  his back – the deceptive package from the table, but it's the coordination of hauling the box and moving his feet that proves to be a challenge.

A very demoralizing challenge.

Lelouch is  _Zero_ , for crying out loud! He won't be defeated by a damned  _inanimate_  object—!

He knew to lift with his legs (bravo, Lelouch, bra-vo), but he doesn't know how to shift his balance, how to accommodate the added weight so that his string-bean body doesn't become top-heavy. To his credit, Lelouch doesn't topple right over like a decrepit tower and that  _would_  count for something if he wasn't slowly sinking to the floor like a stubborn battleship that won't give up without a  _gurgle_.

All in attendance watched S.S. Lamperouge fail miserably to keep himself afloat with disloyal amusement twitching in their lips.

Not one of them sent him an aide.

The  _traitors_.

Lelouch slumps to the floor alone, becoming a hopeless mass of pants and sweat.

"…But, Madam President," Shirley starts as she takes disconcerted yet  _concerned_  steps closer to Lelouch, peeking inside the cardboard cube containing his doom, "I thought you said these boxes are  _empty_."

Milly smirks, "They  _are_."

Lelouch groans out a wheezy sound of exasperation and sags almost completely flush to the floor like a deflated balloon.

"Oh  _man_ , Lelouch!" Rivalz guffaws, "This is why you shouldn't skip P.E.!"

Lelouch grumbles under his pathetic gasping.

"Alright, people, these boxes aren't going to move themselves. No matter  _how_  entertaining Lelouch is, you need to get going," Milly announces without concealing her relishing smile as she struts right by her broken-down Vice President and towards the door. "I want all the boxes gone by the time I'm finished with my  _very_  important phone call~!"

The others follow suit, grabbing boxes or pushing carts and marching out of the door with Rivalz chuckling closely behind Milly.

Everyone exits except for Suzaku, who stays behind to make sure Lelouch doesn't huff and puff his way into heart failure.

"That was really sweet of you, Lelouch, but unnecessary," Suzaku endearingly pacifies as he crouches down, reaching to hold the hand of his gasping partner.

Lelouch merely grunts.

"I need  _papa bear_  to keep up his strength just as much as you need me to, so you shouldn't be doing anything outside of your limits either."

Lelouch yanks his hand away and flips his face in the opposite direction of Suzaku in a defiant snub.

"You… shouldn't… kick… a man… while… he's down."

Case in point.

Suzaku smiles and hoists the box up from Lelouch's hands without difficulty.

_Showoff…_

"I'll be waiting for you above the table once you're done swallowing your pride."

"…Don't hold your breath," Lelouch wryly mutters.

Suzaku just laughs.

_Bastard…_

•-•

"I've thought about possible names for the baby," Suzaku states in an easy voice as he climbs into bed next to Lelouch, fresh from the bathroom with mint on his breath. "… _If_  you want to hear them, that is," he adds timidly when he sees how his announcement stunned Lelouch's expression.

He's just surprised Suzaku would pick names so quickly – should he feel guilty about not choosing any yet?

Then again, who knows if this is only the first of many name suggestions to come…?

"Of course I do," he says warmly, using his finger as a placeholder on the page in the pregnancy book he's reading (which of course he is tagging and marking as a guide for Suzaku) to give the other boy his undivided attention. "I'm just surprised you have them so soon."

Suzaku smiles a bit abashedly to himself.

"Yeah, well, ever since we talked about it in the bath Saturday night it's been on my mind."

"Ah. So you're just trying to undermine Fry as soon as possible, are you?" Lelouch jokes.

Suzaku doesn't quite roll his eyes, but he does bump his elbow against Lelouch's arm with a light, good-natured laugh.

"Don't be so paranoid."—A glimmer of something coy yet impish gleams in Suzaku's eyes—"But I think you might like these names better…"

Lelouch smirks in a faint glow of confidence, "Alright then, spill it."

"I was thinking…" Suzaku's eyes fixate to his fingers as they toy with the white blanket draped over his lap, "if it's a girl, we could name it after your mother and if it's a boy… my father…" Green eyes glance at Lelouch only once, but even as they peer at the fabric twisting in his fingers Lelouch knows they're not focusing on that action.

Once again Suzaku's words have marched right out of the blue and into Lelouch's skull, obliterating any words he was trying to construct.

Could it be that this is Suzaku's way of grieving, coping or more properly channeling his guilt for killing his father—?

 _("To me this is like a miracle…_   _it felt like something I should treasure. Something that I shouldn't take for granted…_   _I can't give this up…")_

—Has this baby become his new atonement? Is he using this strange twist of fate to make up for a life he took away by giving back another…?

(What  _right_  does  _anyone_  have to interfere with that?)

Lelouch is silent for one beat too many and it causes Suzaku's eyes to slowly slide up to those big violets like a chastised child.

"…You don't like it."

" _No_ , I  _do_ ," Lelouch hastily relays. "I… think that's a good idea." He shapes his lips into a smile that's as warm as the summer they spent together seven years ago. "I must admit that I'm little touched."

Relief blossoms on Suzaku's face with a returned beam and a quiet release of breath. "I'm glad."

Their sunny lips meet in a few sweet kisses when the disowned prince leans to his right, sharing the moment as per his usual pecking fashion.

"Marianne Kururugi does sound a bit strange," Lelouch muses as he leans away, "but it's certainly unique."

"You don't want the last name to be Lamperouge?"

Lelouch shakes his head, "No, the baby can have yours. Aside from the fact that it would be safer if it didn't have my name, you were an only child. Our son or daughter should carry on your family name."

"Oh… right." Suzaku nods solemnly. "That makes sense."

Lelouch doesn't like the sudden strike of somberness on Suzaku's face or the shift in tone that comes with it—

Marriage is such a discouraging thought, to know there's yet  _another_  level of inequality they have to overcome due to the Emperor's infectious preaching of  _Darwinism_  – because what purpose does same-sex coupling serve for human survival if no offspring is produced? – but that will change someday… Lelouch can't say he knows how the Japanese feel about homosexuality, but if  _Zero_  has anything to do with it, change will definitely be sooner rather than later.

—but tart titters tumble from Suzaku's lips, effectively reversing the sharp decline of their mood.

"That's such a logical response, I don't know why I'm surprised," Suzaku teases.

Lelouch pulls on his classic smirk and leans in close towards Suzaku, very intent on keeping the lighter air of Suzaku's amusement from rolling right off the bed.

"And I suppose this officially means Fry is out of the running?"

Suzaku laughs again, "Just like you in a foot-race, Fry never stood a chance."

Lelouch's expression flattens but his voice is still bloated with mirth, "There's no need to get nasty about it."

The insult is certainly uncalled for and any other time Lelouch likely would have returned the serve, but tonight it's just nice to hear Suzaku laugh and see him smile like old times – like the happy and carefree boy he fell in love with under the summer sun.

For this sake, Lelouch is willing to take one for the team.

•-•

Despite all the physical exertion during the meeting today, Lelouch is still finding himself awake hours after they retired to bed.

Somehow the small fry is becoming too real for Lelouch to handle. It must be the doctor visit along with Suzaku's sudden name revelation that has done him in; solidifying the reality in his brain to the point that he's struggling to let his panicking cerebrum relax into the cushion of sleep that's trying to coax him into a dark peace. Sleep has never really been an easy thing for Lelouch to catch, granted, but lately…

Before now, this pregnancy was all an eerie dream filled with talk and fluff, not visual and solid proof that proved somehow, somewhere, someone was right and now he can't stop staring at his surreal circumstance like it's a dizzying painting of surrealism where the truth is hidden in plain view.

If there is  _even_  a truth to find anyway…

Whatever it is, it's certainly wrapped up tight in a baby's body, camouflaged as a "miracle" that leaves Lelouch juggling much more than he'd like too.

Perhaps the one respite that tackles Lelouch's distress every other thought is that he isn't the only one who  _sees_  the mystery of it all, that the doctor doesn't buy whatever fairytale magic planted and fertilized Lelouch's seed inside Suzaku's body. Aside from that one shred affirming his sanity, there's not much relief fighting to coddle him in a calming embrace. Even some of the nervous excitement about  _being a father_  that's started to thread through his apprehension isn't thick enough to unravel the quilt of anxiety cocooned around him.

All his status as "father" does is remind him just how real his situation really is – maybe too real for him to properly face. Lelouch wants to protect Suzaku at any cost now more than ever before.

(Why  _else_  would he have acted like an undignified ass during the Student Council meeting?)

Lelouch has always been overprotective, yes, but it feels strange this time.

Like the maternal feelings he has for Nunnally have been twisted and multiplied, making the ambition he welds for destroying Britannia hotter than the flames of Hell. That monster nation has always been a threat and Lelouch will be  _damned_  if he lets it interfere with his potential to have a  _real_  and  _happy_  home life.

In fact, it makes Lelouch wonder how his father was able to be so callous towards his own son – a son who was only speaking out of emotional distress from losing his mother and nearly losing his sister (his  _entire_  world) – by banishing him with frightening ease. What kind of father doesn't care about his children? What kind of man—

No; what kind of  _human being_  treats  _their_   _child_  with such heartless flippancy? It's absurd how someone so  _god damned complacent_  could throw away his own  _flesh_  and  _blood_ —

Golden blonde hair framing a conceited but warm face with sharp blue eyes stutters behind Lelouch's eyes like a sticky slide show as he remembers how specifically artist hands and fingers controlled chess pieces and art media alike. Over those many checkered boards and blank canvases drips the sound of a slightly snooty voice into Lelouch's ears with a sickeningly sincere smile flashing on an overconfident face before all that genuine affection is scratched off like an undesired sketch by a single gunshot.

_Clovis…_

The feeling of squeezing that trigger is still vivid, imprinted into Lelouch's palm as is the taste and smell of fresh blood that invaded his senses before he could flee – after he saw how easily the clear, critical eyes of an artist fell flat and unseeing for the  _first_  time.

Lelouch had done away with Clovis almost as easily as his father had with him and Nunnally, hadn't he?

(Even though he wants to believe that Clovis' death wasn't meaningless.)

Does that mean Lelouch is only becoming—?

 _No good_ …

Can't think about  _that_  now or he'll  _definitely_  be up all night.

Lelouch lies in bed with tired eyes, wishing they could close on the endless streams of thoughts that smother the somnolence of his body yet nurse the restlessness of his mind. He's irritably aware of the slumbering idiot next to him who's flaunting all the rejuvenating sleep he's getting with his steady breathing and calm body and it nurtures an urge within Lelouch's grumpy, jealous delirium to elbow Suzaku right in the side.

Of course he won't do that.

He just looks to his right, at Suzaku, with a melting gaze in lieu of malicious treatment.

_Jerk…_

Still, there's something serene with a napping Suzaku in itself; it's one of the very few times he looks so at ease, at peace – the other times being whenever Nunnally is able to make him relax with her contagiously light-hearted nature or peppered moments in bed, particularly on the ride down from his climax. Sleeping next to Suzaku is comforting, his warm body becoming a luxury Lelouch has already spoiled himself with (God knows C.C. can't compare, damned bed-hog), which is one reason the boy is tucked into his bed a night out of schedule – earlier than the safer night of tomorrow.

Lelouch turns onto his side, watching Suzaku dream on his back in a stillness he must have picked up as a habit from the grueling nights of bunking in the cramped quarters of Britannia's military rejects. Ignoring the wrathful path of that thought, Lelouch reroutes his mind as he stares at the shadowy profile of Suzaku's face, at the way his eyes roll over whatever imaginary movies are playing inside his head. He wonders if Suzaku ever has nightmares about his father when he sleeps alone, about that bright afternoon that stretched into seven dark years, and if they ever throw him into a sweaty state upon waking—

But all this  _wandering_  does is lead Lelouch right back to the issues he wants to avoid: Britannia, his father, his sleepless nights…

Lelouch lightly touches the side of Suzaku's face with the back of his fingers, skimming down a soft cheek he wouldn't mind kissing right now.

In fact, a hesitant thought later and he does, leaning over carefully for a dry peck on warm skin. Suzaku doesn't stir, not even a tiny bit, and Lelouch isn't sure if he's pleased about that or not. He runs his fingertips down the other side of Suzaku's face with a feather touch in an effort to comfort himself, wishing he could steal some of Suzaku's sleep with his gentle touch. But seeing how soundly the seahorse is sleeping, Lelouch is glad he hasn't disturbed him.

A mother  _does_  need to get as much rest as possible…

Lelouch's eyes drift lower with his sliding palm, settling on an unfathomably pregnant belly that's rising and falling with a breathing chest underneath his thin blanket. Violet eyes gaze intently on that flowing motion, flicking tentative lashes at that comatose face before deciding to indulge another urge – this odd compulsion to nest himself closely not only to Suzaku, but their unborn child. And there  _is_  something placating about laying his head on the arc of Suzaku's ribcage where a heartbeat can drum in his ear as his hand caresses their  _miracle_  through layers of fabric and flesh. The fondness for this newfound tranquility shapes Lelouch's lips into a faint and tiredly affectionate smile that's too weak to display itself as proudly as his arrogant smirks, but the emotion is there.

_I'm going to be a father…_

The thought still doesn't feel like his own no matter how many times it crosses his mind – it feels as if  _someone_   _else_  is talking inside his head… But as unreal as it all feels and as much as Lelouch cannot seem to really  _accept it_ , he still feels… happy.

The kind of happy he hasn't experienced since he could feel his mother's warm hugs.

Conversely, all this newly-gained perspective as a father brings Lelouch are his thoughts full circle, continuing through their vicious cycle:

He wonders how much it  _must_  have hurt Lady Gabriella to lose her precious son…

If her pain will ever heal…

If the  _Emperor_  ever regrets his decision about throwing away his two children…

If they are missed by that man…

If  _that_  man ever even loved them…

How could his father  _not_  love them…?

… _Why_  didn't their father love them?

So tense and frustrated are Lelouch's thoughts that they hitch through his body, twisting his muscles extraneously tight like a screwdriver recklessly close to stripping a screw and shaving off all of his lethargy. Those meek slivers of sleep that managed to meld together are shredding into dust and if he could focus on this draining feeling, he'd realize the hollow iciness seething in his heart is spreading like frostbite through his veins. Yet it  _is_  this crystallizing cold that locks his mind in brooding with their arctic mosaic of gloomy thoughts about abandonment.

How many times has Lelouch fallen asleep with the same restless thoughts?

Far too many times to properly count.

It is a sickness that ripens in his mind with age, with the prolonged arrival of answers he might not ever actually gain—

But a spark of heat is all it takes to crack his frigid depression…

A hand as warm and soft as a blanket drapes over Lelouch's head with fingers slowly starting to weave through his hair, prickling through his skull like the sharp shatter across a frozen slate of water. Through these fissures fall his barren thoughts, collapsing into this lulling, tonic touch of what Lelouch realizes is Suzaku's hand as it pets his head, tenderly tousling the ribbons of his onyx hair. It's a constant motion like the current of the sea and Lelouch melts even faster when another hand curves around his arm, slinking down to cup his own hand that he lovingly rested on Suzaku's stomach. He realizes his hand was starting to clench into a fist when his pregnant partner begins to rub over it, effectively halting the action by liquefying Lelouch completely and cleansing him of all the restlessness and forsakenness from his body.

Wrapped so securely in Suzaku's arms like this with the soothing movement of his stroking hands, Lelouch…

Soon enough Lelouch is eased to sleep under the care of Suzaku's sensitive hands, unaware of the soft, contented smile on Suzaku's lips as he listens to the older boy's breathing become deep and heavy in an untroubled slumber.

•-

-•

Lelouch wants to think that the festival has been going smoothly but he knows better than to tempt the Universe into any painful punch-lines, so he just tries to enjoy the calm while it lasts.

And yet, perhaps just by  _thinking_  he shouldn't tempt the universe he has.

Sure, the press has invaded his home – so  _that_  was Milly's important phone call? – but it isn't anything he couldn't handle for now—

As he stood on the rooftop, surveying the hectic school grounds like a king would from his ivory tower, Lelouch was tending to his Black Knights' matters – namely, the coup d'état he threw into the works earlier this week under Suzaku's very pregnant nose. It was the person belonging to that very snout that made Lelouch realize he needs to move faster. He needs to be the  _black king_  he constantly sends into battle ahead of its own infantry on their fictional battlefields and sucker-punch the Emperor right in the side before he knows what hit him.

Lelouch needs to pounce while the time is right, and he needs to do it quickly to keep Suzaku – and their baby – away from the fringes of a bloodier Hell.

—But no, the Universe seems to serve to only screw Lelouch at every turn, for as Lelouch is concluding his phone call, Milly comes frolicking towards him with "big trouble" on her lips.

Even though he was sent to do more of the President's bidding for the festival – which is  _technically_  his job, anyway – he was at least able to witness  _something_  good, for a change. A truce between Suzaku and Kallen blossomed right before his eyes as he was checking up on the green-eyed seahorse, and the pact appears to have confined their rivalry to the battlefield thanks to the generous obstinacy of Suzaku's idealistic character. That alone cut tense knots loose from Lelouch's muscles, and it helped his steps to become a bit lighter as he camped outside – hiding in plain sight – to begrudgingly take care of his festival responsibilities—

But when the Universe gives, the Universe takes.

Here he sits on a bench, doing his damned job, where he is apparently rewarded with a hammer landing square on his head.

On his head!

When he isn't even slacking off!

And it only gets better… It's some stiff from the Britannian military who has assaulted him, no less!

Sure, the woman apologizes – Cécile Croomy, Lelouch's memory reminds him, and she seems to recognize him as well – but the absolute  _last straw_  is when Lelouch hears that  _wretched_  voice from that  _wretched_  woman demanding for that  _wretched_  food at such a  _wretched_  time!

(Karma is such a bitch…)

•-•

"Please tell me you're not jeopardizing our safety for circular junk food!" Lelouch barks as he shoves C.C. into the closest get-away, the storage building.

She doesn't particularly resist him, and her compliance is oddly annoying.

Like  _Lelouch_  is the one being the ass.

As if.

"It wasn't the reason I came, but it is the reason to stay." –of course her cool voice does nothing to chill his heated temper.

"No. You're not staying, not when this place is  _crawling_  with Britannian military and the media," Lelouch declares without compunction or any of his  _schoolboy_  composure. "If there's something  _important_  you need to tell me you know what number to dial."

"Who's pregnant?" C.C. asks abruptly, her bland words yanking Lelouch's austere scold right out from under him and slapping him the face with it.

"What are _talking_ about?"

"Abortion. You asked me about it a week ago…"

"I remember…" Lelouch furrows his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest, letting his irritation retie the stressful knots in his body.

C.C. stares at him for a moment; something in her eyes is demanding yet yielding like a white flag of surrender.

"So, I want to know who it is."

The prince of Calm, Cool and Composed himself exhales through his nose like a bull ready to charge.

"Tell me you're not here for something as irrelevant as that. I don't have time to—"

"I want to know."

" _Nothing_  like that is happening."

"Don't bother acting. I know you better than that."

"Do you?" Lelouch counters curtly, his arrogant air nearly aromatic.

"I know you're not one for small talk. If you bring up a subject that means it's important no matter how subtle. Even if you were to chat you wouldn't pick something like abortion just to pass the time."

No argument there, but that doesn't mean Lelouch won't try…

"You assume too much. It could have been schoolwork related for all you know. I  _do_  have health class."

C.C. isn't buying it.

Perhaps if he had peppered his words on a slice of steaming hot pizza she would scarf them down without a second thought.

"Please, Lelouch, if there's one thing you don't need help with it's your academic career."

Lelouch is beyond annoyed and he's very certain that the pain he's beginning to feel in his left arm is the ticking time-bomb of another heart-attack.

Or maybe a stroke.

" _Why_  are you so adamant about this?"

"Why are you so adamant about  _avoiding_  this?" C.C. tosses back at him, still sounding as emotionally charged as stone. "You know it only makes you seem more suspicious."

"Maybe, but I still don't understand why you care."

There's a slight pause on her end wherein another flicker of something peculiar shivers in her eyes—

"I don't want anything interfering with our contract. I don't want you to forget about fulfilling my wish."

_Showing your true colours, are you?_

So self-serving of her – just goes to show who is more self-centered around here than Lelouch.

"I could evade conflictions with your wish if you would just tell me what it is," he fires at the witch, almost wishing she would just burst into flames—

Then she could bake her own damn pizza!

"If you don't tell me I'll just start guessing again."

Lelouch wants to strangle her, and he nearly lets his thoughtless impulse take control of his body before the sound of other voices slaughter his ill-conceived notion of asphyxiating an  _immortal_ —

He isn't happy to see intruders – never mind that the storage building isn't  _his_  property – and he is  _less_  happy to see that it's not only Kallen but Ohgi and some  _other_  woman too—

He is  _even less happy_  when C.C. barbs him about using his Geass too much.

Damned immortal witch should learn to watch her mouth!

She's  _immortal_ , not  _invincible_.

•-•

Suzaku knows he probably shouldn't, but he's enjoying himself.

Despite spending most of the festival working backstage he's still having more fun than he's had since he was a child, before guilt-driven masochism could wipe away that inner reflection as if it never existed. Perhaps he has earned himself a little fun – although he wouldn't go so far as to say he  _deserves_  it, as Arthur's bite seems to remind him. The work is even carefree, if not a little menial, and the spirited students frolicking about are a boost to his optimism about Britannia, that it  _can_  create good if given the chance.

Maybe even Nina will come around eventually…

He was even able to settle something with Kallen. He gambled on her wanting to maintain her lie of a life but he figured his odds were good if she's anything like Lelouch who trudges through every day as a liar to protect himself and Nunnally…

And perhaps just like Kallen, Lelouch really  _is_  willing to risk everything for change…

He's certainly made it clear who he favors to win, and isn't his father—

But Suzaku hardly has time to let his mind float away on uplifting or sinking thoughts as he embarks on creating the world's largest pizza inside the antique model frame, Ganymede. The controls aren't difficult, just simpler and a little jerkier than the refined, modern Lancelot model he's used to operating. Aside from the obvious value of this knightmare, Suzaku was told by Milly that Lady Marianne,  _Lelouch's_   _mother_  – or The Flash, as Milly had said she was commonly known as – also once piloted it, which squeezed his gut with even more pressure and responsibility. He understood it was a priceless piece of history, he just didn't realize such history was so close to home. Suzaku is confident in his skills, but he needs more than that to perform to the best of his abilities.

He needs respect for everything Ganymede has done, what it represents to both history and the Lamperouge siblings—

However, somewhere between his obsessive trepidation about piloting and saving Princess Euphemia from being squished into oblivion by the massive mob of people, Suzaku forgets to honor the pizza. It spirals from Ganymede's hands and onto the spear of a nearby tree, rendering it inedible and disqualified.

(This of course leaves one hungry witch very disappointed.)

The news crew seems to have forgotten it as well as they scramble to circle the Princess long before she requests their attention from the safety of Suzaku's protection, all of them so excited to be the first to report The Sub-Viceroy's announcement of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:
> 
> 1-I know the timing in this story isn't identical to canon, as you might have noticed, and that's for um reasons...
> 
> 2-two new characters popped up in this chapter, Alice and Sanica, who you may recognize from the Nightmare of Nunnally manga. They will not be adhering to their canon roles, so no worries for anyone who hasn't read the story.
> 
> 3-I read once that Gabriella more or less lost her mind after Clovis died, so take what you will from Lelouch's thoughts about her.


	5. A Tale of True Love Filled with Super Sperm

" _An ancestor of mine maintained that when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." –Spock_  from _Star Trek VI (and 2009)_

•-•-•-•-5

Ambiguous 

A Tale of True Love Filled with Super Sperm 

Milly is basking in her festival success.

Sure, the pizza turned into a disaster due to Princess Euphemia stealing the show, but it could have been worse, all things considered. The students, and even outsiders, got to enjoy themselves for at least an afternoon and take their mind off of all the complicated matters framing their lives before it came marching right back into the picture, and that's really all Milly could ask for from these impromptu festivities. She needs to strive for these things now since she won't be president for much longer or as free and independent once this ball and chain called a marriage shackles her to a life she doesn't want and she is forced into something she never wanted to be.

Speaking of her buzz-kill of a fiancé; he just  _had_  to make his rare appearance at a time when she was trying to  _not_  think about him or their arrangement – who even  _invited_  him, anyway? Lloyd spent most of his time apart from her, though, so it wasn't a real issue until he tactlessly revealed his intentions behind the proposal without a hint of shame or apology – but even  _she_  has learned to not expect so much of him by now.

If only she could marry a different, distinguished man of nobility who was also too smart for his own good…

Like a prince…

A prince she would already happened to know quite well—

"Where's Lelouch?" Shirley inelegantly bursts Milly's mental bubble with the very name on her mind.

If only Lelouch was still a prince, all of Milly's problems would be solved.

"Aw, jeez, Shirley! When are you going to start calling Lelouch 'Lulu' again?" Rivalz complains in the background, still shuffling around the student council room with tasks of club business – in this case, paperwork – Milly delegated to him that she was too lazy to do, like with everyone else who's off doing her dirty work.

Shirley blinks, "Lulu? I used to call him that?"

"You're still up to that?" he counters tiredly, a frown muddling his brow.

"Huh?"

"This little act of yours," Milly inserts herself into the conversation – not like she has any work to do, might as well harass Shirley. "Don't you think it's been long enough? I have to admire your commitment, but there must be better things to commit to than this."

"…'This'?" Shirley is still looking at them as if they're speaking a different language.

"It's no use." Rivals breathes a hearty sigh of disappointment. "I guess Shirley can be just as stubborn as Lelouch."

"But there must be hope for her yet, Rivalz. She  _is_  looking for our charming Vice President, isn't she?" Milly zealously utters as she stands with a flourish to grab the orange-haired girl with this very vigor. "Do you know where he is?"

Rivalz simpers at how easily his best friend's nemesis is getting swept away with her meddlesome plans.

"'Fraid not," he supplies to her on a level of his own discontent (he  _does_  have a duty to protect his buddy, but he can't keep from wondering about how she might  _repay_  his betrayal). "I haven't seen him since the festival. Maybe he's with Nunnally?"

Milly's shoulders sag somewhat at that but her vibrant varnish isn't wiped off completely. If her persistence in annoying Lelouch has gained her anything, it's knowing his personality and obsessive-protective nature, particularly involving little Nunnally. After today's scare with Princess Euphemia and the press – whom he never even wanted on campus in the first place – it is very plausible that he tucked Nunnally and himself away for safety like some elusive and ferocious wild animal protecting their young.

Too bad for Lelouch, Milly happens to like the thrill of the chase.

"…Um, Madam President?" the captive girl chirps a mild plea soaked in confusion at the prolonged hold of her shoulders.

"Off to Nunnally!" Milly suddenly proclaims with a dramatic point in some vague direction that isn't even close to Nunnally or Lelouch's room, startling her peer. "I can't sit idly by while these two lovebirds fly farther and farther apart! I'll help you two patch things up before it's too late! Rivalz, you watch the homestead in case Lelouch shows up."

Before Shirley can manage a peep of surprise or Rivalz can question what Milly means by "homestead," she has the other girl in her abominable clutches as she sets off to hunt down Lelouch. (There is a small part of Milly that wants to live out her desire of dating Lelouch through Shirley, but mainly she just wants to see her friend happy and ruffle the ex-prince's feathers in the process if she can.)

Milly is of course ignoring the fact that Shirley seeking Lelouch could already mean that she wishes to make amends, but Milly can't let this grand  _opportunity_  pass by her and who knows what that romantically-challenged fool will say without proper guidance.

The poor boy will never know what hit him.

Exactly how Milly likes it.

•-•

The sky is melting into a warm sunset as Lelouch broods on the rooftop.

It's absurd how swiftly everything he labored to achieve has been thwarted in one announcement. It's obvious that regardless which path he chooses, acceptance or rejection, it will mean that the Black Knights are in an unfavorable position. Should they join Euphemia and her Zone it would be equal to admitting defeat and should they refuse her it would be equal to denying peace.

Are Zero, the Black Knights, their rebellion, really that insignificant to be undone so easily?

Or is Euphemia really that lucky?

Her notion alone is nothing more than a pipe dream, a utopia that looks good on paper but fails in reality.

And yet, either way, Lelouch is screwed by this simple ideal.

It seems that the best strategy would be to travel a different path, one not offered and one he must discover. He needs to bypass Euphemia's proposal while sparing Suzaku at the same time… but where can such a path be found?

(But is he just being too selfish to not take her up on this offer? His personal plans are important, but should this baby be more important than revenge? Even if he is able to get around this Zone, would it still be too risky for Suzaku? Lelouch has thought about capturing the Lancelot before, but how much time would that really buy him? How long could Lelouch realistically keep it in the Black Knight's possession and what of Suzaku in the meantime? He's much too stubborn to simply call it quits.

Like Lelouch.

At the end of the day, would everyone be better off with the Zone…?)

Oh how the Universe must be  _laughing_  at Lelouch and all his pious gains and for thinking he could  _ever_  control anything – he can almost hear it as a maddening contraction in his mind as the rumbling embodiment of his father claiming him dead where he stands, nothing more than a  _worthless_ ,  _lifeless_ —

"You really are becoming too predictable."

—the light sound of a teasing voice sends Lelouch into a flinch and right into a pair of green eyes and an amused grin.

Suzaku lifts an eyebrow, "…Did I scare you?"

"No, I was just…" Lelouch rubs at the taunting echo in his head and the thin sheen of sweat on his brow, "it's nothing."

Suzaku hums a bit and leans against the railing in a heavy sigh with his back to the aftermath of the festival.

"I'm actually glad you're up here – I can talk to you alone," he says in a shaded tone.

"Oh? About what?"

"The obvious."

"Which obvious…?" Lelouch mutters.

Suzaku smiles with a silent chuckle, "Are there that many?"

Lelouch stares at Suzaku.

Something doesn't smell right.

The  _seahorse_  doesn't smell right.

What kind of  _question_  is that?

"So I guess this is about Euphie, then." Lelouch accurately assumes, his voice and expression like gray clouds rolling across the sky

"It's pretty shocking, isn't it?" Suzaku says with a small smile to oppose Lelouch's mood. "She wants me to assist her and I want to do it."

 _That's_  not a surprise.

"Why wouldn't you?"

Suzaku shrugs, "I think some people will have a problem with it…"

"There's always going to be a person to object no matter what." Lelouch adds a bit bitterly, "That's the point of  _freedom_ , isn't it?"

"…You think Zero is one of those people? Who will object?"

Lelouch doesn't look at Suzaku, his eyes hardening in a familiar frost.

He doesn't like where this is headed…

Is  _this_  what the suspicious scent he sniffed was?

"Who knows?" Lelouch shrugs, maintaining his blasé exterior. "It's certainly put him in a tough position."

"Say he opposes… which side would you choose?"

Lelouch sighs through his nose, a hissing leak from his internal brooding.

"Is  _this_  what you're fishing for, Suzaku?"

Suzaku looks uneasy but doesn't quite squirm in his  _stance_ , "I know how you feel about all of this. I think it's a fair question."

"Do you think it's fair to put all of your hopes into this? You really think something like this will work?"

Suzaku frowns, "How will we know until we give it a try? Don't be so cynical."

Lelouch tries not to scoff, but a weak puff of it leaks anyway, his indifferent composure decomposing like a corpse.

Like the corpse of his mother.

"It isn't cynicism," Lelouch says, "it's logic."

"So logic dictates that people can't work together?"

Somehow… this conversation doesn't feel right.

What are they talking about, exactly?

"Logic dictates that this idea is a hopeful mask for the real problem," Lelouch counters calmly – he still believes in some semblance of unity, the problem is that  _Britannia_  doesn't. "You don't think this will really solve everything, do you?"

"Where's your faith in humanity?" Suzaku is becoming upset – the last thing Lelouch wants is to get into a heated discussion (or an argument, as he refuses to put it) but he doesn't want Suzaku to get excited about what could be a sinking ship, regardless of his personal perspectives about Britannia and politics.

"Humanity?" Lelouch repeats disgustedly as if the word is a revolting regurgitation. "Britannia has proven that they have no humanity left to have faith in."

Suzaku is taken aback, gaping at Lelouch as if he rose from the grave.

(Or as if he is  _seeing_  Lelouch for the first time.)

"How can you  _say_  that? Does Nunnally have no humanity? Euphemia? Or the Student Council? Or  _you_?" The appalled flash over Suzaku's face quickly fades into antagonism. "In case you've forgotten, you're Britannian no matter how much you wish you weren't and I don't see you spitting in the face of peace – no, you think only  _radical_  actions can welcome it."

Lelouch has a hard time swallowing Suzaku's words because, for once, they're all true – especially wishing he was never born Britannian, not even a prince… Perhaps Lelouch's own words were a bit extreme, but most of the Britannians in power are the ones of despicable character. As in most cases, those pure at heart with the best of intentions are the ones with no way of making their dreams a reality.

Except Euphemia.

Still, she's the rare exception…

"You don't understand, Suzaku," Lelouch tries to speak evenly, realizing Suzaku is taking this personally when he really shouldn't. "Britannia is like a rotten tree, and what do you do with rotten trees?" he looks at Suzaku intently, already seeing the comprehension of his point twist the younger boy's features. "You destroy it all the way to the roots, otherwise it will just decay and die and keep new, better life from growing in its place. Mere pruning won't save it, you know that, and trying to disguise it with other plants won't change the fact that it's dead and useless."

Suzaku doesn't respond right away, only drops his eyes from Lelouch's as they are surrounded by a tense silence that bakes on their skin. There is a distant call of laughter from students strolling across the grass but the sprightly sound suffocates when it breaches their muted moment up on the roof.

"…So, that's how you really feel," Suzaku finally says, not breaking his gaze from his shoes, and Lelouch realizes from the boy's tone that he said too much, revealed something he shouldn't have.

For this reason Lelouch does not respond – a heavy assumption swathed in a cape and mask is standing on the edge of Suzaku's words – because no matter how silence is interpreted, it's only a conjecture and nothing more.

 _This_  is exactly what Lelouch didn't want to have happen, but he just  _had_  to go and speak his mind.

And Suzaku says he wants Lelouch to open up to him? Why, when he never likes what Lelouch has to say? What does he expect will come out of Lelouch's mouth? Rainbows and butterflies?  _Rainbow coloured butterflies?_

Oh, no, it must be rainbow coloured  _seahorses!_

Suzaku seems to huff a little when he shoves off the railing, a bitter flavor to the morose bite of his voice, "I came up here to tell you that I'll be leaving with Princess Euphemia, so don't wait up for me tonight or expect to see me for the next few days, maybe the week. In fact, I'm leaving now."

Lelouch can't let Suzaku go like this, let this rift between them grow like an eroding canyon, so he tries to mollify the situation to keep things from going too far south.

The smart and sensitive thing to do would be to give Suzaku some space, to let him go mellow alone, but Lelouch doesn't understand that – he's usually just as aggravated as Suzaku in these situations, so there's typically a mutual parting for a while. All Lelouch understands right now is the need to recover as if a strategic move failed or backfired, and since emotions don't belong in combat they don't sync to this moment. Their relationship isn't a battlefield – no matter how many times they've fought – and sometimes Lelouch forgets that what with living most of his life in a defensive shell.

It doesn't help that Lelouch is much too prideful to just apologize for being so crass – or just simply  _apologize_.

"I'll walk you," Lelouch says amiably as Suzaku begins to drift from him. "Considering I won't be seeing much of you for a few days, I better make the most of this."—what an ominous thing to say at a time like this, but maybe it isn't so unintentional—"Will you be in school at all?"

Suzaku doesn't appear to particularly want Lelouch's attention – not when he's trying to gracefully exit the scene unlike that  _one_  pitiable morning – but something respectable, or perhaps a determination to not have their relationship fall apart before the small fry is even born, keeps him from pushing Lelouch away completely.

"I don't know." Of course, his speech is clipped and strained, probably even annoyed at Lelouch's disregard for personal space at the moment.

"I hope you are – won't enjoy the day without you," Lelouch tries to compliment, hoping his uncommon admittance of… well, just an  _admittance_  will somehow reverse the damage or at least somehow lessen the tension.

"There won't be anyone here to keep you from skipping, so just enjoy that."

Naturally Lelouch's attempt is just thrown back at him in passive-aggressive smack.

Suzaku has mastered keeping his temper and aggression in check in fear of repeating a past mistake, making these scarce verbal stabs all the more potent.

"It's no fun unless it annoys someone," Lelouch tries to play back in a dry return, but the veneer is stretched too tight to fool either of them and it only leaves his humor as out of place as it is graceless.

When Suzaku merely hums in a bitter reply, Lelouch rubs his hand over the small of Suzaku's back and wrangles his waist when they step through the stairwell door. The flat look of an expired tolerance speaks volumes in Suzaku's eyes, but he doesn't try to stop Lelouch from his pathetic pacification as he leans in for a kiss, which is rigidly obliged by impassive lips.

"Be careful," Lelouch murmurs to him gently, hoping his words aren't taken as a subtle threat. "Be mindful of your situation."

Suzaku's eyes dart away from Lelouch upon hearing this as if watching his mental words of annoyance ghost through the air because he won't gladly bark them. Lelouch knows Suzaku doesn't want to be constantly reminded to not push himself like he used to do but Lelouch doesn't know how to not be over-protective. He would be making the same demands even if Suzaku wasn't pregnant.

Although the pregnant fact does make Lelouch more fretful than his usual strength.

Lelouch tries for another kiss, gently nudging Suzaku towards the inner railing of the stairwell in a practiced motion but instead of exuding his lustful intentions through a sultry smirk his body moves with an awkward desperation of rusty machinery. Suzaku still allows himself to be caged like lazy water as Lelouch connects their lips but almost once the contact is made Suzaku breaks the dam, pushing Lelouch away before this ungainly moment can amount to anything more uncomfortable, and forced.

"I have to go," he says quietly with a turned face, seeming to step deeper into his dejection as he walks down the stairs, alone.

Lelouch lets him leave because he knows he's failed and that pushing more than he already has would be foolish.

Once again, failure churns Lelouch's stomach.

So much so, he can taste it in his mouth.

He could chase after Suzaku, but he already knows the boy won't listen to anything he has to say unless he could apologize sincerely, which he can't. False apologies are not for Suzaku, or anyone that truly matters to Lelouch, nor does he regret what he said – only the timing. Ruining the moment with Suzaku isn't a first time offense for Lelouch, and one would think this smooth prince would have figured everything out by now, but in a way it's actually a compliment. There isn't anyone else Lelouch would feel comfortable enough around to vocalize such strong opinions to except Suzaku because his best friend is one person who understands him at his core. Lelouch might not say much about what's on his mind or what's in his heart, but he says more to Suzaku than to anyone else, even Nunnally.

So the problem is getting Suzaku to understand that without  _telling_  him because it is too much of a difficult thing to say out loud – because, duh, confessions aren't his strong point.

At the same time, though, if Lelouch should be learning how to be more romantic than  _Suzaku_  should be learning how to better read between the lines.

Lelouch miserably leans against the railing with a heavy heart as he listens to the sound of Suzaku's steady steps slowly spiral into silence, realizing it's a cruel metaphor for their conversation. What he would  _give_  to have ended their rooftop talk like they had for most of this week; full of kisses and smiles and  _zero_  hard feelings…

•-•

Lelouch proved to be a more elusive prey than Milly previously thought – although she probably should have known better, considering his history. He wasn't with Nunnally; the precious little sister having no leads to follow, simply saying that he had stepped out – off campus or just out of the clubhouse? Who really knows…? Milly didn't want to stray too far from the nest, knowing Lelouch's return was inevitable, so she set off to wait –  _snoop_  – in Lelouch's bedroom only to find the door to be locked (odd, considering she went through the trouble of  _removing_  the outer number pad before he moved into the clubhouse – when did he have another installed…?).

But there was another miscalculation Milly made: Shirley.

She kept blabbing about how it wasn't urgent that she see Lelouch, that it could wait and blah, blah, blah…

As if Milly cared about the details.

In the end, they were caught red-handed – namely Milly as her hands were all over Lelouch's lock as if it was Lelouch  _himself_  – by none other than the stealthy maid caring for the Lamperouge siblings. Shirley had jumped as high as her voice squeaked which Milly found rather amusing as she merely looked over her shoulder. Sayoko is her former maid, after all; she had plenty of time to become acquainted with the sneaky style of the Japanese woman when she was still growing into her own spy shoes. Milly did at least have the decency to play coy, slapping her hands to her sides as if they weren't fondling a keypad while smiling an innocent smile Sayoko knew better than to trust.

…Which is why they're trudging back into the Student Council room like wounded soldiers – or at least Milly is, Shirley is all too relieved to have failed the mission.

Where is that girl's spirit?

"Back already?" Rivalz greets them, lounging at the table alone. "What's the matter? He wasn't there?"

"No…" Milly says with a defeated sigh, sweeping her eyes around the room while Shirley scuttles passed her. "Where  _is_  everyone?"

"Kallen went home early, said she didn't feel very good." Rivalz shrugs, folding his hands behind his head, "Dunno about everyone else."

"Strange that Nina isn't here, she practically never leaves this place."

"Maybe she had something to do – she was in a really good mood about  _something_  earlier today," he says with a bit of a yawn.

Milly purses her lips, wondering just  _what_  it is that could have her little computer mole straying away from the burrow.

"I guess it doesn't matter." Milly leans against the table next to Rivalz, glancing briefly at a napping Arthur curled up on the couch. "Today was tiring, and we did already get everything cleaned up for the most part, right?"

"Yes Ma'am," the blue-haired boy salutes with two fingers.

"Is this someone's…?" Shirley starts on the other side of the table, holding a relatively thick and yellow book in her hand before turning a strange colour. Her eyes swing from the book and back to them, a redness finally bleeding on her cheeks.

"Someone's what?" Rivalz asks.

"…Book?" she peeps.

Milly's eyebrow lifts and she walks over to the girl, relieving her once again of some mental burden—

But once Milly's eyes feats upon the title, she realizes that this is far better than sneaking into Lelouch's room while he's away from home.

"…What is it?" Rivalz questions from his chair, now leaning forward a bit with his hands pressed on the table and a curious frown – both interested about the object of attention and bracing himself against Milly's diabolical smirk.

Of course it's only the juiciest piece of game she's yet to catch.

Now begins the  _real_  hunt!

"Who do you think this could belong to…?" Milly asks to no one in particular with her sleuthing senses going wild, slapping another question to Shirley before she even hears an answer to the first, " _Where_  did you find this?"

"Just un-under the table." Shirley eyes the salivating of Milly's mouth in an understandable state of alarm, at first unsure which question to answer, but quickly chose the one directed  _at_  her as if hoping that will bait the rabid gaze somewhere else or just plain leave her invulnerable to it. "I saw it when I was tightening my shoe strap…"

"Thank  _God_  for your loose shoe, my dear!" Milly excitedly exclaims through her deranged frothing.

"What are you talking about?" Rivalz demands as he marches to their side of the table. "It's just a  _book_."

He must not be a boy who believes knowledge is power.

Milly shakes a chiding finger at him, "Ah-ah-ah~! It's no ordinary book! See for yourself."

" _Pregnancy for Dummies_ …" he reads out loud in a bland voice but his face promptly matches Shirley's; a dreadful fear pulling his eyes open wide. "Don't tell me you think this belongs to one of  _us?_ "

"Of course!" Milly nods with a wink, very pleased the boy is at least able to follow her train of thought. "No one else uses this room but the Student Council!"

"Yeah, but, people come in here sometimes," Rivalz tries to argue. "It could belong to anyone! Especially with the festival today – who knows who could've been in here today or how long that book's even been sitting there."

What a rational statement to spoil her mood.

He's beginning to sound like Lelouch!

She taps her lip, "You do bring up a good point, my good chap, and there doesn't appear to be a name or anything in here except highlights and tabs… I suppose there's really only one way to know who it belongs to for sure!"

Milly holds a long, dramatic pause here, clearly telling them to ask her about her plan.

And really, why wouldn't they want to know?

So they do, in unison, with a slightly frightened pitch to their voices, perhaps expecting they'll unleash certain doom with the password: "…How?"

Milly Ashford grins deviously, bathing in the dark aura slashed with lightning that clouds up around her, making the other two believe they're going to witness their fear come to life—

"We wait." Her words don't sound nearly as sinister as her voice and they're not nearly as sinister as the way she clutches the book close to her chest as she hunches slightly like a mad scientist—

Hm, maybe Lloyd  _is_  rubbing off on her in some trivial way…

—but it's sinister, all right; and after another inviting pause where she forces one of them to inquire again it's Shirley, surprisingly, who takes her bait.

"Wait?"

"That's right!" Milly beams, all of the ominous air dispersing in a flash of the dazzling smile that Sayoko is right to distrust. "Whoever lost this book will likely be coming back in here to find it, and that's when we'll have our answer!"

Rivalz and Shirley exchange a look, neither really wanting to comply but also not able to object, and so they unwittingly become her accomplices, whether they like it or not.

Which they obviously don't.

But Milly is too caught up in her chase that she doesn't notice the difference.

"And then if the person comes alone, all we'll have to do after that is figure out who they're involved with and the case will be closed!" and then all Milly has to do is figure out how to use the information…

May the Universe have mercy on them.

 _Everyone_.

•-

-•

Lelouch never honestly thought he'd see the day when Shirley would ditch him. The Universe has never been so kind to him but he really expected more from Shirley – she calls and asks to meet him downtown only to become a no-show? It isn't like her to be inconsiderate. Then again, she can be flaky if the occasion calls for it…

It would be nice to entertain the idea that maybe this is just some playful revenge for when he was late to that concert, but that's just too delusional a notion to cherish.

It's still a nice thought, though.

To have Shirley sore enough at him to play a practical joke for leaving her out in the rain – where she  _wasn't_  distraught because he inadvertently killed her father and many others in a literal landslide victory (until the Lancelot appeared, of course), tears indistinguishable from the downpour. No, at that time she would've reprimanded him in all seriousness without the fury because she'd be appeased by the simple fact that he even came – she  _wouldn't_  have lunged at him in an impulsive thirst for consolation that only he could provide at that moment…

There was a tiny voice that told him he shouldn't return her kiss for scattered reasons (namely, Suzaku), but her lips were cold and her body was shaking, it didn't seem right to reject her when she was so emotionally vulnerable and upset – and when it was all his fault. Shirley clung to him with a grief he's experienced first-hand, a feeling he tries to forget with every passing day, and it was as if she hacked into that part of his heart and punched the hidden bruise. In a split-second decision, closing his arms tightly around her, to cradle her as he firmly kissed her quivering lips, was all he could do to quell the undesired feelings drudging up from the darkest places inside both of them.

Lelouch was never good at properly –  _healthily_  – handling his own emotions, so what was he to do for someone else? He honestly cares for Shirley, he always has, and if it wasn't for Suzaku, C.C. or Mao… well, who knows how their relationship could've developed.

Naturally, Lelouch never told Suzaku. There wasn't a need to. No need for more guilt. He doesn't suspect that Suzaku would be jealous as he's far from the jealous type, in fact he probably would have understood, but there wasn't a real reason to bother or worry Suzaku more than he needed to be – especially when things with Shirley took a turn for the worst. Lelouch relates the kiss to a hug, and there's nothing wrong or unfaithful about giving a hug, so there wasn't any reason to "confess." It was an act of condolence and nothing more.

But all of this is besides the point as these events don't even exist in Shirley's Geass-controlled-brain, so he isn't sure what prompted her to abandon their plans this afternoon without so much as a texted apology – she never did fail to nag him in the past…

Could it be the growing frenzy of the Zone that spooked her? Lelouch doesn't think it likely. She's much more open-minded and rational than her clumsy naiveté lets shine, so she wouldn't let a few bad attitudes spoil her own. Well, whatever the case, Lelouch is still left to skulk the city alone for the afternoon, breathing in the fear and bigotry of his  _fellow_ citizens as the Zone ceremony looms on the horizon. Lelouch can't say he's anymore pleased about this development than they are, but for  _vastly_  different reasons (although a certain baby has begun to make him question his standing). Lelouch was even lucky enough to personally witness one deplorable denizen in particular, and if it wasn't for Rivalz that  _nobleman_  would be taking a long walk off a short pier, so to speak – and Rivalz almost joined him.

Another curious strength of Lelouch's Geass happened again today but Lelouch dismisses it quickly as just a matter of timing (because he only needed to close his eye to prevent the command from being conceived because it was mid-order, not because his power is simply evolving). Perhaps if he wasn't so distracted, like he had been at the clinic, too, he would be more alarmed. Lelouch hardly has the cranial capacity to spare as he pondered his way through the mall and did the important errand of getting Nunnally's birthday present. It's as he sits for a rest on the elevated patio of a relatively barren bistro that he is confronted by his ever-persistent shadow with a fast-fading smile as it joins him across the small table.

"How long have you been following me?" Lelouch interrogates sharply, staring down the pair of golden eyes that always seem to follow him wherever he goes. He is neither pleased nor amused by the fact that she's roaming freely through the city behind him, but she's here, so he might as well face her. Then maybe he can get her to  _disappear_  again.

C.C. looks at him plainly, either ignoring the challenge in his voice or too indifferent to even notice it.

"Long enough to know you've been stood up," she answers lazily.

He would like to believe that she didn't surface just to stalk him for an  _infantile_  reason, but he knows better.

"I suppose you're still searching for the same enlightenment," Lelouch grouses, sipping his black coffee with vexed verve. "You are  _incredibly_  annoying."

She only stares at his surly remark like a porcelain cat; Lelouch can almost feel those amber irises scratching at the inside of his skull.

He never quite gets used to that feeling.

But a jaded breath blows from his lips as he's well aware that it's only a matter of time before she'll learn the truth with or without him.

"Fine, you're right. I admit it. Are you happy now?"

"Normally I would be."

"…But?" being the one wound so tight, he glares at her apathy.

C.C. shrugs, "This is different, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Lelouch slings his eyes to the thin clutter of traffic below them, "It's different alright."

"Who is it?"

Lelouch gives her a nasty look but it doesn't last long. As infuriating as it is to be asked the same thing repeatedly, he's never been so tired and confused and all this baby business has him feeling a specific hallow – one that never sealed but one he learned to ignore with the aid of Nunnally's love. Becoming a father has forced him to face this hole once again, and within it is the aching desire for some maternal support.

Simply: Lelouch  _really_  misses his mommy.

Seems he'll have to settle for C.C.

"Suzaku," Lelouch reveals in a weary breath, not even caring how she'll react.

"…What about Suzaku?"

"No," Lelouch shakes his head, looking to her once again, "he's the one. He's… pregnant."

C.C. really has mastered the art of playing statue.

However, this time there's something concretely condescending in her eyes.

"…I know you're stressed, Lelouch, but that's a very bad joke. Even for you."

Lelouch's lips curl, thankful he isn't the only one who thought this a bad joke.

"I know what it sounds like,  _believe me_  I know how utterly preposterous it sounds, but it's the truth. I saw an ultrasound and everything. The baby is real and inside Suzaku. I have no idea how it happened, but it doesn't matter."

"Maybe it was your Geass." C.C. offers without hesitation – she has always been quick to digest a situation.

Now Lelouch gets to play condescending statue, "…What?"

"Geass is the only thing that sets you apart from Suzaku, correct?"

Lelouch shakes his head vehemently – no, he doesn't  _even_  want to go there.

Not with  _her_.

"Are you trying to tell me that  _Geass_  has  _impregnated_  Suzaku?"

"No. I'm saying you are probably the cause. If you are both otherwise normal and healthy teenage boys, perhaps your Geass is the culprit. You are the reason for the pregnancy, not Suzaku. He's merely the receiver of your—"

"Stop," Lelouch interrupts with a scowl. "What does that mean? That I have contaminated DNA or something?"

"Probably more like… contaminated sperm."

Lelouch would sputter if he could take back his voice from the skeptical bewilderment that stole it.

"Oh, well, that's  _just_   _great_ ," he grumbles, making the tableware clink as he loudly drops his hand down on the table. "I have  _superhuman_   _sperm_."

C.C. grins, "Super sperm – I don't think there's anything  _human_  about having contaminated reproductive specimen."

"This isn't the time for jokes!"

She shrugs again, "You've got to learn to laugh sometimes, Lelouch. One day it will save you a lot of stress and probably your blood pressure."

He can think of one thing that would save him a lot of stress  _right_   _now_.

But he still needs C.C. around, so her demise will have to wait.

Unfortunately…

"You don't think that's really possible, do you?" Lelouch won't admit that he's pleading here, but he really is hoping for a shred of sanity to tie to the enigma inside Suzaku's pregnant tummy.

"It can't be impossible," she says so nonchalantly that he begins to wonder if she's just yanking his chain or being sincere. "And I take it that having an abortion isn't a part of the plan?"

"No… We're having the baby." Lelouch starts to laugh a little, a troubling sound as some of his internal crazy escapes his grip, "I have no idea how, but we're having it come Hell or high water."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Lelouch shakes his head slightly but doesn't really answer her question, steering the conversation in a different direction.

"C.C.… is there, any chance that my Geass will affect the baby?"

"Hard to say. I've never known a contractor that reared children…" she pauses, her eyes falling a bit flat before she speaks with a distant wind to her voice, "Well, there was  _one_  couple."

"And?" Lelouch's eyes draw to her like moths to a flame, visibly anxious to hear something  _useful_  crawl out of the pizza-hole in her face.

She looks uneasy about divulging the information, a crack in her statuesque disposition, as if listening to a voice in her  _head_  that's demanding she stay silent, but C.C.'s never been good about following orders.

"…Inconclusive."

" _Incon—_?!" Lelouch seethes.

"Even so…" she continues, "Geass is like a tattoo or a scar and those are not inheritable traits."

"No, but everyone has a birthmark of some sort…" Lelouch shakes his head after a thoughtful moment – even if it isn't Lelouch's fault, Suzaku has also been under Geass for some time and also subjected to C.C.'s own mysterious powers. That couldn't possibly affect Suzaku or the baby… could it? And what about the mark on C.C.'s forehead…? Is Lelouch being paranoid or justifiably concerned about this possible connection? "I don't know. I guess I can only wait and see what happens."

Not a fond move for Lelouch.

He hates to be oblivious and underprepared.

But so goes the way of the Universe…

"If something occurs," C.C. asks him carefully – with a hint of sensitivity in her tone? – "you'll tell Suzaku about your Geass?"

Lelouch looks at her with heavy eyes, "I'm not sure I'll have a choice."

Trying to explain any of this to Suzaku… Lelouch hadn't thought about it, not even once. He isn't sure he'd even know where to begin in order to help Suzaku understand, or if Suzaku would be appalled by it. As far as Lelouch sees it, if there's nothing to worry about then there's no reason to tell Suzaku. It might not be honest, but isn't dishonest either.

If their baby is involved, however, it might be a different story. Lelouch would rather not think about it – the last thing he would want in the world is for his child to contract anything strange or harmful – but  _not_  thinking about it isn't going to solve anything.

He'll need to devise yet another plan.

Or maybe several.

Just to be safe.

•-

-•

Suzaku isn't used to having good days.

Most of his life everyday has been the same, just another date to cross off the calendar while wondering if tomorrow would (finally) be the last.

Lately he hasn't lived through that routine.

Lately he's been having good days.

He is even learning to adjust –  _welcome_  – this pleasant change as it greets him more brightly each day.

He has even realized that he looks forward to  _living_  each day rather than, well…

Today is one of those good days.

Not only was he informed by Doctor Sanica that all of his test results were nothing to fear, but he's standing beside Princess Euphemia as they usher the unveiling of the Special Administrative Zone, witnessing the surprising flood of civilians lining up to join. Suzaku feels some positive emotions filling his gut with light and fuzzy energy – happiness, pride, confidence… something else? He can't quite place it, but he knows that hope and inspiration are buzzing around inside him. Maybe there's even some admiration in there, too. Suzaku doesn't know how to begin to fully appreciate Her Highness's effort with this Zone except for vowing that he'd be here every step of the way no matter how taxing they may become.

Not like he hasn't been through worse.

Considering everything Euphemia has done for this… he isn't sure that his services will be enough thanks.

She had admitted to appearing at the festival because she had over-heard him say it would be an open-campus and that she came specifically to inform him about her idea. Euphemia didn't mention how or why this idea came to her and Suzaku didn't want to be intrusive. He wouldn't dare to think she'd do so much for just him – yet in a way, this if for  _everyone_ , too – but she's made it clear that she honestly would go to great lengths for him—

(" _More than two-hundred thousand citizens have applied for the S.A.Z. of Japan, and it doesn't show any signs of slowing," Euphemia says. "It's all thanks to you."_

" _What?" Suzaku looks at her curiously confused._

" _They trust our venture because they have you to represent the Japanese interest."_

_He smiles softly, "No, it's because you announced this yourself."—Ever the modest soldier—"I am truly grateful to you."_

" _As am I to you," the princess returns instantly and gently genuine. "I hope you can continue to help me with all of this."_

" _Yes, Your Highne—!" Suzaku moves in an automated fashion, preparing to bow as he crosses his arm over his chest, but she stops him with a reminder to drop the formalities, like always. "…Right." He says a bit awkwardly and she chuckles softly, reminding him of Nunnally._

" _You know, pretty soon you won't be able to address me with titles like 'Princess' or 'Your Highness.' Constructing the Special Zone didn't come without sacrifices." When Suzaku only stares at her, obviously not able to catch her drift, she gladly takes the invitation to spell it out for him with a warm smile, "I have given up my right to the throne, and the title that comes with it. I'm no longer a princess of Britannia, just Euphie – so you better get comfortable with the informalities!"_

_Suzaku gawks at her, "But—!"_

_She shakes her head at him, never losing her smile for a second._

" _Don't worry yourself with this, Suzaku. I've thought a lot about it and in the end I realized that I'm not giving up anything that's truly important to me. Everybody wins in this scenario, even me!"_ )

—Her sweet nature is almost enough to distract him from Lelouch's bitter nature…

But here he goes thinking about Lelouch  _again_.

He is ecstatic about the way things are going, to say the least, and the reality that Euphemia isn't harboring any animosity about his unruly rejection of her order has him walking on higher clouds. Yet, despite all the optimism surrounding him, his mind never fails to remind him of all the troubling matters he's trying to leave in the dark for just a little longer.

It isn't that Suzaku doesn't understand Lelouch's hostility, he just wishes that Lelouch could let go enough in order to trust Euphemia – he should know his sister better than anyone – just as Lelouch wanted Suzaku to forget about his death-wish. Lelouch always wants everything to go his way with unyielding stubbornness, and he's usually able to force his victories in the end, but this time things are different. Suzaku doesn't know if this attitude stems from his childhood in royalty or not, but he has a hard time imagining that Lelouch would be any different had the boy been a commoner. The stories Nunnally and Euphemia have shared with Suzaku virtually painted Lelouch in the same light as a child to who he's become, not to mention the shades of Suzaku's personal experiences. Even if the past is a fading memory, the hues of his history aren't distorted completely; he was still an arrogant know-it-all who held a high opinion of himself and was protective of Nunnally.

However, there is one aspect of Lelouch's character that isn't coloured quite the same way from his past. The playful kid described to Suzaku from fond reminiscences was innocent and carefree as he wasted days filled with flowers and laughter. He wasn't the aloof castaway painstakingly trying to rebuild his and his sister's future one lonely day at a time in a neglected corner of the Kururugi property and he wasn't the resentful young man scorched by distrust and blistering with abhorrence for the blood in his veins.

Suzaku realized at that time before they met, they were the same: unbroken.

Although they eventually became friends, after Suzaku learned there was a soft, gooey center inside this snarky block of ice, it didn't change his view of the older boy. He didn't know the side of Lelouch that was a bright-eyed boy who knew little of suffering thanks to living a life in his mother's bubble (and Suzaku wonders if Lelouch is repeating history intentionally or not by doing the same thing with Nunnally). Only years later, after piecing together these small bits of the past has Suzaku understood that Lelouch is more driven by his rage than his despair. He understands that Lelouch isn't a person who will simply forgive and forget.

Suzaku would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about the details leading up to Lelouch's and Nunnally's expulsion but he never dared to ask, not wanting to reopen any wounds or stall their healing anymore than time already has. Of course Lelouch has never spoken a word about it – of course, Lelouch doesn't speak about his past, period – and Nunnally was spared the wicked truths at the time, and even Euphemia doesn't seem to be too keen on talking about it, either. Suzaku didn't pry but the topic crept up on them and all Euphemia revealed was that Lelouch had challenged the Emperor in the royal court after the death of his mother and the man didn't take very kindly to it. She said that at the time she didn't understand or know all of the details and that whenever she asked Cornelia and even Schneizel, they didn't do more than frown and simply tell her that Lelouch and Nunnally were sent somewhere far away – little did she, all of them, know they'd never return. (How badly he wanted to reassure her then, to let her know that Lelouch and Nunnally are very much alive, but he couldn't…)

Afterward, Euphemia described a life where Nunnally and Lelouch were forgotten like yesterday's garbage and it pained her deeply to walk through a callous palace where her brother and sister seemed to vanish from reality like they never existed (that was why Clovis had recreated Lady Marianne's garden at the Government Building, she said, when he came to Japan as a sentimental move to be closer to his lost siblings… Suzaku often wondered what Lelouch would think about that, but he gets the feeling that the discarded prince wouldn't see it in the same positive light that Euphemia does.)

But where does all of this lead? What place do any of these musings have in the present?

Suzaku doesn't want to think it, but it's much too late for that. He held strongly to denial, that he was just imagining things or that the idea was ridiculous, alas all these connected dots drew a picture of Lelouch as a terrorist instead of smiling, little boy. The former prince has proven himself intelligent and vindictive enough with radical politics that lead him to supporting the Black Knights, but is there any way Lelouch could take a life so easily, let alone  _hundreds_? Is Lelouch's inner child so blackened by his father that he would send innocents to the grave because of his anger? Doesn't he realize he still has people who love him? He wanted Suzaku to understand this same truth but does he believe it himself? That he doesn't need to fight anymore…?

That he doesn't need Zero.

Maybe Suzaku is wrong about this, and he desperately hopes he is, never has he wished so hard to be wrong, and maybe it isn't too late for Lelouch to move forward or be rescued.

If it wasn't too late for Suzaku, then it isn't too late for Lelouch.

It can't be too late…

•-

-•

"You're being awfully cautious," Euphemia notes as Lelouch tampers with the security panel in the control room. "I've had all the cameras turned off."

"I've had to hide most of my life thanks to a certain empire," Lelouch says rather solemnly, thinking of the weapon concealed in his cape with a clenching fist and of the surrounding Black Knights awaiting his commands. "I don't think I have to tell you what a difficult position you've put me in with this Zone."

Her eyebrows knit together, "What do you mean?"

Lelouch throws a quick glare at her for the  _nerve_ , but her naïve nature wipes his eyes clean in an instant.

"What did you expect to accomplish with this?"

His question purses a picture of puzzlement on her face.

"Accomplish? Well…" her eyes sway away from his, searching for the right way to phrase her thoughts. "I guess to put it simply: to make everyone happy."

Lelouch holds his tongue.

"This way we can be together like before while at the same time everyone else can benefit." She reconnects their gaze, "This way—"

"You honestly think things can go back to the way they were before?" Lelouch can't keep from spitting spitefully at her. "Things can  _never_  be the same! Not after everything that's happened! I'm not—!"  _the same person anymore…_  "It just isn't that simple!"

"I know it won't be exactly the same, but…" Euphemia's entire shine darkens before his eyes with the weighted droop of her voice. "Did you think that you weren't missed at all? When I discovered you were alive, it made me so happy I… I wanted to do something about the situation here in Japan, to help everyone and stop the bloodshed. I figured if I can't help you then I don't deserve to be a part of your life."

But by trying to help all she did was force Lelouch into a corner.

And yet, the small fry would probably thank her for it.

Damn, now even the  _baby_  is against Lelouch.

"I've worked too hard to have your delusions interfere now," his scathing tongue continues to lash, not sure he likes how this exchange is softening his heart. "It was a noble but vain effort—!"

A striking pain in Lelouch's left eye grabs and drags him to his knees as if a flaming hook pierced the soft muscle and yanked him down as it incinerates his socket. His hand flies up to the agonizing fire searing his nerves as his mind is splashed by panic (… _What is this? Why now…?_ ) while hiring  _all_  of his energy and focus to  _just make it STOP—_

"Lelouch?" Euphemia rushes to his side—

"Stop it! Don't cast you pity onto me!" Lelouch swats at her aide, scurrying away from her as if she's the cause for his anguish, his hand concealing the fading fire in his eye. "I don't need your charity! I will make this happen on my own! I don't expect Euphemia  _li Britannia_  to understand—!"

"I have relinquished that name!" said girl exclaims with uncharacteristic force, stunning Lelouch where he stands like a bolt of lightning. "I expect the mainland will announce it shortly, but I have given up my right to succeed the throne."

"Why?" Lelouch asks his pink-haired sister as if it pains him –  _she'd give up everything for…?_  – as his hand sinks to his side. "Because you've accepted Zero into your heart?"

"I made you participate in my little endeavor," she smiles, "so surely you expect something in return."

Lelouch thought Suzaku was the only one to ever truly astound him.

He was wrong.

He forgot about a simple girl named Euphemia.

"…You gave it up so easily. Did you do it for me?"

Euphemia giggles at him – an almost absurd sound as it lights up the dark control room, "As conceited as you ever were, but no. I did it for Nunnally and Suzaku."

He blinks at her a bit dazedly, seeming to miss the light jab at his character.

She smiles sweetly, "She told me that if she could be with her brother, that was all she needed."

"That's why?"

"That's what made up my mind," Euphemia answers as she gives him a brighter smile. "I asked myself what is really important in this world. Lelouch, I haven't given up anything that I really, truly treasured. And you don't have to worry, I haven't told anyone about you."

"…And what about Suzaku?" Lelouch has a feeling he already knows how Suzaku is involved in this, but he wants to hear a confirmation.

"I said I haven't told anyone. Not even—"

"No, not about that."— _thank_  the Universe for that, though—"You said you did this for Suzaku, too."

Euphemia's cheeks are brushed pink as she turns a bashful gaze away from him, and somehow Lelouch is reminded of a certain island incident, a specific conversation striking his mind like a bullet—

( _He is lying by a campfire which was his only accomplishment after his attempt at hunting and trapping failed miserably – there probably aren't any animals worth eating to catch, anyway – where he's bitterly nibbling at some of the fruits Euphemia had gathered for them when she brought up a curious topic._

" _Lelouch?"_

_Lelouch hums around the sour taste of fruity failure in his mouth._

" _You're friends with Suzaku, aren't you?"_

_Lelouch starts to choke – isn't there a rule about not eating while lying down?_

" _What?" he rasps._

" _I'm not really sure how it came up, but Suzaku told me about living with you and Nunnally when you were children." She smiles, "He told me about how the three of you became friends."_

_Lelouch swallows, now sitting upright with his hand around his neck, face pale with death ghosting through him._

"… _Oh, yeah. We were friends."_

_Her pink eyebrows crease lightly, the shadows from the fire stretching haunting shapes over her soft features._

" _You're not still friends?"_

_Seems Suzaku took the precautions to not inform his fair princess about her siblings' whereabouts and welfare and that he has frequent contact with them – not that Lelouch expects he did or would._

_Lelouch grins ironically, "I guess I should hope we still are."_

_If only she really knew…_

"… _But you knew each other really well, didn't you? He said you were both each other's first best—well, real friends."_

_He nods, picking at the large, premature berry, "Yeah, we were pretty close. I never had a relationship like that with anyone before."_

_Lelouch's fingers falter when he reconsiders what he just said…_

" _I see…" is all she says before the fire fusses next to them, splintering the quiet with a hot static of cracks and hisses for several moments._

 _Fizzle-_ pop _._

Pop- _crackle._

 _Sizzle-_ pop _._

" _Say, Lelouch…?"_

" _What?" He asks, biting into more of this mocking sustenance._

" _You wouldn't know what type of girls he likes, would you?"_

_Lelouch chokes again, this time alarmingly enough to make Euphemia scuttle closer to him and smack his back – which, incidentally, is a very counterproductive act._

" _WHAT?" He finally coughs after the fruity flesh dislodged from his throat – he needs to be more careful about when he takes his bites around Euphemia's chatty mouth!_

" _I'm just wondering…" She twists her dress skirt timidly._

_Lelouch, blue from a second scare of suffocation and red from, well not from embarrassment, considers his answer._

_Obviously the only way to answer this question is with honesty._

" _No, I don't know what type of girl he likes."_

_Technically, that's not a lie. Girls are never a strong topic of discussion between him and Suzaku, at least never in that sense._

" _Oh…" she says with downcast eyes…_ )

—Ah, so that's it. Lelouch must have been denser than he thought, but he must be improving in order to piece it all together without it being explained to him.

"Suzaku has become a dear friend. I don't want anything to happen to him if I can help it…" she meekly presents her case but Lelouch is way ahead of her.

Euphemia has feelings for Suzaku – it's so obvious!

This Special Zone is more than an olive branch; it's a safe haven where Euphemia can protect those she loves while at the same time helping others – her knowledge of Suzaku's pregnancy has also undoubtedly given her extra determination. While Lelouch was trying to drive the threat out of his nest, Euphemia used it to her advantage to build a new one right in Britannia's own backyard. It is a very clever move on her part – risky, but clever – yet it doesn't mean that their lives or relationships can be mended to what they were before everything was ripped apart and there's no telling how smoothly this whole affair will come to life.

…Well, if there's one thing Lelouch knows how to do, it's how to make things  _work_ , and with his intelligence and striking charisma he's confident he can make everything fall nicely into place. This Special Zone may even serve Lelouch's plans more than he initially thought, or at least provide some shelter until he can adjust to this drastic weather change on the battle field.

But it's going to take a lot of work…

A prideful laugh bubbles from Lelouch's mouth, "And Cornelia?"

"It's not like we'll never see each other," Euphemia says, trying to sound rational and sturdy in spite of the undertone of discontent flattening her voice.

Lelouch grins at her naïve devotion despite knowing that he's left Nunnally alone many a night to further his Zero goals.

"You're such an idiot," he says. "A total moron."

Kind of like another person he knows…

Her powder-blue eyes waver, "Well, I've never been able to beat you at study or at play, but…"

Lelouch glances at her and then leers at himself, "It's not how I envisioned it, but I really will have gotten all I want. When I think about it, you were Euphie long before you were Sub-Viceroy or the Third Princess."

"If I'm just regular, old Euphie, will you help me?" she asks, adopting a very serious tone that isn't much like her and extends a hand to him.

His violet eyes slide over her hand, holding a pause as if waiting for  _anything_  to crash into the room and stop him from what he's about to do.

But nothing does.

(What? No Orange-Boy?)

"You were my most worthy opponent," he admits to her in sincerity as he grasps her hand. "And in your usual, rash Euphie fashion, you've beaten me. You win."

The ex-princess stares at the ex-prince with starry eyes glittering in astonishment.

"We'll figure out a way to make this Special Administrative Zone or yours work. But I'm not going to be your subordinate."

"Of course not!" she laughs again.

Lelouch smiles at her earnest eyes, feeling both lighter and heavier with this Special Administrative Zone sitting on his shoulders.

"There is an audience awaiting us," he says as he fetches his mask.

Euphemia nods ecstatically, "Shall we go then,  _partner?_ "

"No… I, think I need a moment. Go ahead without me."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't it be better if we walked out on stage together?"

"Never underestimate the power of suspense," Lelouch cockily replies. "Zero is partial to dramatic entrances, you see…"

She giggles quietly at him one more time.

"Oh, fine. But don't take too long. Japan is waiting for you!"

His smug half-smile watches her leave while his lungs heave a heavy sigh once she's gone. One swampy, glove-clad hand flattens on the console as he takes a moment to breathe while the beginning of perspiration on his hairline chills as hasty thoughts pummel his brain.

What has he just done?

Did he just make an empty sacrifice?

…But won't Suzaku be happy? And safe?

And Nunnally? And the baby?

Was this really the right thing to do?

Lelouch glances at his mask, at the way Zero's faceless surface is gleaming at him as if judging him, but he sees himself in that dark reflection, at the violet-eyed boy who always stares back at him, and somehow the oxygen he inhales doesn't feel so thick.

He doesn't have the liberty of time to stress and regret right now – Japan is waiting for him.

Not Area Eleven.

 _Japan_.

(His  _home_.)

Lelouch makes the quick order for his surrounding troops to fall back for the time being while pulling in a select few to join him once the stage ceremony is finished and then hides inside Zero's mask as he strides to reunite with his sister. He pushes all the impending stress to the back of his mind, including whatever the  _hell_  just happened with his eye and if he should finally bother C.C. about it, and if she'll bother to actually  _enlighten him_.

•-•

The Special Administrative Zone went off without a hitch (or a bang) with Zero and Princess Euphemia as equals and colleagues, setting the example for the change they want to see in the world. It was a significant moment in history and a day that many will likely retell to younger generations for years to come…

Which is all well and good, but there's still one giddy part of Milly's brain that cannot be distracted from the trap under the table as the club watches the news huddled together in the student council room. Perhaps if something had gone awry her attention would be undivided on the disaster at hand, but she's had the great fortune to make sparing her energy unnecessary.

One's great fortune is another's tragedy, as the law of the Universe goes.

The suspense is bottling up inside her, though, as she can't help but grow impatient—

_Who lost the book and when are they going to hurry up and come get it!_

—but Milly knows that hunting takes a cool head, so she will wait as  _patiently_  as  _possible_  no matter how long it takes.

…But it better happen  _soon_ , damn it!

•-•

An unmasked Zero is tending to the fainted witch in the private quarters granted to him as co-collaborator in this utopia. The room is dark as he dabs a damp, cool cloth over her forehead, over the mark on her skin that he's only inspected up close once before, in a dank cave where he spoke her true name for the first and only time… Even though he doesn't think he should, he feels a bit guilty about studying the shimmering brand, typically concealed by the lock of her electric green hair, without her consent or knowledge, almost as if he's trying to catch her naked.

That is why he is slightly startled when she stirs under his tender hand.

C.C.'s eyes peer up at him as cleanly and crisply as ever, staring at him like she knows something he doesn't – which is all too true – and Lelouch is sure to mirror that gaze if only because of his pride.

"You were passed out on the ground alongside Suzaku and the other guards," Lelouch says coolly if a bit gravely as he continues to press the cloth to her forehead. "I don't know what happened, but considering the circumstances, I don't think we'll be in any real trouble. I still suggest you stay away from Suzaku as much as possible and that goes double for—"

"You didn't need to do this," the dull blade of her voice cuts him off, her warm hand curving around his. "You seem to have forgotten that I don't require medical attention."

 _Typical_.

Both interrupting him and changing the subject.

Lelouch knows he isn't much better, however, so he lets it slide for now. There will be plenty of time to order her around later and have her not listen.

So very  _typical_.

"I know," he says in a slight huff, draping the cloth across her forehead. "You seem to have forgotten kindness."

A tiny twist of that peculiar something twitches over her features again – a faint flicker of wry amusement this time? Lelouch can't be sure, but it's as suspicious as it is brief and the next thing he knows she's suddenly touching his face with fingertips that are too gentle and sensitive for her character and his personal comfort (eerily reminding him of mother's touch, but maybe that's just the stress and his yearning that's getting to him…). They trace softly around his left eye behind the curtain of his hair while she wears the usual mask of her plain expression once again.

"…Good job," there's a light note of pride striking her otherwise mild tone. "You kept your Geass from consuming you for the time being even with your distraction."

_For the time being…?_

"Is that what happened?" Lelouch lets out a quiet and shallow sigh, raising his head from her touch. "You should have warned me. Who knows what disaster could have been created if I wasn't able to control it."

She doesn't look the least bit sorry, and she doesn't sound it, either, "I have warned you."

Lelouch can already feel his eye screaming to twitch.

"I mean  _specifically_. You really are useless, aren't you?" he spits at her darkly, trying to distance himself from the abnormal encounter of vulnerability he feels creeping hotly through his blood, aroused by her touch.

"Perhaps…" a corner of C.C.'s lips quirk in a weak grin, as if trying to mock him or herself; either way, Lelouch isn't amused and ignores it with a cross of his arms.

"Is something like this going to happen again?" Lelouch is thinking of Mao, how his Geass not only overwhelmed him but spread to his other eye. Can the same be true to a person who conquers their Geass? By growing more powerful, does that mean it will still spread…?

Her grin broadens before she removes the cloth form her head and sits up on the couch in an overly casual stretch of time that ends with an offhanded shrug.

"You're the first contractor I've had who hasn't become corrupted or hasn't failed me in some way before this point."

Lelouch narrows his eyes.

All her practiced avoidance to give him a cut and dry answer tells him is that there's something she's  _not_   _telling him_ , he's certain – especially with that "for the time being" bit. Maybe she isn't lying exactly, but it's doubtful that she wouldn't know something this important and he can't imagine why she wouldn't reveal it to him. Luckily for her the hour of night is fast approaching, leaving him strapped for time and he's already too drained from battling his Geass and Euphemia to tempt a headache. He of course informs her of this as he stands, returning his chair to the desk—

"So you decided to play along with the little princess." C.C.'s voice is breezy but there's no mistaking the taste of a question in her voice to hear his explanation.

Lelouch grabs his mask from the table, looking at the dark reflection of himself he always find there, choosing to leave  _her_  voice a stranded sound like she often does to his.

"It's because of the pregnancy, isn't it? And Nunnally?" In the end, however, she reads him well enough to make his responses redundant – or maybe it all really is just that obvious. "What about the vendetta against your father? Your mother? Surely you're not giving up your little quest so easily."

"You're certainly asking a lot of questions," he serenely neglects to properly answer her, rather enjoying being on  _this_  side of the conversation for once. "And you sound a little disappointed. Or am I wrong?" he pulls the collar of his turtleneck up over the smirk laced to his lips.

C.C.'s lips curve up slightly too, acknowledging his tongue-in-cheek.

"There's never a dull moment around you, that's for sure. Don't know what I'd do if your story goes stale."

"Stale?" Lelouch adorns Zero's mask with a sarcastic, merry tip of his head, "I don't think you'll have to worry about that for a while. And it will be especially exciting for you if you don't watch your toes around the Britannian military. We may be under a truce in this Zone but that doesn't mean they're to be trusted – no doubt they assume the same about us. And the last thing I need is for any of them to  _recognize_  you."

"Don't worry," C.C. stands, languidly falling into step behind him as he walks to the door, "I won't bother your little boyfriend or anyone else. It's much more fun to bother you."

Lelouch represses a sigh, stopping at the door.

What is it with women wanting to harass him?

Whether it was in Pendragon or here in Tokyo, these pesky females are inescapable.

"C.C., I'm serious. What's it worth to keep you hidden at our head quarters?"

She lifts an eyebrow at him – but he already knows the price.

"All the pizza I want – and none of that frozen stuff. It's only good fresh."

"Perhaps you'd like it if I hired a private chef to satisfy your pizza lust."

"Oh my, Lelouch. You  _really_  know how to talk a girl, don't you?"

Lelouch smirks—

"Which is surprising, considering your apparent preference for the  _Y_  chromosome."

—Lelouch's eye twitches.

_Rotten females…_

•-

-•

An annoying alarm clock tears Lelouch from sleep—

Which is odd considering he didn't set it—

Odder yet, he isn't the one who silences it.

Lelouch is facing the wall, drowsily aware of the body groaning quietly from behind him as it shifts.

The sound is distinctly Suzaku.

Lelouch looks over his shoulder at the brown-haired bed-head yawning and stretching in the morning light, who returns the stare with an  _annoyingly_  pleasant expression.

_Morning people…_

Lelouch rubs his eyes, "What time did you come home?"

"Oh, late last night," Suzaku replies quietly in respect for Lelouch's slow-waking nature. "You were asleep."

"Yeah…" Lelouch sluggishly flops over to face Suzaku. "You said you'd be with Euphie for the long haul. I expected you would still be with her last night."

"Normally I would be, but I'm not in a position to test my limits anymore." Suzaku gestures to his stomach, a chummy grin on his lips that's much too chummy for the hour. "So, Euphemia—I mean,  _Euphie,_  sent me home to get 'proper rest' because crashing on an office couch or in the barracks for another night didn't count to her."

Lelouch tiredly smirks, "So she's keeping an eye on you, then?"

"That's one way of putting it," Suzaku dryly leers. "She's practically as naggy as you are! It must be a family gene."

Lelouch chuckles lightly, "I'm glad to hear it. At least I know I can count on her to nag you in the right direction."

Green eyes roll with a jaded sigh.

"Yeah, just great. All I needed was another over-dramatic mother hen clucking at me like I'm made of glass or something. I'm promise I'm not going to shatter at the slightest hint of pressure."

Lelouch is more than amused by Suzaku's pouting—

In fact, it's downright  _adorable_.

Adorable enough to  _corrupt_.

Lelouch caresses Suzaku's cheek with his fingertips, his lips touching a close relative to a smirk as he pulls the crabby boy over to obtain something he had been denied after their rooftop dispute. Suzaku sinks willingly into the kiss and Lelouch's control, sharing their morning-breath in a cloud of ignorant desire dusted with sleep and groggy perceptions as he slinks fingers through messy chocolate hair. Lelouch fists his hand in frizzy, brown curls, half wondering why Suzaku is complying so easily.

Only half-wondering because,  _obviously_ , his  _seducing magic_  is at work.

"I know I don't have to tell you that I appreciate it," Lelouch murmurs sincerely into Suzaku's lips, to which the brunet makes another eye-roll, to which Lelouch smiles. "It has been days since I last saw you."

Suzaku sort of moans and if he were standing Lelouch imagines he'd be staring right at his fidgeting feet.

"And?" he tries on a grin of repression over the various shades of guilt clouding his eyes but it's still obvious to both of them that he's avoiding the subject of their last confrontation. "Were you getting  _lonely?_ "

"That's one way of putting it."—Lelouch's lips bend up deviously—"Another way of putting it would be going into seahorse withdrawals…"

Suzaku's mouth drops the forced act for a sincere smile full of teeth that are ajar to let out the happy hops of quiet laughter as Lelouch descends on his neck; kissing, lapping, and nibbling at Japanese flesh that doesn't taste the least bit fishy.

"It's good to know you love me for my  _body_ ," jokes the younger boy in a roll of chuckles as his fingers weave through the threads of ebony hair.

Lelouch pauses, looking at Suzaku with a seriously lifted eyebrow, "You mean you didn't know that already?"

Suzaku doesn't miss a beat, tugging on Lelouch's hair and trying to look offended with jaw-dropped expression that doesn't stop him from being pushed onto his back by the Britannian boy who kisses him deeply again.

The obnoxious, demanding reminder from a diligent alarm clock disrupts their mushy exchange, but Lelouch merely slaps at the evil appliance until it's switched  _off_  this time (because if Lelouch has one masochistic tendency, it would be the snooze button) without unlocking from Suzaku's lips – he'll get up when he's  _damn well_  ready to! Soft snickers seep from Suzaku's mouth at the stubbornness Lelouch operates with before his brief amusement is silenced as swiftly as the wailing alarm clock, but with a tongue instead of a hand.

"You're in a very good mood, even for a morning person," Lelouch says as he pulls away from Suzaku's lips, being sure to leave the rest of his thought one that stays in his head:  _considering the last time we spoke_ …

"Things went well yesterday," Suzaku replies simply, his leafy eyes fluttering to Lelouch's ever-fascinating white blanket that's lying over them.

"So I heard," he murmurs wryly as he rubs his thumb against Suzaku's cheek, wondering if the smooth course of Zero's actions serve as an apology or if it simply cleansed Suzaku's mind of the whole ordeal.

"I'm…" a fingertip slides to and fro on Lelouch's clothed arm in a timid gesture, "I'm glad Zero joined us."

A self-satisfied line shapes Lelouch's lips into an understated smile.

For the first time in Zero's short life, he's managed to please Suzaku.

What a feat.

Lelouch  _will_  interpret this as an accepted apology.

"That so?" Lelouch asks casually, keeping his voice as dry of his overflowing conceit as he can. "I thought you didn't like or trust him."

Suzaku shrugs, eyes now entertained by the collar of Lelouch's blue pajama shirt.

"Euphie seems to trust him—" he shakes his head, perhaps perceiving the trap he nearly bumbled right into. "That doesn't matter now. Since he joined us that means we can get more accomplished together than we did apart and there shouldn't be any more fighting. I said that I would stay by Euphie's side through all of this and I intend to honor my word."

Which also means Suzaku should be safe for awhile.

Unless some other overconfident fat-cat ( _Schneizel_ ) should want to  _borrow_  him or if something  _more_  inconvenient happens.

Lelouch is looking at  _you_ , Chinese Federation.

"So I suppose that means you'll steer clear of the battlefield for now?" Lelouch chooses to ask, wishing Suzaku could promise as much but he isn't gullible enough to believe that possible – and with Euphemia no longer being a princess of Britannia, Suzaku is no longer a knight, which means he can't rely on her authority to protect him any longer.

Lelouch wonders if Suzaku knows about her situation yet…

"I've been assigned to overseeing the Zone as my top priority. So As long as nothing prompts Lancelot into battle, I should be out of action."

In other words: as long as  _Zero_  doesn't try anything.

This isn't enough to please Lelouch or really assure much of anything, but it's a start.

After all, from his point of view, he holds Suzaku's safety in his own hands.

Lelouch nods, growing tired of this kind of talk at this  _ungodly_  hour, so he decides to change the subject.

As abruptly as possible.

"You know, if you count back six weeks, roughly, that would mean our small fry was conceived the first time we had sex."

Suzaku takes a moment to consider Lelouch's words, obviously not having thought about this yet or trying to catch up the topic change.

Lelouch is going to guess it's both.

"…Yeah, I guess you're right. What do you think that means?"

"Means?" Lelouch asks with a curious eyebrow.

"I'm saying that maybe  _small fry_  was conceived through the power of love."

Lelouch stares and waits for a punch-line that never comes.

Seems he'll have to take the bait this time since it's clear Suzaku is  _not_  making a joke.

Wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake – Suzaku wasn't pleased about that the first time.

"…You're telling me you think our consummation of love was so epic that you became pregnant as a result?"

"They say true love is a powerful force…" a bashful shrug lifts Suzaku's shoulders as a sheepish grin tugs his lips, "Is that so unreasonable?"

_As unreasonable as the seahorse syndrome or super sperm._

To think all that time Suzaku wasted in the military could have been spent on his education…

It's good to know that Britannian soldiers are as dumb as they are strong.

Really, it's somehow comforting.

For a moment, Lelouch isn't sure if he should  _dignify_  that with a response.

He remembers that night well, of course. It was the first time Lelouch has ever…  _felt things_  and was driven by a…  _desire_  that he couldn't fully comprehend or even knew he had. Lelouch succumbed to something that felt too primal and impulsive for his own comfort – never in all his life has Lelouch relied on using his  _body_  or let it steer over his brain. Emotions Lelouch didn't entirely understand threaded through his blood and before he knew it Suzaku was… they were…

(Lelouch was  _claiming_  Suzaku and storing him in his chest.)

Their first time together is something worth treasuring because it was their coming together (…), the first time their bodies did all the talking as decidedly sappy passion swept them away to the relationship they now have. It was more than just sex, definitely, but what Suzaku is implying is just so…  _so stupid!_  Even for  _Suzaku!_

At least the seahorse thing  _tried_  to make sense!

"It is," Lelouch decides to respond, not even bothering to argue the absurdity of male pregnancy through  _true love_  because he doesn't want to fight with Suzaku about something stupid  _again_  – because then who is the  _real_  fool in that situation? Instead Lelouch will take an entirely  _different path_  with this golden nugget from Suzaku's fantastical mind: "Especially if you  _lied_  to me about being a virgin."

It takes a fair amount of time before Lelouch's brash comment sinks into Suzaku's thick skull, but when it does he begins to sputter like an ancient automobile struggling to start and the expression that contorts his face is too funny for words.

"J-j-j-just wh-what are you-you implying?"

Lelouch strokes his mockingly chin, "Or maybe you're like the Virgin Mary… but with  _aliens_  instead of God, right?"

"That  _isn't_  funny!"

"I wonder what kind of prodigy you'll unleash upon the world. Or maybe I should fear the possibility of an anti-Christ?"

"Lelouch!"

"Either way," papa bear says as he continues to ignore mama bear, "I hope it doesn't burst from your chest because then I'm stuck raising the little spawn all alone. Although, if it's not mine, I guess I don't have any  _real_  obligation to take responsibility."

" _Lelouch!_ " Suzaku adamantly howls, arming himself with a pillow.

Lelouch just laughs—

 _Laughs_ —

 _LAUGHS_ —

Through Suzaku's mild tantrum of unintelligible sounds and weak pillow attacks, content that he's scared the darkness away from Suzaku's face once again. He watches the stormy features of his best friend light up in a playful retaliation before grabbing the soldier's waist and forcing him to surrender by capturing him with a deep, encompassing kiss. This luminous joy might have been at the expense of Zero and his Black Knights, their cause, but Lelouch will take one for the team to keep Suzaku, and Nunnally, happy in the end if he must.

Who knows, maybe this detour in his rebellion will lead to a better place.

A better  _tomorrow_.


	6. Costume Play

_"No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress. I told them white would make me look fat." Senator Kevin Keeley [in drag]_  from _The Birdcage_

•-•-•-•-•-6

Ambiguous 

Costume Play 

Suzaku is trying his best to fight temptation.

No matter how hard he applies his concentration to the list of math problems in front of him he is incapable of maintaining any focus whatsoever thanks to the bored boy beside him. All Suzaku wanted to do was start digging himself out of all the schoolwork that's been piling up around him due to his  _non_ -scholastic duties and he thought that a study-date, of sorts, with Lelouch was a great idea – he'd be able to spend time with Lelouch and also have access to all that brilliance.

Looking back, Suzaku wishes he could kick himself out of that gullibility.

He should have known something was amiss when the lad was the one to (suspiciously) suggest this activity in the first place.

Lelouch obviously never had  _any_  intention of studying or doing work.

(Or maybe Suzaku is too thick-headed to see Lelouch's invitation for a grope-fest when it's offered.)

So here they are well into the night on Lelouch's bed, Suzaku leaning against the bed rail with his knees up while Lelouch lies on his stomach, dressed in their bedtime clothes – or in Suzaku's case, a white t-shirt and his boxers – as the workload tapers less and less with each passing minute. Lelouch isn't even trying to  _pretend_  he's working anymore, his open book and papers abandoned so severely that they've migrated precariously close to the edge of the bed while he entertains himself with Suzaku's thigh. His fingers have been skating up and down the underside of the soldier's leg for a good while now; albeit moderately enough at first for Suzaku to not really mind, rather fond of the seemingly idle caress. However, once he pulled up his knees as a makeshift desk for his book, those dangerous digits snatched the chance to be more  _adventurous_. They've gone from absent affection to determined desire as they attempted to sneakily but shamelessly infiltrate his underwear from both the  _front_  and the  _rear_. Countless times Suzaku has purged the invasion, burning through his playful patience from sly smiles to rigid rejections to the point that he no longer finds Lelouch's persistence cute or endearing.

"Would you  _cut it out?_ " Suzaku finally fusses, swatting at Lelouch's hand. "I'm trying to get some work done – and you should too!"

"Suzaku," Lelouch says with a growing half-smirk, "I don't do my schoolwork in the first place for a  _reason_."

Suzaku huffs, cheeks indirectly pinched red by lewd fingers, "Well  _I'm_  not going to neglect my assignments so at least leave me alone."

"But you'll neglect me?" the older boy asks with a wilting expression that's an obvious ticket for a guilt-trip Suzaku isn't going to take.

"That's right," he answers offhandedly as he scribbles on his math homework—

"You can't mean that," Lelouch insists like a snake with an apple as he slithers his fingers fully over Suzaku's thigh.

"I do."

It's a long shot, but maybe  _ignoring_  the problem will just make it disappear.

He can't say it's worked in the past, but it's not like  _fighting_  with Lelouch – in any situation – has ever gotten him anywhere, anyway.

When it comes to Lelouch, taking the path of least resistance is always a wise idea.

"So cruel." Lelouch continues to smother his touch over Suzaku's skin with a carnivorous curve carving his lips, "Or are you trying to play hard to get?"

Suzaku clenches his jaw – he's already lost count of  _how many times_  he's had to read this word problem – and  _ignores_ , among other things, the burning on his face that wants to travel  _south_.

"If that's your game, you're succeeding," Lelouch murmurs flirtatiously as he begins to press light kisses to the muscled appendage in his grasp.

"It's not a game!" Suzaku spouts with a push of his leg. "I just want to do my class work!"

Never to be deterred, Lelouch grips Suzaku's leg with both hands as he kisses teasingly again, one of them prowling the underside to attempt,  _not for the first time_ , igniting a fire in the soldier's shorts.

"Well, don't you think you've earned a break?"

"No breaks!" Suzaku tries to keep his voice from growling like his stomach after eating Cécile's culinary failures,  _once again_  wrenching a hand out of his shorts. "There's too much to do."

"Come on…" the sable-haired boy returns to his silky tone, using that serpent voice that nearly wraps right around Suzaku—

But Nunnally is in her room.

"No."

"Just for a little—"

"No."

"Not even—?"

"No."

"What about—?"

"No."

"But—"

" _No!_ " Suzaku nearly yells, tearing himself completely away from Lelouch's clingy clutches by swinging his legs over the side of the bed to turn his back on the insistent teen. "How many times do I have to say it?"

Lelouch huffs with a furrow of his brow and a glimmer in his eye as he props up on one hand, "What's your  _problem?_ "

Suzaku casts a flat look over his shoulder at Lelouch's insensitive inquisition.

 _Real nice_.

"No means no," the brunet utters tersely. "If I say 'no,' you back off."

Lelouch stares for a heated second – those viper violets don't need fangs to bite.

But it isn't like  _Suzaku_  should feel guilty.

…Even so, Suzaku can't stand that almost-glare.

"You know that's not what I meant." Lelouch's words practically melt from his molten mouth. "What's keeping you from me?"

Suzaku can't help but think that is a strange way to word the situation, yet it's also rather… sweet.

For Lelouch.

He looks away with a shy shrug, "I just don't want to do it tonight, that's all."

"I'm not asking to 'do it' with you." Lelouch laughs slightly under his breath, his boiling temper evaporating as if it never existed, and tugs at the bottom of Suzaku's shirt. "But now I know what's  _really_  on your mind…"

Suzaku throws his eyes back at Lelouch sharply, ignoring the rouge roasting his cheeks.

"You and I both know we'll only end up having… uh…"—Suzaku's mind trips over the thought of Nunnally's accidental eavesdropping again and wants to avoid any keywords (as if she wouldn't know a code-word when she hears one)—" _relations_  – it always happens."

The older boy is wearing an amused grin, "What's the matter? All the sudden you can't say 'sex'?"

"I hate talking to you," he mutters as he slaps his book closed – not like he's getting any work done.

"We don't always end up having  _relations_ ," Lelouch continues, edging closer to Suzaku and snaking a hand around his waist to his stomach. "It's been a while since the last time we've done anything at all." His words caress the skin of Suzaku's neck like a hot current that feeds the warmth on his cheeks and taunts the lust in his loins, his nerves being teased by a scatter plot of light kisses.

"I know…" Suzaku breathes, a weakness to his partner's touch hollowing his resolve – he never knew he could be so susceptible,  _controlled_ , by this physical craving – and he is  _well aware_  that if Lelouch ever connects their lips, he'll be a goner.

Suzaku knows just as well as Lelouch that there hasn't been any  _real_  time for their physical relationship – the last time they made love was the weekend before Euphemia announced the Zone, which was almost three weeks ago. That wouldn't be so bad if every minute wasn't booked between them with nowhere to meet half way. It's worse now that the Zone wants to dominate everything within its reach, and if Suzaku isn't meeting various, often bureaucratic, demands there it's Ashford that's impatiently awaiting his attention back here, and of course Lelouch isn't far behind. (As it stands, he's been spending  _more_  time with the aloof Zero than the over-bearing Lelouch, and while Suzaku is slowly growing accustomed to the terrorist's presence, he much prefers his best friend – even when he's too horny to take no for an answer – which is honestly surprising. Suzaku wouldn't have thought that Lelouch could be so… sexually inclined.) With rushing off right after the student council meeting and coming home too late to spend any decent time with Lelouch, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to just indulge  _a little_  while they have the spare time…

"Let's just fool around a little…" Suzaku's head is already lolling back into the creeping scent of toothpaste that grows stronger the closer Lelouch's lips peck to his jaw, a pleading desire sparking under his skin and flickering desperately towards the hands roaming his body. They're dedicated to sweeping Suzaku out to sea as they coast over his abdomen and chest, causing a light ripple of fuzzy excitement to drown his nerves. The touch bleeds through Suzaku's clothes as the heated yearning to feel bare hands palm his body and spread his legs begins to pool in his groin like boiling water pouring from a teapot. Suzaku doesn't want to let himself be washed away so easily, but the steel of his reluctance is rusting as a warm body leans against him with promise—"And if it progresses to something  _more_ …"—and fingertips trickle over his crotch—

Suzaku's eyes snap open and he vaults up from the bed—

Causing Lelouch to fall over the side, face first into the wood flooring that's as hard as it is cold… like Suzaku's rejection.

" _Nothing_  should be  _progressing_   _anywhere!_ " Suzaku adamantly reminds, turning around to watch Lelouch painstakingly collect himself from his spill, a red splash brandishing his furiously wrinkled forehead.

"I'm beginning to get the  _impression_ "—he rubs at his wounded head, and maybe his pride—"that there's a  _specific_  reason for your disinterest."

Oh, sure. Just because Suzaku declines the  _honor_  of sleeping with  _Almighty Himself_ , it must mean there's a  _reason_  and not that Suzaku simply  _isn't_  in the mood.

…All right, so there  _is_  a reason…

And, sure, if it wasn't for Nunnally (not to say Suzaku is  _blaming_  her) Suzaku would most likely be naked and breathless underneath Lelouch by now—

But Lelouch doesn't have to be so  _conceited_  about it!

Suzaku proceeds to place his book on Lelouch's desk – it's late, and he's tired, and pregnant, perhaps it's time to call it a night.

"Listen, I'm just not feeling up to it tonight." Right, so, it  _is_  true that if these walls were sound-proof there wouldn't be much standing between Suzaku and him getting thoroughly ravished (except maybe Lelouch's stamina), but  _because_  these walls are not sound-proof and a very precious person is slumbering nearby, it dampens Suzaku's desire. The last thing he wants is to be thinking of  _Nunnally_  while  _her brother_  makes it his mission to boldly go where no man has gone before, until they reach infinity and  _beyond_.

Not only is that unromantic, it's plain disturbing.

"Are you feeling unwell?"

"Don't worry, I'm fine," Suzaku says with a soft, and what he hopes is, reassuring smile. "I'm just tired. I want to rest."

Lelouch doesn't look like he buys the story Suzaku is selling – probably still hung up on the  _possibility_  that Suzaku could be sick and lying about it – but he accepts it with a faint nod and begins to shuffle his deserted schoolwork together to clear the bed.

"I'm sorry." Suzaku takes Lelouch's book and papers for him, adding them to the pile on his desk before slipping under the covers. "I know things have been, uh, stagnant between us lately."

"You don't need to apologize, Suzaku. It's not like I don't understand." That pale face is shaped by a kind smile as hands drape blankets over the both of them. "Some other time."

 _Who knows when that could be_ , Suzaku thinks guiltily, his lips deflating a bit from their soft edge to a droopy remorse at the thought that he might be letting the only chance they'll have for a while slip through his fingers.

"Maybe we can just… lay here, together?" Suzaku suggests coyly as he turns away from Lelouch, trying to lift his lips again with a quirk of one corner.

"…You want to lie together?" Lelouch makes it sound like Suzaku just asked to pour applesauce down the front of his cotton pajama pants.

"Yeah, you know, close to each other under the covers and touching… until we fall asleep…"

Lelouch stares as blankly as Suzaku has ever seen the intelligent boy stare and he simpers.

Lelouch isn't getting it.

It's adorable in a way, but he'd never voice this to Lelouch.

Suzaku rather likes having his head connected to the rest of his body – better yet, he rather likes it when Lelouch connects  _their_  bodies and wouldn't want to risk losing that.

The Nunnally matter aside…

"So you want to just go to sleep?" Lelouch asks with a quizzical knot between his dark eyebrows – Suzaku can virtually see that Britannian brain scrambling to solve this riddle.

He smiles a bit more pityingly than he knows Lelouch would tolerate if he wasn't so baffled by the request.

"I'm asking you to cuddle."

What he's really asking for is to be held.

Lelouch blinks a few times before the light comes on in his head and shines through his eyes, "…Oh."

"Is that alright with you?" the younger boy starts to settle into the bed, nestling against his  _prince charming_  before an answer is heard – he doesn't expect Lelouch will reject him as he has yet to do so. He's too willing to please, to make Suzaku happy, and cuddling is one small request that Lelouch will never admit he enjoys fulfilling.

Those clairvoyant eyes quickly flick over Suzaku's movements and the moment like amethyst gems tumbling from a jewel case and he rests a hand on his friend's hip.

"Sure. If that's what you want."

Suzaku nods slightly, "Good night." kissing Lelouch's befuddled lips before reaching to switch off the bedside lamp and snuggling down in the dark against Lelouch's befuddled body like a pair of spoons in a drawer.

He can hear Lelouch smirk as a thin, warm body presses against his back and that willowy arm winds around him in a cuddling coil.

"I cuddle with you now, you owe me later."

•-

-•

When Lelouch said Suzaku would be in debt for cuddling he suspected it would be something repayable only in bed.

He was wrong.

So very wrong.

"I know I agreed to this, but…" Suzaku's voice fades into the mirror as his eyes unwillingly feast upon the unappetizing… spectacle of his reflection.

He doesn't have anything against the colours olive green and white, or frills of ornate lace, polka-dots, pantyhose and ladies shoes. He doesn't have anything against flowing blond wigs that look like a fountain of sun-rays, nor does he have anything against dark, eyeglass frames the shapes of cat eyes…

"But what?" Lelouch asks at Suzaku's disgruntled expression.

…Suzaku  _does_ , however, have something against combining them… on his body… in an awful olive green dress fluffed with all that white lace (a matching sash around his waist, of course) and spattered with those white polka-dots. As if the dress wasn't bad enough on its  _own_ , he's got this unflattering white pantyhose clinging to his legs like an unwanted second skin with shoes that look  _exactly_  like the issued pair for Ashford's girls except they're green, to match. The same-shade green is tied in bows on both sides of the platinum blond wig and the glasses with their very feminine flair only complete the absurd look, making him look like an overgrown toddler – Suzaku isn't even going to acknowledge the bloomers hiding underneath his dress.

The notion of wearing this disaster in public was daunting, and then Lelouch made it worse by adding the  _purse_.

"I don't know about  _this_." Suzaku tentatively tugs at the knee-length skirt of his lace-trimmed dress – did he mention it has puffy shoulders, too?

"What's wrong with the outfit?"

For Lelouch to ask that question… it makes Suzaku want to ask if the boy has gone blind.

He's turned Suzaku into a loud mess! He should at least be able to  _hear_  what's wrong with it!

But if Lelouch can't see the  _aesthetic_  abominations maybe he'll see the practical problems…

"First of all: the pantyhose is uncomfortable—"

"The price you pay for beauty," Lelouch interrupts with that smug smirk. "And there's no point in dressing as a girl if you're not going to commit one hundred percent. You need to cover your legs, unless you want to start shaving them. Girls don't have hairy legs so you can't walk around as a girl in a dress with  _those_   _hairy things_  exposed. The white actually hides your legs better than I thought it would…"

_Sh-shaving—?_

_Th-_ _those_ _hairy things?_

What kind of obscene logic is that?

"Why can't I just wear pants?" there's a small scrap of annoyance clipped to Suzaku's tone. "Girls wear pants."

"I don't know why you're being difficult about this." Lelouch crosses his arms, that offending purse hanging from his wrist by a spaghetti strap. "You've said before that you're fond of wearing dresses."

"Only  _once!_ " Suzaku counters with fisted hands and stiff shoulders, whirling around in an olive tornado of frills and artificial hair. "And that was just for fun!"

"This isn't fun?" the other boy questions innocently – Suzaku isn't sure if that's a fake tone or not.

"No. I feel and look ridiculous."

Lelouch's countenance purses into something chiding and disapproving as he places his hands gently on Suzaku's hips, turning them so that he faces the horrid sight of himself again.

"I think you look cute," he amends as softly as his fingers skim Suzaku's cheek, seeming to brush a springy lock of flaxen hair from the boy's face. "It's a bit  _Lolita_ , I'll admit, but it's a fashionable thing to do at the moment. You'll blend right in."

The fingers on his skin are like a stricken match to Suzaku, forcing his sharp senses to focus on nothing else as it heats a miserable arousal in the pit of his gut that still wants  _more_. Those violet eyes burning through him leave him trapped as that slightly husky voice lingers in his ear like a haunting echo—

He can't believe how  _easily_  he's being affected by such little attention.

(How easily it's making him forget about his appearance.)

He darts his emerald eyes as far away from Lelouch's reflection as he can, trying to suppress a familiar sensation from colouring his cheeks and wondering if Lelouch is doing this to him on  _purpose_.

"How did you even find a dress that fits me?" Suzaku inquires as a distraction, fiddling with the satin sash slung around him.

Better yet,  _where_  and  _when_  did Lelouch even  _buy_  all of this stuff?

"I'm familiar enough with your body to know you're measurements," Lelouch sensibly says as if Suzaku is  _dumb_  for asking the question, looking over his creation with critical eyes as he steps back – appearing to not notice the red flood that engulfs his subject's face. "Still, this dress doesn't look quite like I imagined it would, but it's too late to do anything about it now. We need to get to that doctor appointment  _lest_  we be late." Lelouch grins at him through the mirror as he suspends the oval, ivory bag next to him, the large pearl-clasp at the center staring right into Suzaku's soul, "Let's not doddle,  _Suzuka_."

Suzaku ignores the purse in favor of the strange name, "Suzuka?"

"Well, you can't go by 'Suzaku Kururugi' because then what's the point of the disguise? Although maybe it should be something less… ethnic."

Suzaku isn't even sure of how to respond to that.

"I think something similar in sound to your name would be best, something to trigger your natural response. How about  _Susan_  or  _Suzanna_ , or just  _Sue_ …?" Lelouch muses aloud as if Suzaku  _isn't_  in the room, springing a sudden and complacent smile on him through the mirror. "Or, no, how about sweet, little  _Suzie Q_?"

"You're enjoying this too much," Suzaku grumbles lightly with a frown drooping underneath his rosy cheeks.

Lelouch smiles at him pleasantly and pats his head, "Whatever you say,  _Suzu_."

Said red shade on Suzaku's face turns into an irritated steam wafting from his head, "Just  _pick_  a name and  _stick_  with it!"

•-•

"It's good to see the two of you again"—Doctor Sanica's neutral expression is marred only by the faint lift of one eyebrow—"…boys. How are you feeling, Suzaku?"

Said reluctant boy is sitting on the paper bed again, back hunched slightly and arms folded over his flat chest as his feet dangle – the shoes having been removed along with his dress to wear a thin cloth robe that's open in the front, as per the nurse's instructions – marginally appeased that he wasn't forced into slinging that absurd purse over his shoulder. However, his pouting has made him the spitting image of a sulking, little girl and so far his glaring attempts to burn the stark-white pantyhose right off his legs have been unsuccessful.

"Like an idiot."

"Isn't that the norm,  _Suzie_?" Lelouch teases, tugging at the end of his robe.

And that's right.

Lelouch went with  _Suzie Q_  (because it's oh-so adorable).

"Aside from that," she redirects tonelessly and unfazed by the scene in front of her, "have you been experiencing any pain or discomfort?"

Suzaku shifts a little, "No. I don't think so."

The doctor nods, adjusting her white, rubber gloves with unsavory snaps.

"What about nausea? Or constipation? Are you experiencing either of those yet?"

"…No, not yet."

"And your appetite is normal?" she continues to ask attentively as she prepares the ultrasound machine.

"Yes, I guess it is. Um…" Suzaku begins to mumble, catching her sharp eyes.

"What is it? Is there something bothering you?" Immediately the heat of acute attention shoves him under the microscope of Sanica's and Lelouch's eyes at the hint of a threat. "You know that as your doctor I can't help you unless you're completely open and honest with me. You don't need to be embarrassed. I'm a doctor." She adds that last remark as if that should cure all of his humiliated ailments.

Of course it doesn't.

But he appreciates the sentiment.

"Well…" Suzaku shifts again, griping the side of the bed as his feet swing like they'll kick away the unwanted stares. "I'm just wondering why you haven't asked about the dress. And why am I wearing this robe thing?"

Lelouch releases his bated breath and rubs at his forehead with the threat being a false alarm whereas Doctor Sanica just stares with her unwavering eyes.

"I don't believe that the way you dress, or why you dress a certain way, matters or is any of my business," she says pragmatically enough to make Suzaku feel foolish for asking. "I only need to care for you and the baby's wellbeing. As to your second point, wearing the gown makes it easier to examine you rather than the dress – didn't the nurse tell you that?"

Suzaku's mind was too narrowed on his appearance to pay much attention to anything else…

(If he looked as obvious as he felt about cross-dressing.)

And he was deliberating if it would be worth it to trip Lelouch as they walked towards the exam room.

He decided it wasn't.

The mental image alone sufficed.

"Are you going to take another ultrasound?" Lelouch asks.

"Yes. I want to watch this pregnancy as close as possible and I still think it's the best way to do so." Sanica's eyes slide over Suzaku a bit too  _devilishly_  for his liking. "Unless  _Suzaku_  would be willing to allow some experimental exploration."

Suzaku instantly thinks of the  _probing_  notion she mentioned before and it pries his eyes wide open while a certain  _other_  part of his body clenches as tightly closed as it possibly can.

She turns away from him with a grin a crook too close to something he's seen shape Milly's lips before – and he's learned to fear that grin, even if not to the same amount as Lelouch.

"Don't worry,  _Suzie_." Lelouch pats his shoulder. "She was just joking."

"I never joke," corrects the doctor in a languid tone as she faces Suzaku. "Before we get to that, I'd like to give you another check-up. We'll start by taking your weight. Would you step on the scale for me?" she asks politely, gesturing to the electric box beside the door.

In a considerably awkward moment of pale silence, even Lelouch's smug attitude is snuffed out by the probing prospect once again – if only because it brings the fear that this notion will grow stronger with every mention…

He obediently obliges her, scuttling over and stepping onto the scale, inexplicably curious to what she would do if he disobeyed her. Suzaku won't do that, of course. He plays compliant patient as he undergoes the check-up routine he's been through dozens of times before – anything to make this go smoothly and, more importantly,  _quickly_.

It's  _amazing_  how uncomfortable pantyhose can be.

He doesn't understand how or why women do it!

The only difference with this check-up is that his stomach is measured – despite thinking it should be more prominent, Doctor Sanica doesn't say anything about his flat tummy, although she does feel the area gently with her hands.

"Just one more item and we can get to the best part of the visit," the Doctor notes with a small smile. "I need to give you a breast exam, so lie back and put—

"But I don't have any!" Suzaku cuts her off with wide eyes, clasping his gown closed with one hand to hide what he claims to be lacking.

"You do, they're just not pronounced." Her smile doesn't waver – or maybe that's her patience. "And every mother undergoes this exam. Should I treat you differently because you're a male?"

He doesn't have a rebuttal for that.

"Males are also capable of having breast cancer, isn't that right?" Lelouch's voice is gratingly upbeat, considering his words – almost like he's  _trying_  to make this more uncomfortable for Suzaku.

So with his logic, maybe  _Lelouch_  should have an exam, too!

"You are correct," Sanica amiably praises like she's in on the attack as well. "But the risk of breast cancer in teens is low. Regardless, it needs to be done."

" _Fine_ ," Suzaku mutters with a slight frown. "Let's just get it over with."

"Then lie back with your arms over your head, please."

As if adding that  _please_  is going to  _ease_  anything.

Suzaku leans back with an unsteady sigh, hand still clutching the robe as he catches himself in Lelouch's eyes.

"Your robe needs to be open for this," the doctor coolly tries to coax him.

"Yeah… Lelouch, I don't want you to look."

Violet eyes bug-out so quickly Suzaku almost expects to see them fall from their sockets, "What?"

"I don't want you to look," Suzaku meagerly argues like a whiny toddler.

"Why?"

"Because it's  _weirder_  with you just  _standing_  there,  _watching!_ "

His mouth drops open, "Don't be  _ridiculous!_ "

"Just turn around!"

"I will  _not!_ "

"Lelouch," the professional in the room calmly intervenes, "you need to respect your partner's wishes and  _not_  just because you don't want to upset a pregnant mother."

The expression Lelouch makes when he loses is not one often seen by Suzaku – actually, so rarely seen, he thought it a mere myth or fantasy like unicorns. But it's real and it's  _sweeter_  than any piece of candy Suzaku has ever eaten as if he is literally tasting victory. Perhaps now he understands why Lelouch is always so pleased with himself…

With a not-so mature sigh and roll of his majestic eyes, Lelouch turns his back to them and crosses his arms in another huff.

That's right.

Lelouch isn't the  _only_  one who can abuse the Doctor's authority.

Suzaku is smirking triumphantly until the doctor reminds him to peel open his robe and raise his arms. The fleeting moment of victory on his tongue is swallowed like a gulp of bitter medicine when she proceeds to examine him. Sanica being a doctor doesn't make this any less  _uncomfortable._  Fortunately Lelouch's hand easily provides much needed comfort when he silently gropes for it - even if it won't erase the flush on his face.

"All right, the worst is over. You're doing just fine, Suzaku," she says, turning to the ultrasound machine.

"Suzie." Lelouch corrects, sounding like it's his only function as rotates in place.

"Yes, sorry. Suzie is doing well." She faces said boy again with that familiar bottle of gel and hands him a white, papery sheet. "Let's take another look at your baby."

Suzaku mutely lies back as his physician heads for the light switch, feeling his stomach squirm as he makes sure his  _private bits_  are safe from wandering eyes underneath the bottom of his gown – next time he's  _definitely_  wearing pants! Who even wears cotton  _bloomers_  nowadays?

(Apparently enough people to make them available for purchase...)

He clutches for Lelouch's hand once the room goes dark, lit only by the dim ultrasound screen. Suzaku is almost surprised his nerves don't show up on the monitor as Doctor Sanica moves the probe over his abdomen, but the chilling fear is heated to excitement when the blurry, distorted shape of the small fry forms on the screen.

"If there was any room for doubt, it's definitely gone now," she comments, just a voice in the darkness as Suzaku's eyes glue to the image.

It doesn't  _quite_  look like a baby yet, but the buds of limbs are beginning to show… looking like some sort of balloon animal once she gets a still image and points out approximately just which bubble is what. He feels his heart flutter against his chest as he stares at the screen, awash with so much euphoria he thinks he might cry… Suzaku never would have thought that being a parent could mean  _the_   _world_  to him.

"So far so good." Sanica praises, clicking on the screen with a mouse to measure the embryo. "Your baby is growing at a healthy, normal rate with no adverse effects to mommy. Even so, I want Suzaku—"

"Suzie," Lelouch corrects.

Her dark eyes flick to Lelouch briefly, "To come in more frequently so I can better monitor and observe him more closely."

"Is there something wrong with the baby?" Suzaku asks, making a worried clench of his hand around Lelouch's.

"No, the two of you appear to be doing just fine, like I said. I just want to make sure it  _stays_  that way and intercept any possible problems before they cause harm. You are a special case that needs special attention." In spite of the pleasant sound of her words and her softer expression, it causes Suzaku's heart to fill with heavy dread and sink into his stomach.

"I see…"

Sanica smiles at him and pats his shoulder before busying herself with cleaning Suzaku's stomach so he can sit up and then she and Lelouch converse, but their voices warp and drift from his ears like he's listening to them under water – submerged in the sudden melancholic mix tainting his overjoyed rush. Suzaku doesn't know what he would do if something kept him from meeting the precious package he's carrying, even if it's only been a short while…

That would be more than unfair.

It would be cruel.

"…Do the two of you have any questions or concerns?" Suzaku hears the doctor ask, plucking him from his glum stupor.

"Oh yes, I have a question," Lelouch alerts with a lift of one finger. "Would it be permissible for us to continue having sex?"

•-•

"I  _can't_   _believe_  you  _asked_  her that!" Suzaku storms out of the clinic with Lelouch at his heels and an embarrassed burn on his face, wondering when this mess of an outfit he's wearing will come to life and eat him whole – to spare him, if nothing else.

(Even though Lelouch effectively distracted Suzaku from his gloomy thoughts, it's  _still_  no excuse!)

Is Lelouch going to be like this for  _every_  visit?

"I don't see the problem," Lelouch says coolly, his pace oddly fluid as he strides beside his stampeding seahorse, a folder containing their baby's image tucked securely under his arm. "She's a doctor. I'm supposed to be able to ask her those kinds of questions."

"You just don't get it!" Suzaku growls the obvious, his hands clawing up into fists that shake at the sky. "And the  _way_  you asked it…! _'Permissible'?_  Only  _you_  would say something like that! For an  _articulate_  person, you're an  _oaf_  when it comes to  _sensitive issues!_ "

"Oaf?" Lelouch sadly echoes, his hands cradled casually in his pockets.

"It's bad enough that we're in this situation at  _our age_  already!" the fuming fake-blond continues to fume. "Do you have  _any_  idea how that question makes us look?"

"Age is just a number. And since when do you care about what other people think?" the mild-mannered boy asks, looking at his companion from the corner of his eye, but Suzaku isn't listening.

"I'm just relieved she remained stone-faced like she always is, otherwise I think I might have died then and there."

"I still think you're over-reacting, but I am sorry that you're upset." It might be a backhanded apology, but Suzaku knows this is as good as it's going to get from Lelouch and, at any rate, it  _is_  a sincere confession of remorse. "It was an important question and now we know we're safe for sex at least until the baby gets bigger and we don't use any particularly straining positions."

_Is that all you care about?_

"She even told us about that informational website and even gave us some literature…" Lelouch reaches for the pamphlets from the breast pocket of his jacket—

"I  _saw_  it!" Suzaku flags his hands widely at Lelouch's chest. "You don't need to  _take it out!_ " –understandably, those few words get quite the strange look from those around them.

Lelouch just grins at him.

"You should record yourself when you talk sometimes so you can  _hear_  what comes out of your mouth."

"I  _always_  know  _exactly_  what I'm going to say before I say it. I don't just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind like  _some_  people I know," Lelouch boasts with a light shoulder bump against Suzaku who sighs irritably. "Therefore there's no need to 'record myself.' It would be redundant."

"I think that both you  _and_  that doctor need to work on your bedside manner," Suzaku grumbles, his pace finally slowing as his emotions cool. "She  _especially_  makes me feel uncomfortable."

Lelouch is smiling at him, "I like her."

"You would."

A light but deep chuckle rumbles beside Suzaku, almost snuffed out by the weekend traffic buzzing around them. This is the first weekend Suzaku hasn't worked alongside Euphemia, as were her orders. Government business isn't typically conducted on the weekends, but the Zone is an exception while at its early stage. Suzaku was overjoyed to have the time off with Lelouch, but  _now_ …

"And I  _still_  can't believe I let you talk me into dressing like a  _little girl!_ " he starts to gripe again, his temper rising to another crest. "I feel  _completely_  ridiculous! Next time we need to try for something more modest and mature."

Is it just odd or should it be flattering to Lelouch that Suzaku is complaining so much?

He doesn't usually…

"I think you look cute," Lelouch says.

"You keep saying that like it's going to change my mind."

"It should, because it's the truth."

Suzaku huffs in a bout of stubbornness at his  _equally_  stubborn boyfriend (from whom he picked up this blasted huffing), returning his arms to the folded position he's favored since he donned this apparel.

"Besides, no one is even looking at you," Lelouch notes casually. "You're too concerned with your own insecurity to realize everyone else is the exact same way."

Suzaku glances around at all the pairs of eyes that are pinned to the end of their own paths and their own lives, so stuck in their tunnel-vision that not a single person spares Suzaku a second look. It doesn't stop the cross-dressing boy from seething, however, now too busy loathing the fact that Lelouch is  _right_.

Like always.

Why does he have to be so  _right_  about everything all the damn time?

(Suzaku just needs to remember in these moments that if he were to suddenly start sprinting, not only would Lelouch fail to keep up, he'd die trying.)

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't wearing a  _blond_  wig," he lamely grouses. "It makes me feel like an obvious phony."

"Blond is the farthest from your natural colour, thus making it harder to distinguish you. Not to mention, blond hair is a common Britannian feature."

"So are blue eyes," Suzaku counters heatedly – where does Lelouch  _get off_  by stuffing Suzaku into a mold? "Why didn't you give me coloured contacts to wear, too? Then I'd be  _nothing_  like myself."

There's a brief moment of silence that teases Suzaku with another taste of victory over Lelouch—

"Do you know why I chose this colour dress for you?"

—but once that creamy voice spreads gently over his eardrums, he realizes it's actually a thoughtful pause, not an admittance of defeat.

(Because Lelouch is  _never_  defeated.)

Suzaku doesn't speak, just looks over at the other boy who bears a faint grin that matches his tone as his ethereal eyes gaze at the path ahead of them.

"Because it brings out your eyes, accentuating them even when obscured by those glasses."

Suzaku's heart flutters at that before it drops to his stomach and he has to peel his astonished eyes away from Lelouch, feeling a little silly for letting something this trivial upset him.

"Olive green also goes very well with your skin tone – although all the white kind of clashes, but it's hard to find olive shades in clothing…"

An endearing expression shapes Suzaku's face as he smiles softly to himself.

Lelouch is a lot more thoughtful than most people probably realize.

…He's also a lot more fashion-savvy than most people probably realize.

(At least he is in Suzaku's eyes.)

"And there's a perk to you dressing this way in public. It means I can do  _this_  to you without drawing attention."

Suzaku looks at Lelouch with knotted eyebrows, "…Do what?"

That doom-reeking smirk twists handsomely on Lelouch's lips before he stops mid-step to grab Suzaku by the waist and plant a big, fat, wet kiss on Suzaku's unsuspecting mouth.

But, really, he walked right into that one…

Sweet, little  _Suzie_  sputters, pushing on narrow shoulders as puckering lips light the fuse leading to the red explosion on his cheeks.

"Le- _louch_ ," he hisses, breaking the one-sided kiss before he goes up in smoke.

"Relax," the cool-cat says in a cool tone, helping himself to getting more  _comfortable_  with Suzaku in his arms as they wrap snugly around an olive green waist. "No one is staring at us."

Once again, green eyes scan the crowd to find not a single gawk – maybe a few humored grins passing by, but nothing more.

It's because… they think he's a girl.

Even disregarding their genders, Suzaku is still somewhat triggered by conditioning from the social etiquette of Japan that modesty is an absolute  _must_  in public, which means displays of affection are restricted to the privacy of home…

"The wig and glasses also make it harder to tell from a distance that you're not Britannian like most everyone around here," Lelouch notes quietly, brushing the tip of his nose against Suzaku's once the boy's face is aimed at him again. "I'm not saying it's right, but we should take advantage of the disguise and their ignorance…"

Another kiss is pressed sweetly against Suzaku's lips – one he is actually able to return.

…Not like this is  _Japan_  anymore.

"It does seem wrong…" Suzaku feels the need to say a little sheepishly as he toys with the collar of Lelouch's moody red jacket in a similar manner.

"It isn't us who are wrong, Suzaku, it's the world."

Suzaku is only able to blink at Lelouch's words before his lips are claimed again, a hand effectively pulling away his thoughts as it sneaks up the back of his neck to cradle him. He quickly becomes absorbed in the action like water in a sponge as Lelouch kisses him slowly and deeply right in the middle of bustling bodies that march by without paying them much mind. Suzaku isn't thinking of them, either, as he curls his arms around Lelouch's neck to draw the moment out even longer with his heart thudding in his chest and bleeding a healthy flush through his cheeks.

"Well…" Suzaku speaks with a swooning tone and giddy grin, " _alright_. But don't think I'll be dressing like this all the time from now on just to please you."

"Of course not. Just doctor visits." Lelouch grins back at him, "How about on special occasions, too?"

Suzaku gives him a playful push as they start walking again, finding his arm naturally looping through Lelouch's.

"Don't get greedy."

"You needn't worry about that," he says pleasantly. "There's a  _reason_  I caught a male seahorse, after all."

Suzaku blames his pathetic blushing on the dress – there's no other excuse for why he would blush so easily.

It must be this  _drafty_  feeling between his legs…

"So then," Suzaku clasps his hands together over Lelouch's arm as he adopts a purposely perky new attitude, "where are you taking me?"

"That depends. Where do you want to go?"

Suzaku arcs an incredulous eyebrow, "You mean you didn't plan out every,  _single_ , little detail?"

Lelouch shrugs with one shoulder, "I've decided to spoil you this afternoon by taking you wherever you want."

"Oh! You mean it?" Suzaku beams at him. "Really?"

"That's right." Lelouch's ego is glowing as a result. "Anywhere you want."

"Aren't you just the  _greatest_  boyfriend ever?" Suzaku exclaims with glittering eyes. "I mean, to let  _little old me_  pick the destination for once!"

"…"

"I'm not even sure I can pick a place now, I'm so excited! You don't know what you do to me, do you?"

"Suzaku…"

"You're just  _so_   _swell_  I think my heart—!"

"Alright, Suzaku, I get it." Lelouch covers Suzaku's mouth with very flat eyes. "Stop talking like that."

Suzaku is grinning widely once Lelouch's hand drops from his face.

"Since you asked so  _nicely_ …" he teases.

"Do you want to go somewhere or not?" Lelouch brusquely demands to know – but his harsh voice can't crumble the humor from Suzaku's face.

"Maybe…" Suzaku begins to contemplate if he should just get out of these clothes and back to the academy, but, he has to admit that being able to spend time with Lelouch, on a  _date_ , out in  _public_ , and  _not_  cooped up in Lelouch's room or other secret spot, is too wonderful a chance to pass over because of a stupid dress. …And the dress isn't really  _that_  bad, anyway… "Somewhere to shop for clothes? I don't think  _Suzie_  will appreciate having only one outfit to wear."

"Fine by me. Is there a clothing store you like?"

"Cross-dressing isn't a hobby, Lelouch. I don't know anything about women's clothes."

"Idiot. A store you like to shop at for your  _own_  clothes will probably have similar styles for girls."

Lelouch might have a point there – Suzaku really wouldn't know.

Clothes have never been a priority for Suzaku, not even as a child as he was a rambunctious kid who had a tendency to inadvertently ruin clothing during playtime (the memory of his father sternly eyeing the careless holes and fresh dirt smeared all over him is a vivid one), and once he became an honorary Britannian, the military provided his uniform which was all he felt he needed – it isn't as though he ever had a spare weekend to himself, and even if he did it was always spent alone… Ashford being a uniform school meant he didn't need to go out and by a slew of clothes just to attend, either. Sure, he has a few casual articles out of necessity but nothing more than he needs.

Lelouch has had more freedom to create and cultivate a taste for fashionable clothes for whatever occasion, and he does look very attractive in his carefully crafted outfits, but that's just Lelouch. He is  _always_  gorgeous, even when he's rising from bed in the morning like a decrepit zombie from the grave. Even all of his pajamas are match sets, rather than old clothes and underwear, like Suzaku. Still, clothes just aren't Suzaku's interest or forte and he has no idea where to even begin when sifting through stores in order to build a  _girl's_  wardrobe. It all seems so complicated but he isn't sure he wants to rely on Lelouch – it's not as if Suzaku wants to start looking like  _Nunnally_.

Not that she doesn't look nice…

Suzaku's eyes catch on a store window with a curious assortment of mannequins dressed in ghastly get-ups, surrounded by carved pumpkins and hanging bats in front of a spooky, forest backdrop.

"Is this a costume shop?" he asks, stopping to observe the witchy woman with her dark, tattered clothes and pointed hat.

"Looks that way. A few specialty shops always pop up for Halloween."

Instantly Suzaku's mind is brought to the Halloween event the student council have begun planning and organizing for the entire school, like they have every year, he's been told; how costumes aren't exactly optional being a council member, and how he has yet to get one.

"…Let's go in there!" Suzaku utters excitedly, tugging Lelouch towards the entrance—

" _What?_  Why?" Lelouch tries to resist, leaning away from the random outburst. "What about  _Suzie_?"

"Well, I don't know about  _Suzie_ ," the fake blond continues to pull  _her_  black-haired companion, "but  _Suzaku_  doesn't have a costume for Halloween yet."

So a Halloween costume isn't  _necessarily_  necessary, but Suzaku isn't like Lelouch with all of his rational purchases and balanced checkbook.

Besides, it's perfect date material.

He hears Lelouch sigh and the weak weight of his resistance falls into the flow as they walk through the door, a bell ringing happily as they enter. The store itself is strangely lacking customers.

"Fine," Lelouch lackadaisically agrees, following Suzaku with a lagging step and looking to one proud figure standing tall on one of the many shelves. "I suppose we can find you a  _sexy nurse_  costume."

"You wish," Suzaku tosses back at him as he makes his way down an empty aisle with a smirk that Lelouch shares. "And what was that about catching a  _male_  seahorse for a reason?"

"Can't a guy have a fantasy?"

"Is  _that_  your fantasy?" Suzaku lifts an amused eyebrow as he passes by the pre-packaged sets that are all too generic for his liking.

"What if I said that  _you_  are my fantasy?" he devilishly murmurs, curling his hands around the cross-dressed boy's waist.

"I'd ask who you are and what you did with Lelouch," Suzaku answers without missing a beat – Lelouch has his  _moments_ , but something that…  _whatever that is_  couldn't have been his own idea.

Lelouch chuckles warmly, the sound fading from Suzaku's ear as he releases his grip and leans away to grab a pair of red devil horns from the shelf behind them.

"I thought I already told you"—he places the headband on his head with a smirk—"I'm a demon."

"I don't see your tail," Suzaku criticizes playfully. "And shouldn't you have a cape and pitchfork?" That's the typical Britannian caricature of a demon, isn't it?

"Would you  _like_  to see my  _pitchfork?_ " A lack of chastity in Lelouch's words and tone bend his lips upwards as he swoops towards Suzaku—

"Not really," Suzaku blandly rejects with his palm to Lelouch's chest, face pointed at the splayed collection of eclectic accessories from whence those devil horns came.

A subtle huff hisses through the air as Lelouch tosses the horns back on the shelf.

"So do you have anything in mind or are you just looking?"

"I'm just looking," Suzaku answers, a finger to his chin as he carefully scans his eyes over the merchandise. "I guess you could say that I'm hoping to find some inspiration."

"…Well, do you have a type in mind?"

Suzaku looks at him curiously.

"You know, something scary or funny… or  _sexy_ ," he says lastly with that creeping smirk of his.

Suzaku shakes his humored head, "You don't give up, do you?" picking up a feathery failure of a mask that never had any hope to live up to the artfully crafted Venetian masks it tried to emulate.

"You should know that better than anyone."

Indeed he does.

"Anyway, do you know what you're dressing up as for the party?" Suzaku's lips quirk dryly, "Or should I ask if you're even  _going_  to dress up?"

"I don't know yet…" Lelouch's voice is tender in an odd way as his eyes travel over the shelves. "I usually dress as a pair with Nunnally but she hasn't said anything to me yet."

"Does Nunnally usually come to you with the costume idea?"

"Sometimes. We typically work on it together but she usually has a theme or something in mind that she'd like to do. I think she's more enthusiastic about dressing up than I am."

That's ironic, considering Nunnally is blind, but Suzaku would never say that out loud.

He's ashamed he even  _thought_  it.

"That's not surprising," Suzaku says instead, holding up a ghoulish mask for brief inspection. "Trying to get you into  _any_  kind of costume is like trying to dress a cat."

"If only I could scratch and bite like one, then everyone would stop trying. Maybe I should adopt Arthur's defense."

"Maybe," Suzaku laughs. "I can tell you from experience that's its  _very_  effective."

Lelouch smiles softly at him before slinking closer to speak against Suzaku's neck, "You aren't afraid that I might bite you, too?" his finger taps at a package of false vampire teeth hanging from the shelf.

Suzaku grins as naughty memories brush warmly over his cheeks, "I can't be afraid of something I'm already used to."

Lelouch hums pleasantly, circling his arms around his pregnant prey from behind and stealing a succulent bite from a pulsing neck, the feeling of grazing teeth nibbling down to Suzaku's crotch. He feels himself smiling dumbly at the tingling sensation as he places his hands on Lelouch's arms, squeezing them as a command to make Lelouch stop, but hips are pressed against Suzaku's backside instead.

Lelouch seems far more insatiable than usual lately...

Probably because they've rarely seen each other.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku laughs despite himself. "You're  _not_  helping!"

"I don't remember saying that I was going to  _help_  you."

•-•

In the end, Suzaku was unable to select a costume and any inspiration he was looking for was blocked by Lelouch's ambitions to make-out on every aisle and in every corner of the small establishment.

But, mostly, it was because the store manager kindly told them to  _take it somewhere else_  before Suzaku could invest in any more productive searching.

Seems not  _everyone_  is so welcoming when it comes to public displays of affection between a boy and a girl.

•-

-•

On the surface, that blonde-haired girl Nunnally has been growing rather fond of reminds Lelouch too much of C.C.

Same emotionless expression.

Same hard eyes.

Same tight lips.

It's equally upsetting to see her settled next to Nunnally at the dinner table when he walks through the door as it is –  _was_  – to see that witch.

Lelouch can't say he  _doesn't_  like the girl, he hardly knows her – but  _that's_  the problem. It just figures that Nunnally would befriend a new kid Lelouch has yet to sleuth for their background. He supposes it's only a matter of time before Nunnally started making her own friends, and he should be happy for her because life hasn't been an easy journey for his little sister. Sometimes it still feels like just yesterday when she was running around the villa with garden flowers woven in her hair—

When she was confined to a hospital bed—

When her hysterical episodes as a newly and frustrated blind, handicapped girl punctuated their lonely banishment—

But he can't let those tense memories darken his aura, not while he's in front of the light of his life.

"Good evening, Nunnally," he greets her with the smile he saves for her, nodding genially at Alice.

"Welcome home, big brother!" she happily returns, having already started smiling at him once he walked through the door.

"So," Lelouch says as he walks up to the table, roaming his eyes over the Braille text book and various papers cluttering the surface in front of them, "what are you up to?"

"Oh, Alice and I are just doing some homework."

"Are you, now?" he asks, leaning to look over her work after kissing her forehead. "Need any help?"

Nunnally smiles, "No, we're doing fine."

 _We're_ _doing fine…_

So Nunnally is having this  _Alice_  help her with her homework (instead of him)?

Perhaps it's his own fault for being so engulfed by Zero that he neglected to care for what he was protecting… and now someone else is swooping in right under him.

"Ah… then I guess I won't keep you from working," he says, unbuttoning the collar of his topcoat to relieve a strange feeling that's bottling up inside him. "Is Sayoko making dinner?" That would explain the delicious smell sauntering from the kitchen.

"Yes. Is Suzaku eating with us tonight?"

"I don't think so. It appears he'll be working late again today."

"He shouldn't work so much," she pouts a little, reminding him of the exuberant child she used to be.

Lelouch chuckles, "You should tell him that the next time you see him." He pats her head before walking away, "He doesn't seem to listen to me."

Although the seahorse knows he damn well  _should_.

Lelouch has half a mind to jump Suzaku and make it so that he'll be too  _sore_  to do much of anything  _except_  rest.

He finds his smile falling as soon as he's out of sight of Nunnally and Alice, slightly skulking his way into the kitchen with the Nunnally dilemma swarming around his head. Sayoko is indeed hard at work preparing their meal, pots steaming on the stovetop that create the wonderful aroma that makes his empty stomach grumble.

"So you're making Italian tonight?" he asks her with a hungry grin, inhaling the rich, tomato scent of the red sauce simmering in a large pot.

"Spaghetti upon Nunnally's request." Sayoko smiles, amused by his sigh of anticipation as she stirs the marinara mixture. "Would you like to taste it?"

He thought she'd never ask.

Lelouch takes the offered spoon, sipping lightly from the wood and savoring the prickle of flavor that blankets his mouth.

"It's good." He rolls the sip around his tongue thoughtfully, "Maybe… add a little more oregano?"

She gives him a lopsided smirk, "If you say so," and dashes more of the herb into the pot.

Although Sayoko was not originally to prepare meals for them, being a maid and nothing else, she's always been a capable cooker and has improved over the years. They both know that Lelouch has a picky palate that prefers his exact measurements as he's taught himself the art of cooking growing up, but Sayoko is one person that can please his taste buds other than himself.

"Thanks for cooking tonight," he says, leaning against the counter next to the stove and crossing his arms.

"No problem." She regards him for a moment before turning her attention to the uncut cucumber waiting to join the lettuce in the salad bowl beside the cutting board. "But that's not why you're in here right now, is it? There's something else you want to talk about, besides oregano."

Lelouch blinks at her in surprise, and then releases a quiet, wistful sigh that inflates his lips into a very faint grin.

"I forget how perceptive you are sometimes."

"It helps to have known you for a long time." She glances at him fondly before turning back to the cucumber, slicing thin circles from the vegetable, "What's on your mind?"

Aside from the fact that Suzaku is becoming more pregnant every day, that Zero is prematurely being absorbed in bureaucracy, and that there is a growing distance between him and Nunnally?

Nothing at all.

"Well…" Lelouch taps his fingers on his arm, looking away from her tender gaze. "I'm just curious about Alice."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Is she around Nunnally a lot?"

"Well, they've been seeing more of each other lately. I think they're getting closer, becoming very good friends."

"I see…"

"You don't sound happy about that," Sayoko says, looking to him with her gentle, brown eyes.

"I'm just concerned. I don't know anything about this girl and suddenly she's in our home. I don't even know her family name." Or her family  _relations_  and  _connections_.

"Don't let your first impression fool you, she's a very nice girl," the maid assures with a kind grin, "but she doesn't seem to make friends easily. Perhaps that's why she and Nunnally are hitting it off so well. Nunnally is as accepting as they come. Alice has also proven herself to be rather protective of Nunnally in her own way. Just get to know her and you'll see they're good for each other."

The chopping sound of a knife hitting wood follows Sayoko's words, and somehow Lelouch feels as though it's cutting his voice from his throat.

The older woman is more than trustworthy, so if she had any doubts or suspicions about Alice, she wouldn't keep it to herself – she doesn't even show restraint in chiding Lelouch about his gambling habits. Sayoko is the closest thing he and Nunnally have had to a mother since theirs died seven years ago and speaking to her is as reassuring as Lelouch hoped it would be even though he still needs to investigate the girl to a level of his own satisfaction.

But then, Lelouch isn't sure if he could bring himself to separate the two when Nunnally is warming up to Alice so much…

"Thank you," he murmurs, feeling a tremor of inadequacy stifle his voice, and walks away from Sayoko's polite welcome to join Nunnally at the table while they wait for dinner.

This is a good opportunity to conduct his interview.

•-

-•

Alone in the hallway, Euphemia and Zero converse privately, almost too  _comfortably_  for Suzaku's liking. He can't  _hear_  what they're talking about from his distance but he knows if he were to draw closer their conversation would likely end.

Suzaku is curious to know if Zero is aware his surveillance, if he can feel it, if that mask obscures more than just an identity. He wouldn't put it past the vigilante, having proved in the past to be very aware of his surroundings, but, Zero hardly pays any attention to Suzaku – not that Suzaku has been willing to makes friends, either.

It's strange, actually, suspicious, even, that Zero spends the majority of his time concealed in his office of which only select persons are allowed inside, for the most part. A somewhat-disguised Kallen is usually the security, standing at attention with the antsy expression of a guard dog just waiting to snap at the slightest threat. Suzaku doesn't know what to make of their truce now, but he knows better than to go preaching to her while she follows Zero around by an invisible leash. Surprisingly, a man named Ohgi has been doing a lot of the diplomatic errands, always present at every conference and often seen shuffling with papers as he marches through the halls. Perhaps it's to be expected since the man is Zero's number one (but he looks more like Zero's  _student_  than his right-hand man.) Zero has shared few words with Suzaku, not that he expected they would become best friends while stabilizing the Zone—

Speaking of best friends, Lelouch's behavior lately has changed. He doesn't come in late, typically being home before Suzaku, and his demeanor as a whole seems… lighter, peppier. Even though he still skips class whenever he feels like it and occasionally slips out after student council meetings, something is odd about the picture. It's almost as if he's trying to look innocent, but by doing so he only looks all the more  _fishy_. Yet, at the same time, Suzaku has to wonder if this is all just some paranoid delusion. Maybe Lelouch simply is happier now that Suzaku is safer, even if he was initially reluctant about the Zone. And, it's not like Suzaku said anything directly to Lelouch about possible connections to Zero… but Lelouch isn't stupid and tends to pick up on things no matter how subtle… Perhaps Lelouch caught on to Suzaku's conjecture and aimed to rebuff it. He might be a closet supporter for Zero and the Black Knights, but…

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that if you make that expression for too long your face will stay that way?"

Suzaku blinks at the pretty face of ex-princess Euphemia who is a lot closer than he remembers –  _when did she…?_

"Spacing out, are we?" she asks him with a light grin.

"No," he says, shaking his head and rubbing his face but pauses to give her an honest glimpse of his guilty eyes. "Well… maybe a little."

She giggles at him behind her fist.

"I'm sorry. I'm just having a little trouble focusing these days."

"Don't apologize, Suzaku." Euphemia's consoling voice is like a cool tonic to his nerves and restless mind. "It's understandable considering your situation."

That's right.

He'd read in those books that a common side-effect of being pregnant was an inability to concentrate, the mind being too focused on the baby.

Well… he's certainly preoccupied, just not  _always_  on the baby.

"And it's getting late, anyway. You should probably be heading home soon."

But he isn't sure he wants to go just yet.

He'd rather listen to Lelouch's reprimanding later than deal with his sexual advancements now.

"What were you and Zero talking about just now?"

"Still don't trust him?" she asks with a facetious line pulling up the corners of her lips.

Suzaku is careful to not glare at her, "It's reasonable, don't you think? He protects himself by hiding behind a mask, not to mention I'm no fan of his methods."

"Reasonable, perhaps," Euphemia acknowledges with a tilt of her head. "But, did you ever consider that he might be protecting  _more_  than just his identity?"

Suzaku's eyebrows scrunch at her as a response.

"He's hiding his face, but why?  _Only_  because he doesn't want anyone to see him? Maybe he has family and friends just like everyone else. People he loves and doesn't want getting entangled in his affairs or hurt because of them. Never judge a book by its cover, they say. And don't you think that accepting my offer is a step in the right direction for him?"

"…I haven't thought of that," he gravely admits to her despite not knowing if it's really true. When he thought about Lelouch being Zero, it seemed to make sense, but what would that case be if it  _isn't_  Lelouch? "But why would he risk everything to fight this battle?"

Her lips form a strange half-smile, "I don't know. Maybe that's a question you should ask him yourself." Suzaku blinks at her and before he's able to respond, she's tugging him by the arm to walk down the hall in the opposite direction towards her office. "Anyway, this isn't what I wanted to talk to you about. Come, come! I have something important to give you!"

•-•

"One… two…  _three!_ " Lelouch hoists Nunnally from her chair to her bed in a perfected motion without jostling or any slips. She situates herself sitting up in front of her pillow as Lelouch moves the chair towards the foot of her bed, out of the way but still within reach, and returns to her to encase her like a jewel in a box with the blanket. "Are you comfortable?" he asks, pulling and tucking the covers around her.

She nods with a smile, "It's always perfect when you're the one to tuck me in."

Affection draws a smile on Lelouch's lips and he sits down beside her, fiddling with minor adjustments to the blankets that needlessly straightens any fiendish wrinkles.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it to dinner tonight. I know I haven't been spending a lot of time with you lately because I've been busy…" he pauses, but not to hear her forgive him, just to read her grave expression, "but I haven't forgotten about the Halloween party. Actually, I think I've come up with a concept," he announces proudly until her grim silence chisels the smile right off his face.

"About that…" she begins delicately, her fingers clasping tensely together. "Alice asked me if I wanted to dress up with her this year. You see, she doesn't have anyone else to go with, so…"

…What is Nunnally saying?

"You don't mind, do you? If I dress up with Alice?"

Yeah, actually, he kind of  _really_  minds.

A lot.

"No… If that's what you want to do."

"Are you sure? I mean, I know you don't really care for this sort of thing and Halloween is less than two weeks away…"

Lelouch never thought such harmless words could hurt him so much.

Or that  _Nunnally_  could be the one to speak them.

"I… just want you to be happy. Whatever you want to do is fine."

He isn't lying to her, but it hurts like he is, and he wonders if there's even a difference in this moment.

It shouldn't be a big deal, it's just for one party…

One they've always celebrated together since…

Lelouch strains to smile, grabbing her hand in both of his.

"Don't worry about me. Go have fun with your friend."

Even if he was really looking forward to it.

Even if it ruptures a small crack in his heart (or is that her bubble world that's breaking?).

"Ok." She smiles faintly. "I guess this means you can go with Suzaku now."

"You mean as a pair?" Lelouch asks her and when she nods he breathes a wry puff through his nose, "Somehow I doubt that."

_The idiot can't even pick a costume._

"Wouldn't it be fun to go together? It'll be the first time to spend Halloween with him."

He feels his eyebrows crease a little at her.

In a way, this is a strange conversation to be having.

"It isn't like I won't see him there."

Nunnally nods, "I guess you're right…"

"You sound concerned," Lelouch says, lifting one corner of his lips and rubbing the back of her hand in his grasp.

She seems to shrug a little, "I guess I am."

"And why is that?"

Nunnally's lips press together rather firmly, her eyebrows twisting into an uncertain frown – a moment of consideration on her part that's as alarming as it is adorable… as long as nothing is  _actually_   _wrong_.

"I know about you and Suzaku."

.

.

.

_Eh?_

"…What do you mean?" Lelouch's lips curve into a skewed grin; not just taken aback, but  _yanked_  aback by a quivering panic – he should probably stop holding her hand now if he's going to try and squirm his way out of this one…

"Lelouch," she stoically pats his hand, almost in reassurance to his quickened heartbeat, "I know I can't see, but I'm not blind."

She… has a point.

Ever since she's lost her eyesight, her other senses, including her intuition, have become surprisingly sharp to the point where she can not only distinguish people but know where they are in the room. It's uncanny, but it's made life so much easier for her. At the same time, however, it's made it harder for Lelouch to uphold his calm, cool, and collected big brother bravado when things aren't so great in reality.

Seems he should have figured she could sense the emotional attachment between him and Suzaku, but that doesn't quite explain her square knowledge of the fact – unless that  _idiot_  went and opened his big mouth again – and she isn't one to jump to conclusions.

Maybe he shouldn't ask.

"I'm not bothered by it, or anything like that," she says, her words cushioned with sincerity. Lelouch's eyes only look down at their grouped hands in a sullen sink. "I wasn't going to say anything, but I don't want you to feel like you have to keep it a secret from me. I love you and support you, no matter what."

_No matter what, huh?_

Her soft hands squeeze his and he looks up to her with a light smile.

"Suzaku was right."—her eyebrows curiously crease—"You are becoming too mature for me to handle."

She giggles quietly, "The two of you understand each other and fit together so well… I'm happy for you."

"I suppose I'm happy for you, too, finally having a special friendship."

"You  _suppose_  you're happy?" she teases, tugging his hands.

Another half-smile pins up the corner of his lips, "I don't like the idea of sharing you, is all."

"You haven't changed at all!" Nunnally laughs.

"I hope I've changed a little…" Lelouch pretends to sulk.

"I mean that in a good way. I like that you're still the same since…" a frown threatens to eat her lips as her hands flirt with a clench and it jolts his chest.

"You're still the same little girl, too." Lelouch tries to distract her with an upbeat tone to counteract the sad hint that ghosted in with her words. "Just missing the pigtails…" he playfully flicks a finger at her long hair, but he doesn't get the response he wants.

"Did you hear the announcement about Euphie?"

Lelouch is surprised by not only the sudden topic change, but that Nunnally is the one to make it and that she tried to lighten her voice. It's not like her…

"Yes, I did," he replies slowly, almost  _cautiously_ , to her.

He doubts that there is a person on this island – or the  _world_  – who  _hasn't_  heard the announcement and indulged in the shocking story. Just like Euphemia had promised, nearly a month after the Zone was welcomed with wary minds, the mainland made the official announcement about the Third Princess stepping down from succession "in order to fully devote her time to the SAZ." While an obvious bent truth, to their credit it was actually done in a tasteful manner.

More so than  _Lelouch's_  disowning…

But who's comparing?

"She's very kind, isn't she?"

"I suppose so," Lelouch coolly replies.

The sacrifice itself doesn't come with just her giving up her title; it's the  _lifestyle_  and privileges that go with it that makes it selfless. Euphemia has relinquished the  _only_  life she's ever known: one of lavish and little suffering. While true that the infighting within the royal family can be brutal she's never really been threatened by it, and life on the outside is an entirely different world – although she's already in better standing than Lelouch was when he  _dared to defy_. Euphemia may still have the luxury of Cornelia's (…and Schneizel's,  _as long as it serves his gains_ ) protection, dotage and guidance but she will be shamed as nothing but a turncoat  _number lover_  – that's not exactly good for winning over many, or any, high-tiered Brits, but it does boost support for numbers and remaining independent countries, if nothing else.

Nunnally bites her lip slightly, "I know I shouldn't ask, but I really want to see Euphie again. Do you think we could see her one more time? She's not royalty anymore, just like us, right? Doesn't that mean it would be easier to see her now?"

"I don't know…" Lelouch says, unable to completely reject her. "I'm not sure it would be that simple, even given the circumstance."

Unfortunately, Euphemia's status, or lack thereof, doesn't make anything easier.

She'll still most likely have guards and still mostly likely have Cornelia hovering over her now more than ever and there's the press that's still flocking to her like bees to honey thanks to the double effect of the Zone and her status change. It's all spelled a scandal in big letters, rumors about  _her_  and  _her knight_  thickening like sticky peanut butter in the mouths of both the media and general public. If anything, Euphemia has probably made it harder for them to meet. At least for now.

"…I see."

"I'm sorry. Maybe we can see her again later, when things are a little more settled with the media."

Nunnally silently nods – Lelouch tries to not imagine the dejected glaze flowing under her eyelids.

"You know, Euphie hasn't changed, either," the abandoned fourth princess says.

"You think so?"

"Yeah." A smile struggles to lift her lips. "When we spoke before finding you, it was just like before… when we were younger."

Lelouch forces an undersized smile and nods, ignoring the way his childhood sores blaze like lit gasoline through his veins at the light of sad implications strung to her words. He'd like to remember only the good times… but they only remind him of how it all ended.

"It was like I could see the garden again in her voice. I could smell the fresh grass and flowers… We talked about those memories, and I really enjoyed it."

"That's good."

It is,  _really_.

Euphemia can recall those happy times without festering, like Lelouch.

Nunnally deserves something like that in her life…

"It made me happy to revisit those times, when we were all together…" she appears to nod at her own statement, as if to verify it's true. "There are so many things I feel I've forgotten… like exact colours and expressions. What the sky looks like throughout the day…" her tone steadily dims as the outline of her eyes roll downward, perhaps trying to chase after her fading memories, and he feels it hollow his chest with remorse. "…Do you still miss mother?"

Lelouch doesn't have to hesitate at this.

"Every day," he confesses to her softly, smoothing his palm over her hand.

"Me too… I think about her a lot." In so many ways right now, Nunnally is digressing into her childhood self in Lelouch's mind. He won't deny that he's never stopped seeing her as nothing but his kid sister, but it's different this time somehow, as if the morose mood is turning back time… especially when she sniffles.

…When she  _sniffles?_

"Nunnally?" Lelouch beckons with a tilt of his head at the stifled sound of her sniffing nose, a spike of fear rising up from his gut when droplets race down her cheeks. "Nunnally, what's wrong?" he asks hastily, reaching to wipe—

She shakes her head furiously, "…Nothing!"

"You're crying." He feels a little silly saying that out loud, as if she doesn't know.

Her head shakes again, although less dramatically as the tears gain momentum.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," he implores, a nasty knot of childhood angst constricting his stomach. "Why are you upset?"

"…Because!" Nunnally's voice is close to hysterical, a crack in her speech causing her sharp inhale to shudder out as a sob. "Because I can't remember mother's face!"

•-•

"I know about Lelouch and Nunnally," Euphemia says in the cozy confines of her private office, causing Suzaku's heart to nearly burst.

"…I don't, um, I have no idea… what you mean."

She grins at him, "Don't worry, Suzaku. This isn't due to any fault of your own. I ran into them when I visited Ashford."

He breathes a giant sigh of relief, the fresh air birthing a new heart in his chest – he thought that might have happened… He can hear Euphemia's giggling as she rounds her large desk, sparsely decorated by documents compared to personal photos and knick-knacks. A pink gift-bag with brightly coloured tissue paper clouding up from the inside is placed on top of the polished surface and her light-blue eyes pleasantly gleam at him.

"Are you still friends? I mean, do you see each other a lot at school?"

"Yes…" Suzaku answers with a nod and a hint of a question in his tone.

"Good! I'm so happy to hear that." She smiles something close to relieved joy, and Suzaku couldn't find it more strange. "You always seemed so at ease when you talked about them, I'm glad they're back in your life. I think they'll be good for you. Also, I have a  _little_ ,  _selfish_  errand, if you don't mind." She gestures to the bag, "Nunnally's birthday is coming up but I can't really go visit her, so I was hoping that you would give this to her for me."

Suzaku looks between Euphemia and the gift a few times before he steps closer to the desk.

"Sure, I can do that," he says with a smile that she quickly returns.

"I wish I could see her on her birthday, but…" Her shimmering eyes drop from his again and into a sullen shade. "I guess this is the best I can do for now."

Suzaku can't imagine the emotional toll that was taken on her heart after grieving for her brother and sister for seven years but she truly appears to be in better spirits with the knowledge of their survival. Still, the initial information probably has a waning euphoria when she realized she can't see or speak to them – the one thing she's wished for since they were banished from the palace and the country.

Euphemia suddenly laughs a little at herself, "I probably shouldn't even be giving her a present! I can already  _hear_  Lelouch's disproval, but it would be worth it to see the look on her face."

"…Then why don't you just give it to her yourself?"

Her expression is a collage of surprise and disappointment, "I can't…"

"Well… I could ask if it's alright, if you want."

Her eyes instantly light up, "You'd do that?"

"Of course," Suzaku answers with a smile. "I'd be honored."

Nunnally's birthday party will be a big celebration and have the attendance of the student council, and whoever else the birthday girl wants to invite, but Lelouch informed Suzaku that they always do something together, alone, around her birthday.

Big sister will be all right to come on that night, if only for dinner.

Euphemia grins coyly at him, "You're a genuine gentleman, aren't you?"

Gentleman…?

Don't make Suzaku blush!

Some awkward chuckles tousle in his throat and he looks down at his shoes, bashfully rubbing the back of his head.

"…If you say so."

"Learn to take a compliment," she teases. "I still want you to take this gift anyway, just in case. Don't give it to her until her birthday, though!"

"Of course." Suzaku's green eyes look up to her with a soft smile. "Can I ask what it is?"

Euphemia shakes a chiding head and finger at him, "No peeking, even for you!"

A hearty laugh puffs from Suzaku's mouth as he looks down at the bag, wishing he had the same finesse with presentation like Lelouch and Euphemia – although maybe she had gift-wrapping done for her…

"So… how are you doing?"

"Doing…?" Suzaku repeats with a blank look before the  _small fry_  slaps his brain with recognition. "Oh! Fine. Just fine. I had a check-up recently and I'm due for another one after Nunnally's birthday."

"That's good to hear." The weighty mood of her face is brightened like a budding flower. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks…" Suzaku timidly accepts with an awkward lift of his shoulders.

Why does she  _insist_  on making him blush?

"Does… Does Lelouch know?" Her shy question makes Suzaku inwardly guffaw at the irony.

That Lelouch is the father.

That he is a very  _naggy_  father.

But Euphemia doesn't know any of the above, so he must remain dignified while mentally curious about whether or not she'll ever know anything.

Suzaku grins, trying to tame the dryness from his voice, "Yes, he knows."

Euphemia's pink hair bobs with the nod of her head, a firm expression hardening her eyes with sincerity.

"That's good. Friends should support each other."

Suzaku didn't say Lelouch "supports" him, but it's nice that she instinctively thinks the best of her brother.

Perhaps Suzaku should follow her example.

…And Lelouch  _is_  a  _very_  supportive father and friend.

"By the way…" she starts again tentatively, eyes seeming to search for courage, "the father, of your baby, I mean, is he…?"

Suzaku lifts an eyebrow when her blue eyes flock to him for help – like he knows what she's thinking.

He's not  _Lelouch_.

"…Well, I know it's not any of my business, but I'm just curious about him…"

Ah…

"You want to know what kind of person he is?"

•-•

"…Nunnally," Lelouch manages to murmur through his surprise, barely able to find his voice as he wipes her eyes with tender thumbs.

"I've been looking at the same faded image of her for years… I've only realized it recently that… she's gone." Nunnally weeps, clinging to her big brother's arms as they try to pull her up from her river of tears. "I've been trying to remember, concentrating for hours, but not even in my dreams can I see her face…! There's nothing there… She's gone, Lelouch."

He hasn't seen her cry like this since she was young… since the bittersweet days at the Kururugi shrine. He just isn't sure what to say. Her tears and her sadness have always left him feeling mute, as if his knowledge of the English language has been scooped out of his skull.

"I'm sorry," she hiccups. "I know you don't like to talk about the past, but I—!"

No…

Don't apologize for  _this_ …

"I feel so empty! Like I've lost a part of myself and I don't know how to get it back!"

 _This_  is Lelouch's fault.

For every brittle brush-off he made at the topic of their past…

For every absent response at the mention of their mother…

For every promise of talking later and later never coming…

For shutting her out along with the feelings he refused to face…

For leaving Nunnally alone in the silent dark…

Not even ignorance is to blame.

This is  _all_   _Lelouch's_   _fault_.

"I'm sorry… I was trying to be strong for you, so you wouldn't worry about me… I didn't want to tell you…"

"Don't apologize," he quietly murmurs, trying to hurdle his voice over a quivering lump in his throat as he gently wipes away the teardrops rolling down her cheeks, cupping her face and looking at her eyes as if she'll stare back – there's always the  _chance_ … "You don't have anything to be sorry about. Nunnally…"  _I'm_ _sorry…_  His voice drowns in her wavy weeps and it's as if she  _really_   _is_  the little, pig-tailed girl that could only be consoled by mother's kiss and rocking arms or the blind girl who just wanted to see and walk again… He's consumed by a staircase drenched in blood and a nurturing smile he isn't sure he can completely remember anymore as it's stolen by dead eyes.

Lelouch can't seem to remember how to speak, suddenly becoming a helpless boy all over again.

Why do words always feel so meaningless at times when they are needed the most…?

He wordlessly gathers her into his arms as he slides up next her, petting her long, brown hair as she tucks her despondence into his shoulder, feeling his eyes prickle as his white shirt dampens.

There isn't anything else he can do.

Lelouch had never been so powerless during those nights when Nunnally was inconsolable, sobbing through violent tantrums… No one would believe Nunnally is capable of such horrific sorrow and distress. Lelouch didn't until he saw it. There wasn't a word he could say or a promise he could make to ease her pain, to calm her heart.

All he could do was hold her to keep her from literally falling apart, and it seems the present is the same as the past…

Because if her smile is his motivation, then her tears are his demise.

Lelouch realizes how much he's taken for granted as his violet eyes prickle with sadness that stubbornly stays tightly knotted in his chest. It's been so long since the last time he's so much as blinked a tear from his eye, because he wanted to be strong for Nunnally. Instead, it turns out,  _she_  is the stronger one.

 _You're_   _not the one who should be sorry_.

•-•

_It's so late…_

Lelouch is going to  _kill_  him.

It was already very late when Euphemia grabbed him, well past supper and close to bed time, and he meant to head home right after speaking with her…

Suzaku really dropped the ball this time.

He was more than surprised by Euphemia's question, for more than one reason, and even though he wanted to talk to her, if only a little, he knew he'd inevitably say something he shouldn't. Suzaku wonders what real harm could come from her knowing that Lelouch is the father, but… Lelouch has been hiding for seven years for a reason.

Lots of reasons.

Suzaku tried to convey some basic, non-personal things and maybe Euphemia recognized that it was a sensitive subject because she didn't pry. It really would've been nice, though, because the only person he has to talk to is Lelouch, and in that case he might as well be talking to a frowning brick wall. But, at least Suzaku re-learned his feelings for Lelouch run much,  _much_  deeper than he initially thought. (Deeper than any loathing he carries for a certain masked terrorist.)

Suzaku quietly steps through the hall of the clubhouse as if afraid the taut tension of Lelouch's temper will snap if he walks too heavily – perhaps it's exaggerated, but if Suzaku expects the worst, the reality won't seem that bad… It's a trick he's picked up from Lelouch. Too focused on the probable scorning, Suzaku turns into the first pair of doors that slide open for him and the light that douses his vision isn't unperceived—

However, the light, floral scent thick in the air shocks to his senses—

He realizes, a bit embarrassedly, that he stumbled into Nunnally's room and quickly opens his mouth to apologize—

"I'm s—!" But there, on Nunnally's bed, are a slumbering prince and princess.

Suzaku feels as though he's walked into a picture frame as he stands in a stunned stupor for a moment to register the scene, even smiling very faintly to himself as he steals an intimate glimpse. Lelouch looks like he'll wake up with a sore back, being propped against the bed rail like a saggy stuffed animal, but Suzaku imagines he likely won't mind it. His arms are curled around a sound-sleeping Nunnally who's snugly folded into her blankets as she uses her big brother as a big pillow, her cheek perched on his gently rising and sinking chest. Their breaths are so soft and slow, Suzaku catches his own so he doesn't cause them to wake and shatter this image. He nearly turns to tip-toe out before glancing at them again, at Lelouch who isn't covered and still wearing his uniform minus the topcoat. After laying a spare blanket from the foot of Nunnally's bed over Lelouch, Suzaku ducks out of the room, flipping off the light as he leaves.

It's too late to take a shower, but he's feeling too antsy to sleep – probably because of the pregnancy, like the books say. He has been a little preoccupied lately, but it has yet to affect his sleep, so he figures taking a hot shower will soothe his body enough to set a course to dreamland. Suzaku heads to the bedroom first to shed some of his own uniform and decides to set out a book to wait for him after washing up to read in bed—

Only, he can't find the one he wants to read.

_Shit!_

He's torn through his book bag and the pile hidden in Lelouch's closet – because he's that paranoid – but no luck. Sure, he could read any one of the  _many_  books Lelouch has purchased – an abundance that has grown with their small fry – but that isn't the issue.

Suzaku lost the book.

Losing the book is a  _bad_  thing.

If someone found it… well, there aren't any names or anything personal written in them, but how is Suzaku going to get it back? He doesn't even know  _where_  he lost it!

Just what will Lelouch do to him if he learns Suzaku lost the book?

Lelouch will  _freak_  if he finds out and he'll never let Suzaku hear the end of it!

"Just think!" he growls to himself under his breath, standing with a frown in the middle of the room.

The last time he remembers having it was in his school bag – which was unwise in itself, he realizes, but he only had it in there because he wanted to try and do some reading before heading to work… Well, there isn't a lot of free time to come by, which is why he's late to noticing its absence… But Suzaku clearly brought the bag back, he just hasn't touched it since then, apparently…

That  _was_  before the Zone, wasn't it?

What if it fell out of his bag during school, in one of his  _classes_?

A lazy meow startles Suzaku, making him jump and nearly pounce the intruder until he sees a pair of feline eyes staring at him –  _judging_  him.

A thick sigh of relief hales from Suzaku's mouth, "Arthur… what are you doing in here?"

Arthur doesn't even do him the courtesy of blinking.

"I don't know where it is, Arthur," Suzaku says as he flops down on the bed, falling onto his back like a dead man.

The cat quickly appears on the bed, strutting up to Suzaku's head with what he supposes is ill-intent in those golden eyes.

"You haven't seen the book, have you?" He reaches to scratch a furry head as some sort of peace offering, as if Arthur is the fiend who stole the book and will return it with the right coaxing—

Before Suzaku can even hope to experience the familiar pang of Arthur's fangs, the book's whereabouts flood his mind like a brilliant light. He remembers chasing the cat out of his bag at the end of a club meeting once, and forgot to check and make sure  _everything_  was there because he was running late, so the book just has to be there!

"Oh, Arthur, why didn't you  _say_  so?" Suzaku deliriously chides with a smile as he springs from the bed as if jolted by the electric epiphany.

Arthur merely yawns at his jaunty exit.

_The human idiot._

•-

-•

Milly knew her bait would work, which is why she's doubly glad that she installed a hidden camera –  _courtesy_  of the  _boys_  from the film club! Perhaps she'll keep up her end of the borrow bargain now that she's got something to show for her  _persuasive_  personality.

She wouldn't have thought it would be Suzaku, however.

Several replays later before the start of the club meeting and she's  _still_  reeling in the find and the possibilities that come with it.

Obviously, there's only one sound – and decidedly dramatic – conclusion to draw.

"Former Princess Euphemia  _must_  be involved in this," Milly announces as if she's finally found the answer to an equation.

There is simply  _no other_  explanation.

Shirley, the wet blanket, predictably chokes on her breath and her appalled eyes flare at the blond.

"M-Madam President!"

"It makes sense and you know it." Milly waves her hand perfunctorily at the girl, staring at the figure caught on the computer screen, Nina standing awkwardly beside her as she holds the linked camera. "Just think about it: there are a  _lot_  of rumors running around about  _her_  and  _her brave knight_  – something most have disapproved of to begin with – and then she 'resigns' from her royal status out of the blue?"

"Because of the  _Zone!_ " Shirley insists. "That's what they said in the announcement!"

"Do you believe  _everything_  you're told, Shirley?"

The swimmer huffs, her face tinged red by frazzled nerves and embarrassment.

"Do you even realize what you're saying?" Rivalz asks cautiously, sitting at the table across from Shirley. "That has to be, like, slander or something, right? You don't have any proof except that Suzaku picked up some book."

" _Slander?_ " Milly sounds like her voice doesn't even want to  _touch_  the word.

Because it doesn't.

And it isn't like she's going  _public_  with this information – as tempting a thought it is…

"And she's still part of the royal family!" Shirley tags in a tad too desperately to sound the least bit convincing. "You shouldn't be disrespectful."

What's so disrespectful, exactly?

That Milly is saying Euphemia  _might_  be having a relationship with her knight? (Like it would even be the  _first_  time something like this has happened.) That she  _could_  be pregnant as a result, even though she's under age and not married?

Who even  _cares_  about all of that, anyway?

They can't possibly be so…  _old fashioned_.

And why does it all fall on  _Euphemia?_

Suzaku is a part of this as well. Why aren't they upset about  _his_  reputation? He's the one who's  _their_  friend! It's true that Euphemia probably has more at stake in this scenario, farther to fall from grace than him, but it's this bloody _double-standard_  that's causing all the problems in the first place!

Why can't these two ignore  _tradition_  and just be  _happy_  for the happy couple?

Two words: Wet. Blankets.

As far as not having any proof… Well, perhaps this is only speculation, but this explains why Lelouch and Suzaku spent that one afternoon at the bookstore as if it was some clandestine affair! The Lelouch point makes sense, but, since only Milly knows of his royal connection – aside from Suzaku – she can't share this indisputable piece of evidence.

"You're being too serious," she drawls at them – let them be close-minded and never enjoy themselves, see if Milly cares. "So serious that you've forgotten the  _most important thing!_ "

Rivalz and Shirley exchange a glance to confirm they both feel the eerie chill rolling in with Milly's chipper tone.

They do.

" _What_  important thing…?" Enters Kallen on her own dull beat, the sick girl's bland voice heavy with confusion.

Milly perks up like a recently hydrated plant and bounds over to the girl who quenched her thirst, grabbing her by the shoulders as Shirley and Rivalz watch from the side with certain-doom still hovering over their heads from the  _last_  time.

"Why, the  _baby shower_  of course!" the excited president declares, all smiles and glittery aurora that infuse a look of utter shock and fear into the red-head's very soul.

Oh, Kallen.

She should've gotten out while she still had the chance…

•-

-•

Lelouch stands in the doorway with crossed arms, leaning against the frame as he looks at Nunnally's smile from a distance, watching Euphemia fill a void he hadn't realized was growing in Nunnally's heart. Euphemia's visit has proven to lift Nunnally's spirits, their private dinner being a nostalgic night that she's needed, and perhaps a little something that Lelouch needed, too. It isn't easy accepting that they needed her for this, but Lelouch is aware that he's closed up too tight for his own sake and forgot about Nunnally, that she's different and has different functions.

Lelouch is comfortable with repressing, Nunnally isn't. He forced his own unhealthy emotional problems onto her and that wasn't fair even though it was unintentional. All he can do is work on his vulnerability issues, however difficult that might be.

He doesn't want to end up making the same mistake with his  _child_.

"You don't look happy," Suzaku says quietly, appearing at Lelouch's side as the two sisters shower each other in shameless affection – Lelouch can do  _that_ , although his isn't as  _emotional_  about it as Euphemia…

He lets Suzaku's statement stay unattended in the air, choosing to not reply as he stares at the golden, heart locket dangling around Nunnally's neck and the small box sitting in front of her on the table – the present Euphemia gave her. It's not an overly lavished item, relatively small and a little plain. It's rectangular and wooden with a heart-shaped cut on the lid filled with glass, stained with a soft pink rose – but for this box it's the  _inside_  that truly matters. Not only is the inside carpeted in burgundy velvet, but once opened, it plays a soft, tinkering melody just like the one Nunnally had when she was young, when she was still a princess – mainly because it  _is_  the one she had when she was still a princess. Euphemia had apparently managed to save it after they left and has kept it in excellent condition. Nunnally gushed when she heard the music, excitedly feeling the box with her fingers, and she immediately commented that it would be the  _perfect_  place to store her new necklace,  _if_  she ever takes it off. Their mother had given Nunnally that gift, a souvenir of sorts from Europe, and she used to sing and hum that song to them…

Nunnally doesn't love one gift more than the other, which is just like her, but Lelouch almost wishes Euphemia hadn't given her anything at all… Suzaku splurged on some very fancy and rather expensive special origami paper with different textures, and she loved that to the same weight, but that doesn't bother Lelouch as much as that  _music box_.

"Are you not alright with her being here?" Suzaku asks, not to be deterred by Lelouch's silence – a quality that is as needed as it is annoying. If there's anyone to help Lelouch with his intimacy problems, it's definitely this stubborn, emotional seahorse.

"Honestly? No. I don't want her here," Lelouch answers in a firm slate of words. "It's too dangerous and risky for her to be anywhere near us. I don't like this at all." He can see Suzaku tilt his head from the corner of his eye.

"Then why did you agree to invite her?"

Why?

That should be obvious.

"Because I want to make Nunnally happy."  _No matter what…_

Suzaku releases a very soft breath that sounds a lot like a voiceless puff of laughter.

"When we were younger, I sometimes wished that you were my real brother."

Lelouch slides his eyes away from Nunnally's glowing smile to look at Suzaku sideways, at his crooked grin.

"For obvious reasons, now I'm glad you're not." There's a light touch on Lelouch's back, pulling his face towards Suzaku fully. "Nunnally is  _extremely_  lucky to have a big brother like you."

It's as if those are the exact words Lelouch has been needing to hear; they loosen the tension, guilt, and doubt in the holes of his heart with tender warmth as a hand on his back rubs at his invisible wounds. It doesn't quell the pain completely, but it's a start. If they weren't currently sharing the room with Euphemia, Lelouch would gladly  _express_  to Suzaku just how  _appreciative_  he is to have heard that, but he supposes that for now a heart-felt smile is just as good until he can smother the boy with a kiss later in private.

And that's  _just_  a kiss.

Lelouch isn't a whore for affection…

•-•

Suzaku is marveling at the triplet collection of ultrasound photos in an unmarked, white binder – because Lelouch didn't have anything else on hand – instead of catching up on his baby reading as he sits in bed. He drags the pad of his forefinger along the profile of their small fry over the plastic sleeve, wishing he had more pictures in between the first two to really see the development, but he supposes that he'll be gaining more now that the doctor visits are more frequent. In fact, with a growing smile, he slides the latest image into the next available slip and fondly compares it against the one just before it…

And then Lelouch enters the room like a dark fog rolling over water and Suzaku considers warning other ships about the impenetrable weather. He tries to brighten his partner's dismal haze by sharing his smile, but he's more or less ignored as Lelouch deposits his dirty clothes in the hamper, a bath towel still around his neck.

Something's been up with Lelouch lately, like he isn't looking at the present or he's just distracted – in Suzaku's case, his distraction is mostly the baby (and maybe other  _things_  he wants to ignore), but it doesn't seem to be the same case with  _daddy_. Maybe he is more bothered about Euphemia than he let on, or is it…?

"Lelouch," Suzaku calls, lifting the binder up from his lap in little a gesture, "I added the ultrasound picture, do you want to see it?"

Murky violets flick to him and the boy steps over, rubbing excess water from his hair with the towel as he reaches for Suzaku's handy work with passive grace that makes irks the seahorse before a rift of joy gently breaks along Lelouch's lips after taking the binder.

"Hard to believe it's not even the size of a finger yet."

"Yeah…" Suzaku smiles softly up at his parental partner, at the pleasant surface flowing over his preoccupied gaze again like a rising tide. "Do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?"

"Does it matter?" Lelouch tonelessly replies, turning away from him to stash the baby binder in his desk and hang his towel over the back of his chair.

"No. Just making conversation."

"Hm…"

"Lelouch, is something bothering you?"

Lelouch looks at him with a half-shrug and a head shake, trying to look indifferent, but Suzaku knows that look in Lelouch's eye when he sees it – rather, when he can't see anything  _else_.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Lelouch appears to frown a little, "Yes. Why do you keep asking?"

_Getting defensive over practically nothing is a good enough reason to…_

"Because it seems like you're bothered, or distracted about something. Is it still Euphie?"

The determination to maintain the lie is steadfast in Lelouch's eyes, almost shining like a challenge, but the façade must be wafer-thin for it wavers quickly with a deep exhale.

"It's just…" Lelouch climbs into bed, crawling over Suzaku's legs. "Nunnally wants to dress up with Alice this year for Halloween, leaving me to go solo for the first time."

"And that bothers you," Suzaku says, not asks.

Lelouch shrugs again as he scuttles under the blanket.

"But, isn't it true that you don't care for wearing costumes?"

" _That_  isn't what this is about," Lelouch bites with a furrow of his brow. "I did it for Nunnally because it makes her happy, and thus makes me happy. I never minded if it was for her."

"But now you don't have a reason to do it, is that what you're saying?"

Lelouch opens his mouth, but he doesn't manage to say anything.

"Lelouch, it isn't the end of the world. So Nunnally wants to have fun with a friend, can you blame her? You and I do stuff all the time."

" _We're_   _different_ ," Lelouch petulantly counters, commandeering Suzaku's lap as his pillow, not that Suzaku particularly minds, he just finds it… odd. Because this is the first time. And he didn't do it in the most  _snuggly_  of manners. "It just seems like she's growing up all of the sudden."

Suzaku simpers, resting a hand on Lelouch's shoulder, "She's  _fifteen_  now, Lelouch. She's been growing for a long time."

"I  _know_  that,  _Captain Obvious_. But it's starting to feel like she doesn't need me as much anymore." Lelouch's solemn tone only seems to add to the invisible weight on his shoulders, never mind the insult – Suzaku likens those to some sort of defense mechanism, and are thus to be ignored. "…I'm not ready for that."

 _Now_  who's playing Captain Obvious?

"I know it must be hard for you, but just remember that she'll always be your little sister no matter what and you'll always be her big brother no matter what."

Lelouch doesn't seem convinced of that and Suzaku is uncertain if he should press this issue.

His  _mouth_ , however, seems to think he should.

"Listen, she'll always need you, but isn't the point of growing up to become independent? To find our own place in the world?"

"I don't want to her to be independent. Her place is with me." Lelouch sounds very silly but he couldn't be more serious.

"You know what they say, Lelouch: if you love something, you should let it go."

"Whoever said that obviously never loved anything."

Suzaku chuckles slightly, "You sound like a child."

Lelouch grumbles.

"It'll be fine. When Nunnally is ready to start her life, you'll be ready to let her go because you'll have been the one to prepare her. But, she'll always need you."

Lelouch grumbles… again.

Well, at least he stopped shrugging and sighing.

"And think of it this way: it will be good practice for our baby."

"Practice?" Lelouch dubiously repeats. "No, no. If anything it will be a lesson learned."

"Just what are you insinuating?" Suzaku playfully pokes at Lelouch's head.

"Keeping our small fry a  _small fry_ , of course. I won't give it the chance to grow."

"Now you just sound psychotic."

"But it isn't even just her growing up…" Lelouch ignores him, caught in a cloud of tension that darkens the room. "As much as I refused to believe the day would come… When I spoke to Nunnally the other night, she said she can't remember our mother's face anymore."

So  _that's_  what's been hanging over Lelouch's head lately…

Heavy stuff.

"I've spent the last seven years protecting her, but when it really mattered I was useless. What am I if I can't even keep her from getting hurt? That's all I've wanted to do for her and I can't even do that much." Suzaku doesn't think he's ever heard Lelouch sound so distressed and vulnerable, as if he's opening his chest for an inspection of his heart.

Even if Suzaku wasn't stunned silent, he doesn't think there'd be much he could say. This is the  _first_  time Lelouch has opened up so much – it must be a serious wound for him to  _talk_  about it – and Suzaku doesn't want to make Lelouch close back up like a clam. He just pets Lelouch's head as soothingly as he can, absorbing himself in the actions of his fingers as they comb through the inky tendrils of Lelouch's hair, relishing more than just the soft texture that swims over his skin.

He isn't sure he should pursue this vulnerable path laid before him by stating the obvious – that Nunnally is probably going to get hurt one way or another despite the efforts of big brother – but he doesn't think he should cater to Lelouch's delusion, either. Reality can hurt, but not facing it doesn't make it go away or any easier to handle in the end.

Suzaku knows that from experience.

Yet… this sounds contradictory; to say Nunnally is growing up but can't remember their mother… she's going to rely on Lelouch for something like this. But, because Lelouch feels helpless, there's nothing he can do, so… Are these two issues related or is Suzaku just puzzling over a clear picture?

"It doesn't matter if she gets hurt," he says softly, looking down at the raven-haired head in his lap. "What's important is that you're there to catch her when she falls. Words of wisdom don't always need to be shared; sometimes just being there to listen or hold her is enough."

Lelouch merely hums dispassionately, but he doesn't move away from Suzaku's touch, so maybe that's speaks for itself – if he was uncomfortable in any way he would spurn or deflect. Suzaku doesn't expect Lelouch to bare his soul, at least not all at once, and he  _doesn't want to change him_ , all he wants to become the exception to Lelouch's guarded heart; for Lelouch to feel safe and comfortable enough with him to not apply the shields he uses on everyone else. The fact that Lelouch has come to him with this worry at all is a giant step toward that certain sense of intimacy this violet-eyed clam has been avoiding by burying himself in the sand as deeply as possible.

Suzaku doesn't know what exactly inspired Lelouch to spill this private, personal morsel; all he  _does_  knows is that he's welcoming this unprecedented  _phenomenon_  as attentively as he can like he finally got an independent, stray cat to willingly come to him and wants to savor the moment, unsure of when it will happen again. So, Suzaku is torn. He's too afraid of scaring Lelouch back into his shell and yet he doesn't want this chance to peer inside Lelouch's heart to pass by unfulfilled.

Maybe it would be smart to just leave it at this and not press his luck.

"…What does your mother look like?" Suzaku asks suddenly thanks to a persistent curiosity.

Lelouch shifts a little before answering, perhaps not expecting that question or maybe thrown by the present tense, and he speaks with a slow, mechanical slant to his words.

"You… want me to  _describe_  her to you?"

"Sure, if you don't mind. I have no idea what she looks like."

A true statement.

Suzaku has heard brief mentions of her, but nothing to do with her appearance.

And it isn't as if there are images of her littering today's society despite her reputation. Otherwise her son would've been recognized a long time ago.

"Well…" Lelouch fidgets again, "she was tall and thin, but strong and willful. Her face was kind of narrow but soft and warm when she smiled. She had deep blue eyes and long wavy hair like Nunnally, except it was black, and had fair skin…"

"She sounds pretty."

"She was. At least, I always thought so…"

Suzaku grins, "She also sounds like you – you must take after her a lot."

Lelouch shifts again and Suzaku gets the impression there's something he's not sharing.

Suzaku doesn't doubt it.

"Maybe."

"And from some of the stories I've heard Nunnally tell, it seems you inherited some of her protectiveness."

"…I don't want to talk about that."

The sudden clap of a shell snapping shut in Lelouch's words causes Suzaku's hand to flinch away in surrender, a physical doge of a line he, perhaps, shouldn't be crossing.

Not yet.

Hell, even Lelouch just  _saying_  he doesn't want to talk about it is  _saying_  something.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" Suzaku resumes petting Lelouch's hair, hoping he can maybe skim just a bit more off the crusty surface of Lelouch's shell.

But Lelouch reels from Suzaku's lap and he can already tell by those amethyst walls that the time to peek has passed. Instead those secretive, prideful lips press against his with a cupping hand on his cheek while another touches his hip… He faintly registers that there are indeed fingers flirting with his skin under his shirt and that they do indeed belong to Lelouch as he hears himself contently sigh. Lips are drawing him into a delightful daze that thickens when Lelouch's tongue bluntly enters his mouth, rubbing and slithering against his in hypnotic motions that practically wash his mind of everything except the  _physical_  realm. Suzaku almost can't believe how quickly they've gone from talking about Nunnally and Lady Marianne to—

_Nunnally!_

Suzaku instantly withdraws, his lips not quite catching up as he licks them clean, "So, have you finished your class work?"

What a lousy distraction…

But, Suzaku is desperate.

Lelouch's eyebrow is already arced, "…You don't need to worry about that." He swoops in for Suzaku's lips to resume where they were, but firm hands act as a buffer against his chest and flush out his sneaking hand.

"Lelouch…" Suzaku murmurs, Nunnally-guilt bolted to his voice and pants like a chastity belt, making him sound more  _disinclined_  to the other boy's advances than he means to.

A disdainful screw tightens Lelouch's lips into a small, sneering smile and Suzaku can't blame him for it.

Suzaku doesn't mean to be a tease, but that's exactly what's happening.

The sour prince doesn't retreat from the defeat, though. He holds strong in his position.

"You've been avoiding me physically a lot lately," Lelouch's voice is surprising level considering the straining smile he just wore, tapping his fingers over Suzaku's leg in patient drumming, "and I know it isn't because you're not interested. Do you want to tell me why this is?"

Suzaku tries to swallow the confession budding in his throat, throwing his eyes as far away from Lelouch's once those  _vindicating_  violets pin to his, trying to upheave the little secret Suzaku's been sitting on with this single look. Suzaku doesn't make it a habit to lie, therefore he is not a very good liar and he doesn't intend to develop this skill, but it makes these moments with Lelouch all the more difficult. Once the brilliant boy has sniffed something peculiar, he won't relent until he's found the origin of the stench.

Which is unfortunate because Suzaku knows he's giving off quite a powerful smell.

He's also  _very_  vulnerable to Lelouch's intense stares.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch coaxes, rubbing his hand up and down Suzaku's leg as he pivots his head to look into evasive emeralds.

The suddenly skittish seahorse tries his best to steer clear of Lelouch's roping eyes, but he is inevitably wrangled by the stronger will of his friend.

"…It's…" Suzaku begins, a reluctant purse on his face to both confess and lie, "I'm worried that Nunnally might hear."

"Hm…" A grating pause sits on Lelouch's end, making Suzaku's nerves curl – Lelouch couldn't already  _know_ , could he? "She said something to you, too?"

"You mean she  _told_  you that she  _heard_  us having sex?!" Suzaku blurts out in a burst of nerves that were clogging his throat… but when he acknowledges Lelouch's expression [...(o_O)...?] he realizes his mouth has gotten him into trouble again.

"No…" Lelouch is surprisingly sober when he speaks – perhaps he knows what to expect from  _Suzaku_  by now, at least…

Suzaku is already nodding.

He knows he goofed.

"Suzaku… you really need to start thinking before you speak…"

"Yeah…"

"…or at least get the whole story first…"

"…I know."

"…As fun as it is to hear your spouts of stupidity…"

"I know…"

"…it's going to get you into a lot of trouble someday."

Suzaku merely nods – today wouldn't happen to be that "someday," would it?

Lelouch heaves a heavy sigh as he rubs a hand over his face as if trying to scrub the moment from his mind.

"…So… I guess that's to blame for your distance."

Suzaku nods without another word.

"I guess it can't be helped. But if you were  _quiet_  she probably wouldn't have heard anything in the first place."

Suzaku gawks at him –  _the nerve!_

"You! You!  _You…!_ "

Lelouch fondly smirks at him and kisses his cheek.

"You're  _welcome_ , by the way."

"And you're an arrogant ass."

"You say 'arrogant,'" Lelouch grazes his lips over Suzaku's, "I say  _confident_."

" _Over_ confident." The younger boy pushes the older one away in a strong rejection. "Work on your stamina and  _then_  get back to me."

"I'd suggest we work on that now, but the moment's been spoiled… thank you." He flops onto his back, folding his hands behind his head.

"Sorry…"

Lelouch shrugs.

…Just a shrug?

"You're actually handling this very well, for you. I thought you'd be more upset about this."

More like he thought Lelouch would bring upon the apocalypse at the mere  _whiff_  of this information…

"Oh, Suzaku…" Lelouch smiles strangely, staring at the ceiling. "You have  _no idea_." Some unsettling chuckles cackle from his throat, "…It's almost amusing."

Suzaku stares.

Is this some sort of sick trick?

Or is he just  _underreacting_  on purpose…?

"…It is?"

"No. But I've been told I should learn to find the humor in life." Lelouch looks at his companion, placidity smoothing his features, "Otherwise I might endure health problems."

_Who told you that?_

"That doesn't mean you should repress your feelings." Suzaku frowns. "That's not any better than stressing out or getting worked up."

Lelouch laughs again, but it sounds less crazed and more humored as it tumbles in his chest.

"You're right about that, I suppose." He sighs, looking up again like he can see right through the ceiling. "I don't know, I think I'm kind of… relieved."

"Really?" Suzaku asks as he slides to lie down.

Lelouch nods, "Like I have one less thing to worry about. There's nothing  _proper_  about the situation, but Nunnally has a lot of grace and dignity to make this  _somewhat_  bearable."

"She  _is_  your sister," Suzaku smiles widely, nudging Lelouch with his elbow. "If anything, you have enough  _dignity_  to spare her."

"I'll choose to take that as a compliment." Lelouch gives Suzaku a sideways glance, "So… I guess this means we won't be having any sex if Nunnally is around."

"Not a chance."

•-

-•

Lelouch finds Death on Halloween night and smiles.

The cheesy, plastic scythe complete with a flowing, black cloak, and skull mask are a far cry from bringing the fear of a true death to life, but the idiot picked something that's somewhat interesting, at least. Lelouch would certainly be impressed if the irony is on purpose.

Suzaku is standing by the window of the student council room, the dark sky a perfect backdrop for such an evening, as he socializes with Milly – who he would have to guess is supposed to be a pixie (because she could  _never_  be a  _fairy_ ). The whimsically sheer, embroidered wings on her back, slender wand, and the glitter all over her exposed skin are a dead giveaway. She is dressed promiscuously enough, wearing a dark red halter-top and black miniskirt with dark hose and knee-high boots, all of which shows her figure rather unabashedly… which is being very much admired by the flamboyant clown behind her.

Rivalz couldn't have dressed any closer to the truth… but the white, dotted one-piece he's wearing isn't going to earn him any points despite being as vibrant as a peacock fanning his tail for a mate. He looks like a giant marshmallow, sprinkled with multi-coloured confetti and his orange wig looks like a flame trying to melt him into a sticky mess… He of course completed the outfit with a painted smile, a bulbous, red nose and big red shoes… Rivalz gets points for dedication, if nothing else.

Even Arthur is decked out for the party, although he doesn't look pleased as he scratches at the fake crown strapped to his head and cape tied around his neck while resting on his high perch. Nina is standing awkwardly beside him, looking as if she can't decide to pet him or not, and looks relatively regular, save for the white lab coat swathing her body.

Kallen is sitting at the table nearby, looking as bored and annoyed as an  _invalid_  can, dressed like some  _samurai_  warrior out of a painting, a fake, sheathed  _katana_  lying in front of her – at least Lelouch  _hopes_  it's fake.

The only person missing is—

"Is it true that Zero is really a woman?"—Lelouch hears an excited Milly ask Suzaku and he decides, rather irritatedly ( _why is she so fixated on that…? And who ever_ _factually_ _reported that he_ _is_ _a woman?_ ), that now is a good a time as any to steal his  _seahorse_  away from the party.

When he sets out to make his decision a reality, however, he finds himself caught from behind by the gloved, beseeching hand of a life-size doll in a short, baby blue dress with orange pigtails, rich red lips, and bright pink cheeks.

_Shirley?_

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I just really need to talk to you," she meekly says contrary to her strong grip, her powdered face pursed with angst.

"It wouldn't happen to be an apology for standing me up, would it?" he asks her a bit derisively, watching her flinch with guilt – he isn't even really bothered by it, but an apology would still be nice.

…It doesn't matter that he initially planned to do the same thing to her when he agreed to attend the concert with her… because he  _did_  show up, even if he was late – better late than never. (And it was for her own good, anyway. She didn't need to get anymore attached to a troubled rebel than she already was…)

"I'm sorry about that… I'm just so confused. Everyone keeps saying things about me and you, that I, err,  _we_  were friends or something, but I don't remember anything at all. Why is that? Why can't I remember you when we've clearly known each other for years?"

Lelouch isn't sure how to answer that, but he figures that, in this case, maybe honesty isn't such a bad idea.

It's about time this gets wrapped up nicely, anyway.

He smirks at her a bit playfully, "Because I told you to forget about me."

Shirley blinks at him; his words wiping her face clean of any understanding.

"Because you  _told_  me to…?"

"That's right," he says still smiling as he offers her his hand – knowing a pixie-Milly is watching them from the corner of her eye. "So why don't we start over now? A fresh start for a new friendship?"

Shirley's brain is lost at sea as she stares at his hand as if it's some strange, new fish species, but grasps it anyway.

"Ok… I guess…" her olive eyes look up at him bemusedly, "Does this mean I'm supposed to start calling you 'Lulu'?"

He'd rather she didn't.

But, for the sake of appearances…

"I think everyone else might leave you alone if you do."

She smiles and it's nothing short of relief that washes her brain back to her, "Then I guess I will."

"So our Vice President finally shows himself," Milly sassily calls as she sashays up to them, her eyes rolling over Lelouch with a disdainful grin. "I'm so glad you worked hard on your costume."

Lelouch smirks back at her, "Always try my best, Madam President."

She hums at him as she tugs one of Shirley's pigtails, "Well, now that all the  _business_  has been taken care of, it's time to kick off the party! Everyone to their posts! We draw the curtains at seven o'clock,  _sharp!_ "

Lelouch gets a feeling of déjà vu as he watches everyone walk through the door behind her like a train – they were supposed to have a quick overview of tonight's schedule and protocol, but it seems Milly can't be bothered with that anymore…

Or did he miss that part?

"Guess it's time to go, then." Shirley's hair bounces about her shoulders as she prances out of the room, "See you later, Lulu!"

Lelouch smiles despite the use of his  _cutesy_  nick-name.

That was certainly an easy fix, but Lelouch won't complain.

He likes reconciliations that are concise and straightforward… even though that wasn't quite straightforward…

"I don't know what surprises me more"—Lelouch hears someone say behind him—"The fact that you're a devil or that you hardly even tried on your costume."

Lelouch comes face-to-face with the Grim Reaper himself and he smiles a crooked smirk, "And I suppose you think you're better?"

Suzaku shrugs, but it's hard to tell through the mask and roomy robe just what type of shrug it is.

"At least I didn't just tie a tail to my pants and call it a costume."

Fact: Lelouch got dressed in his regular street clothes, added devil horns and tail, and went to the party.

Fact: No one said he had to put a lot of effort into his costume, just that he had to wear one of some kind.

"You're the one calling it a costume, aren't you?" Lelouch counters airily with a cross of his arms. "As far as you know this is the real me."

"So you keep telling me, right?" Suzaku laughs.

"The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll understand."

Suzaku shakes his head, pushing his mask up under his hood to reveal a light sheet of sweat already beading on his face – oh,  _how_  that leads Lelouch's thoughts astray…

"Something's missing, though." Suzaku lifts an eyebrow, looking Lelouch over with inspecting eyes. "Where's your pitchfork?"

Like Lelouch cared enough to carry something like  _that_  around, let alone find one.

Fact: Lelouch didn't try on his costume, remember?

Feeling in the spirit for the first time this Halloween, a sultry smirk crawls over his lips at the naughty thoughts that fill his head and he seductively taps on Suzaku's chest with one finger.

"You know, Nunnally is going to be out for some time tonight, enjoying the festivities…"—supervised, of course; Nunnally might be off with Alice, but everywhere they go, a  _ninja_  is watching them—"So," he bats his eyelashes at Suzaku, his gaze steaming with allure, "we could slip away if you'd  _like_  to see my  _pitchfork_."

A roguish grin claims Suzaku's lips, "I should've known a demon like you would jump on the chance to take me to heaven."

"I wonder if a reaper and a demon are even capable of going to heaven," Lelouch murmurs huskily, sliding his finger up Suzaku's chest and snatching his chin, "but it's worth  _investigating_ , don't you think?"

Death appears to swallow and a skittish ripple quakes his voice, "Certainly. But won't everyone notice if we're not around? We have jobs, and aren't you supposed to help with the costume contest? I'd rather not be interrupted on our  _trip_  because we're not at our posts."

Suzaku does bring up a good point… unfortunately.

Thanks to the festival last month that ate quite the hole in their budget, this Halloween is a rather low-key affair… to Milly's standards. They've still got all the junk food any kid could ask for, plenty of music for the dancers, the scary movie marathon for the thrill seekers, a few murder, killing related role-playing games, but for the most part it's an independently celebrated holiday – one the school supports because it keeps their students out of trouble, or at least keeps their trouble on campus. Still, these aren't terribly difficult tasks to manage, the rest of the student council can handle these few activities fine, along with the chaperones (who are the  _real_  babysitters, not Lelouch) without two of their members; and if they can't, well, Lelouch is  _even more_  worried about the future state of this world.

There's only one thing Lelouch ever looks forward to and it is taking Nunnally through an unofficial Trick or Treating throughout the campus - but she's going with  _Alice_  this year…

All that's left is the costume contest, which is Milly's baby and the only real "event" of the night. Lelouch only has to be there as a formality because he's the Vice President, and because Milly doesn't like to count the votes… and because she  _would_  try to rig it. It isn't even exciting, although he is fearful. The winner is determined democratically and always receives some  _mysterious_  prize that could be  _anything_  – though it usually involves exploiting some poor member of the student council.

Actually, that gives him an idea…

"Not to worry," Lelouch reassures. "I can take care of that." He struts over to the intercom, complacently clearing his throat before ringing the attention chimes. "Attention, students, this is your Vice President speaking with an important announcement: as a surprise twist tonight, the Student Council President  _herself_  has promised to award the person who can capture her and steal her wand first with  _one wish!_ All high school students are eligible, so go find her before the game ends at midnight! Good luck!"

_Let's see her try to run in those boots._

Too distracted by the costume contest, Milly doesn't realize she led herself right into the lion's den…

And that she left Lelouch with the gate key.

He grabs Suzaku's wrist and flees the scene as quickly as possible, before he can become trapped by his own trick.

•-•

"Lelouch, I'm a little surprised at you," Suzaku says in a breath with a toothy smile, his heart racing to catch up to him as he slips his shoes off at the door of Lelouch's dark bedroom.

"She won't be president forever and it'd be nice for her to get a taste of her own medicine before she leaves." Lelouch shrugs, turning to Death after locking the door behind them, a wily warp on his lips, "…And it isn't like she doesn't deserve it."

Suzaku is grinning, "This will buy us some alone time, at least…"

"That was the plan." The Demon happily wags his eyebrows, not wasting any time to smooch with Suzaku where they stand, his arms roping around Suzaku's waist and pulling until there's no space left between them. Suzaku wraps his own limbs around Lelouch's neck, somewhat wishing he could just hop up into the taller boy's arms and be carried to bed… but that's like wishing for the moon.

But he doesn't need the moon to come to him.

He can meet it halfway.

Suzaku decides to take the initiative for once, pulling Lelouch with him around the bed by their locked lips, breaking when he sheds his mask, scythe and long, black cloak. They fall from his fingertips as Lelouch's palms softly skim up his naked torso under a white t-shirt, those hot hands sliding around his hips and up his back, spreading a wildfire over Suzaku's skin. He feels the fiery excitement churning in his crotch as Lelouch kisses his neck, sucking and lapping along his pulse in a way that entices his muscles to wither and beg for the bed. The clatter of devil horns crashing against the hard-wood floor cracks loudly in their thickening air, the thud of Lelouch's shoes close behind them as Suzaku sinks into the bed with the Britannian between his legs. Lelouch pulls Suzaku's knees up as he settles between them and a hand rakes into midnight his hair as he kisses the brunet again with pleasantly firm and controlling lips.

Lips that sweetly claimed Suzaku.

They break a bit for air and Lelouch licks Suzaku's bottom lip, sensually sucking the plumping part with close attention to the boy's hidden hot spot with a hinting scrape of teeth. Suzaku tries to keep from  _drooling_  as he holds his mouth open, gasping as one hand rubs down from his thigh over his clothed crotch with  _just_  the right pressure in  _just_  the right places. It pushes an unsuppressed moan from Suzaku's throat, making Lelouch slurp off his lip to lustfully stare at him as he concentrates the groping of his fingers on tightening testicles. The affectionate hand has Suzaku's hips squirming faintly as it massages and pulls, squeezes and rubs as if polishing a dirty but delicate  _doorknob_  and it knocks the soldier's head back, tipping his face to the side in mewling pleasure.

Those smoldering violet eyes are staring down at him with sharp, intimidating focus. Suzaku is almost surprised the  _demon_  hasn't swiftly devoured him yet, but he can tell by the ravenous glimmer on Lelouch's entrancing eyes that this won't be a short encounter – not that he minds it at all, being as horny as he's ever been in his life,  _so far_. Suzaku never knew he could become so physically starved, and maybe the pregnancy is affecting his hormones, but these past weeks of frustrated kisses and petting without promises of more has raised a realization within him.

Maybe because this time was different – probably because now he  _knew_  exactly what he was missing.

It was hard to find the time to be together before, but there was always  _something_  to tide them over until they could devote all of their attention to each other. A hand down his pants in the boy's restroom, some quick dry-humping in the storage building, a friendly fellatio on the rooftop, or even a discreet after-dinner dessert… But this time, there wasn't any of that. Suzaku's schedule didn't allow for a lot of spare time in and out of school, and any of the chances he got he was too afraid to take due to Nunnally's unintentional warning. Suzaku can't believe it's been over a month since they've had  _inter_ course, and that he's  _so_  conscious of it. In reality, they haven't been together all that long, for a little over two months now, and their physical relationship is just as old, but it feels so much longer since they became this secret item.

Like, maybe,  _seven_   _years_.

Suzaku can already feel the craving for copulation heating his body with lustful blood and dull throbs in his flexing insides, a sensation that intensifies when Lelouch's fingers breach his clothes. They tuck behind the borders of his gym shorts and boxers, tugging them easily from his hips with their elastic waistbands dragging over Suzaku's hardening flesh, making him groan in his nose and fist the sheets. He just knows his knuckles are bleached by the anticipated tension tightening his body as his clothes clear his feet and by the way Lelouch's hands leave a burning chill as they smooth over his legs towards to his flushing length. It twitches at the teasing caress of fingertips that cruise up and down the shaft before curling in a secure grip and decide to dilatorily start pumping as his own hands clutch to Lelouch's shoulders with a whimper. Then Suzaku becomes aware of the fact that Lelouch is still fully clothed while he's nude from head-to-toe just before he feels Lelouch shift and the lazy fumbling of clothing reaches his ears—

But he flinches when something strange nudges his nipple and immediately sees Lelouch's wanton smirk, then the hard plastic of a devil tail topped with a spear-tipped cone. It circles around his tight nub, trickling tingles from his chest down to his wet erection still caught in Lelouch's sluggish hand as it slinks up and down with no end in sight; sensations that sink Suzaku into darker depths of pleasure. It flicks over his stiff nub and Suzaku lets himself openly gasp with closed eyes, presenting his chest for more with a small arch of his back, and it heeds his request. A softly satisfied sound nuzzles in Suzaku's nose as his hard nipples are teased with a circling, flicking tail of a demon above him. He succumbs to the pull, letting his partner drink in his open expression of fulfillment as a thicker moans flow from his throat until everything  _stops_  and his drooping eyelids are lifted like shades. Those molten violets eyes are the first thing Suzaku's sees as Lelouch leans in close to his face, their noses almost brushing as that red, slim tail is brought between them, the plastic tip rubbing over Suzaku's lips with  _pushy_  flirtation.

…Suzaku sees where this is going.

He parts his lips – hoping he looks as sexy as he's trying to be – and touches it with the tip of his tongue, sweeping over it as if it's a piece of candy, or maybe something  _else_  – Suzaku has just realized how much resemblance it bears to a  _certain_  body part. He actually rather likes this playful suggestion (not like Lelouch has ever given him the chance to do it for  _real_ ), and he can see the enjoyment glimmer in Lelouch's eyes. The Britannian is smirking at him again,  _always_ , gently moving the tail forward and back onto Suzaku's taunting tongue and it slides through puffing lips, in and out in a slow, sensual manner until he adds his own tongue to the mix. It prods only briefly in Suzaku's mouth before vanishing in a flash—

Kisses melt on the inside of Suzaku's thigh as they slowly plant closer to the place a hand is  _gripping_ , wet sounds stirring the excitement in his loins with sweltering eagerness that only boils once hot puffs of air sail down his pulsing erection. A wide lick over the top of his cock pulls a moan from Suzaku's throat, teeth biting down on plastic as his knees are hooked over Lelouch's shoulders and his hips twitch upward for more, to be  _deeper_. He doesn't have to wait long for the hot pocket of Lelouch's mouth to engulf him, sucking tamely as he wiggles and slides his tongue in the  _perfect_   _places_  that makes Suzaku feel like he'll blow a fuse.

Their physical relationship might still be young, but Lelouch is a  _very_  fast learner and a  _very_  good listener to what Suzaku's body likes. He's more or less gotten pleasuring Suzaku down to a science which seems impersonal but isn't (entirely) accurate.  _Truth is_ , Lelouch couldn't be  _any more_  up close and personal than he already is. He knows which  _buttons_  to  _press_  and which  _knobs_  to  _turn_  to get Suzaku running like a well oiled machine – but this thought brings Suzaku dangerously close to Lloyd and the Lancelot, and he'd rather not stay on that path for too long.

Not that Suzaku has the capacity to concentrate on anything other than Lelouch's bobbing head anymore…

With closed eyes Suzaku is gripping at the roots of onyx hair as if they're his only tether to the planet and his earthly hold is tested when fingers begin to tease at his entrance. They are dry and gentle as they entice him to  _open up_  and relax with inviting pressure, but he's been ready since they started and welcomes the attention with a contented jerk of his hips. The swampy mouth savoring his hard flesh slides off, lazily lapping his tense balls a few times as his knees are pushed all the way to his chest – with the order to hold them there – and then he feels a hot wetness slide up his empty entrance—

And Suzaku's emerald eyes spring open when he flinches at the moist breath hotly puffing against his opening, realizing  _what is happening_ —

"Lelouch,  _what are you_ …?" the seahorse worriedly beckons as the tail leaves his mouth, looking down between his knees and seeping length only to see the top of the older boy's head. A taunting heat torches across Suzaku's face and ears while a tongue continues to lick his pink portal and he clenches the inside of his knees. "… _louch_ …" Suzaku pants, head falling back into a rising flush of scorching pleasure that threads up through his blood with Lelouch's needling tongue. He's not sure if he wants Lelouch to stop… but he is surprised and…

His hardness pulses as he feels his entry invitingly flex the slimy thing that teasing pokes him. Lelouch rubs Suzaku with the flat of his tongue, lapping up the morsels of desire that drip from Suzaku's mouth in Japanese drops. Suzaku's toes curl and he noshes a curse tangled in a stifled moan at the teen that dominates his every  _nook_  and  _cranny_ , and how much he carelessly enjoys it. They both enjoy it – and Suzaku likes Lelouch's attentive passion, even if he might get a bit carried away on his own sometimes…

When the devil tail returns, Suzaku gets to be surprised again. Rather than the mind-numbing dexterity of Lelouch's long fingers it's the plastic, slightly curved rod that tenderly turns into him with the help of a moistening tongue. Suzaku's body initially locks up with a strangled grunt at the intrusion but Lelouch's mouth swiftly returns to sucking his cock along with a holding hand and all the pleasing stimulation eases his eager body into acceptance despite uncomfortable reluctance to what's happening.

…Lelouch really seems to have already reached the point where he'd like to  _spice_  things up a bit, which would be fine if he wouldn't just decide these things on his  _own_. This left-brained boy isn't the spontaneous type, prone to adhering to schedules and routines, but that doesn't mean Suzaku can predict his every move. Lelouch is thinking things long before they come to life, so in his mind there's nothing random about them even though all that pondering  _stays_  in his head.

Shoving a devil tail up Suzaku's ass –  _without_  introduction or permission – is  _very_  random.

It's only  _more_  disturbing if Lelouch has actually  _spent time_  thinking about it  _prior_  to this moment.

Suzaku is initially quite uncertain how to feel about this – he really should've been  _asked first_  – as he feels that slim spade sig into his body, but he can't deny the delight it brings as Lelouch carefully slides and swivels it around inside him, stretching and filling his  _needs_. Sometimes Suzaku still can't wrap his head around the surreal reality that has blossomed between him and Lelouch – who planted and nurtured this unknown pleasure inside him. He wouldn't have thought he would or could hanker to not only be this close with someone but to feel that ache  _within_  him – and that it's for  _Lelouch_.

Maybe Suzaku had lots of reasons to be dumbstruck by Lelouch's feelings, but, maybe there are many more reasons they're a  _perfect fit_.

It isn't even  _just_  the superlative sensation; it's also the pure  _connection_  between them that quells a strong, lonely emptiness in Suzaku in both the literal and metaphorical senses. Suzaku doesn't want to say that all of his emotional problems are simply  _solved_  by Lelouch's penis (because that's just absurd), but sex, this entire relationship, with his dashing, brooding prince has made him feel almost  _human_  again. Suzaku doesn't imagine that he'll ever feel this way about anyone else, that any other  _man_  could satisfy him like Lelouch and he plans to never,  _ever_  need know otherwise. He wants Lelouch, and  _only_  Lelouch.

Of course, this  _novelty tail_  doesn't compare to Lelouch's  _strong_   _flesh_ , being much too thin and thrusting only so far, but it certainly does the job that a pair of fingers could do. He can feel that tip he previously slathered with his tongue prod at his prostate, swiping over it with Lelouch's calculated aim that shocks hot excitement through Suzaku's blood until it bottles and bubbles in his sopping erection. Pressure that threatens to burst right of him and into Lelouch's tortuous mouth as he continues to lap and suck, his tongue a constant assault to Suzaku's sensitive flesh. Lelouch is almost too casual about it even though the sucking intensifies and reddens Suzaku's body while searing through his loins with pulsing pleasure that's licked up by that slithery tongue. It continually works with tormenting purpose; so soft and ruthless as it circles and sweeps over his leaking tip, tempting the orgasm right out of his body more and more each second.

Suzaku isn't sure he can take much more of this…

His hips are unsteady as his toes curl again and his thighs compress the slurping head between them while squeezing around the tail that bumps his prostate enough to bake his cock and balls like eggs in a frying pan. It doesn't thrust aggressively or dive to the fullest depths but at Lelouch's hand it really does become a  _devil_ , leaving Suzaku craving so much more even as he rockets to heaven. Spurred by a pre-tremble volt of his climax, Suzaku tugs on Lelouch's hair as a warning, to stop everything before he reaches the point of no-return, but Lelouch only moves faster, even ignoring the gasping plea of his name. Suzaku hears his voice leaping from his throat in confused sounds, the desperate, begging words to  _stop because he's about to—_ rasping from his lips as his slightly panicked lungs choke his voice.

Suzaku doesn't understand why Lelouch won't heed his warning –  _undeniable_  request – and with his mind so distractedly trying to wrap around the boy in front of him, his orgasm rushes him like a surging surf, blanketing him in blinding bliss. He is suspended in the shuddering flow consuming him as his knees curl towards his chest and his hips jerk like a second hand on a clock as all the heavenly pressure jets from his body. On the clear edge of his mind, he's aware of Lelouch slipping off of his softening length to lean over the side of the bed, the evident sound of him  _spitting_  into the trash bin near the desk is heard, causing the younger boy to dryly swallow through his gaping mouth.

"…You didn't stop…" Suzaku pants almost as a question, sweeping the sweat on his brow up into his hair with one hand.

Lelouch looks at him with a smugly lifted eyebrow, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You'd have rather I left you unfinished?"

That isn't what Suzaku meant…

Lelouch removes the tail from Suzaku's body rather roughly, prompting him to grunt and grumpily jump on the new subject.

"And what was with that  _tail?_ " Suzaku lightly grouses.

Lelouch's ebony-haired head tilts, "Didn't think I was getting the  _optimal_  amount of enjoyment out of my purchase. Thought  _that_  would enhance the  _experience_."

Suzaku's scowls tightens, "This isn't a game!"

Lelouch could've  _asked_  or at least  _warned_  him first!

…Never mind that Suzaku could've  _stopped_  him if he  _really_  wanted to.

"Don't fret. I'm taking this  _very_  seriously." Lelouch seems to mock him like a snake flaunting its tongue as he retrieves a bottle and condom from the desk.

Suzaku watches him for a second through scrutinizing squinting before snatching the bottle from his partner's hand.

"Then take off your clothes," he pointedly declares with a plain almost-glare, causing Lelouch to blink at him first and then smirk at him second.

Sometimes Lelouch is just so…  _Lelouch_.

The brunet is shaking his head at his own tolerance of the other teen, looking at the lubricant gel in his hand – Lelouch usually does this part, to enjoyable detail, but this time Suzaku thinks… It's his turn to  _be spicy_. He flips the cap remembering their first time together with a subtle bottle of vanilla-scented hand lotion Lelouch had for unknown reasons – perhaps it was used in his  _private time_ , Suzaku can't say. To this day whenever Suzaku's nose catches a whiff of the light, delicately sweet scent he's washed in that evening, and night, when his body learned Lelouch's. And Lelouch learned his. And Suzaku has to be careful because if he wades too deeply… his thoughts will form rather publically in his pants. The proper young Britannian has since purchased something suitable for their love-making but Suzaku misses the aroma as he spreads a cool dollop of (impersonal) gel on his fingers. As it warms on his fairly calloused digits, Suzaku glances at Lelouch to see the lad's torso is bare and working to make his lower half the same. Then he looks back at his coated fingers with different eyes.

After a brief moment of deliberation Suzaku decides he's  _deliberating_  too much and turns his body to face Lelouch toward the head of the bed before reaching with a somewhat tentative hand. He leans back on one hand as he presses his own slickened fingers against his opening, rubbing himself before slipping in a middle finger that makes room for a first finger. His movements grab Lelouch's observant orbs and even in the dark Suzaku can see the double-take those violets make when they digest  _what_  it is he's doing. Suzaku swallows under that attentive stare, wondering what thoughts are tossing around behind it – hoping it at least enjoys the view, because he's trying to be sexy for his controlling clam. This isn't the same feeling of Lelouch's care but it still sews an arousal within him. Suzaku's entrance is surprisingly relaxed but still tight and yearning to take in his fingers as if they belong to Lelouch, as if of its own mind, and a whispering moan even escapes his throat as he massages his own passage. A naughty heat bubbles up his body as he tries to prepare himself more that a skinny tail did, feeling his hot blood bake up through his skin and tingle in his nipples. They twist with prickling pleasure starving to be touched just like Suzaku's inner hunger that only intensifies the longer he teases himself and Lelouch's sharpening gaze. The passive boy is slightly reveling in the way his display steams those strong amethyst eyes as he begins to roll his hips in calm, almost tranquil motions at the full feeling reclaiming him—

And Lelouch tears the condom wrapper open with his teeth before he pounces like a lion before Suzaku can feel too _sinful_. Hands are roaming Suzaku's body once again and lips are pressing a flock of kisses over his shoulders, neck and face in an amorous onslaught that leads the soldier to believe Lelouch likes  _very_   _much_  what he is seeing. Suzaku would ask, but it's not like he'd get an adequate response, and he doesn't want to bother with the redundant now as he is immersed in an ardent kiss. His knees are pushed up toward his chest again and Suzaku is pushed down as their tongues tango while another hand skates fingertips down his arm to flirt with his  _handy_  work. Two of Lelouch’s long fingers dip into Suzaku and tangle with his, hoisting a lustful sound from the younger boy’s lungs, overpowering the timid twiddling of the younger boy’s fingering. Suzaku breaks from Lelouch’s mouth with a crisper moan and withdraws his fingers to feel the stretch of his filling ring opening around his partner’s shifting bones.

Suzaku has wanted nothing else.

His frame practically buckles under tension the both releases and builds as Lelouch thoroughly strokes his insides. Suzaku is pushing his hips up towards Lelouch's lap with pleasure mounting his body, throbbing in the rapid return of his erection. Lelouch's covered length is full and standing, so he quickly slips his still-wet fingers around his boyfriend's hard flesh before feeling it thickly enter and fill his narrow channel. Not soon enough, Suzaku thinks…

"Does it still hurt?" Lelouch cautiously asks as he's fully breached inside Suzaku, his brow folded into a troubled crease.

"Not as much as the first time," he quietly admits with a dissolving grimace, wrapping his arms around an ivory neck and taking a pacifying breath as he clenches in adjustment to the deep girth in his body. "Just… try not to rush." Of course, this gentle murmur is requesting more than Lelouch keep it slow; it's also asking him to last longer, to make  _it_  longer.

Lelouch appears to understand that as he fully and fervently kisses Suzaku. The pilot doesn't know when they'll get a chance for this again and he wants to make the most of it for as long as they can – perhaps Lelouch is on the same page for he didn't even crack a quip at Suzaku's  _implication_ , and his beginning movements are measured, patient.

Suzaku never took Lelouch as a physical person, for obvious reasons, but he's turned out to be a… domineering but attentive lover who has yet to truly disappoint Suzaku – he may not last for very long, but it's the  _quality_ , not the  _quantity_.

And Lelouch's quality is  _superb_.

However, it took some time getting used to the way Lelouch  _performs_.

He doesn't just have sex, he makes love.

It's almost too corny to believe, but Lelouch is as soft inside as he is hard on the outside. There are times when their messing around only appears to be an animalistic urge, but Suzaku has observed that Lelouch is incapable of leaving their physical moments to be that shallow and meaningless, because they simply aren't. It became clear to Suzaku that every careful touch Lelouch makes and every kiss he takes are done for more than the fun, they're an expression of his heart, of the things he can't say out loud, and Suzaku has learned to accept that. He doesn't want to change Lelouch or even try to, even if that means never getting to hear those three, little words as often as he likes to say them. Lelouch prefers to  _show_  his affection rather than  _tell_  it, and that's perfectly fine. As it is, he's grown fond of Lelouch's pampering in bed despite the dead eyes of his father telling him he shouldn't enjoy it, that he doesn't deserve it – but as this time passes with Lelouch, those eyes have begun to fade. Suzaku can lie underneath his lover now and not feel guilt crushing him as he is taken by the feelings of a boy who is too introverted (traumatized) to share them in words.

It is ironic, though, to have an eloquent boy rely on his actions while a boy who's inarticulate to rely on his words.

Still, Lelouch isn't any less bossy in bed than he is out of bed, and it's apparent to Suzaku that his handsome prince is happiest when he just lies under him like a  _limp noodle_. Not romantic and not really fair, but Lelouch is still much too attached to his perceptions of power and control – security – to allow Suzaku any sexual venturing of his own. Lelouch probably thinks he's hiding that fear well, but not well enough to fool Suzaku – or maybe Suzaku has just finally understood.

[ _He'll never forget the time he gambled on pinching Lelouch's nipple when things were heating between the sheets only to receive a complete halt of action and a strangely fearsome stare along with a stern: "Don't do that."_

_"Because you don't like it?" Suzaku had asked, innocently enough._

_Lelouch only answered with another stern response of "Don't do it" before resuming as if none of that had just happened._

_One would have to assume that Lelouch did _ _not_ _like it._ ]

When it comes to Lelouch,  _everything_  is always about control  _no matter what_. It isn't to say that he views Suzaku as less than an equal, it's just some paranoid distrust that's been left to stew in his brain with the betrayal of his father, resulting in a boy who is afraid to yield. It isn't even that he distrusts  _Suzaku_ , either; he just doesn't know  _how_  to trust,  _how_  to open up, or  _how_  to properly express his deeper thoughts and feelings. But because Suzaku loves him and understands him, he'll be patient.

"Suzaku…?" Lelouch's concern-laden voice flutters at Suzaku's ears. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah… why?"

Lelouch's expression is flatter than a tortilla, "For one: you didn't notice when we stopped moving. Two: you don't look like you're enjoying it."

"Since when did that stop you?"

"I'm a heartless lover. Funny."

Suzaku laughs a little under his breath, "…No, I was just thinking…"

"Hell of a time to pick up such a nasty habit."

Suzaku pushes him playfully—"What if I told you…"—only to draw him closer with a smile—"that I was thinking about how much I loved you?"

Lelouch appears to consider that with a lift of his eyebrow.

"In that case, maybe you should refocus that energy somewhere  _else_."—he squeezes Suzaku's round rear—"You know, somewhere more proactive. Where it won't be wasted."

"Oh, I'm a dunce. Funny."

Lelouch grins, "I think so."

Suzaku shakes his head but accepts the kiss Lelouch mischievously presses against the humored curve on his lips, hugging the  _demon_  close by a snowy neck.

…At any rate, their sex situation works well as a whole because Suzaku doesn't mind being whatever Lelouch wants and Lelouch doesn't mind  _making_  him be whatever he wants.

They're truly made for each other.

Like a sculptor and clay.

But that's always been the reality.

That's how it began.

Beyond their rocky start as children, their reunion as restless teenagers brought something different to the table; brought the past seven years they hadn't shared and an uncertain future they both feared to lose. Suzaku, especially, wasn't sure how much longer he'd be walking the face of the Earth and fell into Lelouch's advances through some initially impure motives…

Lelouch was the initiator, he's always been the initiator, always been the one with the idea, to make the first move and take the first step towards his ambition whatever it might be. When Lelouch gambled their friendship on an uncertain kiss not long after the  _Arthur_   _chase_ , Suzaku ultimately felt that he didn't have the right to let Lelouch be alone with those feelings because he knew Lelouch wouldn't squander their relationship on a whim – even less so with something like a  _kiss_. Not with his closed emotions. Suzaku knew Lelouch was serious. His own feelings for the older boy were muddled and obscured by the veil of guilt he constantly wore, which hastily brought him to Lelouch's bed without much resistance.

At first there was a strangeness that it was  _Lelouch_  – said boy  _being_   _a boy_  almost didn't quite register after that fact, but even that detail going almost unnoticed made Suzaku realize that… it didn't really matter to him. Suzaku never really thought of other men in that way but there's also only one  _Lelouch_  in this world. Maybe that's cliché, but he doesn't care. What he knows is that it felt— _feels_  so natural to be with Lelouch in every sense; the feeling of Lelouch's hands on his body, of their sliding skin, and even Lelouch's  _wheezing_ … He doesn't really know where Lelouch stands on his sexuality as it's not something they discuss – because again, it's  _Lelouch_  – but he knows that Lelouch was also a virgin regardless of how emboldened he was. It had seemed that Lelouch might've been interested in girls… and maybe he would've been with one (like a certain orange-haired girl of the Student Council) if Suzaku hadn't—

(Because maybe he shouldn't have—

 _Because he didn't deserve—_ )

That first night they spent together was the result of Suzaku feeling all he had to offer was  _himself_ , so he gave himself wholeheartedly, hoping Lelouch would at least have something to treasure when death finally came between them. That Lelouch wouldn't hurt as much when he was gone, but just that one night together was more than Suzaku wanted to admit it was. He knew it was special, but didn't ponder on why. He  _couldn't_. Suzaku realized he probably wasn't going anywhere soon, and he realized that he was beginning to love Lelouch too much to want to, or perhaps he realized he always loved Lelouch and was only recently allowing himself to accept it – because Lelouch deserved someone better than him. But, the former prince made his choice and  _that was that_  – Lelouch wasn't going to lose  _anyone_  else if he could help it, and it seems he's been victorious in his battle.

The  _Zero_  problem is still here, still lurking behind every smile Lelouch makes, but…

Maybe Suzaku would like to go back to second-guessing himself. At least until he's ready to confront that ugly truth.

Sometimes he just wants enjoy the ride without analyzing every detail to death.

That tiring job can be left to Lelouch.

Right now Suzaku has forgotten everything – his pregnancy, the Zone, how to properly breathe – as his body coils like string around Lelouch's finger – which wasn't so far from the truth earlier. He braces himself against the bars of Lelouch's bed with folded arms while the  _achingly_  apparent emptiness gnawing at Suzaku's insides is pushed farther and farther away every time Lelouch thrusts into his clenching walls. He moans as he stretched and filled so divinely he can't help clinging around his friend's cock deep in his body even as it's quick to return. It's a maddening repetition that pounds his prostate with every lunge and Suzaku's breathless body is too starved to let this slow build slowly drown him. He can hear his voice pushing out of his throat with every swing of Lelouch's hips and how needy words weakly bead from his throat.

 _More_.

Faster.

Harder.

Deeper.

Suzaku had asked the other boy to not rush but he's quickly bowing to the demands of bottled lust. His ravenous body can't get enough of the hips ramming into his bottom with propelling thrusts that have him unconsciously crooning. All the anxious snowballing of every chance Suzaku couldn't take to be alone with Lelouch has crashed, melted and swept him out to the musky sea of Lelouch's passion. He already preprogrammed Suzaku with his  _mouth_  earlier (or maybe he actually did during their  _first_  time) and Suzaku is too caught in the swarming haze of his blood to bother grasping to control.

Lelouch,  _the master_ , can handle that.

Yet, maybe he's slipping just as fast as Suzaku down their sexy slope.

Through his haze Suzaku feels himself being guided over onto his knees and he fists the blankets with one hand while his other grips the cold top bar of the foot rail as Lelouch continues, but  _faster and deeper_. The taller boy's length slides all the way in at this angle and Suzaku's whole body opens up from his rear to his throat that spills out a loose cry. It sharpens and chops into satisfied crows with Lelouch's thrusting hips flooding bliss down Suzaku's spine and over his shoulders when his upper half slumps to one elbow. He feels Lelouch's soft and firm hands affectionately fondle his plump posterior before they slide away; one gently holds the bullet scar near his waist as he likes to do while the other surfs down his waving spine. It soothingly rubs between his shifting shoulder blades and Suzaku sincerely presses his backside against strong hips when it weaves up his earthy hair and pets his head. Suzaku calls the older boy with a lusty dusted voice and cries when Lelouch dives  _harder_  in response, noisily plunging in as completely as he can.

 _Thank the Halloween gods_  they get to be alone right now— _no, thanks Lelouch_.

And how Suzaku would love it if they could have  _all night_.

The end of this frolic is creeping up Suzaku's skin and he can hear it in Lelouch's labored breath, too. Suzaku's lungs can't seem to trap enough air either and he's pulling himself up with bed rail as if to break the surface of their foggy lust. The brunet can feel his face flaming a ripe red and wishes he could see the intense, impassioned violet embers of Lelouch's eyes right now as he feels the same gent's hard flesh inside him. It strides perfectly against his prostate while re-shaping his tightening insides and Suzaku props himself on the bed bar with solid arms and hanging mouth. Cries freely fly from his rolling gut and pounding cock that he doesn't want to touch. He wants to climax from feeling Lelouch inside him, from Lelouch's thrusting that's carving his back into a solid dip. Suzaku gasps a guttural noise when fingers pinch his pulsing nipples and wonders with a hungry whine if Lelouch  _read his mind_  and is purposely teasing him, by not groping his panging erection. Lelouch rolls the rigid nubs and Suzaku can't help the desperate call of his boyfriend's name as his clamping hands constrict around heated metal. Lips peck the top of his spine as hands appear on the rail outside of Suzaku's—

And again the shorter boy is jostled out of his skull when his passage is stricken with unexpectedly forceful thrusts and a rough cry rips from his throat.

This…

It's too much—

"I'm gonna…!" Suzaku feverishly warns, feeling acid in his locking joints and the threatening boil in his loins.

Lelouch merely moves his hips and—

Suzaku is fairly certain that if his brain wasn’t already oozing out of his dripping hardness it launches out of him now when he suddenly soars right over his peak (…they’ll have to remember to clean the floor later). He shudders and pants, feeling his arms weaken as Lelouch’s hips twitch against his contracting tunnel with the further evidence of his climax in the short groaning grunt that squeezes from his throat. Without the obvious _release_ spilling inside him…

He rests on the tired fold of Lelouch's lap a moment with a forehead also resting on the back of his shoulder, arms loose around him. Suzaku can hear – acknowledge – the chaos Lelouch spread over the campus like mass hysteria; cries and shouts firing in the distance outside the clubhouse's halls. It feels so far away despite being so close, as if he and Lelouch are invisible or in a secret place, existing in a realm hidden by curtains of which only the two of them know. Such an isolated feeling would be daunting if he was alone but with Lelouch, it doesn't seem half as bad as it would otherwise (like it  _had_  after his father—)

"Lelouch," Suzaku softly says, turning his face toward the head leaning against his shoulder. He weaves his fingers through sweaty strings of dark hair when it lifts. "…I love you…" Suzaku quietly puffs toward lips that near his, laying his other hand on an arm that tightens around him – he never wants Lelouch to be anywhere else."I love you. I love you. I love you. I  _love_  you." In moments like these he feels he'll never be able to say this enough times, like it will take him an entire  _lifetime_  to tell Lelouch just  _how strongly_  and  _how much_  he really loves him while not expecting to hear it in return. Suzaku knows Lelouch well enough to not need to hear it. "…So much…"

The more introverted male always mirrors the emotion with a gentle gesture; this time, as it often is, with the tender kiss that he plants on Suzaku's lips, along with a hand that blankets the one on his arm.

And the hammering heart Suzaku can feel against his back when Lelouch's chest is flush against him.

Suzaku sappily smiles through the butterfly kisses that flutter over his cheek, jaw and neck, even lightly laughing with utter –  _pure_  – contentment when they also land on the round of his shoulder in arms that hold him close…

Until a demon get's antsy to clean up so they can relax more comfortably. Suzaku plops back on the bed with a gratified sigh, feeling reality pour back into his bones as Lelouch cleanly removes the condom and wipes both of them with tissues. He's able to take a gander at the Britannian for a moment, at the unconstructed view of his  _princely_  body – something he doesn't get to do as often as he should. Lelouch has a tendency to obscure himself and Suzaku doesn't know if it's on  _purpose_  or if the other male just does it without thinking. Either way, he wishes Lelouch wouldn't be so compulsive about it. Lelouch is a person who has a very high opinion of himself but that doesn't mean he comes without insecurities and anything physically related will be doused in complexes, even if he won't admit it. It's not as though Lelouch should worry about his appearance, however, because Lelouch is beautiful –  _handsome_ , as he'd rather be called. He might be lacking some muscle definition, his bones might protrude too much, and his skin might reflect the ability to tan, but he's still stunning. His eyes are unreal and intense, his voice is strong enough to turn tides, his mind is too brilliant for his own good, his heart is roughened but nurturing, and he certainly doesn't need to worry about his  _private_  department – although Suzaku doesn't know if Lelouch ever does worry. (Not that Suzaku worries about such things, either…) Lelouch is perfect in his own mold, with all of his faults and weaknesses as well as his strengths and talents.

Suzaku is taken from his fond gazing when Lelouch tugs on the blanket for them to burrow underneath, returning to settle between Suzaku's legs instead of crawling over to (what has become) his side of the bed. His soft hands skim over Suzaku's hips, curling around them as he tenderly presses his lips on a pregnant abdomen, peppering light, abundant kisses that make the seahorse smile. Suzaku runs his fingers through Lelouch's hair, petting the affectionate head with both hands and a content sigh as he relishes the loving attention he's  _positive_  the little one in his tummy can feel.

He just hopes it didn't feel  _anything_  else.

"Do you think everything will turn out alright for us?" Suzaku asks suddenly and quietly, unable to keep his fears separate from his thoughts of their baby. "Do you think the baby will be alright?"

So far the checkups are going as smoothly as Suzaku could've hoped for, but the baby is still small and regardless of all the positive thinking he tries to cushion himself with, there's that haunting doubt that keeps sneaking up on him. It's alarming enough to have his doctor appointments more frequently than usual compared to other mothers, and now it's been increased to each week rather than every two – although that  _is_  more often he gets to see his budding baby. Even the doctor says that everything looks normal, relatively speaking, so why is Suzaku still worried—?

(" _I don't think I need to stress to you the risks you'll face with this…you're not built for pregnancy, Suzaku.")_

—Because Lelouch was right with that warning just as the doctor is with her close surveillance.

Things look great  _now_ , but the end to their story could be an unfavorable one.

Lelouch glances up at the uneasy question and then kisses a taut navel, "Hard to say, but…"—he continues, slowly pecking up a toned stomach—"…if small fry is as stubborn as we are…"—trailing up over a breast bone—"…I don't think there's a chance it'll give up without a fight…"—pressing over a clavicle and up a neck—"…or give in to the laws of nature." The kisses stop on Suzaku's cheek with violets peering down into green eyes, "Regardless of the outcome, I think we can pull through this together," and Lelouch cements his words on Suzaku's lips with a full, wholehearted kiss.

It isn't the first time Lelouch has uttered similar words but it's no less reassuring to hear. They fill Suzaku with those  _three_  words again that are urging to fizzle out of his mouth and into Lelouch's ears, but with the lips pressed firmly on his and the nature of the clam he's smooching with, Suzaku decides it's just fine to not speak his feeling again. He wraps his arms tightly, invitingly around Lelouch's neck instead, returning the kiss deeply and lovingly without even bothering to mention that the Halloween evening is still in full swing. He knows Lelouch would rather stay in bed, even at this early hour, and Suzaku does, too. The rest of the world can move on without them for now as they snuggle in the warm darkness and breathe-in each other's company. Suzaku only wishes to make the same promise as he spoons up next to Lelouch with his head lying on a bony shoulder.

He wants to stick with Lelouch for better or for worse.

 _Regardless_  of the outcome…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Please let me know of any typos/grammar errors.]
> 
> No m-preg fic is truly complete without cross-dressing ;] 
> 
> FAN ART link:
> 
> A [sketch](http://www.instagram.com/p/xRdCOeCfxw/) by [_Saxzer_](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2223866/) from fanfiction.net


	7. The Difference between Boys and Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get reconnected with the crackier roots of this story…

"… _Let me tell you something about Bat Man, ok? He's the same as the rest of these guys around here; they're afraid of women. They're afraid of the almighty uterus! ALMIGHTY UTERUS!"_ – _Wonder Woman_  from _Robot Chicken_

•-•-•-•-•-•-7

Ambiguous

The Difference between Boys and Girls

Everything is too calm.

Lelouch doesn't know if he's harboring a healthy suspicion or if paranoia is trying to sabotage the peace – the quiet before the (possible) storm.

As far as the home front is concerned, he can't find reason to complain. Suzaku has eased on the Zero issue, probably because now all he can seem to think about is the baby, which Lelouch doesn't mind. Admittedly, even Lelouch has caught himself floating away on daydreams every now and then, but Suzaku is much more distracted… and that actually worries Lelouch a little because being spacey is that  _last_  thing Suzaku needs to be. It's almost like he's turning into a walking cliché of a pregnant mother – Lelouch is just waiting for the days riddled with stomach-turning food cravings and nausea, which will probably strike in that order. Overall, the pregnancy is treating Suzaku well, and Lelouch couldn't ask for anything more.

Nunnally has begun to perk up noticeably now that Lelouch is devoting more and more time to her, mostly in the evenings. They eat dinner together daily now, a ritual that has been suffering since Zero's birth, and he puts her to bed each night. The time isn't terribly long, but every second is used to catch up, to listen to Nunnally as she happily chatters like a spring-time bird, and Lelouch is feeling less and less stressed. Suzaku is even beginning to come home early enough to dine with them due to the Zone work finally falling into a manageable rhythm.

The daytime is still filled with school, club duties, and Zero, but even that is starting to balance itself out better now that his studious pupil, Ohgi, is showing more self-confidence and picking up more slack. Lelouch knew he'd made the right choice to make the man his second in command; he has a good heart, all he needed was to be given the chance, to learn the trade of politics, to find that inner strength in order to become a true leader, and he has only continued to grow even if in the smallest ways. He's on the road to out-growing Zero and letting Japan have a new hope to rely on, which is a destination that  _might_  be closer than it is far…

Even  _Britannia_  is still behaving itself in this whole affair,  _suspiciously_  so, but behaved nonetheless. Since their little debacle, China has been like a sleeping giant, one Lelouch is keeping a  _very_  close eye on, but perhaps they're just waiting to see what  _really_  comes of the Special Administrative Zone like the rest of the watching world.

…But all this  _goodness_  only drives Lelouch's danger senses wild.

The Universe has never been this kind to him, so that must mean it's  _planning_   _something_.

Lelouch's first taste of impending doom is one evening early on the Friday after Halloween when Milly sends him a suspicious text concerning an emergency student council meeting (without any  _real_  sense of urgency, as far as he could tell) and that he needed to bring Suzaku along…

•-•

"SURPRISE!"

—Is the ear-splitting greeting Lelouch and Suzaku are subjected to upon entering the student council room. Pops of confetti fill the air in an excited frenzy as pastel pink and blue balloons lazily sway around the room with a banner hanging happily across the windows, apparently  _congratulating_  someone. There is a cake on the table with decorations on it that Lelouch can't quite see and a stuffed bear of some kind beside it… All he can seem to comprehend is the horrendous gleam oozing from every pore of Milly's face as she shows every tooth in her giant, giddy smile.

So, Lelouch was mistaken.

It wasn't the Universe that was teasing his paranoia.

If anything, it was his  _Milly_  sense that was tingling!

He certainly thought it possible that she'd get some revenge on him for his Halloween stunt, but he didn't imagine anything like this…

He doesn't even understand what  _this_  is.

"What's going on?" he hears Suzaku ask  _without_   _any_   _caution_  weighing down the delighted surprise prancing on his words. Lelouch quickly notes all the smiling faces of those who call themselves his friends – only Nina looks disgruntled, but more so than usual… Nunnally is even here, beaming, but that smile isn't as soothing as it should be for the innately wary boy – all it does it is intensify the churning sense of danger in his gut.

"A surprise baby shower!" Milly exclaims, brimming with pride that shocks Lelouch like a lightning bolt, temporarily short-circuiting the part of his brain needed to react to this moment with blinding bluntness he should have seen coming.

Of course.

A surprise baby shower.

.

.

.

~…System reboot…

~…Threat detected—

~DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Lelouch opens his mouth to—

"How did you know I was pregnant?"

—That's not what Lelouch was going to say, but thanks,  _Suzaku_.

Lelouch wasn't about to  _defuse_  the situation, or anything productively preventative like that.

It isn't like Lelouch is  _good_  at that sort of thing.

…Suzaku really  _pounced_  right on that one, didn't he?

Is there anything his mouth  _can't_  spill?

Didn't Lelouch tell Suzaku to  _work_  on that?

Britannia should hope Suzaku never get's captured by enemies because he'd probably spill every secret without even being  _asked_  to!

(And the Idiot Award goes to… Suzaku!

Like there was even a competition…)

Lelouch can't even catch up to the stupidity fast enough, but when he painstakingly pulls himself up from the verbal slap of Suzaku's confession, he notices a peculiar frame over everyone's faces, as if they're not sure if it's a joke or not…

For the love of God, let the pregnancy  _be a joke_   _for_   _once_. That's  _all_  Lelouch is asking for – since he can only seem to cringe as Milly's jolly chuckling steals his chance to speak—

"You can't be serious," she says with a smirking huff and playful flap of her hand.

The dooming redness torching Suzaku's face causes her to double-take with a skeptical twist of her features while everyone else's smiles finally wane.

Suzaku is overly honest even when he  _doesn't_  speak.

It must be impossible to wash the stupid off of his face.

Milly realizes that Suzaku couldn't be  _more_  serious and Lelouch begins to leak nervous sweat – why is this room  _so hot_? It bakes a lump in his throat so large it's almost as if he's having an allergic reaction (…to the sheer idiocy?), and now he can't find his voice like some socially inept outcast.

"…So Miss Euphemia  _isn't_  the one who's pregnant?" Shirley asks quietly, her voice wavering with confusion that rolls over Lelouch's skin like a blizzard.

Suzaku avoids eye-contact as the mortified flush consumes his face during everyone's stifling silence, their brains struggling to comprehend the situation. Lelouch is struggling to understand why he's just standing here while Suzaku – his  _partner_  – is burying himself with every word he  _doesn't_  speak. It almost feels like a defense mechanism he can't control, an attachment to his brain through years of remaining as invisible as possible without suspicion, especially in moments of public revelations. Lelouch would probably, normally, use moments like these to his advantage for escape, but he can't – and  _won't_  – do that to Suzaku. He loves the  _idiot_  enough to  _accept_  idiocy… However, there isn't much Lelouch can say now to salvage the situation with his attempts sounding like an obvious lie, and trying to just play this off as some kind of joke or misunderstanding would never work… even if their friends were nice enough to play along, and if they didn't already know half the story. The joke angle is a sad excuse for cover-up story.

Though, it is a tempting dream…

And, obviously, Geass is out of the question.

Milly's brow crosses with confusion, "Well don't tell me  _Euphemia_  is the  _father!_ " she utters incredulously and a bit more  _seriously_  than is appropriate from her words.

The seahorse is beyond any ability to speak with hunched shoulders and eyes stuck to the floor as if wishing it is an ocean that would swallow him whole… Lelouch doesn't want to, but he can't leave Suzaku to suffer this alone – and it's not like there's any value left in keeping things a secret now that everyone  _knows_  he's pregnant.

The  _most intelligent_  of the pair slowly steps towards his dimwitted pal, feeling his body boil with nerves and steels his face to remain emotionless as he wraps his arm around Suzaku's waist.

"No,  _she_  isn't."

Honesty… kind of really sucks, doesn't it?

•-•

"…I still don't understand why you assumed Suzaku was the one expecting a baby just because he retrieved the book," Lelouch languidly says to Milly at his left, sitting to Suzaku's left at the head of the table in the "daddy" chair signified by a blue balloon, Suzaku of course is in the "mommy" chair indicated with a pink balloon they had to quickly attach. "He could have been picking up the book for a friend."

Milly was gracious enough to explain herself, and her reasoning is easy enough to follow… but it seems like she jumped to too many conclusions all on her own, like she let her imagination get the better of her (although the truth is exponentially more  _fanciful_ ). The connection between Suzaku and Euphemia is pretty solid, and the sudden resignation of her title points to some secret scandal, but there aren't any  _facts_  to support this theory, which is pretty typical. Milly even revealed she didn't involve Lelouch in the "surprise baby shower" because she thought he would spill the beans, intentionally or not.

Turns out  _Suzaku_  is the only one to do anything like that.

Thankfully, no one asked when Lelouch and Suzaku were planning on sharing the big news… or how it happened.

Even their relationship is self-explanatory, for the time being.

" _Thank you!_ " Rivalz exasperatedly utters from beside Milly with his hands thrown up in the air. "That's exactly what  _I've_  been saying!"

Milly ignores him, looking only at Lelouch.

"What friend?" to her credit, she honestly tries not to laugh, just not very hard – the fact that she's unafraid to jeer while within his reach is insulting. "All that was left was  _you_  and I highly doubt you'd get a girl pregnant."

There's a bit of a sting to that remark – did she think Lelouch was incapable because she suspected his sexuality or because he simply doesn't have the skill?

Well, he  _totally_  has the skill.

So…  _in her face_.

"You're right about that, at least. I didn't get a  _girl_  pregnant." Lelouch smirks, hooking an arm around Suzaku's waist with a promiscuous pull to bring him closer, making said boy blush a little as he pokes his fork at the small slice of cake Lelouch  _allowed_  him (because it's  _nothing_  but sugar!), trying to shake off Lelouch as if he  _hasn't_  heard a word.

"How did you even find out that you're gonna have a baby?" Rivalz asks, his puzzlement clearly connected in his voice.

That's a fair question.

"Oh, well, random drug test," Suzaku answers, clearly unsure how much he really needs to embellish.

"They can tell that from a drug test?" the blue-haired boy swoops in with another stupefied question, amazement stretching open his eyes.

"How do you think at-home pregnancy tests work?" Lelouch teases with a mild quirk of his lips. "They're both urine tests."

Rivalz's mouth drops open like a fish, thinking of a response, and then it shuts with a coy smile as he laughs at his own lack of thought.

"So, then…" Shirley timidly dips her toe into the conversation, perched beside Suzaku, "how far are you? Or, you know, how old is the baby?"

"Um…" Suzaku's leafy eyes flutter around as he mentally counts the weeks, his gaze falling to Lelouch in either uncertainty or fear of giving the wrong answer – if only Suzaku would check with Lelouch more often  _before_  speaking.

"Eleven weeks," Lelouch suavely answers for his absentminded partner, as self-satisfied as a cat with its mangled dinner.

"Only eleven weeks?" Nunnally playfully whines between Lelouch and Milly. "I'm ready to be an auntie now! Why do I have to wait so long?"

Lelouch chuckles warmly, light and fluffy spurts in his throat, and he momentarily grasps her hand.

"That's right!" Suzaku abruptly bursts like a popped balloon. "We have ultrasound images of the baby; does anyone want to see them?" Suzaku has apparently forgotten that Nunnally is blind, but everyone is polite enough – or smart enough – to not question how he drew this connection from what  _Nunnally_  just said.

Lelouch knows Suzaku didn't mean anything by it and that Nunnally has taken no offense.

Suzaku's just an idiot, after all.

"Ultrasound?" Kallen asks, looking less ill than she normally tries to as she slouches at Shirley's right.

"You mean from a doctor?" the orange-haired girl questions, insultingly confused.

Suzaku's excitement falters, "Uh…"

"Yes, who else?" Lelouch answers with his nose turned up  _just_  slightly. "I know this situation is strange, but we're not so careless that we'd go through this without professional help just because this is abnormal. What kind of parents would that make us?"

Milly is grinning, "No one was trying to insult you, Vice Prez. The idea of two boys going to prenatal visits is like asking everyone to notice the two of you. Not to mention Suzaku is well-known now."

Suzaku simpers, "Well, we're  _discreet_  about it, if that's what you're trying to say."

"Discreet?" Rivalz tilts his head.

Once again, Suzaku's mouth is empty – why couldn't he have been like this  _earlier?_

"He wears a disguise," Lelouch simply explains.

"Disguise?" Rivalz asks.

"Just like Milly said, two guys can't walk into that kind of doctor visit without getting noticed. In order to avoid unwanted attention, we don't go as  _two boys_." Pink is already climbing up Suzaku's cheeks, but Lelouch is complacently smirking to himself, looking at his  _fair lady_  with an unbridled glimmer.

"Don't tell me…!" Milly nearly gasps with excitement.

"Suzaku dresses as a girl." Lelouch should probably feel guilty about how much it pleases him to see the  _feared Lancelot pilot_  shrink into himself and redden like a ripe apple, but he isn't.

"I  _knew_  it!" Milly ecstatically exclaims, hungrily leaning over the table towards Suzaku from her seat. "You really have a thing for women's clothes, don't you?"

"It's not a  _thing!_ " Suzaku squawks, looking like a little ruffled red bird. "It's just…"

"But you said you thought it was fun before." Milly  _gladly_  recalls the past – once again, Suzaku is done in by his own mouth, only it's  _past_  comments this time.

"That's…!" Suzaku can't wriggle out of this, and he apparently knows it because he shrivels into himself all over again with hot embarrassment colouring his face and incomprehensible mutters dribbling from his lips.

Lelouch affectionately rubs the humiliation into Suzaku's back, "He goes by  _Suzie_ , and so far no one has recognized him."

"Now it makes sense…" Nunnally suddenly speaks, her soft face hardened slightly by reflection. "Alice told me she saw Lelouch with a girl a few weeks ago at the clinic," she begins to explain, feeling empty stares on her, "but I knew that big brother was already involved with Suzaku."

"Alice  _saw_  us?" Lelouch briskly scrambles onto this new scrap of information. "When? What was she doing there?"

Perhaps his eagerness is too emphatic, because it almost looks like Nunnally  _blinks_  at him.

"…She said her sisters work at the clinic you go to and she sometimes goes there after school. She saw the two of you leaving, I think."

_Sisters?_

_At… clinic…?_

_Saw them…_

"I'm sorry that you're upset," Nunnally apologizes, and the sound of her gentle voice wrapped around those words jolts Lelouch back to the moment.

"No, don't apologize," he guiltily and vainly tries to un-hear her sad tone. "I'm just surprised…"

_Alice…_

He  _knew_  that girl was only trouble.

"Quite an interesting development," Milly chimes in, so  _thrilled_  with everything that her mirth is like an angry sore inside Lelouch's stomach. "Maybe I'll have to have a chat with that girl…"

"Spare at least  _one_  person from your nosiness for once, would you,  _Madam President?_ " Lelouch jadedly jeers with a lazy grin.

She scrunches her nose at him in a defiant, sassy gesture.

"…Anyway, does anyone want to see the ultrasounds?" Suzaku awkwardly asks to reroute back to forgotten topic, pushing himself up from his chair when everyone answers in the affirmative—

Halting when his arm is caught by Lelouch.

"Sit down, I'll get them for you," he orders in a tender tone, pointedly waiting for Suzaku to do as he was commanded by sitting with a loving upward bend of his lips. Lelouch also earns a couple of sweet and mocking croons that he tries to ignore while he stands.

"Aren'cha gonna kiss him before you go?" Milly bluntly goads, her lusty eyes showing a bit too much. "Oh! Wait, we need some pictures of the happy couple. Sit back down and—!"

"That's not happening," Lelouch dully rejects.

"All I'm asking for is one, little,  _measly_  kiss," Milly's lips pout, but that doesn't stop Lelouch from walking away from her.

"Not. Happening."

"Suzaku~! Knock some sense into your stubborn hubby over there, won't you?" she tries to wheedle the pregnant boy.

"Sorry…" but all Suzaku has to offer is a pitying laugh and shrug as Lelouch leaves the room to retrieve the desired digital prints, and it draws a smirk along Lelouch's lips.

_There's a good boy._

•-•

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Shirley gushes at Suzaku, an oddly happy expression on her face now that she's grown used to the idea of his pregnancy and pawing at the ultrasound pictures like everyone else… except Nunnally. "Which would you rather have?"

"We don't know yet. And I guess I don't have a preference." Suzaku shrugs. "I just want it to be healthy whatever it is."

Lelouch would have to agree.

He just hopes  _it_  is human at this point.

Shirley coos sweetly at that, "What about names?"

"Oh, we already have names picked out for both genders."

Milly, Shirley, and Rivalz's ears are all over that little announcement whereas Kallen, who is interested  _enough_ , and Nina certainly aren't holding their breath. Actually, Lelouch is convinced Nina isn't even paying attention due to her eyes stuck at the end of her fork as she prods her half-eaten piece of white cake. But, at least she's  _here_ …

"What are they?" asks the meddling blonde.

Suzaku opens his mouth—

"It's a secret," Lelouch answers – there's no way he's going to let these degenerates ruin their baby name picks (he also doesn't want to get into the reasoning behind their choices, either) – with his arm slung around Suzaku, a hand closed tightly over his mouth.

If Lelouch and Suzaku could be like this all the time, it would solve  _a lot_  of problems.

"Boo~!" Milly gives him a thumbs down while pinching her nose.

Rivalz laughs, "Yeah, what's the big deal?"

"Please tell us!" Shirley clasps her hands together.

"No can do." Lelouch firmly shakes his head. "You'll just have to wait until the baby is born."

"Or until I can get Suzaku alone in my prying clutches," Milly smirks like a feral animal, eyes practically gobbling Suzaku where he sits.

Said soldier laughs in shakes of discomfort when Lelouch's hand drops from his mouth to hang limply around his neck, allowing him to take a nervous sip of his water as he averts his eyes.

Knowing Suzaku, he'd probably spill them easily enough… like he almost just did before Lelouch stopped him.

_This tiring idiot…_

Of anybody here, Nunnally is the acceptable set of ears to tell, but that can wait until later  _in private_.

•-•

At some point during the festivities of baby games and fluid conversation, Milly attempts a subtle steal of Suzaku, but he's part of a permanent pair, so Lelouch is on their heels the  _second_  she has him literally cornered across the room.

"What are trying to do to him?" Lelouch gruffly interrogates with a firm face.

Milly doesn't even blink when she looks at him over her shoulder, "Just giving Suzaku a little something."

Suzaku is indeed holding a white, slim, rectangular package tied shut with a pink, billowy bow.

"I thought you said you guys only got the gift certificate." Lelouch narrows his eyes on the box. He knows this can't be good – nothing involving Milly ever is.

"Yes, but this is a  _personal_  item that I purchased for a certain pretty lady, but I don't see why Suzaku can't still have it, especially considering how things are working out."

Milly doesn't smirk, but it can't be any clearer in her tone or the sparkle in her eye.

Lelouch wants to rip the box from Suzaku's hands and chuck it out the window, just to be safe, but he knows Milly would love nothing more than to see him lose his cool. All he can do is quietly fester and seethe as he watches Suzaku open the present through an eagle eye.

"It's ironic," the she-devil says out of nowhere and he glances at her.

"What is?" Lelouch asks.

"I've finally got some dirt regarding you, and yet, it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would…" her voice is wistful, and for once her face is soft and  _human_  looking when he looks her way again.

"That's what happens when you delude yourself," Lelouch cattily quips, causing Milly to stick out a mocking tongue at him.

"Uh… What is this?" Suzaku asks with a light pink, suggestive, satiny,  _lingerie_  trimmed with some fuzzy-feathery nonsense pinched in his fingers as if it might be diseased.

…It  _is_  a present from Milly.

"What?" the president proudly defends. "Who says a pregnant woman  _doesn't_  want to feel and look sexy?"

_That would have to depend on your definition of "sexy."_

"…That's very thoughtful of you," Suzaku politely replies, placing the skimpy article back in the box with a kind smile.

"I hope it fits you," she grins at him with a cheeky smile. "Keep in mind I thought I was buying for someone else. But, I have the receipt if you'd like to exchange it for something that's  _your_  style of sexy."

In Lelouch's opinion, Suzaku's style of sexy is his  _birthday suit_.

"Tell me you weren't  _honestly_  going to give that  _thing_  to Euphie." Lelouch is already disgusted with the mental image alone that he couldn't fight off from his mind –  _good God_  how he  _honestly_  tried to fight it.

"Like I said, what woman doesn't want to feel sexy?"

Lelouch is about retort, but he reminds himself that this is Milly, so there's no sense in a sane debate.

She'd only like to get him riled up, anyway.

"Thank you for the present," Suzaku says with a hand on Lelouch's shoulder – as if he needs this  _emotional_  soldier to tell him to watch his temper.

"I do hope  _Suzie_  enjoys it," Milly says with a wink before sashaying her cocky self back to the others.

As she leaves them in silence, they both finally understand why she decided Suzaku could still use the lingerie…

Suzaku's eyes flop to the box suspended in his hands, a flat but troubled line in his lips.

"I don't really have to wear this, do I?"

If the boy didn't want to wear it, he shouldn't have accepted it.

Lelouch would've asked for the receipt, not that he expects he'd actually get it.

"She  _did_  go to the trouble of buying it…" he answers with a sly smile – maybe this  _will_  be good entertainment. "I think you owe her  _one_  time, at least."

•-•

Some hours later after the layers of cake and questions calmed into a mellow mood, Lelouch reenters the club room after putting Nunnally to bed to see Suzaku sitting quietly on the couch by himself. His eyes are hooded as he softly stares at the others who are regaling in stories and jokes that have strayed from the theme of the party, seemingly too absorbed in each other's words on the other side of the room. (Save for Nina, the  _ghost_  of a girl having drifted out of the room after he left, apparently.) Although it's unexpected, Lelouch is glad to have this little wedge of time to themselves.

"Tired?" Lelouch tenderly asks, seating himself next to his sleepy seahorse. "Do I need to put you to bed, too?"

Evergreen eyes flip open and look at Lelouch with a listless glaze that drips over his lips in a faint smile, dropping his head on Lelouch's shoulder. The black-haired boy shakes his head with a similar smile and gently pat the leg of the boy sagging against him as he reclines into the couch. Lelouch softly rubs his hand up and down Suzaku's thigh before letting his own limb fall limp when the brunet nestles closer. Too content to really care and perhaps sedated by Suzaku's seductive somnolence, Lelouch closes his own eyes on the  _peanut gallery_  who practically take instant notice of this  _special_  moment.

"They're so cute together, don't you think?" Milly asks to no one in particular, a gratified grin on her lips as her eyes trace over the pair. "A very striking couple."

"Eh… I think it's strange to see Lelouch act that way around anyone other than Nunnally," says Rivalz. "It's even disappointing when I think about all the girls falling at his feet – where's the justice there?"

"It isn't strange, it's adorable," the president insists with stoic faith. "And don't bring up such a sensitive subject in front Shirley."

"Me?" said girl blinks.

"Oh, there's no need to put on a brave face," Milly takes sympathetic hold of her friend's shoulders. "You're among friends and we'll support you through this troubling time."

"I'm not putting on a brave face," Shirley diffidently defends.

"Pish-posh," the older girl scoffs. "The guy of your dreams—"

" _Guy of my dreams?_ "

"—has not only just stepped out of the  _closet_ , but he's holding hands with another guy! How could you not be devastated? Your chances of ever being with Lelouch now are so low you owe  _him_  points just to be in the same room with him!"

"That doesn't make any sense," Rivalz mutters.

"But, you have to admit that these two are a fangirl's fantasy. The handsome slacker and brawny softy going at it in secrecy, and then,  _poof_ , a baby out of nowhere? It's what romance and BL novels are made of!"

"Romance and BL novels?" Kallen insipidly echoes – does she even  _really_  want to know?

"At least we can admire the view, although  _capturing_  the view would be much better – pictures  _do_  last longer."

"…This is weird. They're our  _friends_ ," Rivalz uncomfortably utters, stuffing his hands in his pockets and crinkling his brow. "I don't want to watch Lelouch and Suzaku, uh, 'go at it' like you said. That's gross."

"Only because you haven't discovered your inner fanboy yet," Milly easily diagnoses, arms folded beneath her bust in sinister contemplation. "Or maybe you can't enjoy it because you're insecure about yourself."

Rivalz sputters, face flaming with her bland accusation – that's  _not_  what he meant! – and Shirley pats his back in an effort to soothe the blow his character took from the girl he virtually worships.

"The more I think about it, though," the blonde continues, "it makes me wonder what else Lelouch is capable of."

"What do you mean?" Kallen asks, something strange glinting in her crystal blue eyes.

"This is  _Lelouch_  – he can't take two steps without stopping to catch his breath in between, and yet, he's topping the boy who's arguably the  _most_  athletic person at Ashford. I just didn't know Lelouch had it in him! I want to know where he's been  _hiding_  that vitality all this time!" A thought strikes her mind, causing her to pause and cradle her chin on her fist, "…Or maybe it's more about  _Suzaku_  than it has to do with Lelouch? Do you think Suzaku rides him a lot?"

"I can  _hear_  you over there!" Lelouch indignantly barks, clinging to his  _last_  nerve, causing the group to jump as one body. "Stop talking about us like we're  _not_  in the same room!"

"Roger that, Vice Prez." Milly winks. "We'll wait until you leave before we continue discussing anything further."

Lelouch grumbles – hiding his vitality, more about Suzaku, what does  _Milly_  know about  _anything?_  – but his irritation fizzles when he looks back at the peaceful, slumbering face of the idiot he's still delicately supporting. If he listens carefully to the peaceful breaths pushing and pulling though Suzaku's nose Lelouch can hear his bed calling him… It's probably a good idea to leave now before he's inadvertently insulted by the forgetful fools when they begin babbling again while staring at him like he's some kind of caged animal.

_Suzaku_  is the one who's  _pregnant_  for crying out loud!

Milly should be pondering over  _that_ , not Lelouch's "capabilities"!

What is  _wrong_  with that woman?

•-

-•

The following morning is less of a nightmare, but not entirely.

It starts pretty normal like any other weekend and being as uneventful as it should be with Lelouch sleeping through most of it, dragging himself out of bed early enough to his standards, but long after Suzaku's long years of conditioned military service – something Lelouch has learned to ignore more and more with every morning. The only times Suzaku sleeps in later than usual are after they've had sex, which hinders his regular routine for obvious reasons, otherwise he's shuffling around the room (while  _trying_  to be quiet, but it's the  _effort_  that makes him noisy) at the break of  _dawn_  and disrupting the sleep Lelouch fights so rigorously to catch and keep. He's even employed  _snuggling_  as a deterrent for Suzaku's unnatural amount of energy at such an unnatural time and it's gradually wearing the soldier down… as long as Lelouch is conscious enough to capture him before he  _hops_  out of bed.

They've long since abandoned their old safety schedule for when Suzaku sleeps over, the honorary Britannian pretty much unofficially moving into Lelouch's nest. Suzaku still has his dorm room, but the minimal amount of possessions he has resides with him in Lelouch's bedroom, which makes most of Lelouch's nights easier now that he has consistent comfort. So easy he wants to get out of bed  _even less_  than before when sunshine steals him from sleep.

Lelouch seriously considers turning over and going back to sleep this morning, but he likes to eat breakfast with Nunnally and the idiot, so he darkly makes his way to the door. After a brisk shower and wardrobe deliberation, he steps into the dining room around ten-thirty where Suzaku and Nunnally are still calmly consuming their breakfast with Sayoko refreshing their glasses of orange juice.

"Good morning big brother!" Nunnally pleasantly sings, everyone else greeting him with a simple smile.

"Good morning," he replies just as affably but considerably more mild as he walks up to the table.

"Coffee, Master Lelouch?"

"Ah, yes please, thank you." He nods to Sayoko who scurries off into the kitchen as he takes a seat next to Nunnally. A fleeting glance at Suzaku across from him conveys the "we need to talk" look, and those green eyes appear to understand as the boy belonging to them subsequently nibbles on his buttered toast.

Suzaku became unusually drowsy towards the end of the party last night leaving them zero time to recap the evening, and while Lelouch doesn't want to cry foul play on the suspicion that the seahorse was trying to avoid discussing what the  _hell_  had happened, he wonders if Suzaku was really  _that_  tired.

Sayoko places a nice, full cup of steaming hot coffee in front of him that's always as black as his knights but, before he takes that first rejuvenating sip, he decides to be a little adventurous this morning by adding a touch of cream. He thanks Sayoko once again for the round plate of fried eggs and tomatoes with bacon and buttered toast she also placed in front of him before she gracefully bows and returns to the kitchen.

All is well this morning as the three of them smoothly sail through their meal with the company of casual conversation—

So it's only natural that a certain impertinent president bursts through the doors in an entrance that's short of grand only because there aren't any trumpeters or fireworks; instead she has her two trusty followers in tow as she rounds the table towards the dinning trio.

"It's Saturday, so you know what that means?" The question on her lips isn't nearly as inviting as her smile – not to Lelouch, and he's certain Suzaku feels the same way once his shoulders are ensnared by her evil clutches.

"That there's no school?" the brunet's answer is insecure and confused, just like his eyes that don't know where to look.

"It's time for a girl's day out! And Suzaku, you're coming along as our honorary woman!"

"I don't think so," Lelouch stonily states. "He's staying right here. With me."

Poor Suzaku will probably get eaten alive.

"It's not up to  _you_ ," the blonde argues, shaking up the boy in her grasp even more as she jostles him in his chair. "And don't be such a Suzaku hog!"

"Is it up to me?" the newly crowned honorary woman meagerly croaks.

"Nope!" Milly chirps unethically excited. "I say you're coming, so you're coming! And Nunnally, being the lovely  _Lady_  Lamperouge, you're also welcome on our outing."

"Not without me," Lelouch unequivocally invites himself, his voice and eyes like a jagged iceberg compared to Milly's flippantly fun-loving attitude that has her fluffed up like meringue.

"Absolutely  _no_  boys allowed!" she rebukes with a shaking finger.

"But  _I'm_  a boy…" Suzaku murmurs, only to be completely ignored.

"If  _I_  don't go,  _they_  don't go."

"The gentlemen will stay here," the  _damnable_  president stubbornly continues, gesturing to Rivalz behind here who grins uneasily with a likewise wave of his hand. "That includes you."

Lelouch briskly stands up with a screech of his chair and flaming lance of his eyes – he would rather roll over and  _die_  before he'd let Nunnally and Suzaku go anywhere with Milly without him—

"Oh, but I can't even go," Nunnally politely declines before Lelouch can start growling like a territorial tiger. "Alice and I have a school project that we have to work on and we were going to be in the library most of the day. But thank you for the invitation."

Milly lifts an eyebrow, "Alice, huh? I'm beginning to think she's trying to steal you away from us."—Lelouch hates how she so sarcastically says that when he felt that thought so honestly—"Well, can't interfere with a lady's studies, so you get a free pass  _this_  time."

"Uh, well, I have some schoolwork I should—" Suzaku tries to weasel himself free.

"Not so fast!" but Milly isn't shaken off that easily. "We can't go have girl fun without our Student Council Mommy. Now hurry up because we have to get you dressed"—Milly practically hauls him out of the chair, causing him to flounder over his own steps and words as he is pushed towards Shirley and three of them shuffle to the door—"and  _then_  we have to go pick up Kallen on the way and I don't want to waste time!" Odd that she doesn't mention getting Nina too, considering the girl isn't standing here with them – if Nina doesn't go, this outing isn't really official, is it?

"Don't just  _do_  as  _you_  please regardless of what others want!" Lelouch scowls, stiffly marching after them to grab Suzaku by the arm. "Listen to what other people are saying!"

A sharp smirk pinches the corners of Milly's lips, a corrupted curve that could stand well against the many smirks Lelouch has worn while operating as Zero, but  _Lelouch_  isn't so easily shaken, either.

"Lelouch, do you  _really_  want to fight me on this, hm~?" the tone dripping from her lips coats her menacing words in a sugary shell as she places an "intimidating" hand on his shoulder – what does she  _take him for_ , exactly? "You left me in quite a bind after that little  _trick_  of yours on Halloween, but I'll consider us even if you just let me borrow your little boyfriend here."

No longer having the worry of Milly's wrath hanging over his head would definitely be nice, but this bargain only makes Lelouch uneasy. The only reason she's making such an offer is because she's so  _confident_  that she can get something out of Suzaku – which isn't all that hard in the first place.

It really puts Lelouch between a rock and a hard place—

Wait, what is he  _thinking?_

He's  _Lelouch vi Britannia!_

And Lelouch vi Britannia  _fears no one!_

" _Or_ ," Milly continues, "perhaps we could revisit the  _kissing booth_  idea that I wanted to do last year for Valentine's Day."

•-•

And so Lelouch is forced to spend the day with Rivalz.

Completely

And

Utterly

_Alone_.

"…So, I was just wondering…" Rivalz starts off their day by beating around the bush.

"Wondering what?" Lelouch dully indulges, not particularly interested in the thought Rivalz is trying to push off the edge of his tongue being much too concerned about how Milly might be torturing answers out of Suzaku… Or how she  _doesn't_  need to torture answers out of Suzaku.

And just to clarify, he isn't sitting here, sulking at the dining table with Rivalz like they've been shelved and left to stare at each other because he  _cowered_  in the face of Milly's threat.  _Suzaku_  is the one who caved in the end, stammering that it really wasn't a big deal if he tagged along with them.

Lelouch is positive that Suzaku only did it to spare him from an attack by a malevolent Milly.

Not that  _Lelouch_  was ever worried…

"Well, why didn't you tell me you were, um…  _gay_?" he whispers that last word, Lord knows for what reason. Maybe he suspects Arthur of being homophobic – that  _could_  possibly explain the feline's aversion to Suzaku… "You're my best bud; I thought you knew you could trust me. And I mean, I'm totally cool with it, you know. Just… Just wondering."

Lelouch just closes his eyes on the dumbfounded boy sitting across from him and sighs.

This is going to be a  _very_  long day.

•-•

Deeming all of "Suzie's"  _two_  outfits as insufficient (one of them being that  _green dress_  which didn't get as many critical comments as he thought it would – seems Lelouch really does know what he's doing), Milly hastily sped them off to Kallen's house, who apparently didn't know anything about this impromptu female frolicking, either. After dragging her from the house nearly half asleep, the four of them rode to the mall to the sound of Milly's excited plans.

Suzaku had asked about Nina, hesitantly, and Milly solemnly told him that she isn't comfortable going into the city after their last trip which involved a run-in with terrorists. Understandable, maybe even believable, but Suzaku knows Nina is more afraid of people who aren't her own race rather than the rare chance they'll encounter terrorists a second time.

He decided to not think about that too much, though.

Now he's standing in some high-end store with repetitive, electronic music jumping on his head from the ceiling, lost in the spotty lighting and scattered clothes racks as Shirley and Milly browse them. Kallen is standing on the other side of one metal frame they're leafing through, her bleary eyes uninterested in the fashion in front of her as she indifferently slides hanger after hanger to the side – of course, Suzaku understands that  _shopping_  isn't the kind of interest that Kallen holds… It also reminds him that he hasn't really tried to talk to her yet, his entire world now revolving around the baby.

He's also noticed she doesn't seem to look him in the eye anymore.

Suzaku doesn't have the luxury to brood over those issues at this time, too involved in sifting through article after article of clothing and indecisively eyeing the suggestions of Shirley and Milly while insecurely tugging at his clothes. He  _honestly_  likes the outfit he's wearing now that he bought with Lelouch; it's simple, if a little too monochromatic. He wouldn't mind expanding for  _Suzie's_  sake, but looking at all of these options is… overwhelming. With Lelouch just the one time they had to spare, their approach was so direct and he was so blunt about what is and isn't flattering, or what just looked tacky, and didn't bother showing Suzaku the entire store. Lelouch laid out everything in the simplest way, heeding Suzaku's tastes and letting him have the final say, unlike here where he's being asked to start from scratch while clueless about what ingredients go together. Without that objective guidance, Suzaku isn't sure what he's supposed to do with himself. The girls  _are_  helpful, but it's taking a while for him to get the hang of it.

He is trying to understand the function of various buttoned straps on what he originally thought was a jacket, but now isn't sure, when Milly slinks up to him like a pouncing phobia – might not be far from the truth…

"So…" she starts, rifling through the hanging clothes  _too_  casually, "how big is Lelouch?"

"How big?" he curiously glances at her. "Uh, we're about the same height. I don't know how much he weighs, but probably less than me…"

The chiding chuckles that condescendingly fall from her lips soak Suzaku in certain dread and the understanding that he answered her  _incorrectly_.

"Don't play  _coy_  with me." She  _suavely_  bumps his arm. "I wasn't talking about his  _height_  or  _weight_  and you know that."

"Right…" Suzaku verbally agrees but is mentally lost.

"I'm talking about the certain  _length_  in his pants," she explains with a generously lecherous tone and Suzaku feels a panic start to coldly break within him. "You see, Lelouch has that  _rich_ ,  _deep_  voice and those  _long_  fingers, so I always thought he'd be…" Milly trails as she holds up her hands in the air, spreading them apart wider and wider…

Her words as well as her action lick scarlet streaks over his cheeks and he looks away from Milly's hands just when they pass the width of her  _shoulders_ —Suzaku is pretty sure  _that's_  not even a  _humanly_  possible.

"I think we should change the subject!" he salvos, looking at Shirley across from him who also bears his heated flush. "Shirley! How is…  _Swimming!_  How is swimming going?"

Shirley opens her mouth but Milly cuts her off, "Now, now. What's the point of having  _quality girl time_  if we can't have  _quality_   _girl talk?_ "

Suzaku is reigned in be her arm that's much stronger than it appears to be.

"Girls talk about… this sort of thing?" he's afraid to ask, but adittedly curious. The female population is something he knows little about.

"Of course. What else do you think we talk about?"

"I don't know," Suzaku says lamely. Somehow he isn't sure if he can believe the answer  _Milly_  provides – Shirley looks as uncomfortable as a kangaroo with a cactus in its pouch and a glowing blush is spawning on Kallen's  _very_  disturbed face. "Make-up and clothes, or something like that…" They  _are_  at the mall,  _shopping_  – or is this just a ruse?

Milly scoffs, "Maybe if you're a  _child_. Who else would be entertained by such dribble?"

Suzaku doesn't answer.

Because he can't.

"Then at least tell me if he's a good kisser," Milly meekly implores.

"A good kisser?" Suzaku asks and Milly nods – perhaps there's no harm in this.

"Yeah, you know, when he kisses you do you feel it in all the way down in your knees?"

Suzaku smiles dumbly at that – he feels it  _everywhere_  when Lelouch kisses him.

"Yeah…"

"So how is he in bed?" – logically, that's the next step in this conversation.

Suzaku can feel his ears turning the colour of Kallen's hair when Shirley shouts; "Milly!"

"Oh, come on, just a one word answer will do: good or bad." – as if that  _won't_  lead to more questions.

Suzaku isn't  _that_  naïve.

How can he even answer a question like that anyway?

He contemplates how to get out of this question knowing Milly will be  _insatiable_  now that she's gotten a taste of personal Lelouch information, but he's beginning to wonder if he'll even make it out of this "Girl's day out" alive, and if Lelouch is fairing any better.

"Listen," Milly takes on a frank tone, pulling him closer to  _privately_  murmur in his ear, "I've seen you limping around before but I always thought it was military drills or something of that nature, but  _now_  I know  _Lelouch_  is the one  _behind_  your pain! I wouldn't have thought Lelouch had so much vigor! He really gives you a  _reason_  to limp, doesn't he? I'm just curious to know if it's his  _appetite_  or his  _big_ —"

•-•

"So… what's it like…  _you know_ … with a guy?" Rivalz tries to ask casually, his friendliness and curiosity the perfect cocktail that pour a headache into Lelouch's skull.

It's a bit surprising that Rivalz didn't begin this sexual trek with the more innocent, subtle question concerning kisses – is there a difference between boys and girls? That is one question Lelouch can answer objectively, based on experience, because Lelouch  _has_  in fact kissed a girl before.

More than one, actually.

And there isn't really much of a difference, honestly. It's not the  _gender_ , but the  _person_  that makes the difference… Not that Lelouch has been kissing boys all this time… or  _plans_  to kiss anymore girls any time in the near future… or anybody other than Suzaku, as long as he has his way.

No, instead, Rivalz decided to go for the gusto and jump right to the sex question, showing his lack of sophistication and awkward immaturity in one swift blow. But, thanks to Rivalz's inelegant curiosity, Lelouch has been offered a chance to toy with his friend.

"What's  _what_  like with a guy?" he asks, personifying obliviousness in a seamless performance that involves tilting his head into an innocent slant.

Rivalz shifts uncomfortably, his cheeks beginning to redden considerably – Lelouch doesn't really even need to  _do_  anything, does he?

"You know…  _it_."

The inner smirk Lelouch wears is so wide that it's threatening to pierce his clueless mask and rip it right in half.

" _It_?"

Rivalz slaps his palms on the table, "Come  _on_ , man!  _Sex!_  I'm asking about  _sex!_   _With_   _another_   _guy!_ "

Of course,  _that very second_  Sayoko enters the room with their tea and Lelouch knows the steam from the pot isn't what stains both their cheeks a ripe cherry.

This truly is too much fun.

Even if it is too easy.

"Why don't you try it yourself if you're so curious?" Lelouch coolly deflects once the maid mutely sets the tray down and shuffles from the room, leaving Rivalz in his humiliated despair.

He's glowing redder than any sunburn Lelouch has ever had.

The poor fellow… Lelouch has to wonder if it hurts just as much.

"I'm not  _that_  curious…" he mumbles, a finger doodling distracting designs on the table. "I'm just wondering if it's different than being with a girl."

"I don't know," Lelouch blandly answers, "what is sex like with a girl?"

It takes a moment, but surely enough, a nervous bumble of desperate chuckles flounce from Rivalz lips.

"Touché, man."—But then, something strange lights up in Rivalz's eyes and all of his embarrassment is forgotten with frightening ease—"Hey! Does that mean those  _scratch marks_  I saw on your back in the locker room that time were really from  _Suzaku?_ "

•-•

Lunch in the food court brings a brief  _reprieve_  from Milly's impetuous interrogating and lugging around the multiplying bags in his hands – it's more than he needs, but Milly wouldn't hear of him  _not_  getting anything. He's thankful she wants to splurge on him, but will this kindness come back to haunt him, or is Lelouch's paranoia just rubbing off on him? Whatever the case, he's begging to actually enjoy himself. It's only a little strange at how well they're all so accepting of the situation, mostly the pregnancy and cross-dressing part.

"What's it like being pregnant?" Shirley innocently inquires, bringing a refreshing topic change.

"Um…" Suzaku has to think for a second. "I don't know, I don't feel any different yet."

"You don't have morning sickness or anything like that?"

"No, not yet. Everything's still normal for me. Although…" he scratches at his itchy wig, "I think right now it's mostly mental. I tend to think about the baby a lot."

Talking about his pregnancy to Shirley, in front of Milly and Kallen, has to be the most bizarre moment Suzaku has ever experienced.

Other than being told he was pregnant, that is…

Even just talking to Shirley about this doesn't feel right because she once told him that she fell in love with Lelouch… Perhaps something really did change during their "tiff" because something about her is still  _off_.

"Oh, yeah?" she enthusiastically engages. "That must be strange."

Suzaku finds himself laughing softly, "It is. But I think Lelouch is more concerned. He practically won't let me do anything and has me eating a really strict diet." If it isn't organic, is too high in sugar or sodium, or has a word not easily pronounced in the ingredients, Suzaku can't eat it. All of his meals are home cooked and preapproved by Lelouch – but Suzaku won't complain, because the food is the best he's ever eaten in his life. It isn't as though he's been ingesting nothing but garbage food, but this is way healthier and more natural than he's used to. It's just… Lelouch doesn't need to be so…  _uptight_.

"How  _is_  Lelouch acting about everything? Is he freaking out or anything?" Shirley continues to ask, sounding somehow…  _investigative_?

"I'm more interested to know what he's like in bed," Milly slips her voice into their conversation with a snide snip.

Suzaku knew this breath of relaxation was going to be short lived.

"Madam President!" Shirley shrieks.

"Oh, come now, this is harmless fun. Anything said between us girls will  _stay_  between us girls – it's what we do and what girl time is all about!"

But, the majority of the student council (Lelouch's and Suzaku's only group of friends) is comprised of girls, who are mostly all here, so that doesn't really count for much regarding security or privacy.

…And Suzaku isn't even a girl.

"But it isn't any of your business!" Shirley says.

"Like you're not curious, either, lover girl~!" Milly teases.

"Why do you want to know so badly, anyway?" Suzaku asks, taking Milly off-guard. Her eyes slide to him, a shimmer of surprise swimming over her blue irises, and for a stunned moment she can't respond.

"…Because he's so secretive. And because he's never seemed like the 'coupling' type. You do realize you're the first person he's ever dated, don't you?"

Lelouch hasn't said as much, but it's been implied.

"So in other words," Suzaku translates, stabbing a plain leaf of lettuce (again, strict diet, thanks to Lelouch) off of his plate with a fork, "there's a part of him that you don't know and it drives you crazy?"

She hums, "Something like that, maybe…"

He watches her take the straw of her drink between her lips as her eyes drift away and he thinks that it isn't so much about that mysterious part of Lelouch that has her obsessed, but that  _she_  isn't the one to see it and never will be.

"So, I don't see why you can't give me a little something." She stretches her claws again, an ominous coaxing before they sink in and pry him apart.

"Sorry if you thought I'd be your gateway into Lelouch's private life, because I'm not." Suzaku doesn't know why he's apologizing; he doesn't even feel guilty this time. "I'm not going to betray his trust like that."

"But I'm asking for so little…" Milly sighs.

Asking if Lelouch has any closet, strange kinks or fetishes, if he ever fails to  _perform_  because of his stamina, if he ever makes Suzaku dress like  _Suzie_ , if he favors a certain position, or just what  _type_  of lover he is are  _not_  little questions!

"I told you he's a good kisser."

"But is he good at sex?"

" _Milly!_ " hisses the orange-haired girl.

" _Why_  do you keep asking that?" Suzaku bites, and at more than the cherry tomato on his fork. "I never need to  _fake it_ , if  _that's_  what you're asking!"

Chew. Chew.

A glance at Shirley's wide eyes.

Chew. Chew.

A glance at Milly; the sheer expression of  _heaven_  illuminating her elated blue eyes and gapping smile.

Chew. Chew.

A glance at Kallen's wide eyes.

Ch…

Oh, wait—!

Suzaku  _didn't_  just say that…

•-•

"So, why Suzaku?" Rivalz asks.

"What do you mean?" bored-Lelouch prompts.

"What is it about him that you like? Or, uh, what attracted you to him?"

Lelouch internally sighs.

There's no way he's answering that question.

"Is it his looks?"

"…"

"His personality?"

"…"

"…Well, what's he got that I don't?" Lelouch whips his eyes to Rivalz and the boy shrugs with his own confusion. "Why him and not me?"

Lelouch gapes, "Are you telling me that you're  _jealous_?"

"I don't know." Rivalz sheepishly shrugs. "I mean, am I not your type?"

S

T

A

R

E

"I think it's time we get some fresh air…" Lelouch finally mutters, wanting to escape this awkward turn of events before he learns  _other_  things about Rivalz he wishes he didn't know.

•-•

With perfect timing strapped to his heels, Lelouch steps out of the clubhouse to greet the collective Student Council  _Girls_  as they stroll up to the door. In the thick of it is Lelouch's beacon, the pair of wide green eyes from his seahorse who looks like he's been battered enough by the battle. Lelouch stops short as Rivalz continues forward up to the charge of clicking heels, letting Suzaku separate himself from the herd to build some privacy for themselves. His course is set straight for Lelouch with a bit of a rush to his step and an eager flush on his cheeks… or maybe that's just from the chilly air?

"Lelouch!" Suzaku happily hops up to him, his springy, blond wig bouncing around his head, and he holds up the various shopping bags in his hands. "I wasn't going to really get anything, but we did find some things." He begins to shift the bags around as if uncertain what to do with them, his cheeks still rosy, like his lips. … _His lips?_  "I wasn't so sure I'd find anything, but with their help I got some new outfits for Suzie." Is that… There's eye shadow on is eyes! "And I got a few things for the baby, too—"

"Are you wearing make-up?"

Suzaku freezes a short second, and then shrugs, "Well… Yes. But, we were at the mall, you know, and, it just kind of happened. Anyway, look at this!" he joyfully produces a plush animal a little bigger than his hand, shoving it right into Lelouch's face. "Guess why I got it."

After a startling slap from more of Suzaku's puppy-dog excitement from being reunited, Lelouch carefully studies the chubby, baby-blue body of a certain water-dwelling creature that has a pale yellow belly and iridescent teal fins.

"Because it's a seahorse."

"Right!" Suzaku is overflowing with delight, his smile a radiant beam that Lelouch can't keep from shinning on his own lips. "I saw it and thought it was too adorable. Plus, it's so personal. It was just too perfect. And babies like soft, fuzzy things, right?"

Not infants, but Lelouch doesn't want to rain on his parade.

And they can save it for later.

"So you had fun today?" he asks instead, still radiating with all of the contagious ecstasy Suzaku is emitting.

"Yeah," Suzaku says, finally taking an actual moment to look at Lelouch—the moment catching in their eyes as a tempting kiss—

But Lelouch finally realizes their audience, standing the polite distance he left between them but still nosy beyond Suzaku's shoulder. Milly is unabashedly staring; her smirk a sharp cut on her lips compared to the wide-eyed gazes of everyone else who aren't accustomed to this type of exchange between their two friends. Everyone is looking on innocently enough, aside from the she-devil, but Lelouch has never liked having spectators observing his personal affairs and he quickly slings his arm around Suzaku, placing a pushing hand on the boy's back.

"Let's go inside so you can show me all of the things you bought in private, where we  _won't_  be watched," Lelouch purposely utters at a high volume as they walk away, turning his head towards their friends to give them fair warning.

•-•

"I wasn't sure what to expect today, but it could have been a lot worse," Suzaku says with a maintained smile as he sheds his sepia, corduroy half-jacket, laying it on the couch.

That statement isn't really comforting…

Lelouch scuttles into the bedroom closely behind Suzaku, carrying all of his shopping bags (like he insisted, and now regrets) and sets them down on the table but his violet eyes are focused solely on the other boy beside him.

"I wouldn't want to do it again anytime  _soon_ , but it was… interesting."

A pale hand smoothes over the back of the off-white blouse snug around Suzaku's torso, the brown print of tiny clusters of flowers ignored just like the tight tan pants that accentuate Suzaku's firm, round bottom – Lelouch is only looking right through these clothes.

"I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself today, then," Lelouch murmurs in Suzaku's ear from behind, waiting for the connected head to turn so he can devour those painted lips with a kiss – it isn't as pleasant as Lelouch was hoping, the fake taste of lipstick not suited for his palate and thus forcing their mouth's to stay closed. Suzaku doesn't seem disappointed when they part, instead looking amused as he touches the pad of his thumb to the corner of Lelouch's lips.

"Now you have lipstick on your mouth."

"This stuff is awful, don't wear it ever again." Lelouch frowns, a hand instinctively flying up to his mouth to rid the offending substance, but his hand is instantly caught.

"But then I can't leave my mark." Suzaku grins and then proceeds to stamp a pair of dusky chestnut lips on a pale cheek,  _much_  to Lelouch's dismay.

" _Exactly_ ," he grumbles, hurrying over to his desk for a tissue.

The kissing culprit laughs quietly to himself as he sits down on the couch and begins emptying his bags, "It won't happen again, so don't worry. I just did this time because, well, I  _was_  with Milly. She kind of just pushed me into the offer when we were walking through the cosmetic department."

"Was she too much for you to handle?" he asks, tossing the tissue into the trash bin.

"She was just unapologetic about all of her personal questions." Suzaku pauses, giving Lelouch a direct gaze. "She really wants to know a lot about you. She practically wouldn't talk about anything else. I think she likes you."

Lelouch shakes his head, "Don't try to scare me like that, it isn't nice."

Another wisp of laughter as more clothes are piled onto the table, "I'm serious. You were the only topic on her mind."

Lelouch doesn't know if he should find this more frightening or depressing. The thought of Milly vying for him? He'd rather not venture into that territory.

She's practically like a sister.

One he never wanted or needed, but a sister nonetheless.

"I didn't tell her anything, of course – which wasn't easy."

"I'm proud of you, in any case."

Suzaku nods appreciatively, "I did tell her you were a good kisser, though. That seemed harmless and she was just  _dying_  to know something. If I'd held out completely she might have torn me limb from limb to find her answers."

"I don't doubt it," Lelouch mutters. "But I'm only a 'good' kisser?"

"An  _excellent_  kisser," he says with a grin and sly glance, flattening and folding one noisy paper bag before throwing mystified eyes back at Lelouch. "You know she  _actually_  asked me about the size of your—? Um…" he shyly points down at his own crotch – the fact that Suzaku can't say "penis" is cute.

Lelouch wishes he could say that about Milly surprises him, but it doesn't. It's no wonder she didn't insist so much about Nunnally joining them – Nunnally would've been a nice buffer against  _these kinds_  of questions, not that Lelouch would  _use_  her or that Milly wouldn't be able to get around it.

"Should I even ask what happen then?"

"Oh, don't worry," Suzaku reassures. "She thinks  _largely_  of you in that department."

A wicked smirk takes shape on Lelouch's lips, "At least she got something  _right_  for once."

Suzaku dryly rolls his eyes, dipping his hands into another bag, "Anyway, how did your day with Rivalz go?"

Lelouch stalls a bit, crossing his arms as he leans against his desk and stares at the layers of clothes beginning to cover the polished, wooden surface of the coffee table – the boy might have gotten a bit carried away, buying all of this  _female_  apparel.

"Let's just say I've gotten to know him a little better."

"Oh no?" Suzaku can't keep a wide grin from breaking across his lips. "You don't sound happy about that."

"Rivalz is one sad, strange individual, that's for sure," Lelouch supplies with a shallow sigh, turning to the window behind his bed.

"So you guys didn't do anything or go anywhere?"

"I can't properly enjoy myself when I know Milly is up to no good." He peers out briefly at the dark tint to the late-afternoon sky before tugging the curtain closed.

"…You're not mad about all of this, are you? About them knowing?" Suzaku asks, his timid, mercy-begging voice making the room feel colder than it really is. "I know we haven't really been able to talk about it yet."

Lelouch looks at the sad seahorse sitting stiffly on the couch, his head bowed with big, staring eyes that put every puppy, kitten or various other fuzzy, baby creatures Lelouch has ever seen to shame. With a heavy sigh, he turns his gaze from the idiot he can't live without, willing to accept that there might be some things that just don't change.

"…No."

"Really?" The uncertainty clinging to Suzaku's tone doesn't hold back a shred of suspicion or fear of some heartless bait-and-switch on Lelouch's end and it makes the sable-haired boy glance over his shoulder again with sympathetic half-smile.

"Really."

"You're not mad at all? Not even a little bit?"

All this questioning is kind of insulting, and a little annoying, but Lelouch understands Suzaku's apprehension. Lelouch knows he isn't always the most pleasant person in the world, especially when dealing with personal matters. Despite everything that suggests otherwise, Lelouch isn't mad or upset. He knew the pregnancy announcement would have to be handled at some point soon, or forced upon them whenever Suzaku starts to show – which is a horrifying image if  _only_  for the mind-bending biology of it – because Lelouch knows there isn't a chance in Hell Suzaku would participate in a parade of lies. Even then, making up stories about why Suzaku has a beach-ball stomach wouldn't account for the little bundle once it's born, and those dots are all too easily connectable. Realistically speaking, what happened last night works out for the best in the end. …As long as their friends don't ask too many questions – although  _that_  ship has apparently already sailed…

"Not even a little bit," he confirms again, this time in a huff of wry laughter, gazing at his cautious seahorse with a soft-hearted and somewhat amused smile lightly touching his lips. His head slants to an impish angle and he lifts his hand, beckoning Suzaku with the gentle gesturing of one finger, "Come here."

Suzaku complies with measured steps – apparently still harboring a strong belief that Lelouch will strike him down at any second – and a firm line to his lips, hands held behind his back as if they're cuffed.

Now  _there's_  an interesting thought…

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know," Lelouch softly says, his voice being the cushion underneath Suzaku's skittish steps.

"And I am sorry." The apology was inevitable and the quiet sweep of his words makes him seem smaller when he finally stands in front of Lelouch.

"I know." Lelouch caresses Suzaku's temple with the tips of his fingers, his touch as feathery as his voice as it weeds into the earthy curls, forcing the wig to fall to the floor, and leans in to press his lips against—

"It's just, for a second, I thought they really knew…"

"I know," Lelouch nods, sliding his other hand around Suzaku's hip, leaning in again—

"I realized my mistake the second I said it, but didn't know how to fix it."

Lelouch waits for further interruptions but when silence is all he hears, he leans in again—

"And then it was too late to even try."

Lelouch takes a breath, "I know," mutters quickly, and tries to—

"I just wasn't thinking and did something stupid."

—plant a kiss before Suzaku speaks again.

…Suzaku can't be this thick-headed.

"Do you want to know how you can make it up to me?"

"How?" he's too relieved at the opportunity to right his wrong, as if it will cleanse the world of all its impurities.

"Shut up and let me kiss you," Lelouch orders flatly, the tenderness of his disposition blistered dry by the constant blowing of hot air from Suzaku's mouth.

The sheepish grin to muddle over Suzaku's lips is also inevitable, "Sorry."

Lelouch chides the boy with a lighthearted,  _wordless_ , shake of his head and taps his lips, a smile growing as Suzaku concedes with a simper. Of course, Lelouch doesn't leave it at a simple exchange, and he suspects that Suzaku expected as much because his lips easily part. The taste of lipstick is thick on Suzaku's mouth, but Lelouch isn't going to let some aesthetic annoyance keep him from savoring the soft slip of their pressing lips. He takes advantage of the apologetic atmosphere – not that it's particularly difficult – to sink his thoughts down Suzaku's throat with his hand clutching firmly to brown hair and let the kiss linger on slow, sensual seconds.

Lelouch is grinning provocatively through smeared lipstick once they part, sliding his arms in a tight, secure circle around Suzaku.

"You should apologize like  _that_  from now on."

" _That_  can be done." The younger boy smiles back, palms spreading on Lelouch's chest as his body is brought to a flushed embrace. "Although, I have to say, you keep surprising me."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." There's a hint of a smirk creeping in the upturned corners of Suzaku's mouth as he stretches his arms over Lelouch's shoulders. "Here I've been thinking you'd lose it over Nunnally and this thing with the student council, but you haven't."

"Of course," Lelouch replies with an authentic air of arrogance, letting his own arms fall to the Japanese' hips. "I'm not some raving lunatic."

"Of course." Green eyes glimmer briefly like the flash of a camera, but Lelouch's eyes still capture the condescension and he is quick to seal Suzaku's lips with another kiss before more words spoil the moment. This one is deeper than the last but just as patient with more tongue and less air, leaving them lost in each other's arms as everything but their contact wades from their minds.

Suzaku's seeking hands sweep around the smooth skin of an alabaster neck, anchoring his fingers in straight, sable hair as the hands on his lower back flatten and pull to connect their teenage hips like magnets. Feeling the heat of the moment slide from their mouths to his crotch, Lelouch nudges his pelvis forward just a tad, to test the waters, and at the avid reaction of a throaty moan and body twitch from Suzaku, Lelouch decides the water's fine. He brashly slips his palms down, open hands happily grabbing the firm, ample cheeks of Suzaku's bottom with equally delighted squeezes, much to the brunet's startled surprise, earning himself a rasp of his name against his lips.

"I think we should move all these apologies to the bed," Lelouch deviously purrs, his voice deep enough to visibly rumble through Suzaku's body. "So you're more comfortable."

Victory over Suzaku's reluctance is already blooming on his cheeks in wisps of pink and by the shy smile under his shifting eyes.

"…We really shouldn't," he quietly says, the timid whisper of his breath feeling like a formality against his waiting body in Lelouch's arms.

Lelouch hasn't forgotten the concern of Nunnally, but she's still in the library with Alice, so it's safe enough for their promiscuity.

"It'll be fine," he confidently insists with a forward step between Suzaku's legs and a graze of lips.

"Such a naughty daddy!" Suzaku smiles widely, showing his teeth in a light patter of  _giggles,_  and hugs his princely partner closely by the neck as they hobble to the bed.

Lelouch is  _positive_  he told Suzaku to not call him that.

He doesn't really even understand how that title is supposed to be sexy, if that is in fact the desired effect.

Still, if it gets Suzaku's motor running…

"But mamma  _likes_  it when I'm naughty." Another tremor of Lelouch's low, seductive voice coils around Suzaku's spine, making the boy bend backwards and fall to the bed underneath the Britannian who begins kissing him deeply once more.

_Fully_  intending to carry this mood as far as it will go, using his tongue to encourage Suzaku to do the same with his hips placed firmly between Suzaku's legs. A whispery moan seeps from Suzaku's mouth, apparently needing little motivation to embrace the moment as he curls a leg around Lelouch's body with a heel zealously pressing down. Lelouch rubs his hips against the pair beneath him at their indulgent insistence, gratified at the twitch that sparks between them and grinds against Suzaku's crotch growing just like Lelouch's. This mutual enthusiasm is already catching their breath in heady air, trapping and suffocating any escaping thoughts that might steal their attention or create distractions. Only for a brief second do Lelouch's ears flinch at a faint sound he thinks he hears, but he passes it off as his imagination and refocuses on Suzaku's wiggling tongue—

"… _can't hear…_ "

"… _No—!_ Wait—!"

The abrupt hiss of Lelouch's bedroom door spills a tumble of bodies into the room, limbs and groans of pain mingling on the wooden floor near the foot of Lelouch's bed, effectively smashing the sexy mood and concentration to bits.

Millions and millions of bits.

The whole student council gang is here (minus Nina, of course), a tangle of apologies on their lips and embarrassed blushes on their cheeks – both of which Lelouch would rather have from  _Suzaku_  right now, as was the plan. Milly is the only one unashamed of their spying even though she's the one who fell under the weight of their snooping and ruined things for everyone.

Too surprised, and yet also not surprised, all Lelouch can really seem to do is look down at a wide-eyed Suzaku with a wry smile, "And you thought I'd be mad."

•-

-•

Normally, seeing Suzaku shirtless upon walking into the bedroom would be a pleasant surprise worth entertaining dirty thoughts, but today, as Lelouch strides through the doors, he finds only a big question mark weighing on his mind. Perhaps Lelouch wouldn't find the scene of a half-naked Suzaku observing himself in front of the full-length mirror strange if not for the critical tilt to his head and groping hands on his chest – it's the hands, definitely, that worry Lelouch. Despite resting on a flat surface, they're cupping and rubbing as the soldier stares at himself sideways.

Lead by insatiable curiosity and an arced eyebrow, Lelouch joins Suzaku at the mirror, searching for meaning in the reflection.

"What are you doing?" he can't help but ask, now more disturbed by those groping hands than he is perplexed.

"It's…" Suzaku's voice falls away into his arching back, shoulders pulling tight and dropping loose as his palms slowly move in small circles. "I think I'm growing breasts."

Lelouch nearly falls over himself.

He is somewhat grateful he waited to take a swig of his coffee for now he is at least spared the indignity of violently choking or spewing it from his mouth in messy surprise – maybe he is  _finally_  learning something after all this time spent with this big-mouthed idiot. Instead, he is openly gawking, not really sure where to begin making sense of the chest in question or if he even should.

"…What?"

"I think I'm growing breasts," Suzaku repeats as if Lelouch had asked him to, head turning and torso twisting for inspection through another angle. "What do you think?"

What does Lelouch think?

Is that a  _serious_  question?

"Why do you think that?" Lelouch is using his non-judgmental voice here.

" _What do you mean_  why do I think that?" Suzaku unexpectedly barks with annoyance in his eyebrows. "Can't you  _see_  them!"

Lelouch can't see something that isn't there.

Rather, he can't see something that exists only in Suzaku's imagination.

However, Lelouch doesn't like the untamed tone already beginning to foam from Suzaku's mouth, so he honestly reconsiders how he views what is (or isn't) presented to him in a silent, studying pause… but it's no use. Even with the comparative gestures of his squeezing fingers, Suzaku's chest is as flat as this moment is ridiculous.

"I'm sorry, I don't see anything," Lelouch confesses gently with a slow, careful shake of his head.

Suzaku practically stomps his foot, "Then you're not looking hard enough, because I can  _feel_  them! All jiggly…"

_Jiggly?_

"If you're this concerned we can ask the doctor about it on our next visit," he casually offers for the sake of appeasement, leaving not Suzaku but the mirror full of awkward shifting and pinching in favor of his desk – that being his original destination.

"No, I'd rather not have her feel me up again unless it's  _absolutely_  necessary." Suzaku visibly shudders under the memory of touch. "Can't you just feel for yourself and tell me what you think?"

That question begging for help freezes Lelouch where he stands, hand on the back of his desk chair, and drags his eyes back to Suzaku, at the way those green eyes stare at him as if Lelouch is a source of comfort.

_Damn it all…_

Lelouch was hoping to avoid getting roped into Suzaku's… whatever this  _thing_  he's having right now is, but they're  _partners_  and  _partners_  don't abandon each other regardless of whatever has befallen them. It isn't that Lelouch  _doesn't_  want to help Suzaku, he just isn't so sure he'll say what his  _lover_  wants to hear, and that will cause them both a lot of unwanted stress which he was  _also_  hoping to avoid.

Lelouch sets his coffee down on the desk with a repressed sigh, mentally telling himself to just accept this situation and not provoke his pregnant seahorse no matter how unreasonable he might become. He's just not awake or willing enough to fight about whether or not Suzaku has breasts.

Having prepared himself for this as much as he can, he pads over to Suzaku in patient strides rather than patronizing clomps, and awkwardly lifts his hands into the air once standing in front of the mirror again.

"Just…" Suzaku turns his back to Lelouch, pulling the older boy's hands up to his chest and tentatively presses them right over the possible  _bosoms_.

Lelouch is staring at their reflection, at his hands, and briefly wonders what he'll do if he  _does_  in fact feel that his little seahorse is becoming  _busty_.

All he can do is  _squeeze_ …

Rub.

Grope.

Fondle.

Grope.

Rub.

…and squeeze until the conclusion that Suzaku does  _not_  have breasts during at least  _this_  moment is proven.

"No, I don't feel anything." Lelouch shakes his head, hands still clutching to the idea on Suzaku's chest.

"Are you sure?" Suzaku almost sounds disappointed. "It's not extra… flabby to you?"

"No. It feels the same to me." Not that Lelouch makes it a habit to feel-up the boy's pectorals – ok, well, not like  _this_. He slides his hands down to narrow hips, "I think you're just imaging it."

"…I guess you're right," he murmurs, skimming his fingertips over his chest.

Lelouch kisses the side of his head,  _silly boy_ —

"Too bad," Suzaku says. "I was starting to look forward to the idea of breastfeeding…  _Ow!_  Lelouch? Your fingernails are  _hurting_  me!"

Oh, sorry.

Was Lelouch unconsciously imbedding his nails into Suzaku's skin at this disturbing leak of information?

"You can't be serious." Lelouch ignores Suzaku's pain with furrowing eyebrows and a dark tone, unclenching his fists. " _Breastfeeding?_ "

"What?" Suzaku's face is wrinkling right back, his voice taking on a defensive quiver. "It was just a thought."

"Let's  _leave_  it that way," Lelouch mumbles slightly, walking back to his desk and taking a sobering sip of coffee.

"Why do you say that?"

" _Because_ , Suzaku."

"Because I'm not a woman?" Suzaku slaps his hands to his hips.

"Yes!" Lelouch plops down in his chair and turns on his laptop. "You can't tell me that idea isn't strange or even a  _little_  disturbing to you."

Suzaku doesn't answer, his eyes following a thought in his head.

"That's what I thought."

"You're wrong!" Suzaku argues.

"Suzaku—" Lelouch tiredly starts.

" _No!_ " he loudly defies. "Why else would I be growing them? That's technically what they're there for. And I've read that men can lactate, too, so why wouldn't I be able to do it?"

That's quite possibly the most horrifying question Lelouch has ever heard Suzaku ask.

This is officially too absurd of a conversation to be having.

"Listen, just because your body might be reacting to the pregnancy the way it would for a woman doesn't mean that it would be  _preparing_  the way a woman's would by having the proper nourishment to sustain the baby." Lelouch taps a little too aggressively on his keyboard. "Yes, men can lactate, but that doesn't mean they can breastfeed. That's like saying a man who builds birdhouses also knows how to build houses for humans. It's two different situations."

"…That doesn't mean they  _don't know_ , either" Suzaku stubbornly grumbles in a pout.

"Besides," Lelouch ignores him, again, "you become aroused when your nipples are stimulated. That won't work out well for you in the end."

" _You—!_ "

Lelouch laughs at the flustered outburst he caused, nabbing the chance to steer the conversation in a  _different_  direction.

"Where is this even coming from, anyway?"

Suzaku sighs, "I don't know… When I was with the girls, I just… found myself thinking a lot of things."

"Maybe you spent too much time with them. Their estrogen must have gotten to you."

Light snickers pop from Suzaku's mouth at the silliness of it all, "Maybe you're right."

A self-satisfied grin shines from within Lelouch – damn  _straight_  he's right.

"All you need to worry about right now is taking good care of the small fry while it's inside you. That's a far better use for your time."

Suzaku hums a dejected sound, making Lelouch look over at the boy who slides his hands down his stomach while looking at himself sideways in the mirror.

"…I worry about that, too."

"What do you mean?"

Perhaps a better question would be: why does he sound so sad?

"You see how flat my stomach is."

It's as flat as his  _chest_.

"And?"

Greens eyes fling at Lelouch, "How many months am I into this pregnancy? I should've started showing by now, but I haven't. It worries me. What if there's something wrong?"

"The doctor has said and continues to say that everything looks fine. I'm sure we're conducting over a very strong safety net."

As strong as can be, at least…

"But what if it's a problem they can't detect or some new side effect they can't see? Male pregnancy isn't an everyday occurrence."

"Well…" Lelouch won't admit it, but he's at a loss for words, particularly because the seahorse is so down and so right. As far as  _anyone_  knows, a male pregnancy has never been recorded outside of fiction, and they don't know what will happen. To have Suzaku mention that he thinks about the fatal possibilities threatening their baby is unsettling on its own. "It  _is_  a small fry, right? Maybe we're just having a small baby – that happens sometimes."

A noncommittal sound seeps from Suzaku's lips, his eyes turned to his disappointing reflection.

"Sometimes babies a bigger, too. For your sake, you should probably hope it is a small one. A hefty baby might kill you."

The corners of Suzaku's lips lift faintly, and he looks at Lelouch with weak amusement – showing his appreciation for the attempt at comic relief.

"Don't worry so much, that's my job," Lelouch commands softy through a smile as he turns his attention back to his laptop, opening an undoubtedly annoying and pointless e-mail from Milly. "And it's like I said before; not everyone's body is the same. It'll probably take a little more time before you start showing."

His fingers tick across keys for only a few seconds when he is suddenly encased in a loving embrace, strong arms linked around his shoulders and a tickle of hair on his neck, causing him to fall still. Strokes of hot breaths slide over Lelouch's skin in more beats of wordless time, Suzaku's scent filling his nostrils and encompassing his brain with warm, fuzzy contentment.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Suzaku says, his affectionate delivery muffled by Lelouch's shoulder.

Lelouch smiles, a soft glow on his face like a lit candle, and touches Suzaku's arm with his hand.

"Die, probably."

"You're the best daddy in the whole world."

"I thought I was a naughty daddy."

"You are." Suzaku turns his head so his nose is pointing at Lelouch. "But you were right: I like that part of daddy, too."

Lelouch's eyebrow twitches, but it's an intrigued quirk rather than an annoyed reflex, and he stares at the kiss glittering in emerald eyes that's clearly calling him. Not one to pass on such an offer, Lelouch sweetly and tenderly presses his lips to Suzaku's, feeling the other boy happily mirror the movement.

The imposing idea of budding bosoms has been successfully squashed.

•-•

Seated side by side on the couch in Lelouch's room that evening, the teenage parents-to-be stare at the laptop screen, readying themselves for the childbirth video found on the website of their clinic. They're both unsure if they're really ready to see what this video holds but also sure that they should be prepared (not just because the thoughts of Suzaku's mind are truly worrying), and unquestioningly curious about the truth. Lelouch has heard the horror stories and the glory tales, but can't say he knows what the experience really entails – perhaps if he hadn't skipped his health class so much he'd be more knowledgeable, and Suzaku's been playing soldier boy so he's just as clueless.

Lelouch inhales a brave breath, "Ready?"

Suzaku wordlessly nods.

The click from the mouse has never sounded so deafening to Lelouch's ears.

The laptop glows softly on their faces which quickly contort when the video – watching this in full screen was  _definitely_  a bad idea – cuts right to the chase. Lelouch can feel himself frowning deeply, cringing at the clear angle and anguishing sounds emitting from the woman whose face they can't see. He glances at Suzaku to see those evergreen eyes expanding beyond their natural limits and his ears turning red like a mercury thermometer during the height of summer, in the desert.

Neither of them was prepared for this, and that's a  _grievous_  understatement.

It even feels morally reprehensible because they are in a gay relationship and under the legal age to be taking part in anything to do with this subject. If Suzaku wasn't pregnant, they'd really have no right to watch this video – not that they'd be dying to if he wasn't…

" _Uuhh!_ " the woman groans in distress – a person should  _never_  groan like that.

"…So  _that's_  what it looks like," Suzaku says, his voice empty and distance like his purity was just stolen from him.

As much as Lelouch would like to admonish Suzaku for making such a blunt remark, he only said what they were  _both_  thinking… and it  _did_  break the tension crackling from the video, if only a little.

It is an image Lelouch is certain he'll never forget.

" _Aahh~!_ "

For better or for worse.

"I don't think it always looks quite like this," Lelouch mutters sourly as the woman's screams of pain intensify, siphoning a harsh, acidic taste into his mouth from his stomach.

" _Push, push, honey! You're almost there! I can see the head!"_

"No…" Suzaku's voice is almost completely smothered by the video.

" _Guh! Guhaaaaaaaaaaaaa~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

•-•

The boys are scrambling into the bathroom in a race against their stomachs; Suzaku being much faster to the toilet than Lelouch, flipping the lid and dry-heaving into the bowl as if he's trying to cough up the memory of what he just saw. Lelouch stands at the sink, palms on the icy surface as he stares down into the drain, his throat flexing and clamping the volatile feeling of vomit just teetering on the verge of tongue.

…There are some things that just aren't meant for mortal eyes.

" _Please_  tell me I don't have to do  _that_ ," Suzaku begs with hefty huffs, eyes wide open with the  _truth_.

Lelouch is still swallowing in an effort to keep his lunch, and his  _stomach_ , from lurching up his esophagus,  _completely_  against making any promises to Suzaku at this point. He'd like nothing more than to reassure Suzaku – and himself – that it isn't possible for a male to give birth that way, but a male  _shouldn't_  even be pregnant in the first place. They're treading new lands, and Lelouch doesn't have enough facts to declare anything safe just yet anymore.

"I just want to know what kind of sick people call childbirth  _beautiful_ ," Lelouch mutters into the sink, rubbing the nausea away with the shock of cold water. "Or what sick things a person would have to see first to even  _call_  it beautiful."

"I think people think the  _idea_  of childbirth is beautiful when they say that." – is all Suzaku can seem to offer in a tired toss of words as he slumps before the  _Porcelain God_.

Lelouch's lips curl at the imagery of that video as if he smells rancid garbage, "I hope you're right."

•-

-•

Homeroom might just be another time for napping to Lelouch, but not Suzaku. While the older boy snoozes his free period away, face buried in his folded arms on the table, Suzaku sits next to him with a straight back and an open history book in front of him to do his assignment… Trying to, at least. His paper is still blank, aside from his name, while his mind chases thoughts that lead him farther and farther away from the point of his pencil. Suzaku hasn't found it completely impossible to focus in every case, but school work and class lectures are a different story. Although he's never thought of himself as the student type, he's been doing pretty well since enrolled at Ashford, only now with the pregnancy hatching in his mind is he facing a constant daze. Doing his work would actually be fine, if he could remember a single word any of his teachers have said…

Normally turning to Lelouch would solve Suzaku's problems, but he doesn't want to bother the boy who struggles to sleep at night so he's just staring helplessly down at his paper when a shadow slides over its empty surface – a silhouette he can instantly recognize.

"What's up, Suzaku," Rivalz greets, dragging an empty chair to sit backwards in it across from the honorary Britannian, "Doin' homework?"

"Trying to," he bashfully mumbles. "I can't seem to concentrate."

Rivalz waves off Suzaku's troubles, smiling breezily, "Just get Lelouch to do it for you later. He's never done it for me, but I'm sure he'd do it for  _you_."

Suzaku smiles faintly as Rivalz warmly laughs, but the twist on his lips is more sneering than it is humored.

He already knows  _what_  Lelouch would expect in return for such a favor.

Because Lelouch's  _charity_  has its limits.

"So… I was just curious about something," Rivalz's lowers his voice, his face shaping to match his sober words.

Suzaku's head tilts, "What?"

That blue mop of hair sinks to dock a chin on his over-lapping arms, his shoulders raised and eyes intensely focused on what he makes seem like a top-secret conversation.

"What was it like, being one of  _them?_ "

"Them?"

"You know, when you were with the girls. What was it like?"

In itself, coming from Rivalz, that's not an odd question, just a little unexpected in timing. After the  _event_  on Saturday, Lelouch didn't really give off the appeal of wanting to know more than he needed to about what went on at the mall, either because he simply didn't  _want_  to know or he didn't care to know  _all_  the details, Suzaku can't say. He didn't feel particularly obligated to share more than he needed to, either, because the whole day was repetitive of Milly's harassment.

"Oh, well… different, but not very different from just being around them any other time. I think it was just the context that was strange? I don't think they're different because they're girls." Different for other reasons, maybe, but everybody is quirky in some way.

"Huh…" Rivalz sounds disappointed. "They didn't act different around you?"

Suzaku shakes his head with a faint shrug, "No. They were the same."

Milly might have been more aggressive, and cared only about Lelouch, but  _Rivalz_  doesn't need to know that.

"Did you get to see them in their underwear?" Rivalz asks a bit too excitedly and a bit too loudly, painting a blush across Suzaku's cheeks and pulling some unwanted eyes onto them. "Cuz I've heard that girls are really open with their, erm,"—he glances around briefly to make sure no one is listening, anymore—" _special_  guy friends. They'll, like, change in front of you, or even  _more_  than that!"

"Don't be stupid, Rivalz." –comes the muffled scorn of Lelouch who doesn't bother to lift his head.

Guess he's not  _really_  sleeping.

Rivalz brushes off Lelouch's derision with a brittle straighten of his spine, "Whatever. It's just what I've heard. But, did you get to see anything? I mean, I know you probably don't care about  _that_  sort of thing. But, the president? Even you'd have to admit that she's got a nice figure – did you get to see it  _up close_  and  _personal_ , hah? All of them look good, you know, but Milly is more  _mature_ ,  _if_   _you know what I mean_."

This part of Rivalz is actually kind of funny.

Creepy, but funny.

And, no, Suzaku doesn't know what he means.

"Sorry." Suzaku simpers. "That didn't happen."

"Figured not." Rivalz slumps back down against his arms. "But… are you sure they're  _really_  like us? Because it doesn't always seem that way."

"Yeah," Suzaku says with an ironic half-smile at the reflective thoughts of how carnivorously Milly wanted to know about Lelouch just like Rivalz wanted to about Milly. "I think just their  _parts_  are different."


	8. One Foot in the Nest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **I’m finally back** (with a different penname) **and of course on Lelouch’s 18th birthday!** :D ♥♥♥
> 
>  **I feel so incredibly guilty** about the way this fic was just abandoned. That was never my intention (and I was kind of in denial about it being abandoned) nor did I intend for this story to be left incomplete forever. So, now I’m resuming updates and finishing this story properly because an ending is _deserved_ to both it and its readers. The ending is happening a little sooner than planned but I AM still using the same ideas for the ending. (This story will be completed at 11 chapters.)
> 
> I also did some minor editing of the previous chapters before posting this one.
> 
> I really CANNOT apologize enough to readers I left hanging. I hope these last few chapters will be sufficient – for old and new readers alike. *sobs*

" _The wisest of men is a fool when love is concerned." –Lord Conrad Weller_ from _Kyo Kara Maoh!_

•-•-•-•-•-•-•-8

Ambiguous 

One Foot in the Nest

Suzaku softly moans.

His back gently arches above the plush, plump snowy beddings of the hotel bed under him as Lelouch's hips ease close between his bent legs, against his cushioned backside that lifts him more comfortably as he's carefully entered. His arms are tense and straight, spread at his sides with hands fisting mounds of the blanket as his chest curves in the warm glow from a dimly lit bedside lamp. It traces his somewhat rounded stomach and stiff nipples, but doesn't quite coat the rest of the posh, pale-toned furniture sharing their room.

"Is it all right? Any discomfort?" Lelouch quietly asks as he skims his palms up then down from Suzaku's waist until he's holding a raised pair of hips.

Suzaku fondly smiles with heated cheeks. "Yeah. It's good." He reaches and holds Lelouch's jaw when the older boy lowers to link their lips.

Their kiss is slow and loose, lips sifting like sand until Lelouch shifts his hips against the boy connected to them, easing a contented moan to sail from soldier's throat. Lelouch lets the sound ooze into the air as he turns his attention to kissing the brunet's neck whose face falls to the side, baring his flesh for supple lips and a tender tongue. The former prince mouths down a warm, tan neck and into the curve of a shoulder when he's tempted by the tense nipples on Suzaku's rising chest. He presses a light kiss on Suzaku's flat pectoral and then the tight nub, making the gent under him breathily moan and weave fingers into his feather-soft raven hair. A royal tongue spills from parted lips and carefully blankets the dusky pink point, nudging the tightening bud with its wet tip before lips close and tamely begin sucking. Lelouch listens to the wet sound of his mouth on the Honorary Britannian's chest underneath a current of airy mewls and words that try to be Japanese dissolve down Suzaku's throat. He pays equal attention to Suzaku's other nipple, earning a roll of hips against him with the tight compression of brawny thighs and a deep squeeze in their connection.

And then the husky beckon of his name.

Lelouch lifts to gaze at Suzaku, at those swimming green eyes, and kisses the struggling native words trapped in his mouth. He delicately pulls his hips back and then pushes forward in testing movements that coax a coasting croon from Suzaku's nose, encouraging him to deepen his range. Suzaku's head tilts back as his body is lapped into the gentle shores of flourishing pleasure, a slow-burning passion chasing the pulse of their blood. Everything about them is measured, savoring. Pleasure rolling out in their breathing like the swaying of the ocean with Suzaku's quieted cries calmly pulling Lelouch in farther, faster. He is careful to not place pressure on the seahorse's stomach as the mild rhythm he began with fades from his hips, sinking into Suzaku's hot body like every time before. Falling into a lust that eats at his mind and body until there's nothing but their pumping, pulsing heat.

Lelouch absolutely loves the way Suzaku clings to him, the connection, the charging of their bodies.

All wet skin and air.

No complications, no lies.

Lelouch watches the movement inside Suzaku's body affect him; he's always been enamored—no, enthralled in the way he can make Suzaku's body move – but not like a puppet, rather, like he cut the puppet's strings. Lelouch watches Suzaku's cheeks tint more darkly and his slivered eyes glaze as he listens to that Japanese voice squeak against his moving hips, feeling Suzaku's entire being – not just his body, but his heart and his head – desperately, greedily grip around him. Pull him ever closer. To be inside Suzaku and have the ability to create this ecstasy is an  _empowered_  feeling that Lelouch does, admittedly, let go to his head, but it's not just pride. It's not the same as toppling pieces on the battlefield or the commanding swoop of his absolute Geass.

It is different.

It is… pure.

Suzaku's body, surely, has no rival and Lelouch honestly enjoys making his best friend cry in rapture – more so than bringing himself to that same brink.

But when they fall, it's always together.

Suzaku's wings might unfurl first but Lelouch is on his tail. A stab of Suzaku's voice cracks the isolated air around them before a hand can stuff it back down – mindful of neighbors. Lelouch doesn't allow a hand to stifle, however, and tangles their fingers together in the rumpled blankets, welcoming the flutter of Suzaku's voice into his ear; it pushes darkness from his eyes as his body rows them faster—

Deeper—

 _Closer_  towards that thrashing edge—

And it all fades with Suzaku's sinking crows of pleasure…

•-•

"How did we get here?" Suzaku thoughtfully asks, nestled at Lelouch's side under the hills of blankets with his head resting on a pale shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Lelouch holds the hand resting over his beating heart.

"It feels like so long ago, doesn't it? When you and Nunnally climbed all those stairs to the shrine—"

"You mean when you punched me in the face."

Suzaku flinches with a simper. "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"Maybe if you were sorry."

"I'm sure that I apologized." Suzaku wryly grins up at the resentful royal.

"I think I'd remember that," Lelouch haughtily maintains.

Suzaku  _did_  apologize.

7 years ago.

But he could always stand to be more apologetic about it.

Without even a hint of rolled eyes, Suzaku cradles Lelouch's head with one hand and tenderly kisses the cheek he so wrongly hit almost ten years ago.

"I am so very sorry for punching your very perfect face."

"…Actually, it was the  _other_  cheek."

Suzaku good-naturedly laughs, his simper widening into amusement as he proceeds to kiss the "other" cheek in the same fashion.

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Lelouch's mouth quirks – and for just a brief moment, he sees the ethereal shadow of Suzaku's guilt hanging on his words.

(As well as the mask and cape hanging from his own…)

"I forgive you."

Suzaku holds his warm smile as he leans down to softly and fully kiss Lelouch's prideful lips.

They're just at three months since the seahorse first burst the rebel leader's world unlike anything else had. In more measured terms, Suzaku is nearing four months of pregnancy and his belly is finally rising. Not overmuch, but enough to soothe some stress.

Four small months.

Four big months.

Eight whole weeks.

Roughly one-hundred-twenty days…

It seems they've made it all the way to the cold month of December, Lelouch's birthday, and this hotel weekend was a gift from Suzaku. Their club  _gaggle_  did throw a rather unwanted shindig for Lelouch – he's not one for parties, especially Milly's parties, but it was surprisingly low-key despite him becoming a legal adult which is typically a big deal to many teens. (Never mind that Lelouch "grew up" the day he was kicked out of the only home he'd ever known and across the globe.) Fortunately, it wasn't all that difficult to sneak away with Suzaku who unwittingly prepared their getaway.

Where they could be alone.

Away from the world.

Away from their tactless friends.

Away from fearing about Nunnally over-hearing them in bed…

The two boys had been restricting their love-making to the bathroom – namely, showers – because that's where Suzaku is more comfortable. It's often later in the evening after Nunnally is tucked into bed and as such away from her bedroom. While in itself not unpleasant, the shower is always slippery and steamy and sweltering, but this bed is open and secure and Lelouch doesn't have to stare at the back of Suzaku's head. (Aside from that one time he got Suzaku bent of the sink in front of the mirror.) Even if he does adore the mesmerizing flexing of Suzaku's muscular back… and the way his flesh is absorbed into Suzaku's body.

Lelouch has to admit, Suzaku has given him something he—they needed. Lelouch hasn't felt this at ease since… he could smell the flowers in his mother's garden. Or see Nunnally's big lilac eyes.

It's a fleeting slice of heaven, Lelouch knows, even  _frivolous_ , but maybe an escape is just something he needed yet would never give himself. There's  _always_  something to be done. These months with Suzaku as expecting parents have been admittedly stressful—piling on top of his already crowded shoulders as he walked the tightrope of rebellion, determined to  _never_  fall.

"I've been curious about something," Suzaku says, spooning against Lelouch on his stomach, anchoring his elbow on the other side of the black-haired lad's body. "When you were a child, did you ever want to be anything when you grew up? I-I mean, when you were in Britannia… did you think about it?"

Other than being forced to decide if he'd be Nunnally's or Euphemia's groom?

"I was…" Lelouch isn't quite sure what word he's looking for here, "…naïve then, I didn't see the world that way." Truthfully, Lelouch's concerns weren't so different as they are now: Nunnally.

"Do you miss that?"

"It was a lie," Lelouch impassively says – emptier than Britannia is far. "What I have now isn't a fairy tale, but it's real."

Zero might be a shroud of lies but he's felt more honest behind Zero's mask than he ever did behind the one of "Lamperouge." As  _vi Britannia_  Lelouch wasn't allowed to forget that his blood wasn't pure, even if he did—does?—have happy memories of that time. Lelouch isn't some hot-house orchid but looking back, yes, there were things his ten year-old-brain couldn't conceive.

His father not loving him was one of them.

"…You don't think something like that—that kind of happiness could ever be a reality? Honest?"

Lelouch's hand skating over Suzaku's side is his answer, caressing a scar in a way that makes the soldier visibly shift as if in unconscious discomfort. Or trying to hide his obvious discomfort. He traces the ghost weighing Suzaku's eyes with the fingertips of his hand and lifts his head up for a kiss that efficiently silences all these unwanted questions. The younger boy yields with a pleased sound wisping through his nose as he leans fully into his friend's bedeviling mouth, but when Lelouch moves as if to flip them over—

"Wait," Suzaku gently insists, tossing his leg over to straddle Lelouch. "It's your birthday. Let me treat you for once."

Lelouch hums, intrigued. "Treat me how?"

"I don't know." Suzaku pulls on a feisty expression but it doesn't quite fit, hanging a little loosely on his body – although apparently actually accepting the subject drop. "What do you want?"

A dead Britannian Emperor.

"I wonder…" Lelouch slyly answers, sliding his fingertips up along the outline of Suzaku's waist, grinning at the reflexive way a body shifts into his touch. "You might want to be careful now, you know. Technically you are underage and we could get into a lot of trouble if we're caught together like this." It will still be a half year before Suzaku is "legal" (although the "shame" of being with an "eleven" would probably be more damaging to most others.)

"I won't tell anyone if you don't," Suzaku impishly grins back, leaning down to kiss his 18 year-old beau. "But, actually, I  _do_  have another little surprise for you," he suggestively says against Lelouch's lips.

"That so…?" Lelouch asks in a similar manner.

•-•

A sexy nurse exits the bathroom.

A small, paper pillbox hat with a red plus on the front crowns Suzaku's brown mane as he walks towards the bed in a white nurses' pencil dress slinked around his body. It's tighter around his lower half than his upper half that has a plunging v-neck that was apparently tailored for somebody  _more busty_  – or at least somebody  _with_  a bust. The skirt is also quite short, above mid-thigh, but it does fit rather nicely around Suzaku's  _shapely_  behind and doing little to conceal the bulge of his front.

"Well?" Suzaku asks as he walks up to the bed in a slow spin, sliding his hands down his sides. "What do you think?"

It's certainly not the  _regulation_  kind of uniform.

"I am… surprised."

No, really.

Lelouch is astonished.

Suzaku simpers a bit bitterly, "Did you forget?"

"I didn't." Lelouch smirks. "Halloween, costume shop." But he wasn't  _serious_  when he mentioned it then and really didn't think Suzaku would  _purchase_  such a thing – although maybe Lelouch should know better, by now. And to think he's been holding onto it this entire time…?

"Do you like it?"

"…It looks good on you," Lelouch casually says, smoothing his palms around Suzaku's waist to pull the boy closer to the edge of the bed where he sits with bundled legs.

"But?" Suzaku asks, hearing the noticeable pause on Lelouch's end.

"I appreciate your effort, but, I wasn't being serious." Actually, the fact that Suzaku would even do this for Lelouch is what makes it sexy. "This isn't some interest I have." That is to say it's not his  _kink_  and he doesn't want Suzaku to overly invest in it.

Suzaku stares a moment, thoughtful. "What about Suzie?"

"Even Suzie."

Suzaku gives him a skeptical look and Lelouch lightly laughs.

"You do look good in skirts and dresses, and their  _easy access_  is very appealing, and they  _are_  easier to strip off you," Lelouch says knowing there's honesty in his words, slowly spreading his low voice like warm butter up the inside of Suzaku's bare thigh with his palm, while his other hand smoothes around a round rump towards the hem of the rather thin dress—

And Suzaku faintly gasps in surprise when the tight fabric is yanked up to full expose the firm flesh of his bare backside, and front – so he didn't bother with underwear. If not already past the date, Suzaku definitely  _can't_  return the outfit after this. Steel hands grip Lelouch's shoulders and he smiles against the squirm of skin on Suzaku's chest as his hands massage up between thighs and over one plump cheek.

"Because I really like you best when you're wearing nothing but my name on your lips," Lelouch fiendishly murmurs hotly against skin he sucks, listening to the sharp breaths from the other boy above his head.

Even better is the honest sculpting of pleasure on Suzaku's face, when Lelouch is  _wearing Suzaku_.

"Lelouch, you're surprisingly… sexual," Suzaku mutters as he shivers in Lelouch's attentive hands.

The older teen has to look up at that, "What's that supposed to mean?"  _You say that like it's a bad thing_.

"Just," and the flushed brunet smirks of something  _wry_ , "you know how you are…"

Is that really an answer?

Or is that just an insult?

Regardless, Lelouch understands what he means…

"I wasn't before you, that's true." Lelouch's mouth is adorned with a soft smile while he uses both hands to massage the ample mounds of Suzaku's rear.

The pilot quivers delightedly as he leans closer to the older boy.

"I'm honored that I bring that out in you," the seahorse breathes with an unexpected, affectionate shape on Suzaku's lips, hands slinking up Lelouch's neck. "And that I'm the only one who gets to see it."

The former prince proudly quirks his lips, "You  _should_  feel honored."

Lelouch doesn't fully understand it himself, other than that Suzaku is just…  _special_  – not just for a boy, but as another human being. He doesn't think he'd feel differently if Suzaku was a female (at least then this pregnancy would make  _sense_.) A romantic cliché, maybe, but Suzaku is the only person Lelouch feels he can  _really trust_. And maybe that's… really all there is to it.

(Even if Lelouch still keeps secrets, because that's just in his nature.

Zero shouldn't—)

Suzaku is grinning as he's pulled flush against the boy that instantly plants kisses over his chest while squeezing hands grope his bubbly buttocks. A growing hardness rubs Lelouch's stomach as his lips speckle close to one nipple and he gently pecks on a stiff nub, softly grazing his pursing lips until Suzaku slightly wriggles.

"Any discomfort here?" Lelouch asks with a checking glance at answering greens.

Suzaku has become more sensitive here lately; his nipples as well as his  _breasts_  – which, while still  _very flat_ , have softened and are sometimes tender. Sore nipples can make even just wearing a shirt unbearable, so Lelouch doesn't want to over-stimulate…

"No," Suzaku murmurs, fingers scrunching in a nape of midnight hair. "It's good."

Lelouch kisses the rosy nipple again and leans over the brunet when he lies back in the fluff of hotel linens again, legs dangling over the side. The Britannian takes the protruding point of Suzaku's nipple between the rims of his lips and mildly slices the tip of his tongue over it from side to side. A soft moan inflates Suzaku's chest like a sail and he rises a little upward into Lelouch's mouth who traces around the peaking bud before flatly licking over the tightening pink spot. He lightly rubs his thumb over the sharpening point as he drifts over to the other nipple with a shove of loose fabric. Lelouch repeats the light tonguing he did to the other, feeling Suzaku's body ripple under him in a way that inspires him to briefly suckle the sensitive nip. He lifts to the steady shallow of Suzaku's pants as he smears his thumbs over wet nipples, circling around tips that harden even more before closing both of them between his fingers. Lelouch's concentrated violets swing between each nipple he carefully rolls in his fingers, listening to the quiet growth of moans rooting under loud breaths that pour into his blood. Suzaku's arousal is fully lifted with Lelouch's and he twists the sensitive tips in his fingers, watching a restless chest push up for more.

" _Lelouch_ …" Just like the sound of his name.

Lelouch's eyes flick up to Suzaku's face splashed with red pleasure and can't resist slightly harder pinches to the younger boy's nipples to see his face glaze over. Then he kisses Suzaku again and nails lightly scrape his shoulder-blades as he surfs a hand down a wavy stomach to briefly stroke an erection with loose fingers. When they tiptoe farther down and press against a soft opening, Lelouch laps at a moan that breezes from Suzaku's throat before parting from their wet lips to wet his fingers. He dips them back down between Suzaku's thighs and the toned leg not under Lelouch's weight bends around him with lifting hips as fingers slide through a loosened entrance. Excitement deepens Suzaku's breath and their open lips graze as fingers swab around inside his hot body. Lelouch pets the hot coil of inner walls as he shifts his mouth lower to the moist length he grips with his other hand.

"Wait," Suzaku's voice  _steams_  from his lips and he tries to pull away but his hips are hooked on Lelouch's pumping fingers. "I want to… I want to do that for you."

Lelouch stares at the sheen of lust on Suzaku's clover eyes.

And decides to make a little joke.

"You can reach your mouth down here on yourself?"

That question pelts Suzaku's face with confusion.

And then annoyance.

"I meant I want to  _mouth_   _you_ , you jerk," he half-heartedly grouses and rustles Lelouch's hair with a fairly rough hand – which isn't really helpful in selling his offer.

Mirthful chuckles just bubble in Lelouch's chest.

Flattering, but "No need," and he lowers with a handing tongue—

Only to be literally cock-blocked by Suzaku's palm on his forehead.

"But…" Suzaku murmurs as his hot inner walls are groped with firm, long fingers, "you never let me and it's your birthday… I want to do it." Fingers curl over Lelouch's scalp. "Let me make you feel good."

This  _does_  make Lelouch feel good.

He likes being in the lead.

And Suzaku asking Lelouch to let him do something that Lelouch doesn't want him to do… doesn't really constitute as a "treat."

"Alright then," Lelouch says, on the other hand, with a smirk that lights Suzaku's eyes, "why don't we skip the appetizers and jump to the main course?"

They're both ready— _hungry_  for it, anyway.

Lelouch is quite proud of himself as he shuffles up the bed to grab their supplies left on the nearby wooden night table; he's squirting out some lubricant gel on his fingers when he turns to Suzaku—

And is pounced by a sexy, pregnant nurse with an erection.

Suzaku is perched on Lelouch's lap with a strangely pleading simper, "You really don't want me to? Even if I ask you nicely?"

Why should Lelouch let him?

That's not what the  _birthday_   _boy_  wants. Letting Suzaku do this is a treat for him, not Lelouch.

"Did I not satisfy you earlier?" Lelouch asks with feigned hurt.

Suzaku gapes, "That isn't—! O-Of course you did!"

 _Too easy_.

"Then why meddle with a good thing?" the secret rebel leader coos as he pulls the skirt of the dress so it fully gathers in a rumple around the pilot's waist.

Suzaku's sigh sounds slightly jaded, "Can I… ride you at least?"

The dunce seems strangely adamant about this…

Well… this is weekend is kind of for both of them, isn't it?

Still.

Lelouch doesn't like it.

"You can try," Lelouch rigidly permits, realizing that… just that he should at least try to be flexible for Suzaku.

That way when he rejects it he can say  _at least he tried_.

And maybe… he thinks that he shouldn't take Suzaku's nature for granted; that it will always be there.

That Lelouch shouldn't break it.

( _Because_ —)

Lelouch allows himself to be pushed back and kissed by a randy seahorse and reaches between the thighs of the boy straddling him and slips in his slickened fingers. Suzaku chokes on a startled sound that turns over into a moan as he accepts the insertion with a pulling passage – just because Lelouch is lying back  _doesn't_  mean he's  _passive_.

He's  _Lelouch vi Britannia_  inside  _Zero's_  mask, after all.

Once Lelouch is safely sheathed, Suzaku doesn't waste much time in impaling himself on the taller erection with guiding fingers courtesy of the dominating demon. Lelouch at least enjoys the taut feeling of Suzaku's skin sealing completely around him with his fingers – he's still tight and scorching and panting, and that's good.

But.

While the bobbing view of the seahorse is nice – Suzaku's eagerly frosted evergreens, unhindered, flushing face and his arcing back pushing out his hard nipples from the sagging front of the dress – Lelouch isn't content to lie here like a slab of meat with Suzaku doing  _all the work_  (having the control). So he decisively tumbles them over, much to the younger boy's discontent – though he doesn't stop the birthday boy and wholly accepts the tongue and flesh that confidently enter him—

Lelouch tried.

Totally.

That should totally count as trying.

—"Urgh…" Until his face suddenly twists in  _displeasure_.

Lelouch pulls back with a pause of concern, "Does it hurt?"

Suzaku shakes his head, face contorting behind the back of his hand over his mouth. "It's—!"

He shoves Lelouch away by his face—

Then he's stretching over the side of the bed—

 _Vomiting_  rather violently onto the unlucky plush carpet.

At first, Lelouch is a little too stunned—

Cough!

—startled—

_Cough!_

—confused—

_COUGH!_

—a tad egotistically wounded—

H _A~CK!_

—before he reacts.

He pats Suzaku's shoulder, soothingly rubbing a blade, "Are you alright?"

Suzaku is (un-sexily) panting, gulping one last stomach  _curdle_  as he rises, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, "…Yeah. It just…"

"Are you ill?" Lelouch asks, feeling a forehead with his hand and carefully studying his features for signs of sickness.

"No, I think it's…" he trails off, eyes and hand landing on his stomach. "I guess with all that… bouncing…"

Lelouch hums.

Seems the (not)morning sickness has finally stricken the poor seahorse.

What perfect timing.

"I'm sorry," Suzaku mutters, rubbing at the discomfort on his face. "That really ruined the mood, didn't it?"

_Don't apologize._

"Not like I'm mad at you." Lelouch shrugs before leaning in for a kiss, "Anyway, if you're finished…"

Suzaku backs away with a blink, "What?"

"…I'd like to continue," Lelouch blandly murmurs – thought he made that clear enough.

And, well, they are still  _connected_.

A slight shock fleetingly flickers in Suzaku's eyes until amazement overrides. "Really? You're not bothered?"

"What kind of partner would I be if I was bothered by your bodily functions?"

Suzaku  _stares_. "…I think that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."

 _Hilarious_.

Lelouch deadpans at Suzaku's cheekiness, "So, the question is whether or not you want to continue." If Suzaku hadn't ruined the mood by retching, his  _antics_  surely will.

Suzaku seems to consider the notion, an impish smile reforming on his lips—

Until it falls—

And he's curled over the side of the bed again, retching like a sea-sick seahorse…

All Lelouch can do is pat Suzaku's back. "There, there…"

Let this be a lesson to Suzaku: Lelouch belongs in charge.  _Always_.

It's just the natural order.

•-•

A few swishes of mouthwash later and Suzaku is moaning on his back again with  _better mounting_ ; a sexy nurse is deflated on the floor by Lelouch's feet – although the little hat miraculously clings to Suzaku's head. Lelouch stands at the foot of the bed – away from the  _sick_  on the one side that he tried to clean, covered with a towel – as he thrusts into the boy lying on the bed, jerky legs folded over his arms. His curled fingers are secure on Suzaku's hips as he watches the seahorse surf on the fluid motions of pleasure filing his slim, athletic body. Suzaku undulates as his hands fist the disheveled beddings above his head that tosses to the side as lust froths inside him with sprouting sounds. They twine around Lelouch's covered cock, slinking around and pulling him deeper into clamping heat the older boy is only happy to feed. He withdraws his rigid length leaving only the head inside and then slides all the way back in to the base with long strides that weights Suzaku's breaths with desiring whines. Composure frays at the edges of his huffing pants as his open body writhes on the bed like a luxurious feast on a silver platter. Long ago are the days Lelouch was given anything on a silver tray but he can honestly say that this Japanese offering is superlative. For all that Lelouch curses exercise and Suzaku's insufferable military mentality it has carved him into an appetizing lean  _slab of meat_ , but tastes and looks far juicier.

Suzaku notices Lelouch's stare and calls his name.

Somehow it sounds like a haunting breeze.

Until he says it again, louder.

Needier as it curves his back off the bed.

And Lelouch  _knows_  what he's doing – he just told Suzaku he liked that, so of course… Whether or not it's better when Suzaku does it unconsciously or not… it's not as though it's insincere and it has the same effect. Yet, Suzaku should be a little more mindful that this is still a hotel room and that they're not isolated up on a mountain top, like  _Mount Olympus_.

Even so, Lelouch swings his hips and strikes harder at that place inside Suzaku that only he can touch, watching it spring through his friend in claiming jolts. Suzaku cries out a half-eaten morsel of Lelouch's name, the end of it hissing sharply from Japanese teeth until the middle  _oo_ zes into nameless moans he can't shape. Pleasured croons swell in Suzaku's throat as Lelouch pumps his swelling hardness in the inviting squeeze of a narrow passage that doesn't stop tempting him in deeper and he hears his own breath heavily shove from his chest. He leans against the bed with one hand and begins stroking Suzaku's shaft, legs falling open to the side as if requesting more of the thick bliss Lelouch thrusts into him. He drives himself deeply as he leans over the seahorse caught in their tide who pants and ruts hips into a jerking hand while Lelouch quickens his pace. Suzaku clings to the blankets, and Lelouch's thrusting erection, as if he might fall off the planet and Lelouch knows that the pilot is balancing on his peak, just waiting to be tipped over.

Ecstatic moans freely drop from Suzaku's voice like they can't at home and Lelouch has to close his eyes on the rapturous display melting under him. If he stares too intently on the intensity of pleasure he whips into Suzaku with his hips he'll rush right over his peak too soon. He clenches his amethyst eyes on the pair of emeralds that narrow on a backward-tilting head. Lelouch can't see the way an open mouth launches those bursts of moans but Lelouch can  _hear_  them and they constrict around his throbbing hardness like an ax to a tree. The Britannian's blood boils down into thickened length that his boyhood friend's body hungrily swallows and a deep groan rusts the hinges of his resolve, prying open his eyes. It's almost a cruel joke that his gemstone irises tumble right on top of the prominent points of Suzaku's nipples and he doesn't fight the urge budding in his mouth. Suzaku grips the blankets at his sides and bites a startled, delighted cry of surprise as Lelouch laps at the sensitive nub of a shriveled right nipple, sucking the erogenous spot and his slippery hardness twitches. Suzaku mangles more moans in his throat when a pumping hand thumbs his tip and Lelouch can hear them over his laboring pants puffing around the tense nib in his mouth.

They break through the finish together, Suzaku's legs bending around the body between them and his insides constricting around the boy—man filling him and Lelouch presses his forehead against Suzaku's thudding chest. His hips buck with the clinging climax of Suzaku's hot canal and he manages to peek up at the pleasure shuddering off a flustered Japanese face that also wets his chest. Lelouch deeply inhales air as they both go soft and he deflates over Suzaku's limp body, piles of snowy blankets melting around them…

"I love you," Suzaku quietly says like a feather brushing over Lelouch's ears in the fading dazzle of sex that claimed their bones.

All Lelouch can do is kiss him.

Soft lips pressing below Suzaku's eyes and spotting over a red cheek as a palm flattens on his chest when their lips join – can Suzaku feel what Lelouch's heart is telling him? The words Lelouch can't easily reciprocate? (The words that are no less true behind Zero's mask.)

_I love you, too._

•-

-•

"Oh, my, a hickey?" Lelouch hears Milly prod when he enters the club room the following Monday, looking to see her eyebrows lifting at Suzaku's neck with intrigue and attempting to peel the  _oh so subtle_  bandage poking above his Ashford collar.

But Suzaku is too fast, slapping his hand over it with a reddening face.

A corner of her lips sharpen as she looks to Lelouch, "What are you, in middle school?"

"What are you, jealous?" he coolly counters.

"You said no one would notice…" Suzaku murmurs at Lelouch with a hint of annoyance.

Lelouch does his best to not shrug, "Milly is often the exception to the rule." Frightening as that might be…

"You two just never stop, do you?" Milly says more offhandedly than that  _glint_  in her eyes. "To be expected of our star couple."

Star couple?

Is Milly's life  _really_  this dull?

Student Council meetings used to be such mundane affairs – key words there being " _used to be_." Well, all right, maybe they've never been "mundane" under Milly's reign, but when the focus shifts to him and Suzaku as if they're an exotic exhibition he suddenly yearns for their old exaggerated escapades. Lelouch  _knew_  there would be changes, he just hoped beyond hope that a semblance of grace would usher those changes. To their credit, they have shown more sophistication since they  _first_  learned, but they should really stop staring whenever he and Suzaku are near each other in the same room.

Honestly…

"At least you're on time today," Suzaku cheekily says.

"Don't get too excited. I might take a nap," Lelouch dryly replies as he ignores their peers to sit at the table.

"Must've been an  _exhausting_  weekend," Milly wickedly grins.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Lelouch effortlessly bats back, not even bothering to look at her – or anybody else – in the eye.

When Suzaku sits next to Lelouch, Milly sighs with obvious pensiveness.

"It really is true what they say, isn't it?" she says, leaning against the head of the table.

"What do you mean?" Shirley asks, perched across from Lelouch and Suzaku, paper and pen ready for note-taking.

"That all the good men are either taken or gay." She faintly shrugs, lips weak under the saucy weight they try to lift. "In this case, it's both."

One look at Rivalz and it's almost painful. The poor lad. He remains unnoticed (namely, by Milly) at the President's side even as he chokes on her words; Lelouch can see his malnourished pride shriveling all the more.

"Y-you don't really think that, do you?" Rivalz doesn't say it in so many words, but he's begging her to notice him – it's the straining anxiety in his voice.

And then Shirley is sharing her stifled giggle with Suzaku's blush—

Hang on. Why is  _Suzaku_  blushing?

Lelouch scowls at the possibly-flattered seahorse, reminding him he's very much  _attached_  to this scowl, but Suzaku openly pretends to not see.

"Well, you'd be hard pressed to find their doubles, don't you think?" Now she's smiling like her usual self, fierce and unwavering. "But I guess even then, if their doubles are  _just like them_  they'd still be out of reach." An impish gleam as she taps her lips, "Perhaps I should give up on men. What do you say,  _Shirley?_ "

"Say to what?"

Milly saunters over to her with a pronounced sway of her hips. "You and I are sharing the same pain.  _Surely_  we could  _comfort_  each other, no?"

Now it's Shirley's turn to become a sputtering, flushing mess as Milly cups the sides of her face – but it's  _Rivalz_  who looks far more concerned than Shirley.

"I  _have_  told you that I admire the young woman you've  _grown_  into, haven't I?"

"Ma-ma-ma- _ma_ —!" Shirley squirms as Milly leans in, puckering her lips—

And then laughs—

Laughs—

 _Laughs_.

" _Madam President!_ " Shirley scolds, red-faced and jittery as she removes herself from Milly's reach. "Don't  _do_  that! It  _isn't_  funny!"

The blonde is holding her stomach, barely trying to contain herself – to which Shirley stomps her foot with a huff and rounds the table to sit as far away from Milly as possible.

Lelouch isn't sure there  _is_  a place that's far enough away from Milly.

" _Relax_ , Shirley. You're not exactly my  _type_." Milly wipes a self-satisfied tear from her eye. "I prefer someone who isn't so  _soft_."

By the looks of everyone's faces, they guessed right: that was a lewd pun.

Before Rivalz can utter something that won't help his case in the least, Lelouch blandly blocks his friend's opening mouth.

"As much as I'd like to let this continue…" Lelouch mutters, elbow on the table and head in his palm. "Are we  _actually_  going to do anything important, or can I just take a nap?"

"Lelouch!" Suzaku instantly chides.

To which Lelouch smirks once again, "I warned you, didn't I?"

"You're right. That makes it  _all_  better."

"I knew you'd see it my way."

"I was being  _sarcastic!_ "

"And yet you don't know it when you hear it."

"You—!" Suzaku stops himself. "You just like to be difficult, don't you?"

"You should know that well enough by now."

"This is a bit sickening…" Milly's mouth morphs into a snide grin. "You two are as good as married already, eh—? Wait!" She interrupts herself, body stiffening and eyes widening like a meerkat standing tall above its burrow. " _That's it!_ "—

Uh oh…

—"We need a  _wedding!_ "

"W- _wedding?_ " Nina unexpectedly speaks, sounding like a meager squeak of  _concern_. Lelouch can't disagree…

"Yes! If these two are as  _good_  as married," she slaps her hands on the table in front of Lelouch and Suzaku with far too much emphatic passion, "then why not make it  _official_?"

Because Milly absolutely has the power to do that.

"Th-that's…" Suzaku tries, obviously oblivious of what to say to her. "I'm not… sure I, uh…"

"…" Don't look at Lelouch. He's staying out of this one.

"It's perfect, don't you think?" Milly is beaming, brimming with this rushing  _high_  of inspiration. "We could have a little ceremony right here in the clubhouse! Just picture it: a white winter wedding! We can have decorations and music, and food. It would be just us, of course. A small and intimate gathering—Suzaku, you could even wear a  _wedding dress_  if you want to!"

Suzaku blushes at that. "Now, hold on just a min—"

"Don't worry your pretty, little head!" she beams at him, boisterous and complacent as she poses like a super hero with hands on her hips. "I promise to make this dream of yours come true in the most elegant and classiest way possible!" She spins on her heel and jabs a finger into the air, "Now, there's so much to plan. First, we'll need flowers and decorations. And cake! Mustn't forget the cake! And then, clothes. Measurements. Should we see a tailor, or maybe-well, the drama club has some interesting pieces—but first and foremost we have to decide on the bride and groom's attire, and then everything else will follow.  _Shirley!_  Are you getting all this?!"

The orange-haired girl "eeks" and then scrambles to scribble as Milly prattles on, thinking aloud of the possibility for  _themed_  weddings…

Suzaku has effectively and cleanly been removed from the conversation – about his own wedding – with the quick-moving blade that is Milly's ambition. Looking as helpless as a fish on a hook, he turns to Lelouch with a pair of dumbfounded eyes, and it's rather adorable.

"What just happened?" Suzaku is left to ask in his abandonment.

Lelouch smirks, "Didn't you hear? There's going to be a wedding and we're both invited."

…On second thought, this  _is_  business as usual for the student council.

•-•

As tempting as it was –  _too_  tempting – to sail away on the dreamy idea world nested in that hotel bed and never set foot on the shore of reality again, pretending problems don't exist doesn't make them disappear.

Lelouch has spent the past months getting far too comfortable.

Restless.

Perhaps the notion of… home, a  _real_  home (like he's never had), is more seductive than Lelouch initially would've thought. But he can't get complacent. Suzaku is  _still_  at Britannia's mercy and still very much  _pregnant_  with the child of their enemy who just happens to be their discarded un-dead prince. A reprieve from their troubles only serves to remind Lelouch that they are far from out of this mess just yet…

Lelouch made a vow that when Nunnally opened her eyes she would see a more peaceful world and he had been certain that only with the destruction of Britannia (or at the very least, the Emperor) would that become reality and those anxieties haven't vanished. The Zone might enable many things, but it doesn't simply solve everything. Even though the SAZ does, in a way, enable him to have what he wanted it still doesn't grant him his two goals:

Obliteration of Britannia and his mother's murderer.

It's quite possible that one stone could hit both targets, in this case.

Euphemia and her little utopia can only protect them for so long… No matter how strong Lelouch tries to make it.

•-•

"Shinozaki Sayoko, thirty-seventh successor to the Shinozaki School of martial arts. …You are an impressive person." Lelouch sincerely says through Zero's filtered mask, tapping away files on his terminal from the privacy of his still-hidden vehicle-quarters. The Black Knights may have moved up in the world, but this "gifted" trailer is still one of many valuable secrets outside of Britannia's sight.

"…Thank you, sir," she says with a curt bow, her modesty a nice glaze on the confidence in her eyes.

When Diethard spoke of an "undercover" agent of sorts in passing, Lelouch noted the information and saved it for later, not particularly investing any time to dwell on the matter until it was relevant. Diethard is a suspicious man, but so is Zero, and to be fair, the  _Britannian_  had proven himself to be useful if nothing else and Lelouch trusted as much as circumstances allowed – and any such secret supporter would ultimately be judged, measured and put to proper use on Lelouch's authority anyway, so he wasn't concerned.

The pregnant seahorse at home was more pressing.

With things settling somewhat between the Zone and Suzaku, Lelouch decided to call upon this person for evaluation, to determine just where they stand in his world and for what purpose.

Lelouch never expected it would be  _Sayoko_.

It's almost harder to believe it with her standing in front of him.

Vivid,  _personal_  memories are tied to this woman, so many strings tugging on Lelouch's heart that he only grows more pleased than anything else. This woman was his caretaker,  _is_  his caretaker. She brought him a tenderness he didn't fully recognize as maternal until he was too old to really need her, and he sometimes wonders if she's aware of this fact when watching her care for Nunnally. Although seemingly docile, she isn't without her own secrets and masks, Lelouch understands, and that she wants to be a part of  _Zero's_  fight makes his chest bloat warmly with pride. He considers her to be  _real_  family, so without knowing it, she's already doing him a great service just standing by him.

(That's more than he can say about a certain  _someone_ , but he knows he shouldn't think that way, even if it hurts…)

He has the perfect job for his trusted maid.

"But as you know, with the timorous state of the Zone we are not openly acquiring new members." Not  _publically_ , at least (although whether they ever did "publically" is debatable) – while Euphemia had aided in preventing Zero and his Black Knights from completely disarming, certain compromises were to be made. Yet, it also remains true that some of his own have left entirely to join the SAZ. It's a wound that cuts more deeply than Lelouch wants to acknowledge.

Her gaze visibly deflates, and he smiles.

"Not to worry," he smugly announces, tilting his head with fingers prodding for the hidden release on his mask and making her blink at him—and then nearly peels her eyelids right off when he places Zero's face on the table in front of him. "I have a special task for you." Lelouch pulls the cloth from his face with a hooking finger as he waits for her surprise to settle – which is rather quick, to her credit.

Then again, Sayoko always did have graceful composure.

(Not that Lelouch is remembering when she saw him in his undershorts for the first time that one morning Suzaku  _kicked him out of his own bedroom_  and never said a word about it.)

"The days ahead might be more interesting than is preferable. Ashford remains untouched and I would like it to stay that way. Your standing orders for now are to remain a reserve. At Nunnally's side."

Suzaku might not be  _Euphemia's_  Knight any longer but situations are crossing rather too closely.

Sayoko appears to understand with a flick of a smile and she bows.

"I'll notify you of any changes," he says.

"Yes, my Lord."

He can't help the prideful but tender smile that smoothes right across his lips—

"You revealed yourself to her that easily?"

—Which C.C. so effortlessly rips right off his face once Sayoko has left them alone.

And just  _why_  is the witch on the surface in the first place?

That's what  _Lelouch_  wanted to know.

"I entrust Nunnally's well being to her on a regular basis," Lelouch coolly responds as if that's enough of an answer, not sparing a glance at the green-haired nuisance on his couch.

"You trust the same to Suzaku, do you not? And yet you won't tell him of your second life? Maybe you don't really trust him as much as you claim."

"You know that's different."

"Is it…?" she idly wonders – an insect digging into his ear. "You were to harden your heart. You vowed from the beginning to walk this path of destruction regardless of the consequences and the prices you'd have to pay – which I can undoubtedly say included your own life – and yet… you're too afraid to lose Suzaku."

Lelouch decided Britannia had stolen enough from him. He was to walk this path alone, but Suzaku (and the baby) is—

"Are you jealous?" Lelouch airily asks.

"Of course not." C.C. breezily counters. "Not only is our relationship unique, I'm already closer to you than even the boy supposedly carrying your child."

Lelouch silently grits his teeth at her.

"What was it that you said?" she continues. "Only those who are prepared to be shot should shoot? Have you lost your nerve? Is that why you've yielded your rebellion and—?"

"I haven't  _yielded_  anything," Lelouch sneers, eyes blazing. "The course has changed but the end goal is the same."

"Which one is that? The destruction of Britannia, the identity of your mother's murderer, the naïve dream of your sister or raising a child with Suzaku?"

"Is there a distinction between those?"

"Are you absolutely certain of what your sister wants?" C.C.'s emotionless stare is somehow cautionary.

Lelouch looks at her inquisitively. "She said so with her mouth. If she could wish for one thing—"

"Such a notion isn't original to her, Lelouch. There are others in this world who would make the impossible happen given the chance," she blandly, coldly interrupts him, and he only grows more annoyed. "That's why they're  _wishes_. Helpless fantasies."

"Since when did you outgrow your cynicism?"

"Have you asked what she truly wants in this lifetime above all else?" she easily sidesteps his derision.

( _Euphemia smiles sweetly, "She told me that if she could be with her brother, that was all she needed."_

_"That's why?"_

_"That's what made up my mind," Euphemia answers as she gives him a brighter smile. "I asked myself what is really important in this world. Lelouch, I haven't given up anything that I really, truly treasured…"_ )

"Why are you asking me this?"

"The Power of the King is an isolating one… You might be a demon, Lelouch," she looks at him with the slightest of smiles on her lips, "but you're a beloved one."

This conversation is weird.

C.C. is being weird – even for her.

"Rather than air my dirty laundry and speaking of wishes, perhaps you would like to tell me of yours," he tiredly utters at her, not expecting much of a response. This back-and-forth could go on for an eternity, Lelouch imagines, but it does tend to shut her up.

The hard cast of her amber eyes, however, is even more unexpected.

"…Maybe you aren't ready yet."

Lelouch's left eye tenses.

 _Of course_.

"Such evasion. I have to wonder if it's a trap," he dryly says.

Her lips pleasantly bend – and yet there's a slinking ruefulness lurking in the corners, "If it is you are already caught within it."

"That might be one way of looking at it," Lelouch mutters, donning his mask on the suddenly  _eager_   _twinge_  of his Geass – so instead of a bug in his ear, it would be the snare of her web? "But it's obviously something you can't obtain on your own." Not yet, at least. "Until then I'll take my chances."

•-•

"Why didn't you say anything during the club meeting?" Suzaku casually asks later that evening as he idly stirs a pot of cooking rice on the stove in the clubhouse kitchen.

Lelouch shrugs, taking the cutting board of chopped vegetables and scraping them into the same pot with a knife.

Suzaku's eyebrow arcs, "Well, I find it hard to believe you're alright with all of it."

"For once her plans seem harmless enough." For now, anyway.

Suzaku purses his lips, looking down at the swirling of bright, crisp vegetables with the brown grains of rice.

"This is because you want to see me in an 'easy access' wedding dress, isn't?"

"A reasonable guess," Lelouch quietly laughs. "You can stop stirring the rice." Suzaku steps back as Lelouch takes the wooden spoon from him and covers the pot with a clear lid, steam and vapor bubbles instantly pebbling the glass.

"So… what, that's it?"

"Like I said, this seems harmless." Lelouch turns his attention to the chicken breasts sizzling in the pan beside the rice, carefully flipping the browning meat over with tongs.

Suzaku crosses his arms, "Are you feeling alright?"

Lelouch gives Suzaku a funny look over his shoulder.

"This just isn't really like you. Normally you'd be a big sour puss about something like this…"

"Sour puss?" Lelouch distastefully repeats with eyes focused on their dinner.

"So…?" Suzaku shimmies over to the Britannian's other side away from the stove to lean against the counter.

Lelouch grins at him, "You're cute when you worry." Suzaku releases an exasperated sigh, making Lelouch chuckle very warmly in his throat. "It is Milly, and that's always cause for concern, but she knows this is delicate so she'll use discretion. She can be capricious, certainly, but when it comes to  _truly important_  matters she is also trustworthy. It goes without saying that she's helped Nunnally and me all these years."

Perhaps it also goes without saying that Milly doesn't have much say in her own  _wedding_  and wants to live vicariously through her "star couple."

"Capricious," Suzaku takes his turn to echo in a murmur. "You never did like people who are impulsive."

"That's because impulsive people do not think." Lelouch briefly checks the underside of one chicken cut, not ready. "Therefore they are idiots. And  _you_  are the only idiot I don't dislike."

"Right. It's not because it makes them harder for you to predict. Like—"

Suzaku's dry, but soft and warm lips are suddenly pressing against Lelouch's with an arm hooked loosely but securely around his back. Stunned still by surprise, and  _cautious_  in front of a live stove, Lelouch's reaction is concentrated in the jump of his heart – and the heat on his cheeks, which he blames on the cooking – that lingers after they part.

"—this?" Suzaku murmurs against Lelouch's lips, his mouth bearing a sharp grin.

Suzaku is right.

But Suzaku isn't  _allowed_  to be right.

Lelouch deadpans, "Case in point: only an unthinking, impulsive idiot would lean over a hot stove and risk being burned, or some other incident, to prove an ill-conceived point."

Suzaku is still grinning as he pulls himself up on the counter backwards to sit, "Whatever you say." This strange air of smugness around him is so not cute. "You know I'm right."

"I could say the same…" Lelouch returns to checking that same lean cut of meat, this time flipping it over.

"So we're both right… And wrong."

"Yes," the cooking boy dryly agrees. "Ours is a  _flawless_  logic."

"Good thing we're getting married, then."

"Even better: we're going to be  _parents_."

Suzaku laughs, "Seriously, though… What do you think about Milly's wedding idea?"

"I think it's pointless."

"Er—" Suzaku stumbles over Lelouch's bluntness, "Uh… Care to elaborate on that?"

"She has no authority – this is just her version of make-believe."

"Well, yeah, but… Don't you think it's a nice thought? I know it's not real or anything, but, they want to share this… happiness with us. I think that's nice."

"The sentiment isn't lacking."

"But it's still pointless. And harmless."

"I would've thought you would appreciate me trying to be positive for once."

"If this is your way of being positive, then I'm  _seriously_  worried for you."

"I thought we agreed to leave the worrying to me." Lelouch's hand somehow finds itself  _inspecting_  Suzaku's thigh rather than the chicken. "All  _you_  have to do is look cute for me."

"I don't remember ever agreeing to that," Suzaku very plainly mutters as he sternly shoves away the hand groping up his leg. "And don't tell me that just because I don't remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Because that's getting old."

"Sometimes it's true." The sly tone of Lelouch's voice flirts with his lips and he rubs his left eye with the back of his hand at the  _implication_. "But it seems my tricks don't work on you anymore. I'll have to update my tactics."

"Or you could just try being more honest." He leans forward a little, an imploring presence shimmering in his searching greens. "I would appreciate that."

"I think I've always been very clear about my  _wants_  with you."

"That's not what I meant."

Lelouch can only lock eyes with Suzaku in a brief and silent glance, quickly evading whatever it is he's hiding from in those lucky clovers by looking back to the stove. Although the chicken is juicy and teasing his tongue with its seasoned sent, he only hears it cackling at him as it simmers in the pan, causing him to lost his appetite.

The  _chicken_  is laughing at him.

How ironic…

Although the thought that Suzaku could be pressing about Zero does cross Lelouch's mind, he doubts that's what Suzaku is alluding to. For one, it's the wrong place and time for something so delicate, even a dunce like him would recognize that. Second, although Suzaku is prone to random subjects, they haven't spoken of anything that would lead to Zero – which in itself is rather… pleasant. No ugly politics or lies or prodding. Maybe that's suspicious, but Lelouch is still grateful for it. (Perhaps he likes to pretend there isn't something ominous awaiting them in the shadows. And he really tries to  _not_  feel guilty about Sayoko.)

This time the seahorse is fishing for something else…

"Don't get me wrong," Lelouch says, "I appreciate the acceptance, but this…"

"Do you have something against weddings?"

"…Not especially."

"Meaning?"

"…No, nothing. Never mind."

"Lelouch, I want you to know that you can talk to me." Suzaku almost sounds like he's  _pleading_.

A short sigh – Lelouch was going to try to be more flexible for Suzaku, right?

"Considering that I'm the son of a Darwinist-preaching polygamist who spawned a disgusting amount of offspring for his own benefit? That his  _harem_  is constructed of conceit and indulgence? That it's all a nest of superficiality, selfishness, bigotry, competition and backstabbing? Why would I  _possibly_  have any issues about marriage?"

A sobering blink claims Suzaku's eyes, "I guess… I never thought about any of that – your family, I mean. I didn't really have family, it was mostly just me and my father, but you lived with an  _empire_. So many other women and their kids… I can't imagine what that must've been like."

 _Unpleasant would be putting it mildly_.

And not to forget that most of them didn't like the "vi" Britannias because they weren't  _pure_  blue bloods.

"I'd rather not dwell on it." Lelouch tightly begins to close up again. "And you should know that I don't have any issues marrying you, fake or real – and there isn't a  _soul_  on this planet that I would let keep that from us." Britannia can try, but it will be a  _cold day in hell_  when they succeed.

"That's… very sweet of you to say." Suzaku's eyes are shimmering with… something  _warm and fuzzy_. "A little aggressive, but sweet."

What's with that reaction?

All Lelouch did was state the truth.

"I should prepare our plates," Lelouch says as he takes off his apron.

"Lelouch." Suzaku hops to the floor and stops him from approaching the cupboards, waiting until both violets give him their undivided attention and gently places his hand on Lelouch's cheek, a somewhat roughened thumb gently rubbing fair skin. "I love you," he softly says, as if the world is balancing on those three words, and kisses Lelouch deeply and gently. Lelouch feels himself blinking at the tender, full press of lips against his, having enough presence of mind to at least return the kiss, but is blindsided – more so than the  _impulsive_  kiss from earlier.

 _This_  is just…

A half-eaten chuckle squirts from his lips before he can swallow it—

And Suzaku notices, much to his displeasure, "What was that?"

Lelouch shakes his head and turns away, but the laughter spills from deep within his chest.

Suzaku isn't angry so much as confused and a little offended, " _Why_  are you  _laughing_?"

Because Lelouch is uncomfortable.

Suzaku's tender sensitivity is strange and… awkward. He's trying to be supportive and loving, to make Lelouch feel better than he perceives Lelouch to feel, but it doesn't have that effect. It just makes Lelouch feel even more vulnerable –  _weak_  – than he wanted to and already does, but because it's  _Suzaku_  and he's just trying to be comforting, all Lelouch can do is laugh.

Laugh at the cheesiness.

Laugh at what he doesn't want to feel.

Let his body shake with this slight insanity like a purge of his systems to rid what is unwanted – memories, emotions, insecurities…

Suzaku doesn't  _quite_  huff as he walks away to presumably ready the table, mumbling something about  _clams_  to himself in Japanese; although Lelouch is grateful that Suzaku likely dismisses the chuckling fit as Lelouch being unromantic, he wishes he wasn't so immature. Emotionally speaking.

Suzaku just tried to reach out, again, and Lelouch literally  _laughed in his face_.

_So pathetic…_

But Lelouch can't help it. Shutting down and shutting out is just a reaction – habits that have kept him safe, kept him feeling safe like a turtle in a shell. (And despite his  _strong affections_  for Suzaku, he doesn't understand emotional commitment. He doesn't understand why they can't just be together in the understanding they already have. He's given more to Suzaku than he has to anyone, shouldn't that be enough…? Or is Lelouch missing the point?)

Lelouch is still grinning as he portions everyone's meals, if only to maintain his mischievous façade, but he tries to soften it considerably when they all sit down for dinner. A real smile of contentment and appreciation, no matter how small or faint, that he hopes conveys something to Suzaku that his voice can't.

Considering Suzaku smiles back at Lelouch in a similar manner, his silent action must be clear enough for even this idiot to comprehend.

•-

-•

"You really don't give up, do you?" Kallen grumbles at Suzaku as they sit together alone in the club room for peer-study during their free period.

Suzaku is surprised that Kallen still attends school – it's not as though her identity as a Black Knight is exactly public, but he figured that she might simply not see the point in maintaining this charade. She still pretends to be ill, of course, and doesn't come as often as she did before the Zone. There might be a truce with Zero and his Black Knights but Suzaku isn't willing to let these opportunities go to waste so he rather swiftly opted to partner with Kallen right now, to chat. Lelouch didn't like it, but, they don't need to be attached at the hip  _all_  the time. Besides, Shirley seemed eager for his attention and after the strange fight they had Suzaku figured it's for the better.

Even if she is still acting a little unusual.

"Wouldn't you change someone's mind if you thought you could?" Suzaku asks, scratching in his notebook.

"Maybe. But I pick my battles." Kallen isn't playing at school seriously, but her history book is at least open – although from what Suzaku understands Kallen's grades don't suffer even with her frequent absence.

…Not unlike Lelouch.

"You mean ones that actually  _are_  battles," Suzaku jokes with a bit of a snide smirk.

"What can I say?" And she tosses it right back at him, plus a gleam in her eyes. "I'm a fighter, not a diplomat."

"I hadn't noticed," Suzaku mutters, earning him a shove from her fist.

Suzaku likes this.

More than just seeing her true self, it's this lightness and joviality over something that could have been disastrous – that  _almost_  was. A strange sort-of acquaintance that was given the chance to float rather than being sunk by all the conflictions and evils of a world that struggles to understand the concept of unity. Suzaku feels there's a victory here with Kallen, no matter how small or how slow-moving it is. If he can just keep this ball rolling…

(And don't ask anything about Zero's identity – unless he  _wants_  to get punched in the face.)

Suzaku is curious about her experiences as a "half-blood" but he isn't sure how to breach the topic. There might not be much point in asking, however, as she only wears her Britannian half a as a mask. To Kallen, her mind, heart and soul are Japanese, and Suzaku already knows the hardships of that life…

Kallen's gaze slides over Suzaku from the corner of her eye. "…Can I ask you a  _personal_  question?"

"Sure."

"…Why Lelouch?"

Suzaku smiles a bit tartly, "You mean why a  _Britannian_."

Kallen shakes her head, "No. I mean why  _Lelouch?_ "

He looks to her again, nearly getting caught in her critical stare, "…He's not really as he seems."

"Oh, really?" Kallen dryly scoffs with a lift of her nose. "You mean he  _isn't_  a complacent prick?"

Suzaku grins, "No, he can be… well…"—and then  _almost_  forgets his argument—"You've seen how he is with Nunnally, haven't you?"

"…More or less," she answers with a noncommittal shrug – is she always so defiant about everything?

"So then you understand he's not one-sided. I'm not saying he's perfect, but there are sides to him you don't know."

"Oh, please!" Kallen snorts. "I can't believe you're giving me the 'you don't know him like I do' cliché. You must be more gullible than I thought you were."

So she really  _is_  defiant about everything.

"I don't care what you say or think, you really don't know him as well as you think you do. He's a good person."

"I'm sure that's what he wants you to think."

"What's with all this? What do you have against him?"

Kallen doesn't turn her head, but he can see a blue eye peek at him from a safe corner, only lifting her chin and firming her lower lip a little when her eye slides forward again.

"Just rubs me the wrong way, is all.  _Something_  about him…"

"I know what you mean."

"Weren't you just defending him?"

"Truth is, we didn't like each other when we first met. Actually, we fought."

"Lelouch? Fight? Now I  _really_  don't believe you."

"Well… we were only kids and I was the one who started it. But I felt guilty about it and later apologized to him and he looked at me like I was crazy. We got along great after that, though. I don't know why but… we just clicked."

"So, what, you knew you were meant to be together because of that?" Kallen dourly drawls.

"Maybe." A whispering laugh cushions his voice, knowing how absurd it is that Kallen's sarcasm is the truth. "When we finally saw each again these years later, it was…" Suzaku pauses to consider another word for  _magical_ , "almost like fate. I guess the same red thread is tied around our fingers."

"Red thread," she idly repeats.

"Oh, it's a myth tha—"

"I  _know_  what it is!" she snaps,  _very_  insulted. "It's just been a long time since I've heard anyone mention it."

"Sorry. I forget who I'm talking to."

"Anyway, you said you met Lelouch when you were a kid?"

"…Oh, yeah." Suzaku mentally stumbles, trying to remember the lie he once fed Rivalz. "It was summer and he was at a resort…"

"A resort? So it was before the invasion…" she accurately muses aloud. "He's been here all this time? Why didn't he go back?"

"…He didn't have family to go back to. He and Nunnally were orphaned and taken in by the Ashfords."

Surprise doesn't escape her fierce eyes.

And then he wonders if… she's thinking that's how Nunnally became… the way she is.

"What's worse is that was when the tension between Japan and Britannia was reaching its breaking point – just before the invasion." Suzaku mentally wonders if he's already saying too much (Lelouch would most likely say yes, very much so), but he feels it's important to share. As if changing Kallen's mind about Lelouch is another victory over all prejudice in the world. "You think he's just a snob, but he knows what it's like to be bullied for the colour of his skin, for the way he was born. Kids in town, uh, near the resort, were cruel and would pick on him whenever he went into town. They  _never_  let him forget he wasn't wanted."

Suzaku had blamed  _Lelouch_  at the time.  _He's too weak and stubborn_  – Suzaku had thought. He didn't understand why Lelouch insisted on doing everything  _on his own_  rather than let the Kururugi family feed them and tend to their needs. Not much has changed for Lelouch, either, and it's painfully easy to see him as that rejected, bruised little boy even nowadays when he cuts coupons for groceries, cares for Nunnally or re-stitches the worn seams in Suzaku's uniforms.

And it's easier for Suzaku to feel shame over his 10 year old selfishness, ignorance and pride all over again.

(And he remembers an irate young boy vowing destruction and the teenage boy with old grudges.

Then Suzaku wonders, not for the first or last time, if things would be different if he hadn't misguidedly killed his father.)

"I… didn't know," is all she can murmur, downcast – a conceding look souring in her eyes.

"Like I said, there's a lot you don't know about him."

Kallen sighs very heavily, "Look, I know he's not 'the enemy' I was just…"

"You don't trust people easily," Suzaku finishes for her, quietly.

Her eyes are hard on him a moment, and then she's shrugging, "Anyone who does is an idiot."

On that, Lelouch would agree – practically sounds like it's spoken from his own mouth.

Suzaku smiles a little to himself, "Just do me a favor and…  _don't_  tell him I told you all this. I don't want to get in trouble."

"Trouble? How much trouble could he  _possibly_  bring you?"

Suzaku laughs, "You  _really_  don't know him at all, do you?"

•-•

" _Ireallydon'tthink_ —" Suzaku tries to protest under a tense blush on his cheeks.

"Now, now, Suzaku. We have to get your hubby's opinion!" And with that Milly shoves Suzaku into the council room, where every member is present—

Judging by the look on their faces, they weren't expecting  _this_  anymore than Suzaku was.

"Ta-da~!" Milly proudly exclaims, arms waving about the white, hooping gown that consumed the soilder. "What do you think, Hubby? This is the bride's dress from the drama clubs' play a couple years ago – you know, the one about the princess and the frog? This dress actually fits him quite well."

 _Well enough_ , at least.

It certainly isn't the  _first_  one she made him try on – once she snagged his pants after the first dress, there was little he could do…

Lelouch's calm violets look Suzaku down—

From the long veil attached to a golden tiara to the taut, floral lacey, faux-corset chest resting above the wide bell skirt, draped with puffy layers of but more lace pinned with fake gold rosebuds, and all the way at the golden ruffles dangling along the hem.

—then back up.

A smug smirk smears right over the ex-prince's cool lips, "It's not frilly enough."

Suzaku can only flatly sigh.

 _Damned snarky over-confident little_ …

•-•

 _Schneizel_.

Lelouch would spit if he wasn't currently masked.

In fact, if he'd do  _more than that_  if he could manage to get the precious White Prince alone.

His Geass is just  _itching_  to get acquainted with  _dear brother_.

Sadly, Schneizel is no fool and is never without company – even if it is only that little pretty-boy shadow of his – as he floats around the building like a goddamned  _peacock_. At any rate, having this pompous snake in close proximity is fortuitous even if tricky. After all, Schneizel is just as protected by the "truce" as Zero is and even though Lelouch is  _more than certain_  his elder brother is up to something, he has to tread carefully. At the same time, however, Lelouch isn't  _obligated_  to engage with Schneizel more than he needs to, so there's a bright side…

Of all the wonderfully horrible things that Lelouch could submit Schneizel to, he hasn't made a decision yet – Lelouch does intend to get answers about his mother, at least. Clovis fingered both Cornelia and Schneizel, but neither has been particularly accommodating to  _Zero_. Cornelia doesn't forgive easily and whenever she's hovering around Euphemia in Lelouch's presence she's killing Zero – her brother's murderer – with her eyes. Euphemia had taken it upon herself to inquire Cornelia about her investigation of Lady Marianne's death, she claimed a frustratingly fruitless search but was sparse on the details despite Euphemia's effort; as expected of big sister – too grisly, although it seems likely that her dead-ends are real. While Lelouch is… appreciative that Euphemia tried he knows there's more still that Cornelia just isn't going to share with sweet little Euphie.

Details vulnerable to Geass.

As it is, Schneizel seems suspiciously laid-back about this whole affair –  _everything_  Schneizel does is suspicious, yes, but Lelouch doesn't like the idea that  _something somewhere else_  could be occupying his attention from the Zone, the first yielding in Britannian expansion. While it hasn't brought the giant to its knees it is at least a trip in the right direction and that's something that would bait Schneizel. He is undoubtedly hungry for that Throne. Lelouch is expecting something, anything, and he'd much rather strike before he's stricken.

Lelouch doesn't engage much with Suzaku, either. Not informally, anyway. Suzaku has asked some prodding questions here and there but overall still seems uncertain as to how he should act around his "former" enemy.

Lelouch wonders if that's good or bad.

Maybe it would be different if Zero  _appeared_  more often. But Zero was battle-born, he's a Commander, not a bureaucrat, and as such Lelouch hasn't felt it absolutely necessary to be present every day – which has enabled him to spend more time with Nunnally. He maintains an  _extremely_  close eye on the proceedings, of course, but is careful to avoid hanging by red-tape or being diluted by Britannian osmosis. As it stands, the Zone is at capacity and Lelouch doesn't want to bother being  _delicate_  or  _coy_  about expanding, no matter how much it displeases Britannia's upper-crust – yanks their leash.

Perhaps in truth, Zero is the warrior the worlds needs during crisis, not during peace.

(Needed for destruction, not creation…?)

Currently the former Knight is leaving the former princess's office, presumably heading home as the evening has gotten rather late – which is also where Lelouch will be shoving off to soon.

"Kururugi," Lelouch greets as they pass in the hall, making the Lancelot puppeteer slightly stammer.

Ok, so, Lelouch  _does_  kind of like that.

"Zero." And then Suzaku pauses with an open mouth, making Lelouch stop as well. "…I was… wondering if I could ask you something."

"Oh?" Lelouch continues on his way to Euphemia's office knowing Suzaku will follow him.

When inside he hands over  _his_  revised copy of the budget that Britannia won't be able to wiggle from as simply as he suspects they think they can. She takes it with a smiling thank you – she insisted on being involved in every facet as much as she can, and while she is coming into her own with the business side of leadership, she is still inexperienced.

"Um… It's just…" Suzaku starts.

"Something personal?" Lelouch is amused but keeps his voice even.

Euphemia clears her throat. "If you two will excuse me a moment, I have something I need to ask the projections division." Then she's very smoothly exiting the room to leave them alone.

Yes,  _very_  smooth.

Suzaku rubs his hand through his messy hair, "You probably won't answer, but, I was wondering if… you have a family?"

Not such an unusual question.

Somehow Lelouch was expecting something else.

"You assume I wouldn't?"

That hits Suzaku.

"That is—I mean I wasn't—"

"Not to worry, I'm not offended," Zero's tall voice cruises over Suzaku's sputtering, although he's sure Suzaku isn't all that worried about offending the "terrorist" leader. "It's not such an unreasonable assumption."

"Maybe, but I really shouldn't assume things on my own."

Lelouch feels himself smile.

"And if I said that I do have a family?"

Suzaku lightly bites at the inside of his lip, seemingly pondering that thought.

"I guess I would wonder if you were willing to sacrifice them to your war as you have with the families of others. But maybe you aren't, and that's why you agreed to the Zone."

Ouch.

"I rather admire your bluntness," the hidden Britannian wryly says. "I suspect your superiors are not so appreciative."

"And I'm not surprised you deflected my question," Suzaku dryly retorts but doesn't push – no, he was only  _poking_. "Good evening to you."

Not even half a minute after Suzaku turns and leaves does Euphemia predictably enter.

"Have a nice chat?" she cheerfully asks.

"It was… interesting," Lelouch drolly responds, wondering if she put Suzaku up to it. Undoubtedly. "Anyway, I must be going."

It wouldn't do well for him to arrive home late after Suzaku.

"Wait, before you go." Euphemia locks the door behind her before approaching him with tentative eyes. "Can I…?"

Lelouch holds a pause.

Then lifts his hands and removes his mask.

"I think I can understand why you are Cornelia's weakness." He pulls the cloth down from his face, grinning at the light in her eyes.

"You should be flattered that I want to see your handsome face," she winks. "After all, there was a time when I thought I'd never see it again."

No need to go bringing up  _feelings_.

"Did you have a nice birthday?" Euphemia asks. "I really wish you would've let me give you something…"

"It was pleasant," is all Lelouch says. It's not as though he got  _her_  anything for her birthday – she said she didn't need anything other than her beloved siblings and he expressed similar – that he doesn't need material things, at least. But more than that, he doesn't want anything linking them together, even a sentimental trinket.

"There is something else that I wanted to ask you."

"Lucky for you I have time for one more question."

"Always so clever, aren't you?" She almost giggles, yet her pastel gaze hardens rather quickly into something strangely critical. "Do you think you'll ever tell Suzaku? About you… know…?" She leaves the rest of her question to hand gestures indicating his alter ego.

Lelouch and Euphemia do not often talk in such an informal way, nor does he often remove his mask for her… mostly because he doesn't trust a Britannian building to  _not_  be bugged in every nook and cranny – although regular, subtle checks and Euphemia's insistence about that being untrue lessen his concern that does not erase it. Of course, he also cannot be seen as being too  _comfortable_  with her, either.

And he's also not entirely comfortable  _being_  comfortable with her.

"What's with that question?" So suddenly.

(Has Suzaku said… something…?)

"It's just…" Euphemia hesitates. "I know that I shouldn't meddle and I'm not trying to, but I… know about the two of you. Being together."

Lelouch heavily sighs, "What did that idiot say now?"

She seems to smile at that, "He didn't say anything, rather he didn't need to. He thinks I am unaware."

Great.

So Lelouch has picked up Suzaku's unwitting way of confirming without meaning to?

(Or did  _Lelouch_  accidentally say something before…? Seems like he might… remember something like that… On that  _god-forsaken_  island?)

"Didn't need to?" Lelouch unhappily echoes.

Something shimmers in her eyes, a reflection of the past that sparkles where it drowns Lelouch.

"I know the two of you well. Don't underestimate a woman's intuition!"

…Euphemia's intuition is above average, Lelouch will give her that.

Should it be to her credit that she realized Lelouch and Suzaku's secret affair sooner than their club friends – who spend much of their time around the couple – or not? It's not to say that that they are so  _unable_  to notice, just… Regardless, Lelouch takes comfort in the fact that the club crew were so unaware, as that means that distant others are also ignorant. Even as Suzaku sleeps nightly with Lelouch – it almost seems that at this point somebody else should've noticed, if not for Lelouch's expertise in discretion. Suzaku is quite capable, too,  _considering_ … And perhaps with all the goings on, it's not suspicious that Suzaku isn't around his dorm-room much anymore.

"When I was there for Nunnally's birthday, I could just tell." She continues. "I saw you, both of you. Your body language, your energy… the  _way_  you look at each other. Sometimes it's like nothing else existed. Most people might not see it on you, but I do. And I… saw it reflected in him."

Lelouch hasn't forgotten that she crushed on Suzaku.

Pretty hard.

So hard he became her Knight.

(And sometimes, Lelouch wonders, would it have been better if he hadn't—)

"What are you trying to say?"

"I…" she falters, as if uncertain of that herself. "Maybe he deserves to know? I mean, do you intend to just keep it secret forever? Your whole life together, raising a family, and you'd just have him be ignorant of this? Is that fair for either of you? And what if he ever did find out? He'd be hurt. Wouldn't it be better if it came from you?"

Lelouch stifles a haughty huff, "You think he'd just accept it so easily?"

"I think that he loves you. And I think that, maybe, you don't give him enough credit."

"I thought you said you weren't trying to meddle."

Seriously, is there some kind of psychic connection between the women in Lelouch's life, or something?

She sighs, a bit a herself, "I'm not. But I do worry. I love you, both of you, and I can see that you love each other very deeply. I want you to be happy, together and in love without fear. You both deserve it."

Lelouch can feel his jaw clench.

Even if… even  _if_  Lelouch wanted to tell Suzaku, he's not sure how he would.

And  _after_   _all this time_ …

(After the SAZ announcement… Suzaku cornered Lelouch with the choice to  _say something_  and Lelouch stomped it like an annoying bug.)

"And the truth is that I… like seeing the two of you together. You're so comfortable and I can tell that you bring out something special in each other. The Lelouch I know, whom I mourned, hoped and wished for, he is strengthened by Suzaku." Euphemia's soft, gentle hands delicately grasp one of his gloved, protected hands.

"That's… That's just about the cheesiest thing I've ever heard!" he laughs in her face.

It seems laughing in people's faces when they try to reach out to him is becoming a habit…

Euphemia takes a few irritated steps back, "Say whatever you want, it's the truth!" The way she crosses her arms at him with a huff is exactly the same as when they were younger. All that's missing are flowers in her hair and a doting Cornelia reprimanding him for "upsetting" her precious little sister. While the flowers are unimportant, Lelouch couldn't be gladder Cornelia is absent.

His false amusement tapers until he's mildly clearing his throat under his mask, "It is getting late. I must be going."

"Please, just think about what I said, all right?"

It's  _already_  something Lelouch thinks about…

•-•

"…I'm beat." As if for proof of his statement, Lelouch crumbles backwards on his bed in his light blue plaid pajamas.

"I imagine so." A sly bend warps Suzaku's lips. "That shower was so exhausting."

"You don't wear witticism well, Suzaku," Lelouch mutters. "So not cute."

"I'm not trying to be cute," he says plainly – missing that subtle strum of  _sarcasm_  in Lelouch's voice – and sits on the bed with his back to the older boy as he briefly fiddles with the alarm clock.

Like Suzaku even needs to  _try_  in order to be cute…

Lelouch only frowns in response, drawing the pad of his finger lightly down Suzaku's bare back.

"You shouldn't sleep like this." Suzaku has a tendency to sleep in his underwear, sometimes an under t-shirt and sometimes not, which has never  _bothered_  Lelouch, but… "In winter like this you'll catch a cold."

"Didn't you know that idiots can't get sick?" Suzaku pokes his tongue at Lelouch.

Maybe idiots can't get sick, but apparently they can get pregnant.

"Anyway, it's not cold in here, and I'm still hot from the bath." Suzaku turns to him with another funny grin, pulling the blankets over his legs as he settles into bed, "Besides, we have this extra blanket"—he pointedly tugs on the dark green covering Lelouch uses for just this purpose—"and I have  _you_  to keep me warm."

Lelouch lifts an eyebrow to the way Suzaku's shoulder wiggles at him.

He does  _like_  to feel Suzaku's skin when he sleeps…

"You mean to tell me you think an  _Ice Prince_  like me can keep you warm?"

Suzaku's expression falls completely flat, "Are you still on about that?" and he lies down on his side, turning his back on Lelouch's somewhat passive-aggressive banter.

Lelouch stares at Suzaku's naked shoulder, his showered-fresh skin glowing, as if it's entrancing him, feeling a deep desire to reach out and touch it like a cursed princess to a spindle. Unlike in such fairy tales, the soft texture under Lelouch's touch is soothing and sumptuous as he daintily slides his fingertips up and down Suzaku's bare arm, absorbing his consuming warmth. He brings his lips to Suzaku's shoulder because using his fingertips isn't enough, gently kissing soft skin as his hand smoothes down the slopes of Suzaku's stomach to his hip. Suzaku fidgets a little, leaning into the affection.

"Lelouch, I've been thinking…" he says in a careful, thoughtful tone.

Not the words Lelouch likes to hear gurgle from his little seahorse.

The older boy hums noncommittally in response, still enthralled by savoring the scent and touch of Suzaku's skin. It's almost strange at how  _everything_  about Suzaku's skin radiates comfort; that something so simple can be an intoxicating heaven just by simply existing and that it could, possibly, drive him crazy. Hell, it's a nice buffer against whatever stupidity that might tumble from the idiot's mouth.

"Well…" Suzaku holds the pause, turning onto his back, eyes bearing a strange uneasiness. "Say that… somehow with the Zone Japan does become independent, what would that really mean for us? I'm in the military, so, wouldn't I have to leave if Britannia is forced leave, too?"

What kind of question is that, exactly? Suzaku almost sounds like he  _doesn't_  want Britannia to leave.

It's also sudden. Although maybe it shouldn't be strange that Suzaku has such thoughts – his goal wasn't that different from Lelouch's. In a way. It's even a similar line of thought Lelouch has been having lately… well, since he set out to purge marauding Britannia from the Japanese islands, the entire map, but weighing more so on his mind now that it's becoming urgent Suzaku  _needs_  to be liberated. As far as Lelouch has come he still doesn't have  _any_  control over Britannia.

But, if he could  _change_  that…

"That would depend, I suppose." Lelouch flattens his palm on the light dome of Suzaku's belly. "Even if Japan is freed Britannia can't just leave the next day. It's more complicated than that."

"I know that," Suzaku quietly says. "But, eventually, I'd have to leave, right? I'm not Japanese anymore."

 _Is anyone even_ _really_ _Japanese anymore?_ – Lelouch bitterly wants to snarl, but knows better.

"Not necessarily." Lelouch isn't sure he wants to tread this topic. It's not as though Suzaku is ever pleased with what he hears. "If Britannia relinquished Japan I don't think they'd be especially keen on keeping any honorary Britannians – and don't get mad when I say this – because that system is essentially a form of psychological warfare and a means of oppressing the native people." As well as cannon fodder. "While you've proven it's  _possible_  to make it as a non-Britannian, that just makes their honorary system more dangerous."

Although Suzaku is wearing an unhappy frown, he doesn't speak.

"So, I could see them ejecting all 'elevens' because they're no longer needed – there wouldn't even be an 'Area Eleven.' Then again, Britannia hasn't suffered such a loss since they began spreading, so who's to say what could happen. But, I hope they reject you all the same," Lelouch says with small, sad smile against the disheartened cast of emerald eyes, "because if you're forced to leave, neither Nunnally nor I can go with you." Not that Lelouch would  _ever_  let that happen.

Suzaku quickly looks away, not able to face the mere thought. "I know…"

Suzaku had asked if there was any way that Euphemia could help with Lelouch and Nunnally's "situation" – when she was still a princess – but Lelouch strictly spurned the idea of returning "home" to roost with the royals. Suzaku didn't bring it up again. His heart was in the right place, but…

"Of course, if Britannia stays that won't be good for us, either." He pauses with a sardonic puff. "It isn't good for us now."

Things might be better, but…

"And no matter what, our baby will be half," Suzaku adds with too much despondence drooping his voice. "Our baby will be treated differently be it Britannia or Japan, won't it? What are we supposed to do?"

Lelouch suddenly feels very small.

Powerless.

Defeating a corrupt nation that breeds hate and fear is one thing.

Undoing their damage is another.

His body becomes empty, hand lifeless against Suzaku's pregnant tummy. "These things take time. As far as that goes, the Zone is becoming the free and safe place that Euphie had promised." Outside of it, though…

A "rocky" start is accurate, and honestly they're still smoothing wrinkles. A rebellion doesn't just stop dead in its tracks without feeling backlash – on both sides.

Lelouch supposes he  _could_  control everyone to be more… agreeable, but that's a bit… insane.

(Absolute power corrupts absolutely.)

It's also counterproductive to the ideal of his goal.

"I guess that's true," Suzaku says. "There are a lot of people that don't want to fight."

There are a lot of people that would rather Britannia just  _go away_  without fighting, which isn't really a good thing. Freedom isn't something people  _ask_  to have. It should be  _taken_  and never bargained like the  _right_  it is.

But all this talk is…

"I think it also goes without saying that anybody who hurts our small fry will suffer an eternity of cruel and unusual punishment."

That makes Suzaku smile, "I'm trying to be serious."

Lelouch  _is_  being serious.

"I wish things were different."

"It's not your fault," Suzaku softly says and kisses the apologetic tone from Lelouch's lips.

No.

He's sorry he can't fix this problem.

(But that was part of the goal, right? To change the world…?)

Lelouch closes his eyes on his dejected thoughts and presses another kiss to Suzaku's lips, pushing him into the pillow. He thinks of the baby. He thinks of his mother, of the ugly words his "pure" siblings and the Emperor's other wives would hurl at him and Nunnally. He thinks of Zero and just  _what the hell_  it is that he should be doing now, trapped in a Zone-bubble he didn't really want. Of the expression Suzaku might make when he sees Lelouch's face behind the mask.

(And he thinks,  _maybe_ , he never should've involved himself in any of this at all…)

All this angst must not translate through the kiss (because he has a filter that catches what shouldn't escape), because when they part Suzaku is wearing one of his common simpers.

"I thought you said you were  _tired_." Meaning he thinks Lelouch is getting  _frisky_.

Lelouch smiles very faintly, "I am."

"Warm showers are supposed to help you sleep better at night. Has it been working?"

Lelouch shrugs. He doesn't know if it's been helping or not. It's probably only spoiling him, in reality – any future showers without Suzaku will be boring. Their shared showers have become about more than sex – rather, that isn't necessarily always the goal. They have unexpectedly but smoothly fallen into an intimate ritual of bathing not just together but each other. (Lelouch sometimes thinks it's odd at how he's come to know Suzaku's body better than his own. At how comfortable they are with each other in their bare skin,  _free_. It's not something he ever would've imagined to be possible, if not for Suzaku.) It's not always intended to be foreplay into bolder acts, even if that might've been how it started. It can be enough and too much all at once when Lelouch's soapy fingers and palms slide along all, over and into Suzaku's curves, and even feeling Suzaku's fingers carefully washing his hair – it's intoxicating with both lust and innocence. Lelouch has come to cherish what has evolved into an important, irreplaceable cornerstone of their relationship, and he knows Suzaku feels the same.

At any rate, Lelouch knows of  _one_  thing that always seems to help him sleep at night.

" _You're taking off your shirt because_ …?" The confused blanket of Suzaku presumptuous question slides right off the black-haired boy's back along with his long-sleeved pajama top.

"Don't flatter yourself," Lelouch snarkily replies, knowing Suzaku is assuming a sexual context, which is reasonable, as he tosses his shirt at the couch before slinking under the blankets and leaning over to reach for the lamp at the edge of the desk. "I'm just still hot from the bath, too."

They both know it's a lie – as indicated with Suzaku's simper – but Lelouch is seeking the comfort of Suzaku's skin and, perhaps, Suzaku is as enticed to feel Lelouch's skin in this more innocent context too. He certainly makes himself cozy against Lelouch's chest once the light is off and those willowy, Britannian arms are wrapped around him. Suzaku's cheek is soft and warm against Lelouch's nose and the arm that holds him in return is strong, secure and loving.

It's… painful.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch beckons – from behind too many masks.

( _Will you still love me if you know?_ )

"Hm?"

"… _Are_  you going to wear a wedding dress?" But Lelouch can't speak of it – because in the darkness, he's still  _Lelouch_. He's still the boy living in a storage shed. Not a demon. Not Zero. All of that is hidden.

Suzaku pushes him, tells him he isn't funny, and leaves it at that.

Lelouch chuckles and cuddles, because it's all he can do.

•-

-•

"Lelouch sure is picking a bad time to ditch," Rivalz says with a begrudging  _scritch_  of his pen in his notebook. "If he doesn't study he could fail his exams."

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around town and campus, but the time has also come that every student dreads: semester final exams.

Well, most students.

While the rest of the student body takes the half-day to study as Ashford Academy so graciously gives, Lelouch left after their last lesson, saying he needed to do holiday shopping  _alone_  but that he would still make it in time for their doctor appointment in the afternoon. He did seem to vanish rather quickly – although not unusual it's something he hasn't done in a while…

"Maybe if he hadn't skipped so much of the semester he wouldn't have to worry about it in the first place," Suzaku admonishes at full strength even though said ditcher isn't present to hear it – rather, to  _ignore_  it.

Shirley is also strangely absent.

Kallen is napping on the couch, a warm, snuggly lure that thankfully keeps Arthur content with  _not_  biting Suzaku.

Nina, as usual, is tapping and clicking away at her terminal.

Rivalz chuckles a little sheepishly, "You know how he is. Smart people like him get bored at school because it's not challenging enough, don't they?"

Suzaku never thought of it like that, but it makes sense in a way.

Even so, Lelouch wouldn't shave free time from Nunnally just to toy with something  _trivial_ —

"I could see how gambling would be more interesting than school." Temptation dangles from Milly's voice as she also neglects her own study work, lazily leaning back in her chair – from what Suzaku understands, her grades have suddenly dipped considerably these past few months.

"Not sure if it's  _that_." Rivalz slants his head against his palm, twirling his pen between his fingers. "But whatever 'game' he's playing has certainly captured his interest."

Milly  _grins_ , "If I didn't know better I'd say he's having an affair with an older woman. Or man." She glances at Suzaku. "Turns out he likes them  _younger_." Then she winks.

Suzaku humors her by shaking his head in the absence of a witty retort Lelouch would probably make,  _if he was here_ , and fishes his mobile out of pants pocket.

He's glad that their friends have accepted his and Lelouch's relationship – not that he expected they  _wouldn't_ , exactly. Discovering that their two friends – namely  _Lelouch_  – are in a secret affair would be shocking to anyone, and to be  _having a baby_  on top of that…

"Maybe he suspected it might be  _his_  turn to play dress up, and that's why he didn't show today," Milly says with longing under her proud smirk.

Suzaku grins a little laugh.

That's certainly a fair guess.

"Meanwhile he's left me to suffer alone with the chemistry review," Suzaku grumbles, pocketing his phone.

"You aren't the only one," Rivalz pityingly adds as he tiredly stands. "Don't know about the rest of you, but I'm calling an early lunch."

Milly perks right up. "You know, the Baking Club has been hard at work testing their dough recipes for the holiday cookie contest later this month…"

" _Yes_." Rivalz practically drools. "They've been baking all morning – it smells delicious!"

Milly shamelessly floats over to him as he walks out the door, "And as Council President I'm sure they can't deny us some taste-testing~…"

"Not like they don't owe us for 'accidentally' getting an increase in their budget this month." The gleam in Rivalz's eyes is almost as scary as Milly's.

The way their  _maniacal cackles_  echo in unison down the hall, however, is much scarier.

Suzaku just simpers to himself, tapping the bottom of his pen on the table, no more eager to join ink and paper than the two deserters. Cookies really don't sound like such a bad idea right now… minus the extortion and blackmail.

"Um…"

Suzaku looks up to the person casting a shadow over his schoolwork, startled to see Nina fidgeting at him.

"You… need help?"

Suzaku blinks, and she points at his papers, "Ah, uh, well…"

She timidly pulls out a chair beside him.

But she doesn't speak for several beats that hotly squirm under his skin.

Or could that just be small fry churning his stomach again? He's been feeling a bit unwell all day…

"Princess Euphemia." A push of her glasses as if they're a shield. "Y-you helped me… see her again."

He did.

When Nina had asked about it before Suzaku wasn't in any position to make it happen. Through the course of things, it has become easier because Euphemia has taken more authority over her own life, and has become friendlier with Suzaku. As a result, Nina has been able to spend time with Euphemia – the former princess had said – and if there's anybody who can bring out the  _good_  in people, it's Euphemia. In fact, Nina doesn't appear to be as frigid around him as she used to be.

…And then Suzaku realizes maybe she's trying to thank him.

Or, maybe, even…  _reach out_  to him.

"Happy to help," Suzaku warmly replies, hoping his smile doesn't reflect how stupefied he feels.

Nina's voice is still small and mousy, but she does prove to be a better tutor than a certain  _defiant ditcher_  Suzaku knows.

•-•

"Ohgi and  _Villetta Nu?"_  Zero dubiously questions, looking at the printed pictures in the privacy of his trusty motor-base.

_The woman at the festival…?_

Does that mean  _Kallen_  knows – and didn't  _say_  anything?

"That is what I found," Diethard evenly says. "She doesn't appear to have her memory intact."

Lelouch has to suppress a snort. "Amnesia?"

Informants within Britannia revealed that Villetta Nu was casted MIA, and considering all that happened with Shirley, Lelouch thought she was dead. There hadn't been any chatter about trying to find Nu, either, as her allegiance to "Orange" after Suzaku's rescue didn't endear her much to high command. Missing in action is as good as killed in action.

That's to be expected from  _Britannia_ , however.

"It is unclear how this situation began, but she doesn't appear to be acting," the blond responds.

"And they've been living together all these months? Just what have they been doing all this time?" Disappointment is hard to stem from Lelouch's voice – at Ohgi's reckless behavior, at his blatant secrecy – but Zero is more admonishing than anything else.

At that Diethard coolly clears his throat, but—

"My, you are thick-headed when it comes to these things," C.C. offhandedly insults from behind a half-eaten wheel of pepperoni and triple-cheese pizza. To think he almost had all those pizza stains removed… "They've been involved in  _romance_."

_Romance…?_

Zero's right hand and an amnesiac Britannian officer?

The pure  _absurdity_  of it.

But, when the parallels align Lelouch almost wants to bitterly laugh. He's a non-Japanese freedom fighter in love with an oppressing non-Britannian officer. Lelouch and Suzaku might have their situation a little backwards, but they're in the same boat. They are enemies on any military and social standing, yet they  _bunk_  together nightly – even planning a life beyond their reality, a family. Wishing for that happily ever after they once thought as children they'd have as an adult. Despite the precarious line between reality and fantasy, they all seem to be tempting fate as they continue reaching for the unreachable – human nature, isn't it?

And is it only  _more_  weird considering that Lelouch picked Ohgi for his second because… he was similar to Suzaku?

"…I see," Lelouch says with solemn resignation. "Is there anyone else who might know about this?"

"Intel is limited to just us. To his credit, he's managed to keep it clandestine."

To his credit?

This really isn't the kind of mess Lelouch expected or would've even hoped to find sprouting right under his nose. Moreover, he doesn't like this being unearthed by Diethard – his dedication is appreciated, but he's still too eager to mend things on his own. If anything,  _Lelouch_  should have been the one to notice Ohgi's off-kilter behavior.

But just how much of his lapsing judgment can he blame on Suzaku?

As if with a sixth-sense, a message from the seahorse rumbles on his phone from his pocket.

"Understood. Await further orders," Zero commands as he thumbs a quick reply to his  _little boyfriend_.

Diethard doesn't look happy about the lacking of immediate action in Zero's order, but he bows out gracefully enough regardless.

Lelouch agrees this situation needs to be handled post-haste, but it's an incredibly fragile matter and he'd like to come out of it without losing his Second or secret.

"Interesting predicament," C.C. says with another rather indulgent mouthful of pizza.

All right, so, maybe Lelouch didn't exactly heed satisfying her wanton pizza gluttony while she was underwater – many things, it seems, have unexpectedly fallen through cracks he didn't know existed.

Which is  _unacceptable_.

"Don't start," Lelouch heavily sighs, returning his mobile to his pocket. "I'm not in the mood for more cryptic banter with you at my expense."

"When are you ever in the mood for that?"—Could've been a joke if not for her impassive tone.

…Or maybe it actually is because of that.

"Precisely."

"…Lelouch, what is it you miss most about your mother?"

"What?" He doesn't refrain stabbing the immortal girl with his disgruntled, disconcerted eyes.

"I'm just curious." C.C. seemingly claims innocence.

An old, un-healing hurt stitches in his brow.

"It's not any single thing," he quietly answers, turning his eyes back to his computer.

It's  _everything_.

"How different do you think your life would be if she was still alive?"

Lelouch wordlessly scrolls through text on his screen.

"You might not have ever met Suzaku, don't you think?"

Meaning that even something good came of something bad?

"Am I speaking to the  _Oracle of Delphi_?" the exiled prince snidely snips.

"If so, would that make you  _Oedipus_?" the witch fluidly flings back, wiping red-blood of her pizza-prey from her mouth.

Lelouch's lips  _curl_.

Is that with or without the "-complex"?

Regardless of his intentions with his father, Lelouch at least knows with  _absolute certainty_  that Suzaku is  _not_  his mother.

(Disregarding that he also once knew with absolute certainty that males  _cannot_  get pregnant.)

"Do you think it's possible you would have become an arm of the Britannian Empire, like your siblings?"

"You assume that without having suffered my mother's death I wouldn't see the injustices within the empire?"

"Isn't that how it is? Humans are selfish. If something doesn't affect them, why should they care?"

Is that how Lelouch seems?

"I have to disagree. I'm not an empty-headed drone. I would not serve or spread Britannian ideals as a loyal lapdog like Cornelia and Clovis as if I was bred for it."

"Would you instead vie for the throne, like Schneizel?"

Lelouch reclines against his chair, not realizing his back was so tense.

"You're certainly chatty lately, C.C." he facetiously grins.

"Maybe I just missed you."

Lelouch looks to that remark but her face is too vacuous for him to tell if she's being sincere or not.

He smirks at her all the same, "I imagine Tamaki isn't as stimulating a converser as I am."

"He's entertaining in his own right."

Lelouch chuckles, a little surprised at how it lightens his chest, and looks down at Zero staring up at him from his lap.

"If you could speak to your mother… what would you say?"

Until she plugs the drain.

She seems unusually fixated on strange things these days…

"I…" But he considers her question nonetheless. "I'm not sure."

"Really?"

Sharp violets flick at her stone face, bouncing off just as easily as blades against a rock.

"Maybe… I would ask if she knew who murdered her."

C.C. doesn't respond to that.

"Anyway," he takes advantage of the lull in her talkative curiosity to stand, "I need to get going." He told Suzaku he was doing some shopping – while he shouldn't return to his seahorse's side without proof, and while true he always finishes his holiday shopping  _early_ , it's also true that there are a few things he'd like to purchase.

She seems to wait until he's at the door before tugging his leg with her wraithlike voice again—

"What if the answers you find aren't the ones you want?"

—Lelouch pauses.

"I think they rarely  _are_  the ones we want," he replies, quieted inside Zero's face, before taking his leave.

•-•

"Shirley?" Suzaku says when he bumps into her on his way off campus, both of them bundled in winter coats against the crisp December air. "Is everything alright? You never came to the club room."

She exhales with exasperation, "Sophie needed help with a final project that was due by the end of the day. I couldn't just abandon her."

That's Shirley's roommate, isn't it?

"You're a good friend to help her out like that."

"I feel used." Her lips pout. "But she offered to pay for dinner so I'm going to get some now."

Suzaku laughs, "I'll walk with you." Somehow he didn't think Shirley could even conceive of that feeling.

"Where are you headed off to?"

"Just a doctor appointment," he answers with a shift of his school-bag – a change of clothes for  _Suzie_ , since it's better to not wear them on campus. No work today, either, and he's supposed to be meeting Lelouch in town. Suzaku was hoping to maybe get some of his own holiday shopping done too – hopefully  _with_  Lelouch. Christmas wasn't a winter holiday Suzaku's family celebrated, and after… well,  _everything_ , it isn't as though Suzaku kept up with any of his cultural traditions that Britannia was sure to heartlessly crush – he was also much too young to fully remember, and then once he became a soldier… Even if Suzaku wanted to he never had any  _reason_  to buy gifts. Now with Lelouch and Nunnally and so many special people in his life for the first time since… Suzaku is excited to experience what seems like a whimsical season in the west.

He wants to see the ones he loves smile…

"Say… Shirley, can I talk to you about Lelouch?"

She prickles at his apparently unexpected question – can't blame her, but it's been on his mind. Sometimes Suzaku feels like he got in the way. While it's true that Lelouch didn't seem to have much issue expressing his interest in  _Suzaku_  in a shorter time than he'd known Shirley, maybe something still could've bloomed if given just a bit more time…

Then again, maybe not.

"I didn't forget that you like him, and we haven't talked about it yet."

Hell, Suzaku even  _called Lelouch for her to ask about his feelings_  not long before the supposed ladies' man made his desires quite clear to his boyhood friend.

Her olive eyes dart away, "Well, that's…"

"I just want to say that I'm sorry. If I hurt you. I didn't mean for anything like that to happen. And I… don't think that he did either." Lelouch can be clumsily callous about girls' affections for him; it's possible he said something insensitive by accident. Suzaku wasn't around enough when Lelouch and Shirley were fighting and when he asked about it Lelouch was, of course, cryptic. "Is that why you were mad at him?"

Shirley doesn't immediately respond, instead stepping on Suzaku's words as they walk, making the brunet wonder if perhaps he shouldn't have brought it up at all.

"…You really love him, don't you?"

"I…" The way she anxiously hangs the question between them makes Suzaku pause. "Yes, I do."

"Would you…" An undersized smile worms onto her lips, an uneasy shadow weighing her eyes that drag up to him. "Would you do anything for him?"

"Anything?" Suzaku curiously questions, feeling that word hook into his chest as they stop at the entrance.

Shirley takes a breath as if about to speak, but then hesitates and—

" _ORANGE!"_  Shakes the earth around them, a shatter of the air as if the sky is falling on them and their eyes are yanked to the shouting man across the street—

"G- _Gottwald?"_  Suzaku stutters, aghast.

Jeremiah Gottwald was listed amongst the  _dead_  after Narita…

But dead men don't stand outside of schools and laugh at teenagers like a hysterical hyena.

"I see your  _Orange_  now, Zero!" he bellows up at the heavens with clawing hands, insanity bleeding out of him in shrill rivulets. "I'll get you! And your  _little girl_  too!"

What?!

"Sir Gottwald, stand down!" Suzaku tries to disarm – the former officer has been knocked too far off his rocker, it seems. "These are innocent civilians—!"

"I will cleanse you of his Curse! And I will  _find_  him!"

_Curse?_

"MUWAH-HA-HA!" The man loudly laughs.

…Seriously?

What is this, a  _cartoon_?

Actually, that could explain a few things…

"Shirley," Suzaku cautions as he steps in front of her when the deranged man marches across the empty road  _right towards them_. "Run." He casts a sharp glance over his shoulder at her when she  _doesn't move_. " _Now!"_

Shirley peeps like a lost chick, but her legs somehow find life and she's dashing off back towards the school—

An unstable smirk curls on Jeremiah's face, an ironically orange mask glinting under the afternoon sun with the long blade that  _flicks_  right out of his arm—

Suzaku's jaw clenches and he swallows a sloshing feeling in his gut, feet planted firmly on the ground—

 _This isn't good_.

And the disgraced phantom fearlessly charges at Suzaku—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” ;]
> 
> Anybody (still) out there? I’d love to hear from you! Chapter 9 is in-progress.
> 
> And if you see any grammatical mistakes/typos, please let me know. orz


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